It’s the weekend. And I’m feelin’ a little lazy. So, I’m putting you in charge of my blog.
Who?
You.
I’m gonna write a comment, and you’re gonna write something that would’ve gotten that response outta me.
Got it?
Good.
Tell me something that would make me say—
“So glad you shared. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.”
Tell us what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!
Caleb LaPlante on help wanted -- Yep. We’d be all over that. Can’t wait to help. Only wish we could get you access to our garage here in... 
brandiej on help wanted -- Alece, i don’t know anyone anywhere near Nashville….but i have seen God pour out amazing things on His children... 
Raisin Bran on coffee talk: golden rule -- that just means you weren’t doing good for them, you were doing good for you. I always look at it... 
Dre on help wanted -- oops and i commented twice… my b. 
Ford on coffee talk: golden rule -- This post struck a chord here. I almost always keeped a “balance” of these sorts of favours. Only... 
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I love my dog oh so much. Big furry, fuzzy thing. Always happy to see me. Just one problem: she eats her own poop on occassion.
So this giant gorilla walks into a bar…and he, like, sees this sasquatch eating a pickle…but then the alligator said to the zebra…”Have you seen any pink elephants lately?”
And the zebra says, “Why, No! I have not seen any pink elephants lately!”
So then the bartender says, “If a blue stone falls into the Red Sea, what would it be?”
And then the great white shark says, “Green…?”
But then the baboon says, “It would be flourescent magenta because the precise combination of elements in the water, coupled with the age and chemical make up of the stone, would lead to an intrinsic discoloration of the stone.”
“No,” the bartender says. “It would be wet.”
I killed a bird with my car, and I thought: Alece has killed at least seventeen more in my lifetime.
HA.
I, of course, was morbidly calmed by this thought. Seeing as how I became less of a bird killer in that instant.
@danielleH says:
i would never drink a booger-phlegm milkshake.
If you’re giving serious consideration to getting a dog and grooming it yourself, you should know that part of the process is expressing the anal glands.
you’re welcome.
roxx — ummm… why!?!?
nor — i’m confused. ha!
becca — totally.not.my.fault. how many times do i need to tell you that!?!
yeller — me neither! dang! (you answered it, friend! thanks!)
fritz-friend — i burst out laughing when i read that. i feel like there’s some kind of mean comeback in there somewhere. “express your own anal glands!” SO. GROSS.
the same comment i left you on the last upside down… haha!
The Tongginator continues to hock up loogies and then swallow them again. Seriously. She is. Right. This. Moment.
@atangie says:
( I am surprised that no one has shared a video link yet. )
When we were kids my brother used to make peanut-butter and pickle sandwiches. My sister used to eat spoonfuls of mustard. And the three of us once tried orange juice on our Rice Krispies. The funny thing about this story is that my brother is now in school to be a chef. Ha! Can you imagine if he gets famous someday for his unique creations inspired by our childhood culinary experiments?
so my mom had to make are dog harley pee in a cup for his first vet office and it was in a regular cup sitting/chilling on our counter. my sister paige walks over to the cup without knowing what it is and chugs the whole thing.
then she pukes literally everywhere.
it was sickkkkkkkk and made me throw up everywhere, but still it was the funniest thing ever.
Warning – the following may contain scenes of poop!
So having turned the big 50 last month my government (one of whom actually wrote to me congratulating my big achievement! :-0 ) kindly thought to send me an invite to join the National BOWEL SCREENING program!
this required me to take a disposable piece of paper and place it over the toilet bowl water, perform a bodily function concerning ‘solid’ matter ( ok: poop) stick a sample collector in it and stir it up a bit then put the sample into a small test tube, put that into a bigger test tube and store it in the refrigerator ( ‘away from food’ they helpfully suggested. Really? i was going to put it in with my fruit!?) AND THEN DO THE WHOLE THING AGAIN THE ‘NEXT’ Time! when i could post both tubes back to them for free and they would analyse them for blood samples in the poop to see if i have cancer or other bad stuff!
How kind of my Government – sort of shows me they care :-)
<B
Jace wins.
SICK.
HAHAHHA isn’t that disgusting.
but thinking back now it’s so funny.
jace wins.
I was just going to say when i puke, fluid comes out every hole in my face. not puke just the location appropriate fluid. tears come from my eyes, snot from my nose and of course puke comes out of my mouth. but im literally soaked everywhere on my face. like i dumped water on me. i wonder if my ears leak nast-age too? hmmm.
okayyy HANNNNAH THAT IS GROSS.
i think you might win dude
I have the same issue as Hannah. Seriously. It’s awful. AWE-FULLLLLLLLLL. However, I have been known to crap my pants at the same time as well. Lets face it…I lose ALL control. Just keepin it real. And gross. And puke a little in your mouth worthy. hahahaha!!!
I think I’m gonna regret this. :-/
I have a funny one for you though…..
When Dylan was a newborn, I was changing his diaper on our bed. I was standing at the foot of the bed changing him, and I lifted up his butt to wipe it. He started making some WEIRD sounds. I was holding his ankles with my left hand. He tooted and POOPED at the same time (shoot like a rocket poop!) and I INSTANTLY held up my right hand (that mom instinct was instant I tell you!) and DEFLECTED newborn yellow mustard poop right back onto my baby boy. NO JOKE. My mom was standing right there and BURST into laughter. Dylan burst into tears with crap all over him. I burst into laughter AND tears at the thought of the poop that was still on my hand. I will never forget that diaper change!!
I also have a story sort of like Jace’s story. Equally disgusting.
When I was about 10 or so, my cousin (who is about 7 years older than me) was at our house and we were eating pizza at the kitchen bar. Cheese pizza. While she was away from her seat I started choking on the cheese and coughed it out…..I remember being terrified because it was stuck. I pulled it out and set it down on my plate. It looked just like extra cheese from a piece of pizza. When my cousin came back….. she freaking grabbed it and ATE IT! Like “oh hmmm, extra cheese, let me!”
SO SO SO SO SOOOO GROSS. Little did I know at that time that I would witness something like that on a daily basis having three boys in the house. You’d be surprised at what my boys will pick up and eat.
I just realized I could write a book of make you puke a little in your mouth stories. I’m not sure if I should be amused by that, or a little grossed out. hahaha!
marck — still praying!
TM — that really does make me want to throw up. blech.
gigi — okay, those are some disgusting food combinations!
jace –WHAT?! she drank it!?!? oh.my.BARF.
mr. love — talk about an offer you can’t refuse! ha!
hannah — awwwww… shame, friend. [tryin' not to laugh. i really am.]
brandy — “i have been known to crap my pants at the same time” — when it’s coming out of both ends, you know what that’s called?! a liquidation sale!
the dylan diaper change story had me laughing out loud. at 3 AM in a quiet house. girl, you’re gonna get me in trouble!
and the cheese down the throat — i can recall that happening to me all the time as a kid. although no one ever picked it up and ate it afterward. NAST!
Okay, I was watching “Man vs. Wild” last night and remembered you and this post request when this happened …. Our survivor guy, Bear Gryllis, is showing “highlights” on survival. This one involved being in the desert … no water, dehydrating. So, he pulls out a rattlesnake skin, gutted of course, so now it is a sort of baggy/container, if you will. He proceeds to pee in it … yes, I said pee … and then drinks it … yes, DRINKS IT … no set up, actually drank it. Yep, drank his own pee. UGH! As I was watching it, and wanting to throw up, I thought of you! :)
i love that show! even though i’m usually thoroughly grossed out! watching someone drink his own pee is definitely make-me-gag-able! blech. :)
jace’s story just reminded me of one that is seriously making me gag right now.
I was at a party in college and grabbed the wrong beer can off the table… the guy next to me was chewing and spitting INTO THAT CAN!!!
I threw up a lot and then drank a lot hoping I would erase the memory. It obviously didn’t work.
that IS nauseating, fritz. holy crow. i can’t even imagine how awful that would taste. nast!
This is funny. I don’t have any stories really… mostly agreement with Han and Brandy over the hating to puke – only I sweat real bad on my face, too, so it’s literally EVERY hole in my face. Not. Fun. Good thing I don’t get sick often. :-D
Ok. I don’t have one. However, I did read a funny today, which … is the funny/gross combination (however much more funny I think). Visit Carol:
http://blogambiguous.blogspot.com/2009/03/poopie-list.html
roo — throwing up is just about the worst thing for me. hate.it.
annie — thank you for that dose of unexpected laughter. oh my frick, that was funny!
dude fritz that is sickkk, especially at a party. that’s why you always have to watch where your cup is. but i’m not into the party scene..totallly met Jesus :) hahaha.
but yes alece SHE DRANK the whole thing.
she always chugs everything she drinks all the time.
it’s weird.
it was SO SOOOOO gross though.
beyond gross.
Since becoming a nurse … I have seen some very interesting things. I am not grossed out. But, I have seen others lose it or nearly lose it over something as simple as phlegm.
And, side note … isn’t emesis a nicer word than “puke”? That could be another column, Alece. Words for puke!
Anyway, I think I could describe some wounds I have had the pleasure of “dressing” … that might make you “throw up in your mouth a little bit.” But, to the patients that have those wounds it is a sensitive issue – not to mention a private one. So I will keep those thoughts to myself.
Betcha I could “win” if I shared, however!
Although, Jace’s sister’s dog pee experience really is disgusting and gets my vote!
Since becoming a nurse … I have seen some very interesting things. I am not grossed out. But, I have seen others lose it or nearly lose it over something as simple as phlegm.
And, side note … isn’t emesis a nicer word than “puke”? That could be another column, Alece. Words for puke!
Anyway, I think I could describe some wounds I have had the pleasure of “dressing” … that might make you “throw up in your mouth a little bit.” But, to the patients that have those wounds it is a sensitive issue – not to mention a private one. So I will keep those thoughts to myself.
Betcha I could “win” if I shared, however!
Although, Jace’s sister’s dog pee experience really is disgusting and gets my vote!
@traceepersiko says:
sickness on the grit!
Dogs gross me out. especially when owners let their dogs lick all up in and on their mouth.. just puked a little.
I don’t do well with puke. not going to be the one to hold my friends hair back, well maybe my good friends..but dag!
working at the dentist office two weeks ago, was assiting, some girl got nervous and started to puke. i saw it rise up from her throat and fill up the mouth…siiiiiick! almost lost my stuff!
traceeeee that is for sure the sickest thing ever.
how did you not puke eveywhere.
i definitely would have.
@traceepersiko says:
siiick for sure. almost did. good thing i was wearing a mask!
thats goooood, i’m glad you had on a mask.
Alece – that header picture is a keeper! :-)
what a great shot of those with little ‘reason’ to having the complete Joy of living in the moment.
all we really need to be Joyful is what He can provide.
…and the ability to let what is past stay in the past, not in our present, or restrict our future.
<B
joy can be found in the most obscure places in africa — like the remote village i took that picture in.
thanks for noticing the new header, bub!
When I was pregnant with Macy, I was nauseated for the first 3 months and only threw up with Casey was around..weird huh? Well anyway, one time we had strawberry shortcake with cool-whip for dessert. I threw up less than a half hour after I ate it. The throw-up didn’t tasting “bile-y” but tasted pretty much the same as it went down. Yummy!!…did that gross you out??!!
jessica — i love that you piped up! and ummm… tasted as good coming up as it did going down!?! there’s something very wrong with that! ha!
@XCWATERBOY says:
disclaimer: forgive me for this but it fits well.
so one of the nasty side effects for guys who run long distance (at least in college) is the bloody nipples.
wait… WHAT!?!?!
how??? why???
ummmm….
really!?!?
@atangie says:
What mattpierce says is true for marathon runners, too. It was so weird to watch the finish line at the Chicago marathon and see all these guys with blood streaks down their shirts.
Hate to sound like a broken record… but there is a funny scene about this very thing in “Run Fat Boy Run”
Oh, something just dawned on me. Maybe you are fasting from movies for lent. So sorry, if that is the case! Just ignore my tunneled-vision, incessant, unsolicited advice. :-]
@XCWATERBOY says:
you have to be running an hour or more every day for a while and you have to be wearing a shirt and the weather has to be fairly humid and basically its just the rubbing of your shirt. women have sport bras so ya not really an issue.
but let me tell you i was pretty freaked out when i was a freshmen in college and half way through my first cross country season i would be in the shower and be thinking to myself “why do my nipples hurt?” little did i know that was just the beginning…
in all reality its not that bad and easy to control but i have some funny stories about it.
so yes really….haha.
Well, that didn’t make me throw up in my mouth. Just in my mind. Heh.
if you were on twitter right now, someone would have inevitably replied, “your mom expresses anal glands.”
seriously. that’s the comeback to everything.
SO SO SO GROSS!!!!!!! How exactly do you do this?? I paid someone $10 to do this to Peanut. EW.
gitz — too bad you couldn’t see me doing my grossed-out-heebie-jeebie face. complete with sound effects.
bran — oh i’m with you. i’d totally pay big bucks to NOT have to do that.
@tamhodge says:
hahahaha! you are SO right gitz!!! im laughing so hard MY anal glands just expressed THEMSELVES!!
I don’t know about Alece, but I’m TOTALLY gonna be sick over that one! Literally sitting here with my hand over my mouth. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!
That was both hilarious AND GROSS!!!!
“totally met Jesus” – oh jacelyn. you make my heart happy.
i totally dictionary.com’d emesis. i’ve never heard that before. ever. i’m hoping my brain hangs on to that one — cause seriously, emesis is my nemesis!
i bet you’ve seen some pret.ty.nas.ty stuff in your job. don’t even want to try to imagine!
up close and personal with someone else’s puke has got to be pretty high on my list of NAST.
good thing my hair’s short! (ha! DILY!)
i wanna see a pic of you in your dental job “uniform”. mask and all.
Glad I could make you both laugh!! :D
HAHAHAHHAHAHA I just busted Jace!!!
ummmmmmm NASTY!!!!!
Jessica! Ha! That didn’t gross me out, but it did make me laugh out loud!! Unexpected and hilarious!