the truth about myself
“You’re so confident and self-assured. You’re not insecure like most women seem to be.”
My face scrunched up into a question mark. I wanted to look over my shoulder to see who he was really talking to, because there’s no way that description fits me. Definitely the wrong size. Send it back for a refund!
I laughed and said, “Really?!” My voice went up about 6 octaves at the end of that one word. (I was clearly dripping with self-assuredness!)
And while I still think what he said was a bit far-fetched, I also know that others see in me things I don’t see in myself. Even more, I know that God sees in me so much more than I see in myself.
I want eyes to see those things.
Not so I can pat myself on the back. Or even so I can feel better about myself.
I want eyes to see those things because He put them in me. And to ignore them—or worse, to never even uncover them—would be a slap in His face.
So today I am praying, “Lord, help me to realize the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.”
[from a post this day last year]
…not sure if this applies or is where you are going with it… but, I am trying to wrap my head around human narcissim… we are ALL full of ourselves… and when those who are so full of it that they make intentionally hurtful choices, if we can not personalize; rather, set boundaries and realize hurtful choices are result of insequrity (narcissim), we can move from grief to joy without getting stuck in greif because undoing the personalization, replacing with understanding of that person letting their insecurity get the best of them takes us from anger to empathy…
…have been out of blog o sphere, really busy with mom stuff, but wanted to stop by and say hi… it’s late and I am really tired so if this is unclear I apologize…
xoxo,
Roxx
PS: Wrote these posts on narcissism before things got really busy. Would love your feedback:
http://roxannekristina.blogspot.com/search/label/Narcissism
xoxo,
R
@ventigrace says:
amen… truth sets us free!!
@gritandglory says:
think on these things…
@cassgirl says:
Still true this year as last….
Love you!
… no matter how beautiful it is. AMEN! And, it my sweet sister, IS beautiful! :) Love you!
No matter how beautiful.
That is beautiful.
You are beautiful.
@chrystieecole says:
I love this post! I think there are lots of women, maybe even men that can relate. We don’t see ourselves through the eyes of others or God. I view myself through the harsh critic that lives within me. Great post. I may join you in that prayer (for both of us!)
@gritandglory says:
i have that same harsh critic in my head! and i can be fairly quick to focus on the ugly truth(s) about myself — very aware of how i fall short and all i need to work on. it’s much harder for me to focus on the beautiful truth(s) about myself.
i’m glad to hear you’re praying with me…
“others see in me things I don’t see in myself.”
The other day I was talking about how I was selected for this leadership position in MOPS and how I did NOT want it. I had even thought “THAT is the ONE thing I do not want to do in MOPS” and low and behold, that was the position asked of me. I said I’d do it but inside I was FREAKING OUT. I told all of this to the previous woman in my position, who is now our lead coordinator, and she said something along those lines: Others see things in you that you don’t always see yourself.
It would be nice, for once, to be able to see myself through others eyes, through God’s eyes. I imagine that I’m not as ugly as I see myself to be. And I don’t mean ugly in the “not pretty” sense. I just see a lot of faults where others tend to see more….
HA! I didn’t even read your “ugly” comment up there until just now. ;o)
@gritandglory says:
raisin! i can’t see your face on here without getting all giddy inside. i can’t wait to hug you. don’t think we both won’t scream!
i’m SO glad you’re doing this leadership whatever at MOPS. and not just because i get to see you in nashville. i’m proud of you. for stepping up. for working so hard. for letting others benefit from you.
HAHA!! Well, wait until you see me b/c “raisin” will be fitting now since I just colored my hair last night and I LOOK like a raisin! haha! Purplish red. haha!
I know that I will laugh UNCONTROLLABLY. It’s what I do when I’m nervous/excited/giddy haha!
It’s funny b/c I ABSOLUTELY DREAD FLYING (pray for me would ya? I’m paralyzed with fear over this!) but the minute it was announced WHERE the convention was I was 100% on board without even thinking about flying. I kept saying “I don’t know WHY, but I HAVE TO GO.”
I think I know why now. LOVE YOU!