the forsaken God
For months now, I can’t seem to shake this thought:
Only a forsaken God could understand my forsaken heart.
I have felt the suffocating feeling of abandonment. I’ve been discarded. Forgotten. Invisible.
I have known the despair of a shattered heart, the pieces too small to ever put back together. I’ve failed even at simply picking them all up.
I have been wounded, sometimes even deliberately, by those who claim to love me. And worse, to love Him. Almost nothing hurts more.
I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death. And I’ve teetered very close to the edge, in that darkest of places.
But, if I allow my heart to wander there, I know… So has He.
I think about Jesus in the garden, wanting desperately to find another way. I think of His heart, shattered by the abandonment of those He loves deeply. I think about Him on the cross, broken and in agony. And I think…
He gets it.
“My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?”
In that moment, Jesus—God with skin on—felt forsaken by God.
God abandoned Himself. And while there’s no way on earth I’ll ever comprehend that, I can’t help but turn that thought over and over in my heart.
Only a God who’s experienced the wretched pain of forsakenness could reach through the darkness of my pit and pull me out.
Only a forsaken God could understand my forsaken heart.
And if by His wounds I am healed, then maybe by His forsakenness I am found.
Desired.
Treasured.
Adopted.
Loved. Forever.
It’s because He was forsaken, it’s because of His suffering, that the brokenness of my heart finds solace in Him.
As Alfred North Whitehead said,
“God is the fellow-sufferer who understands.”
And if by His wounds I am healed, then maybe by His forsakenness I am found.
Wow. Beautiful.
@mat2820b says:
Amazing love, how can it be that You, my King, should die for me…
This song went round and round my head reading this. Loving you like crazy at this time xx
Hebrews 4:15 comes to mind.
I find comfort in knowing that He knows exactly what we have/are going through, no matter how crappy.
@20BOLD11 says:
Amen. The valley is a scary place to be in but praise God that He does not leave us while we’re in it. He comforts us and gently leads us out, emerging stronger in our faith and with more clarity on who He is.
If you haven’t read it already, I would highly recommend Beth Moore’s “Get ouf of that pit!” My spiritual sister gave it to me when I was in the valley after my Dad’s death and subsequrntly divorce and it really ministered to my hurting heart and met me right where I was at-at the time: in the pit!
Love you Lece and continually praying for you.
@20BOLD11 says:
Oh and yes, He knows firsthand the pain of feeling forsaken by God, by others. That is one of the incredible mysteries about Him temporarily giving up His place in Heaven where there is joy and peace, and coming to earth to face such emotional anguish all that we may be saved!
@sonsti7 says:
“And if by His wounds I am healed, then maybe by His forsakenness I am found.”
Dang – that’s some good stuff.
Love this
Love you, friend!
Alece,
I hope this truth becomes more and more a reality for you. I hope it becomes a deeper reality for me too.
Thanks
@lauraparkerblog says:
Wow, powerful and true and
HARD to taste and know and suffer.
My heart in Thailand breaks for yours in America as you mourn the events of Africa. And I can’t help but think and believe, that somehow what Paul wrote is true . . .
“Becoming like Him in his DEATH, and so, somehow, to attain the RESURRECTION from the dead.”
As you taste the “death,” may you not give up the hope of the “resurrection.”
Thanks for having the guts to share so honestly. It is a beautiful gateway for others.
Laura–
I needed this reminder of Resurrection today! Thank you, friend.
Wow. You are amazing at what you share. Thank you. I couldn’t help but think, we all feel forsaken. Some of our hurts run so deep, scars that will remain, but healing does occur. For the sake of us he came
For the sake of our hearts, He provided an answer to our hurting hearts
For the sake of the name, He is ours always and forever. Never truly alone.
I wish and pray for the healing of your heart. For a truly Merry Christmas. Your savior is coming.
@traceepersiko says:
I have this mental roladex of flash cards that pop up in certain situations. They are those points of remembering who God is. Some are the quick answers of what my response should be. But the cards take on new meaning when Christ actually experienced it.
I am stuck on the thought of Jesus knowing scary thought places. I’ve never really thought about what that looked like. I have had some drafts written just thinking about the emotions of Jesus as man. You articulated the depth of his heart in your in such a clear way. I love it.
Loving your deeply shattered heart.
@eloranicole says:
“Jesus knowing scary thought places” – amen, my friend. so comforting to know he knows our pain – and our darkness.
” by His forsakenness I am found”
i love this. By His brokenness we are healed… made complete (true Shalom)…
I think about that valley that you are in friend… I think about the fact that you are seeing Shadows around you… which evidences the fact that there is some light shining somewhere – because it is casting shadows…. I think about the hope that the light brings, I think about the fact that the light can warm the pain of your shattered heart eventually.
I also think about Psalm 84 and pray this for you today… that as you pass through the valley of Baca… you will make it a place of living springs… that you will see the provision that is around you… even if you can’t touch it, taste it or feel it yet, that you will be able to cling to, rely on, and have faith in the fact that eventually it will be visible, you will be able to grasp on to it with both hands, and like a strong vine… that it will pull you up and out and take you to higher places …
I love you for who you are – right at this moment
@eloranicole says:
Beautiful. I’m all teary eyed over here because of the truth in these words & what it means for you. Love you friend.
Wow. WOW! I thank God for the powerful revelations He has given you!
i am so glad He understands, alece.
@mandythompson says:
I’ll never forget that moment in Story where we heard similar words and the room fell silent and heavy and nearly breathless at this truth.
@allison0105 says:
Amazing. Love you, friend.
smile. this has been an encouragement to me. thank you :)
@NAWinter says:
Beautiful post. And a wonderful reminder that the Christian is never truly alone.
“And worse, to love Him. Almost nothing hurts more.”
I agree. Some of the deepest wounds have come from the people who profess Christ the loudest. It’s a great way to learn grace in having the people who you would expect to most reflect Christ deny Him in their actions but it’s the most painful as well.
Thanks. I needed that, even though my pain fights against that truth right now. I needed that after a rough year when those around us left us alone in a frightening crisis and then attacked us after it was all over.
It is the wounds of those who should have …… that hurt the most.
This is exactly something that occurred to me recently. That the God who promises He will never leave or forsake us, was Himself forsaken.
God’s back turned….. silence…… those dark nights of the soul are almost unspeakably hard.
Betrayal is a terrible thing. The “Judas kiss,” as I heard it once called. I cry out, Is it warfare? Is it God’s instrument? Is it just sinful man? It’s such a precise arrow.
How much easier it would be to harden our heart to others and to Him. I am awed and inhale deeply as I see your tenacity not to allow this to happen. That you have set your face like flint towards whatever this Jerusalem looks like.
So many groaning inwardly with you.
Love you.
–And if by His wounds I am healed, then maybe by His forsakenness I am found.–
that line just calmed my rapidly beating heart.
love you friend.
My wife, Judy, has a ministry at our church called, “His Alone.” It’s for women who have been forsaken and struggle to take the next step with Jesus. This is an awesome article. Thanks.
It’s incredible to me how the Lord continues to speak to you and reveal His love for you in spite of the rough times you have been through in this season. You are such an encouragement to so many, and I pray that God continues to reveal to you just how much you are loved, and just how often He “remembers ” you. : )
@nicoleunice says:
This is so true, yet so hard to comprehend. Feeling forsaken and left is the deepest if loneliness. Thanks Alece for sharing and shining light into a dark place.
Beautiful beautiful thoughts and words! I’m thankful for the depth of understanding God is giving you and for your willingness to share with us here. I still don’t understand how a God who knows no sin can love us sinners. Any thoughts on that?
Just found out we are having another little boy! So great!
mmm.
so true. so difficult. so victorious.
don’t understand why He forgot his Son to remember me.
sigh.
@kamriereed says:
This is probably one of the most comforting things about God. Sin makes any human feel so lonely hurt and upset even if they did not even sin themselves. It helps to know that God knows this loneliness. He has experienced this pain of being betrayed and has overcome it.
@hannahruthie says:
“maybe by His forsakenness I am found”
wow.
I get this so much right now. Recently I’ve felt that absence of love or abandonment from people who are supposed to love me. I have also been realizing the greatness of God’s grace and there is absolutely NOTHING that will separate us from his love and no reason whatsoever that he would abandon us. It is such a freeing feeling to understand and accept God’s grace and love. so freeing and so good.
@crittyjoy says:
I have had this in my reader for two days because I just did not know what to say.
So I will just say…
I needed this. To read it. To take it into my heart and ponder these thoughts.
the Lord knew I needed to read these exact words. Thank you for sharing so openly. Lifting you up in prayer.
@tonyjalicea says:
Wow Alece. Just wow. He is working in you…beautifully.
@fishythoughts says:
Beautiful!
@Melissa_Rae says:
“And if by His wounds I am healed, then maybe by His forsakenness I am found.”
This. Amen.
@tamhodge says:
wholly, beautiful!
ooo Alece-
yes.
just yes.
so many nights I would lay awake, crying, and pleading, and terribly broken and just felt alone. misunderstood. and my only solace was that He was too betrayed by His closest friends. One betrayed him with a kiss, one denied him, the rest scattered. He understands that betrayal. He knew and He knew and He survived and rose and my Hope lies in Him.
What comfort in having a Savior so closely aware of our pain and betrayal and hurts.
beautiful.
i am posting this on my blog. (sorry…not asking your permission)
Wow…I feel a kindred spirit with you. Been there. Wrestled with these same overwhelming emotions and sense of being “numb” over the hurt and pain.
Blessings, my friend in the LORD. Press on. He is Worthy and He is Worth IT.
@amykiane says:
So beautiful Alece. Something I think we too easily forget this. Thank you for the reminder.
He loves you and is right here walking with you in this new year….He is our hope………!!Why do you make me see…..Why do you cause me to look…? Habakkuk 1:3 It’s a good question: why does He make us look? Why does He not only allow but often put us in a position where we must have clear view of situations we’d rather not. Seems like a God who loves us so fiercely wouldn’t mind giving us a break from our stuff, our circumstance, our life every now and then, right? Which is why His response to us through the pages of Scripture might be surprising…………….“Look!” He told the prophet Habakkuk. “Observe! Be Astonished! Wonder! Because I am doing something in your days—You would not believe if you were told.” ………………….Instead of giving us a pass out of the next session—permission to opt out of the reality that has become our own, God suggests that remaining fixed on the difficulty is the route to choose. Why? Because seeing is believing.
If He simply told you, you wouldn’t behold the full depth and height, the full wonder and amazement, the full majesty and glory that only an experience can provide. So, He’s decided to show you—to let you see the chaos, the devastation, the damage, the ruin, the waste, and the loss—so that when He invades, you’ll not miss one bit of it.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Look Again.
Soon and very soon, He’s going to take your breath away.
In fact, if you lean in and look closely, you’ll most likely find that He already is.
I love this, Alece. My three words for this year are fruitful, inheritance and glory. This is actually something I’ve been doing since 2007 and I started with SIX :) Love that you’re doing this. It’s so important and so needed. We can do it. Together :) :)
I have thought this many times over this journey of dealing with my husband having an affair. when he first confessed it to me i thought, “Jesus was never married! He doesn’t know how BAD this hurts!” but He showed me, as you have beautifully said, He DOES know that pain. not only feeling forsaken by His Father, but also by the humans around Him too. those He poured Himself into, gave so much to, loved with His life.
they LEFT Him. in His darkest hour, they LEFT Him.
that’s when I felt a connection with God. an understanding. a comfort.
i wish with all that i am i didn’t have to feel THAT connection with Him, but He is still here and sharing this load with me.
love you girl! you’re AMAZING!