this is YOUR post
November 23, 2008
What’s that mean to you?
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29 Responses to “this is YOUR post”Speak Your Mind
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Wow. Is this your new tattoo? I had to talk this one over with Daniel…but for me it means many things. As somebody on the mission field…many times I am not somebodies priority…I am their option because I am just an end to a means. They are hungry and dying and I am just there to fill a need even though they are my absolute priority. That is actually okay with me because we are there to fulfill whatever it is God is calling us to do. In friendships/family relationships I think that a bit more is at play…but there are seasons that people go through and that is a lesson that I have had to embrace. I am becoming more at ease with that in my old age too…I am okay with just being in relationships and not projecting onto people my expectations but rather being open to whatever plays out and seeing/loving them for who they are and what they have to bring to the table vs. what I want….(making me their priority all the time). People are busy and have a lot going on. I think if we are full of love and grace then we should be able to figure it out. If not, then maybe the season is over. I don’t know…what do you think?
Something that keeps resonating in my spirit these days is, “Know your worth.” Not in a prideful way, but that we’re not to settle for less than what God has for us…. and that includes in our relationships.
To me, this saying means that there’s MUTUAL commitment going on. Are we pouring energy and giving our heart away to relationships (PRIORITY) when we are expendable (OPTION) – to them? And is this wise?
Yes, there are times when we’re to be like Jesus and give and be overlooked and get nothing in return and it is okay. God gives us grace and joy in those times, I think.
I also think this is saying that God is to be our priority – and we are His — and that we’re never to fall for the trap of thinking that we’re just an OPTION of His, or someone His eye isn’t always on. Even when He isn’t our priority (which happens too often), we are never just an OPTION of His.
Two verses that come to mind are 2 Timothy 2:13 and Romans 5:8.
Don’t give your heart away too quickly.
@cassgirl says:
I honestly had to sleep on this one and now that I am up 5 1/2 hours later, I’m stirring with this.
I love all the comments above and I was thinking how would I write this.
I see this heavily in the relationship with my mom. I’ll just be transparent. I believe that I try to put alot of worth in our relationship. I always make it a priority. I call her, email her, and so forth.
But in hindsight, I am her option. She wants nothing to do with the fact that I really exist in this world. Unless it’s in public. But in private …
Nothing.
I feel somedays that she loves me because it’s an expectation because she’s my mom. She birthed me. but
Nothing more.
I have to remember when I am dealing with this toxic relationship and with another one that I have.
Is that… in both of those relationships … I’m an option or 2nd class or expectation or they have too.
:sigh: :sniff:
That’s okay…
Because I am a “somebody in Christ” and I draw my worth out of my relationship with Him and relationships He has brought me that are healthy and alive and two sided like ours.
Then I can embrace those and be not only a priority but become beloved.
:)
I struggle with this…I love fiercely and sometimes, many times, I know I’m prioritizing someone who does not reciprocate.
But then, Jesus made us all a priority and we only seem to see Him as an option.
Well, not all of us, but many of us do make Him an option.
I suppose if we’re to be like Jesus, everyone is priority…
I used to think this was how I was supposed to love.
Hmmm. I’ll get back to you.
wow–this one is intense for me right now where I’m at…having just moved, I found out all too bluntly that I was just an option to be a friend. A convenience that happened because of common activities, not a friendship at all.
Heidi–u expressed it so well–that is exactly the feeling, not only with family with me, but also with so many friends…
wow… this is deep… and currently… I’m feeling like my heart is in shallow waters… so I don’t know if I can really answer.
What I can say… is that what Lisa wrote, rocked my world…
KNOW YOUR WORTH…
I love your site, I have addeded it to my bookmarks and will come again soon. Keep up the good work.
Ow. Condensed into one word: hurt.
I’ve heard this phrase before, and felt it just as deep that time as I do now.
Knowing your worth, limits, and self… are all a big part of how I (should) react in situations where I feel I’m the only person trying.
Honestly, it’s a phrase that has caused me to be (maybe overly-) analytical of my friendships lately. I’ve confided before to you that some of me feels disposable to many of my friends. I don’t think that’s fair cause for giving up. Re-shuffling priorities has been necessary in my life. It’s caused me to think (in some situations), Why am I not a priority for them? Is that something I can or want to change? A big part of me knows that I give and give and give, because I tend to trust, tend to love. A smaller part of me recognizes that this isn’t always good for me. People are different. Sometimes I need to keep giving and loving. Sometimes, I just need to let go.
But never ever can I just assume that I’m only an option. After all, you know what they say about assuming things… ;-)
@tamhodge says:
it makes me think of unbalanced relationships.
also makes me think of people who will do whatever they “need” to be noticed or feel valued – even if that means there is no depth or the feelings are not reciprocated.
I’m in agreement with the above statements. True friendships take work. They are similar to a marriage – it is never 50/50. There will be times when it is terribly lopsided one way or the other. For it to be a true friendship I think there has to be this see-saw. If it is all one way, it isn’t truly a relationship. I think anytime I am going to make someone a priority – a relationship must be there…or I will dry up. I don’t know if that last sentence made sense, I’m not sure how else to explain it.
Tam, I seriously love your take on this. Thank you.
@cassgirl says:
Tam, you are so right.
To me the INTENT is to remind us of our self-worth; That we not allow someone to use or abuse us (or ignore us) while, at the same time, putting that person on some kind of pedastal or higher priority than we ourselves deserve.
However – to me this author does not understand the Will of Jesus – or of God.
We should never do things for others as a priority with the thought that we should get something ‘equal’ in return.
That they have to treat us as a priority in order for us to do the same for them.
This is not humility in the slightest.
We are to treat others as a priority based upon the good we feel we are doing FOR them, not for us…. because they are all children of God, whether they behave that way or not. What we do to the least of them we do to Him also.
Slavish devotion to those who are less than ‘deserving’ however, because we do not have God fully in our lives to be devoted wholly to, is a very poor choice of course – unless we NEED to learn the lessons it gives us (to those who are actually still capable of learning).
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you – not what they actually do to you.
<B
i also like what Heidi had to say… sometimes others treating us as a priority when we may not have the will or ability to do the same at the same time is what makes for lasting friendships. Those relationships that are worth it are worth sacrificing a little (or even a lot) for.
<B
such good thoughts a’brewing here…
I’m often paranoid that I am an option in most of my relationships, especially in relationships where that would not be healthy.
I do not feel that it is a coincidence that I saw this on your blog, at this particular moment in my life.
Than you.
Wow! Oh, wow! I cannot say how many times in my life and relationships, with both sexes, I have lived that statement … I was the option. desperate for love and significance that can never really come from people. Satan had told me I wasn’t worth the effort and I walked in that for 42 years. Not anymore, because God freed me and gave me a new name. And, in that freedom, I love others, but I choose Him first and that takes some of the sting out when it doesn’t happen back and helps me to put relationships into perspective … seasons. The key is that my self-worth isn’t from people. It is from God. The end. And, when it is from Him, then there is no listening to or claiming or receiving the lies satan is saying. Now, I am not saying it is not a battle that I still have, but as time goes on and I get more practiced, it is God’s voice I hear. And, as a mother of girls, I am committed, with His help, to teach them where their identity is … in Him. What a journey!
I’ve been thinking, in the interest of self-protection what is written up there is so so true. But in the interest of being Jesus to others, we sometimes need to let go of self-protection and make others a priority even if we will never mean much to them. Not easy- but right I think.
Wow. Well this sounds like it’s talking about codependent relationships to me. Unequal levels of commitment from the two sides. It’s definitely a ‘smack in the face’ thought.
@cassgirl says:
okay.. I am going to ask. Is that you in that picture??
What is the difference between being a priority and an option?
Priority means making someone your most important person. That speaks to love and caring. The word option to me means one of many possibilities. That speaks to convenience. This sounds like a situation where we love someone, make them our priority, while they see us a just one of many options.
Thinking of this phrase in terms of love, I don’t think unrequited love is a good thing.
When I think of the phrase in terms of helping someone then it is less important how they perceive me. If someone ask for my help I do it because I believe it’s the right thing to do. I don’t do it out of any expectation of a reward.
I might very well decide to make helping someone as a priority, even if they only see me as an option.
If my love is not returned however, the relationship is more important to me than to them, it is likely time to move on.
ouch.
I am guilty of this. A lot. Always actually. *sigh*
You were in a dream a few nights ago. We were eating. That’s it. Just eating. haha!
I can’t stop thinking about this. It’s like an onion, there are all these different layers that unfold as you think about it more, and read others’ comments.
I’ve been thinking about the difference between the world’s definition about what’s wise about who we’re to make a priority in our life — vs. God’s definition.
The world says, Hey, nothing for you in return? The person did WHAT to you?? Time to move on.
Then we turn from the world and look into Truth, and this is what we see:
Jesus holding out His arms and saying, Forgive them, Father, they know not what they do.
Jesus promising, I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Jesus looking into the rich young ruler’s eyes and loving him.
Jesus loving and restoring Peter after his betrayal and abandonment.
David.
Jesus meeting Thomas right where he was at.
He is the father who watches on the road every night for the prodigal son.
He tells us that even when we’re faithless, He is faithful.
The Bible shows us those who gave and gave and gave of themselves and who were continually being poured out like a drink offering — who actually were pouring themselves out before GOD as a drink offering as they poured out their lives to others — who received nothing in return.
Jesus said He only did what the Father said He was to do. And that He only spoke what the Father said He was to speak. And could we also say that, He had relationships only with those the Father told Him to have them with?
Jesus knew Who – and WHOSE – He was. I think that’s the key in all of this.
Lord, help us to set our priorities so that we’re wise in Your eyes, not in man’s or our own.
this is exactly what God has done and continues to do, for me at least…there are times when i live life like He is an option…yet i always have been and will be a priority to Him…
Jesus is my priority and I will allow myself to be an option to others.
With Jesus as my priority I will put priority on others that come to me as an option because in them is also Jesus.
Jesus calls us to fan the flames! I believe Jesus is in everyone and needs to be fanned by showing love to others. The dim light may grow into a wildfire and spread through every nation covering the earth.
I think it’s what you do as an option that really counts.
@atangie says:
So… the word never is bugging me. Absolutes like that can be damaging.
This would be one of those things to talk together about over a cup of tea.
I will just say that priorities are options.