worship on a high pain day
November 18, 2011
I don’t talk about my health issues very often. Or with very many people.
For lots of reasons.
Not the least of which is that I have more questions than answers, both in terms of actual diagnosis as well as my heart’s processing of it all.
So this post feels like a tremendous risk for me.
It felt frighteningly risky when I began writing it a month ago. And it feels even more so today as it goes live online.
So I’m holding my breath. And doing it afraid.
Because maybe my questions will help someone else. Even if it’s only to let them know they’re not the only one asking…
Will you come join me over at Deeper Story to talk about trusting the Healer through the hurt?
“How do I reconcile what I believe to be true with what I actually experience everyday?” Yup. Exactly. My own heart wrestles with this question. How do I know God as a Healer, even if he doesn’t choose to heal me? How do I know him as a deliverer, even if he doesn’t deliver me from a specific set of circumstances? And – how do I know him as GOOD – when the lack of healing/delivering feels bad? Thanks for the reminder to seek trust, rather than understanding. :)
That very line got me too. It’s so hard to look at God giving to others what you want so badly to given to you. It feels like for some reason you don’t deserve to recieve the gift given to others.
@gritandglory says:
thus the wrestling…
@gritandglory says:
more questions than answers… but still… He is the God of the questions just as much as the God of the answers…
Alece, this so touches my heart and I can relate so much. The link I provided is to my Google Plus comment to your post. I guessed on the tag I used to include you. I could be wrong. If I am, please let me know the correct profile for you, if you have one, and I’ll correct it. I love that you are trusting the LORD, being transparent and vulnerable. So many people need to hear it. Praise the LORD!
@gritandglory says:
thank you, kimberly!
@ThisGirlLearns says:
I often wonder why God allows some things to happen but steps in and provides rescue and healing in other instances. I know I will never know the complete answer here. Beautiful post.
@gritandglory says:
learning to be okay with never knowing the answer…
@lindseyfoj says:
Oh, my brave friend! How I understand the hesitancy to share….so risky! I am hopping over to cheer you on!
@gritandglory says:
you are a wonderful friend…
Alece, thank you so much for having the courage to share this. It resonates with me so much it almost hurts! Living with chronic pain, my biggest battle is not with pain levels, hospital appointment and wrist supports, but with trying to reconcile my knowledge of a God who heals with my own personal experience.
Thank you for showing me I’m not alone in this. I’ll be praying for you.
Claire, Ireland
@gritandglory says:
::welly-eyed:: thank you…
@ashleywbeck says:
I found you on Twitter through Courtney Clark Cleveland – and your blog has blessed me in the weeks since. This was especially poignant for me – and brave of you to share –thank you for being willing.
Grace & Peace!
Ashley