The pessimist in me (or as I prefer to call it, the realist) struggles to see a new year as a fresh start. Because really, the only thing that makes January 1st remarkably different than December 31st is that it lies on a new calendar. It’s just another day.
But the longing-to-hope part of me acknowledges the new beginnings that come with a new year. I can see the tabula rasa — the blank slate — of a new calendar. It’s a blatant opportunity to leave yesterday’s baggage behind and move forward with a clean start.
And yet I find myself instinctively clinging to baggage like a flotation device.
Baggage like my deeply-rooted feelings of shame, rejection, and not-enough-ness. Baggage like my insecurities and fears—of failure, of abandonment, of not measuring up.
I cling to them like my life depends on it—when in actuality they’re not life preservers, but deadweights that keep me fighting to stay afloat.
So I close my eyes tight and repeat over and over: I am enough.
And with each whisper, my fingers ever-so-slightly start to loosen their death grip.
A new year. A new day. A new moment. Tabula rasa.
I am enough.