By far, the hardest person for me to forgive is myself. The personal standard I hold no one but myself to is unreachably high. So I fail often. Beyond that, I sin often.
And while I seem to be able to forgive others relatively quickly and easily, it's not as easy to extend that same grace to myself.
I've somehow convinced myself that I can't be let off the hook that easily. I have to feel the weight of my mess-up. It has to be held against me for at least a little while, as some sort of penance.
So when God says I'm forgiven and He won't count my sins against me, it's as though my heart responds, "That's not enough! I must feel the weight of what I did."
I know there are natural consequences for sin; I know that in some ways, feeling the weight of it is unavoidable. But deeper than that, part of me feels like someone must hold it against me.
Even if that someone is me.
So I punish myself because God doesn't.
As if I could possibly atone for my sinful brokenness better than He did. Ugh.
The truth is that God is faithful to forgive when I come to Him. And because He forgives me, I can forgive myself.
When I don't, I'm slapping Christ in the face and telling Him the cross wasn't enough.
Who am I to hold against myself what Christ has already fully pardoned?
It's time to start living forgiven.