thirty: years old
I turned thirty this year. Just typing it out loud makes me feel old. I know anyone older than me will shake their head and tell me that thirty isn’t old. But it is to me. Right now anyway.
While I’m not a “here’s a list of what I want to do before I’m 30″ kind of girl, I’m still not where I’d have wanted to be by now. I would have hoped that by this point in my life, I’d…
- exude more confidence.
- be an admirable wife.
- lead well.
- know how to trust.
- be ten pounds slimmer.
- have mastered a skill.
- enjoy praying more.
- know who I am.
Looking back over that list, at the prompting of a friend, I see how I’ve made progress in each of those things.
I speak with more conviction and carry myself more confidently than ever before. I’m actively taking steps to be a wife other women would want to emulate. I’m learning to lead with vulnerability.
Which means I’m discovering how to trust. Again.
I’ve made healthier choices for what I’m eating, and have committed to train for a 5K. Blogging has made me a better writer.
I’m at a unique place in my walk with God which, while it doesn’t always seem “strong”, is about me offering Him my brokenness. And as I get reacquainted with the strength of God perfected in my weakness, I am reminded of the simple truth of who I am: I am His.
So here I am, at the end of another year. A woman who’s not quite where she wants to be, but who’s choosing to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Even if it’s only because she’s letting someone carry her. Or drag her.
I do still feel old, though. I think I need to go out for a drink.
Just so I can feel flattered when they card me.
So, I was stuck at the Charlotte Airport the other night for several hours and a fellow traveler needed someone to talk to…so I put my “I don’t like to talk to people when I travel” face on…but it didn’t work. She kept talking to me….so, I consented to have a drink with her at Chili’s while we waited for the airplane.
When I asked for a Corona, the waitress carded me..and flattered I said, “I would love to show you my license, as I know I look so young” and the little darling bursted my bubble with the ” we card anyone under 40″….ARGHH…40??? really? no way…
We need to go out, friend…33…my 2008 moto (did you ever hear me say it???) hasn’t run true yet and I only have two more days…yikes.
I’m loving the perspective you bring to your life; I know I haven’t known you long, but through every vulnerable moment I see so much strength. Simply because you stand up and show yourself. Such a great post.
I looked young but started feeling old (in my 20s) because I was walking with a cane and old women were passing me on the sidewalk, so I went and got my naval pierced. Made me feel much more my age. When I got carded on my 30th birthday I almost kissed the cashier at the checkout counter :)
I so want to carry myself with more confidence, too. And your desire to “lead well,” and “lead with more vulnerability” is something I really respect.
Your honesty is such an example to me, Alece, and is being used of God in my life to help me to be more honest with myself about things, too – including some things that are painful.
I can tell God is awakening things in me that are leading me to more of a realization of who He’s created me to be – and created me FOR. And to not walk timidly in that, or apologetically.
Your example of wanting to be all God wants you to be really speaks to me, so thank you so much for that!
@moweezle says:
I completely understand! When I turned 30 I totally freaked out and wanted nothing to do with birthdays or celebrations at all! 3 years later I still think it sounds old to me ‘specially when people still confuse me with early 20′s. Don’t worry….we’ll go through this fight together!!! :)
@ventigrace says:
yes… well done!!
…and keep pressing on… one foot… after one foot…after one foot…
love you!!
I do enjoy getting carded. Especially when they go back and forth from the ID to me, to the ID…..
You just need to hang out more with old people… then you’ll feel young! The other day the Tongginator announced to her teachers that I was 34 and the husband was 39. The teacher told me all abut the conversation, then backtracked and said, “oops… maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that if you didn’t want everyone to know your ages.” I laughed and told her, “Actually, we’re really young to have adopted from China. Don’t sweat it.” (You have to be thirty at a minimum… most are in the their forties, some even in their fifties.)
As to life goals and feeling as if we are falling short, I’ve been told they never go away, but they do get better. I expect each decade to feel more and more comfortable in my own skin and comfortable before God.
@cassgirl says:
Whoa….
You made me cry, I didn’t expect that.
Friend, I love you…
Good perspective. And besides, anyone who gets a cool tattoo like you did isn’t old! :)
I turned 30 a couple weeks ago and wrote a similar post, if you’re interested: http://tinyurl.com/8nabwc
I know exactly how you feel. You have these ideals, these plans set out in your mind as how things will turn out. And they, well, don’t.
But if I know you, Alece, and I think that I do, you’ll allow God to use the tools of His choice to alter YOUR plans and make them His.
Love you.
@danielleH says:
good post. thanks for sharing your heart. thanks for being you.
i am glad you see your strength in each one of these areas because i was going to have to tell you! I look up to you, and realize that no one is perfect but i wish i was more like you. I am sure not where i thought i would be on any level! i am proud of you.
Germans call these the “round birthdays,” and they have extra significance.
I remember before I turned 40 about 4 years ago, I thought, “I want to turn 40 STRONG.” So I set a goal for myself to really push myself with my workouts and eating right, and ended up feeling really good about the accomplishment of that.
I also remember thinking about all that I had in my life, especially the friends I had, and I realized that I was a RICH woman.
I see you turning 30 so STRONG and RICH, Alece!
And you’ll turn 40 EVEN stronger.
“offering Him my brokenness”…the best! This is what He wants so much in all of us who follow and love Him…a broken and contrite heart. He is going to do so much through you in your brokenness. He will be glorified!
I remember turning 30..three long years ago. I thought I had one foot in the grave! I kept talking about how close I was to middle age…almost 40! Now…I just try not to think about it! In my heart I’m 29…forever!
Oh Alece, the joy my heart feels at the things that God is birthing in you. It’s so awesome to watch and read about. I am so proud of you! You are beginning to see yourself through His eyes and what He sees is lovely and beautiful and precious and perfect. He is equipping you for every good thing and for His purpose and plan. Awesome!
And, you are cracking me about 30. Although I will say, for some reason, 30 was traumatic for me, too. But 40 … now 40′s are exciting!
Oh, love the tattoo, too. :)
You’re training for a 5K?
Wow. Here I am, smiling up a storm.
Not just ‘cus of a 5K-because of all of those things.
Good for you, friend.
Love you.
I’m so envious.
It’s been sooooooo long since I was last carded. Clearly, my tattoo didn’t take any years off. :)
Hey – 30 isn’t bad – I’ve done it twice now and going for my third one – fortunately, that one is still a ways off. However, before you get to your 2nd ’30′ I will be past my 3rd! 8O !! HAve a great NEW YEAR!
I could relate to the goal “have mastered a skill” -
somedays I feel like the saying, “jack of all trades, master of none,” is way too applicable to me.
I’ll raise a cyber-glass with you!
and… 30 isn’t old!
“I
Oh, and you know what I found out yesterday? Have you ever seen Grease? (that might be instrumental to this) Do you know who Stockard Channing is? Well, did you know that she was 33 when she played little teenie-bopper high-schooler Betty Rizzo? And Olivia Newton-John was 30! Rather amazing, huh?
When I went to kindergarten the teacher asked all the students what we wanted to be when we grow up.
I said that I wanted to be 30. Yes 30.
I knew life would be better at 30. :)
Now I am 40…How wrong I was about 30…40 is great!!!
Theresa.. HA.
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day. Oh my. haha.
@atangie says:
This may not be something that you will hear in your sessions but my husband encourages people who are dealing with weaknesses to fortify their strengths. He usually says next that there are things that you do well and if you will focus on those you will feel the strength to move through the hard spots. It’s all part of that Philippians 4:8 thing about thinking on things that are admirable… that includes how we think about ourselves, how you think about yourself.
Being a fellow thirty-something I know how that may be a difficult thing to do so……….
Please, read this aloud:
Alece, listen to me, I have some things to say. (are you reading aloud? yes, including the previous sentence. ok. are we caught up. let’s continue.) :-)
I am a kind woman who has learned to treasure people.
I am willing and able to do the will of God.
I am an accomplished missionary who has influenced thousands of eternities.
I am admired by many people, and not only for my amazing blogging skills but for my integrity, passion, authenticity and power.
I am one of those persons of whom God is frequently saying, “That one makes me smile; I am fond of that one.”
(you better still be reading out loud.)
My worth is intrinsically based on my existence.
My hands hold healing in them.
My words hold life in them.
My heart holds souls in it.
Even though I don’t know all about who I am that is ok because I am a learner and a grower which means I am a changer so the moment I say I know myself means that I have become a boring stick in the mud. I am marvelously mysterious, and I like that about me.
Angie thinks I am pretty cool and she is praying for me and I have a hunch she is not the only one; for today while I read this that (and all it implies) is the only validation I need.
I am admirable.
YEAH……^^^^^What she said^^^^^^
Awesome Words from @ngie….I read it outloud…Except the missionary part. Makes me wish I was you. ;)
char — i’m having a hard time believing you don’t like talking to people when you travel!!! :)
gitz — if you could only have seen the first draft of this post, you’d quickly discover just how much my best friend helps my perspective!
lisa — thank you for saying that about my honesty. because this level of openness is a whole new ballgame for me… and i so WANT to be strong.
mo — for the most part, i let my birthday come and go unannounced and uncelebrated this year. it just didn’t seem worth celebrating.
amy — you are so good for me, do you know that!?
nat — how old is your ID!? :)
TM — “more comfortable in my own skin and comfortable before God” – so well said, friend.
heidi — wow. i didn’t expect that either.
PQ — heading over to check out your post. had no idea we are the same age!
cindy — you do know me.
yeller — :)
faith — thank you for saying you’re proud of me.
jennifer — “one foot in the grave” is right!
debra — you’re proud of me, too?! holy crow. thanks.
becca — that one surprised you, didn’t it? yep, i’m gonna get up off my arse and do something.
michele — we should get drinks together sometime.
papa — i hope my life has half the significance of yours! you and mama are blessed!
amy — “cyber-glass”! i like that. cheers, friend.
anneth — i both need it and am terrified by it, too. and i had no idea they were both that “old” in that movie. hmmm…
theresa — that cracked me up! i wonder what your teacher thought!
@ngie — wow. thank you for that strong dose of affirmation!
Training for a 5K challenge, will that be a run or a walk?
You can consider me and Papa the elder wise men of your blog roll. I doubt that either of us would trade places with our younger selves, even if Papa was a Tom Cruise look-a-like.
I see you have set important goals for yourself, except the weight thing. From the videos and pictures I have seen of you I have no idea why you feel you need to lose 10 lbs. You clearly “lead well” as your Thrive Africa team can attest to. From reading the comments in your blog you are a sources of inspiration to many.
(minor rant)
The elders in a village use to be the ones who were admired, looked up to for wise leadership. Now people look at someone older and wonder if we can find our way to the bathroom.
It is to bad that you may have to wait another 30 years to gain the great wisdom me and Papa have attained. Now how do I get to the bathroom?
ed — you are so great.
the 5K will be a run. i ran track in junior high and the early part of high school, but have hated running ever since. so this is a pretty big deal for me. even though 5Ks isn’t even that far…
and yes, i need to lose these last ten pounds i’ve been “trying” forever to lose. my aim is to get back to my wedding weight.
i so much look up to the older generations for wisdom, whether you can find the bathroom or not! you and papa have more knowledge and life experience than i can even dream of attaining!
@traceepersiko says:
I love reading your blogs. But I also love reading how people respond to you. you are already a great leader. people crave openness. I love reading and marinating on the passages of light! that is what we crave!
@traceepersiko says:
so does that mean you were on the LGN diet when you first got married?
trace — yay! you got a picture up. you are gettin’ good at this wordpress business. and… thanks, friend. a lot.
LGN?
don’t even tell me that stands for Let’s Get Naked!?
@traceepersiko says:
hahaha that is the Look GOOD naked diet. for ME it is your version!
ha! you LOVE the let’s get naked diet, i know.
me? i only look good nekked with the lights out!
Alece i can tell you for sure that that is NOT true. Now i will say that my boobs look really bad naked due to weight loss and breast feeding and streach marks,think deflated balloon! but the rest of me is good even when i was a lot bigger. Thats just the way it is, we all hate our bodies to some extent but a naked body is still a beautiful thing. And i know with your clothes off or on you are truly beautiful!! and im not just trying to be nice! I dont lie!! hehe
oh my cow, this has gone south quickly! (umm… thanks, faith????) ha!
You would still be carded?.. I have never been carded..
( whoops that kina sounded like I agreed that you were old, I dont.. Ha-Ha)
amy joy — you DO think i look old!! ha! and girl, how can you never have been carded?! shoot. it’s the law and all… :) ha. (i love you!)
sorry alece, you know i always bring it south. Hope you know your beautiful though!
@traceepersiko says:
boobs saggin or not!! embrace the nakedness!! love being naked!! Faith work it! own it!!
oh i work it all right! haha mostly in a push up bra though!
(Ok Alece, no more down south talk from me, sorry)
I loved reading through these comments! LOL!
I agree with Tracee….embrace the nakedness!!! Before kids our house was basically a “naked house” (read: underwear only) BUT ONLY when we were home alone of course. ;-) While I don’t wish for that kind of openness again, I will say I miss it. Even after three kids and all that nursing, it’s quite comfortable. ;-) haha!
p.s. You KNOW you have no problem being nekked when you REFUSE to get dressed before paramedics come to your house. ;-) Did you get my email? LOL!
Sorry Faith, I brought the down south talk back. LOL
Alece dear, try this for a lil experiment. Lock yourself in your room for awhile, while you do your hair or makeup or just browse online, and BE NEKKED the whole time. You’ll love it. I promise. Not that I would know. Or anything. ;-)
Brandy i love it!! such good advice! just watch what web sites you look at, haha!! there i go again, but Brandy brought me down this time!!
This turned into a strange strand of comments.
maybe that means I have problems looking at myself nekked.
Though, I did know what LGN stood for. Bonus points for me!
Back to the original thought…
My counselor told me to take little steps. In grief, in brokenness, sometimes we just need to allow ourselves to feel the pain. It’s not comfortable but it’s good to feel…it’s better than stuffing. We desire so much to be strong, yet God desires us to understand our weaknesses, our reasons for needing Him.
He can and will use us for His glory, when He’s ready.
FYP
you girls are crazy. but i loved loved loved coming back over here and seeing your continued banter with each other. i love that the Grit is somewhere you can/want to do that.
michelle — oh i am feeling the pain, i can assure you. and it hurts like hell. someday i’ll be glad i let myself just “face and feel” it all right away…
yes we love it here! Thanks for providing us a place to let loose and get to know each other. its a huge blessing!
@cassgirl says:
@Bran and Faith and Traceee
I cannot believe you guys didn’t invite me over for some G&G banter. I missed it.
But over my oatmeal it was fun reading
and no Bran my saggy Ole bags were not nekked, while I ate and read this.
I did have a Mango Naked juice does that count??
heidi — leave it to the three of them to take things down to nekkedtown! ha!
Nekkedtown is the perfect place to let it all hang out!!!
AAHAHAHAHA!!!
I forgot to mention friend, I have the PEFFECT plan to lose 10 pounds in three hours. It’s called the stomach flu. It works wonders. *eyeroll* HAHA!!
I don’t recommend it! LOL
@traceepersiko says:
i am going encouarge that at some time in 2009 there will be some long stints of NEKKKKKEEDNESS!!
loved reading back through these lines! you all are halarious!
bran — i think my boobs are the only parts of me that have lost weight as of late. and i hate that. come on!
tracee — long visits in nekkedtown?! i don’t think i can do it!
@tamhodge says:
amy – you are such a good friend! thank you for prompting alece to see those truths.
alece – you are one of my friends who inspire me all the time…just by being you. living so raw and honestly before us. authenticity. i value you. and respect you highly.
and…i officially have my first avatar crush.
tam — seriously, amy is an amazing friend. she read my first (and second and thirteenth) draft of this post and told me i had to change it. she kept pointing out truth and making me not only see it but acknowledge it. phew. powerful stuff. and a huge reason we are so close.
thank you for your words to me… i keep shaking my head but i know you meant every word.
and my avatar hearts your avatar.
@tamhodge says:
i love friends like that. they are a rarity and should be treasured!
so. my avi wants to know if your avi would like to go out some time?
:blush: avi says yes.
@tamhodge says:
cool. my avi will pick yours up tomorrow night at 8. where do you wanna go? if youre the “girl avi” this should give you plenty of time to figure it out- so dont tell my avi “i dont know…” when he picks you up tomorrow, k? k.
i’m just jealous that our avis are gonna meet before we do. what’s up with THAT?!
I turned 49 this year. My older daughter turned 30. She laments about being old too. But I checked when visiting her and her family in December — when she hugs me and kisses my cheek, she’s still the same little girl. I suspect the same is true of you my young blogging, missionary friend.
@knights_lady says:
For me, the thirties have been the best so far. Somehow all that 20s angst is over and I know who I am, what I can and can’t do and I’ve stopped apologising. I can BE. And I can be thirty-something. It’s WONDERFUL. Enjoy every minute of leaving those 20s in the PAST.
Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)
18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.