the other woman
My life has been forever changed by the other woman.
She worked with me at our ministry in Africa. She was a close friend whom I’d known and loved for a long time. And when she and my husband chose to step into a relationship with each other, my entire life changed. Forever.
Since then, I’ve been deeply impacted by other other women. But in completely different ways.
Two of my closest friends have lived on the opposite side of my story. They were both someone else’s other woman.
I hadn’t even realized the divine paradox of our friendships until others asked me if it’s ever hard for me. That’s when I began to fully see and appreciate the beautiful uniqueness of what we have.
In all honesty, it isn’t weird for me. It isn’t difficult or hurtful to be friends with these women.
Because when I look at them, I don’t see a scarlet letter. I don’t hold their past against them. Nor do I hold against them their very-different present of restored marriages.
I respect, admire, and trust them.
When I look at them, I see amazing grace personified. They are living, breathing, huggable reflections of God’s relentless heart.
They’ve changed me. Forever.
Through their transparency in both their brokenness and their healing. Through their rich wisdom, borne from the deepest of heartache. Through their tenacity in doing the hard work of rebuilding trust and relationships.
Our lives are mirror images of each other—our histories uniquely similar, yet altogether different. And I am so grateful for them. It is such an incredible gift to be able to journey together with these women.
Without even a single word, they make me live more aware of my own need for grace, and they gently challenge me to extend it recklessly.
Just as it’s been extended to me.
@randishort says:
Thanks for the reminder Alece.
Thank you.
@tamhodge says:
You have one of the most beautiful hearts. Full of grace and love.
I love how you choose to view life. When most would be bitter – you are gracious and full of mercy. A reflection of God. A picture of God in you.
I look up to you sister friend.
@persimmonpulp says:
Thank you for this. I needed it today.
@Nomadstacey says:
Thank you for not only mirroring other’s stories (and appreciating them) but also mirroring the grace-filled heart of God. I, too, need to remember to extend grace recklessly in my relationships. Thank you for challenging me, by your example, to continue to wrestle with my own bitterness and hurt instead of sitting in it and letting it fester.
You are precious.
@cassgirl says:
I am so blown away by your words… So challeneged by your words… So blessed to have a friendship with a woman who can see God’s grace in the midst of the “other woman” in the deepest caverns of her heart. How yet, it must be so difficult on the darkest of day… you STILL choose to find God…. whoa!
wow.
as ‘the other woman’ in my very own story, this is so powerful.
thank you.
really.
Beautiful words about your beautiful friends.
Miss you! When you coming back to Nashville?
How bizarre that I never even considered this in your friendships. I’m not sure if it is that I was incredibly unobservant to not be thoughtful of it, or if it’s just that so much grace exists in all of you that it overwhelms everything else.
I do love your heart.
@mat2820b says:
Me too, Gitz. And I’m putting my vote on Grace. Because Grace ALWAYS wins.
i’m crying…
i love you.
And I’m sorry.
@christielici0us says:
This is beautiful, Alece.
@johannaprice says:
Beautiful.
I. Love. You. Alece. You never cease to amaze me, to challenge me, and to inspire me. I pray for the grace to accept life as you have… To truely become beauty from ashes, strength from fear. I just… love you.
your heart amazes me… just at the stage of your healing process when you should be staring anger full-on in the face, you choose to embrace, move forward, and find freedom …
THAT my friend, is Grace personified. And I love it :)
“… just at the stage of your healing process when you should be staring anger full-on in the face, you choose to embrace, move forward, and find freedom … ”
I am embracing this today. Moving forward, finding freedom, focused on GRACE. Thank you.
Reading this reminds of something we discussed (via the blogosphere) a while back, and I think it’s happening in you right now.
“Be thawed and rejoice!” :)
@jclayville says:
…and i’m bawling now.
you bless me with your grace, mercy and forgiveness. i have so much to learn from you. thank you for allowing me real estate in your heart… and thank you for choosing to reside in mine.
@kamriereed says:
This really reminds me of Reba (hilarious tv show) Basically Reba the main person divorces her husband because he was in another relationship with another woman. The whole show is how she copes with it and eventually how her husband’s new wife becomes her best friend. I think this is perfect how God puts these people who may be on the other side of things to teach us the people who may abuse us have made mistakes that they may wish they could take back. We always build them up to be the devil. I am not saying that it wasn’t wrong and it didn’t hurt a lot of people but at the same time we could have easily hurt someone else the same way we were hurt. I hate having to cut people slack but at the same time they are probably like me trying to get through life and choosing to give into our flesh and not always realizing the affects.
@kamriereed says:
Thanks for the reminder to cut people to slack.
@pa3cia says:
hug!
so beautiful.
i don’t think i’ve ever read something so beautiful, or seen grace as beautifully displayed. as someone who royally screwed up with sexual sin in my past, i too, love your heart of forgiveness for these women and the grace and mercy you recklessly give in all areas of your life—even in the most painful areas.
Life has made is hard to follow your blog as I would like, but the Lord ALWAYS provides the time for the right posting. I am posting a link on FB to this. Words cannot express the power of the Lord right now. May His blessings pour out abundantly upon you. You are a Warrior of His Heart.
@PrudyChick says:
Friend you are the iron that is sharpening me. Such evidence that I lack grace in my life.
The level of your wisdom never ceases to amaze me.
@LindseyHartz says:
Oh Alece~ you are truly precious. I am 100% sure God gave you those women to smooth the journey of recovery, to teach about grace, and to show His glory and promise waiting on the other side of your pain. There is nothing like having friends who have walked the pain-trodden path full of pits and weeds to help you through your own grief.
Blessings,
Lindsey
Awesome. Truly. So beautiful because God’s grace is being reflected in your life. In turn, you are allowing other’s to experience God through your decisions. You go girl!
@Melissa_Rae says:
How strange that I know both of their stories and knew about your relationship with them and never put two and two together. Isn’t amazing how God brings about these situations in our lives? All three of you are amazing women and the stories that have come out of what Satan intended for evil have blessed numerous others. Thank you for always being so open and transparent about what you are going through. It is an encouragement and guide for others!
I’m challenged by this, because I’m still offended by things that are not even in the same stratosphere to what you’re walking through.
It’s you, but it’s God in you, that we see and hear in your words. He doesn’t see the scarlet A when He looks at us, either. What a reminder that He is SO a God who restores.
The following lyrics come to mind:
Grace, grace, God’s grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within.
Grace, grace, God’s grace
Grace that is greater than all our sin……………………
God’s grace is amazing… i don’t have anything else to type.
Wow. I am truly humbled. To show that kind of grace in such a hurtful situation is amazing to me. Thank you so much for sharing this with your readers.
Beautifully written Lizzy…. God has led you to so many people that can help you to move on with your life.
You. Are. Just. Precious.
Oklahoma is calling for you.
Or at least I am.
@rfbryant says:
Alece, you are an amazing woman. You look so carefully to see what God is teaching you *today* and that is awesome. You refuse to be too busy to hear His voice. That is so mature.
I look forward to the time when I can sit with you at the Savior’s feet and learn from Him and you.
@danielleH says:
wow…
i dont even know what to say, you have a beautiful heart.
This was so beautifully written. Wow….grace. I just will never understand God’s Sovereign and amazing grace.
Alece,
This post is awesome. I like the abstracts of grit and glory, the way you can talk about a pregnant woman with a caged rabbit and one on a least one day, and discuss the way another woman changed your life the next. As a guy, I have dealt with the opposite, another man changed my life forever. It was a pain I thought would never heal, but like Job, there was a plan in it all. I thought I could never be close with someone who had “wrecked” a family like that, but I was wrong, sometimes forgiveness comes in a package different than you thought it would. One of my best friends was the other guy at one time. Anyone can sin and stumble, but as Christ has for us, not only do we need to forgive, we need to learn to forget.
God Bless
Jim
@coloraturajoy says:
i love who you are.
i love who you let Him make you to be.
@kedamak says:
I loved these words Alece. So full of grace and beauty. You have this incredible heart that is sensitive to all things God and I appreciate so much your willingness to let Him into the painful places to bring healing. You continue to bless, inspire and encourage me. I love you and I’m praying for you.
wow. Yet again, the Lord meets me right where I am. Through your words. Thank you. Thank you for living God’s grace and for wearing it boldly for us all to see. {Hugs}.
This was beautiful, Alece!
Thank you for this Alece. As someone who sometimes still feels the burn of the letter A on my chest brighter than grace and forgiveness, its like a salve on my burns to know that you look past that and see me and my heart.
Thank you for allowing Gods grace to work through your life to touch mine and others. That’s not easy. I love you and I love your heart.
What beautiful grace. I want so badly to expound on the gut level reaction to your words but in simplicity my reaction is this: This is grace personified. May we all allow God to overwhelm us with His power to love each other as He doing to you.
It’s inspiring how you see God’s beauty in imperfect situations. Thank you for sharing.
Great stuff, Alece. Bless you for following the Spirit’s lead to do the opposite of what the world encourages you to do. It seems to make no sense, but the cross is kinda that way….
THEN WHY NOT FORGIVE ME..?