tabula rasa
The pessimist in me (or as I prefer to call it, the realist) struggles to see a new year as a fresh start. Because really, the only thing that makes January 1st remarkably different than December 31st is that it lies on a new calendar. It’s just another day.
But the longing-to-hope part of me acknowledges the new beginnings that come with a new year. I can see the tabula rasa — the blank slate — of a new calendar. It’s a blatant opportunity to leave yesterday’s baggage behind and move forward with a clean start.
And yet I find myself instinctively clinging to baggage like a flotation device.
Baggage like my deeply-rooted feelings of shame, rejection, and not-enough-ness. Baggage like my insecurities and fears—of failure, of abandonment, of not measuring up.
I cling to them like my life depends on it—when in actuality they’re not life preservers, but deadweights that keep me fighting to stay afloat.
So I close my eyes tight and repeat over and over: I am enough.
And with each whisper, my fingers ever-so-slightly start to loosen their death grip.
A new year. A new day. A new moment. Tabula rasa.
I am enough.
And in Christ you are the tabula rasa.
It’s easy to hold onto the past and shame, just remember God does not hold it on you. You are His clean slate, in Him you have a new begining and a new start. Cling to the hope and life that is Jesus- His forgiveness- His mercy- His grace- for they are enough and in Him you are enough! Praying for you today- I love you – I feel your struggle and I will lift you up today. Blessings sweetheart!
@AleceRonzino says:
“in Christ, you are the tabula rasa” – love that!
You are one of the kindest, funniest, and loving people I’ve come to know over the last year. So while you struggle to loosen the grip on your baggage, (don’t we all?) please know that I’m so grateful, thankful and beyond blessed to count you as a new and treasured friend.
To new beginnings.
@AleceRonzino says:
This felt like a huge hug for my heart. Thank you, friend. I am so glad you are in my life. Grateful for you!
Yup. Walking a thin line between the two inner selves, I will remind myself of that “blatant” opportunity. I was reciting “I belong to God,” on the long drive we just finished. Oh, to feel the rest I know I have.
@AleceRonzino says:
“Oh, to feel the rest I know I have.” So this…
@Malisaprice says:
I love the honesty with which you write, Alece. Thank you for sharing this post. I struggle with regret over the past and it can directly mess up today. I’m learning to live and be, not always do.
@vaderalman says:
Alece,
I was thinking how I wish some people would give me a tabula rasa because I need it from them but then I realized I have not offered the same. I need to be careful that I do not keep writing on a person’s board where they hurt me or where I do not think they measure up. I should extend to them a tabula rasa. What will it cost me to do so? I give up my right to be angry at someone or to hold them in contempt as if I have a right to that. I need this to be a habit I extend to others.
Ooh I like this! I struggle with this- but I like it! I’ll TRY and keep this in mind.
@vaderalman says:
Faith,
Along these lines I think that to forgive I have to get to the point where I give up my “right to be angry or hurt” If forgiveness is something I can extend then I must have been wronged and are correct in being hurt. In order for me to move beyond that hurt and beyond holding something against someone I have to get to the point where I willingly give up that right. If I don’t I will not heal and I then become part of the problem and I end up contributing to my own hurt. I think the cost is pride and pity. I have to give them up to get restoration or at least get where it is not grating on my soul. What do you think?
May God give us more grace to wipe others slates clean who have marked out lives with hurt.
@AleceRonzino says:
Yes! So true for me as well…
@HeatherLMassey says:
I have the same struggle, Alece! There’s always such a build up which often leads to a let down. To avoid that, I try to use e new year as a time to take inventory of where I’ve gone since last year; but I try to state open to fresh starts anytime they might pop up during the year. Praying for your journey…because you ARE enough! No matter how your new year may start off :)
@AleceRonzino says:
I like how you put that about fresh starts popping up anywhere. Like in the new mercies that will kiss me awake tomorrow morning…
thank you, heather!
Truth, beautifully stated. We can always grow, become better more complete. I sometimes look for that Tabula Rasa every new day.
@AleceRonzino says:
same here, David. trying to be more intentional about that…
Alece –
You are exceedingly more than adequate.
@AleceRonzino says:
thank you for your sweet words, amy.