strength comes in strange ways
September is staring me down. She promises to be a long, hard month, and I can feel her taunting glances today. I’m choosing to ignore her while I still can.
Sigh.
So I sit here looking back at all my old August posts. I’m seemingly always working on seeing myself in the light of God’s truth. And in the past few weeks I’ve been processing my difficulty to really hear compliments. Again. Hmph. I wondered why the view looked familiar—I’ve been around this mountain a time or two before.
I still use a buzzy toothbrush. And I still don’t often realize what I’m missing until I get it back or see it in others’ lives.
My heart’s been challenged again to check my motives, pray paradoxical prayers, and trust God to defend me. I’m still doing most things afraid and trying to catch up on my backlog of lost sleep. I needed the reminder that God is writing my story and, unlike me, He needs no backspace.
I’m always blown away by how wonderfully everything has always been about Jesus.
A year ago I had my first meet-up with blogging friends. My reunion with Mandy and Cathi couldn’t be summed up in just one post, and of course it had to be documented on video. I’ve been amazingly blessed with friends over this past year, many of whom I met right here in the blogosphere. God is undeniably good to me.
Two Augusts ago I had this overwhelming sense that my life was about to change. Drastically. Forever. I couldn’t put my finger on it and I didn’t know exactly what it meant, but I can remember right where I was and what I was doing when the feeling rushed over me like the morning fog swallows up the mountains on our property. Looking back on it now, my breath catches in my chest. Because it turns out I was right. That very month, the pieces of my life began slowly shattering… until they all ended up in broken fragments at my feet a few months ago. Shudder.
Somehow, being reminded of all that again, I am left more aware of the grace of God in my life. My brokenness is more apparent, yes, but so is His hand on me. He has carried me through much more than I ever thought I could endure.
So, September, I seem to have mustered up some strength. I’ve still got some fight left in me, and I’m glaring right back at you. After all I’ve been through in the past two years, what’s another month?
Bring it on.
Hey Alece. I’m praying for you every day as God puts you on my heart, which has been a lot lately. Not just “please help Alece prayers”, but I’m fighting with you prayers for your healing and your hope and for God’s very best in your life each day.
Two Augusts from now, maybe you’ll look back and see that the light on this journey, and that it grows even brighter with each passing day, month and year. Fight on friend. God wins and you win too.
@gritandglory says:
i definitely need “fighting with you” prayers. thank you for letting me know you’re in this with me. that means a lot.
Beautiful Alece, I think you’re gonna kick September’s butt. And you’ll do it with faith, grace, and style.
I also think you should throw in a few Xena: Warrior Princess battle cries http://www.geocities.com/xena_wavs/XenaBattleCry.wav , September wouldn’t mess with you after that ;)
@gritandglory says:
if you can’t find me tomorrow, i’ll be out back practicing my xena noises…
(thanks, hairdo!)
“Rocky” on! : )
You are so right darlin, If you look back on all that GOD has brought you through, and the people he has brought into your life, it is amazing. He doesn’t promise that you won’t have to go through the fire, just that he will be with you every step of the way. Its OK, he is still carrying you.
I just decided…
sometimes “choosing hard” can be fun.
I feel like screaming at this next year…
screaming in frustration, and then yelling,
“I’M GONNA WIN! EAT THAT!”
It feels good to scream something like that, now and then.
oregon has the “hood to coast” run each year. it’s just like the title a run from mt hood to the coast..maybe someday i’ll get to be part of a team :). the various teams have generally a van that the runners ride/sleep in until it’s their turn to run. i saw one van that said “powered by estrogen” written on all windows.
alece, your van says “powered by God”!!! keep running!
@gritandglory says:
what a great mental image. thanks, jessica…
I’ve just been reading your blog for a few days, but I’ve read a lot of your archives and I’m hooked.
Anyways…you go. Bring. It. On. :)
@gritandglory says:
how did you find me, jennifer? i’m glad you lingered long enough to scroll back through the archives.
do you blog?
lookin’ forward to getting to know you more.
September calls for a visit to Nashville!!!! Come on over friend :)
PS – I’ll get you some cute cowgirl boots so you can “kick” September’s butt in style!
@gritandglory says:
as you catch your breath this week, let me know when works best for you… or what you have in mind. i definitely want to get up there to see you this month.
and i laughed at the thought of me wearing cowgirl boots. you and your skinny jeans could pull it off though! :)
If you live in Nashville, you aren’t allowed to wear cowgirl boots… those are reserved just for the tourists!! I’ll call you this week and we’ll talk some dates…
mmmmm. this was good. really really good. and right now I can identify with it, but in different ways. love the backspace comment most! ;o)
and yes, go to Nashville in September! I will be there too! ;o) At the end though.
@gritandglory says:
i LOVE seeing your face on my blog again. i’ve missed you…
and when will you be in nashville? i’m only 4 hours from there and am seriously working on plans to go up there to visit my friend kim… if we can overlap, and actually get to meet each other, i think you might be able to hear my excited squeal all the way in ND!
GIRL. DO NOT TEASE ME! My scream is holding in my throat at the thought of that! FOUR HOURS AWAY! That is nothing!
I will be there the 24th – 27th of September for a MOPS convention, but I will have free time during the day (in between seminars) and at night.
I just might pee my pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t sleep now. Just so you know. Thanks. ;o) Love you.
@cassgirl says:
Some squealing just woke me up.
Wow….. You’ll get to meet. That would be amazing.
Hey Bran, Love you girl. I saw you over at Tam’s. Miss ya both here at G&G.
It was funny, I am in a BIG wedding in 11 days, and tonight I am purchasing RED hot hooker stillettos for the wedding.
A HUGE smile came across my heart, it actually brought tears.
Love you Both..
Oh, Alece the post up there……………………..Know that I am standing here holding ya up.
FIERCELY.
@gritandglory says:
you’re gonna be rockin’ red hooker heels!?!?! you go, lady! ha ha! that brings back so many great Gritty memories. i had so much fun with you girls last summer…
@gritandglory says:
oops! sorry i kept you awake squealing. ha!
i just emailed my friend in Nash to see if those dates will work for me to visit… I’ll keep you posted!
can’t believe i might finally get to meet you in a few weeks. holy frickin crow.
I’m struck most by the way God was preparing you two Augusts in advance.
Everything you’ve been through your entire life has, in different ways, prepared you for this. And everything since then, and from now on…. not one part of it will be wasted.
You are the alabaster jar. And the smell of the perfume filled that whole house.
@gritandglory says:
i can’t get your last words out of my head. i am the alabaster jar?! i need to camp out in that for a while…
thank you, lisa. so much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPXAju9z7Cs&feature=related
This song has been in my spirit since reading this post.
Bold…in Him.
I’m learning to love what Oswald Chambers calls the “glorious uncertainty” of God. I always want to know what’s next and have everything planned out how I want, but the Lord somehow mixes it all up. I’m starting to see it’s because He just wants me to trust Him…to just follow.
@gritandglory says:
sometimes i think i’ve traded my childlike faith–which willingly follows without knowing the details–for childish faith–always demanding to understand, with the constant “why?!”s and “are we there yet?!”s.
@chrystieecole says:
Reading your blogs are one of the highlights of my day. You reach into my heart and touch me always. Sometimes joy and sometimes pain. But always real and always full of Him. Thank you for sharing that with the blogosphere. September has nothing on you, God is in your corner. If He is for you, who can be against you?!
@gritandglory says:
my heart has been overwhelmed lately with strengthening words like yours. i’m learning to hear them, to let them soak in. thank you for telling me that. truly.
You are on my heart all the time. I think about your pain…especially when I go to starbucks :-) You are in my prayers to fight this long and hard battle..and to feel loved! I love you!
@gritandglory says:
thank you for faithfully praying for me, alex. that means a lot!
This made me cry. I don’t know what’s happening in your life, just know you are in my prayers. I have been DREADING another long winter and felt so cheated out of a hot summer here in chicago. So instead of letting this first day of Sept get me down, I baked 2 pies. One pumpkin one pecan. Its my way of saying “winter you kicked my ass last year but no way in hell are you going to bring me down again this winter”…. Or something like that. And then I went out and got me a brand spanking new pair of skinny jeans (and I am saving up for a pair of boots). Well that was today. Tomorrow I might not fit into those jeans after eating all that pie and did I say home made whipping cream, and deep inside me is the fear that winter (aka Satan) will kick my ass yet again. Maybe not in the same way as last year (I hope I have learned from my mistakes at least that much) but that fear is still there. Love you.
@gritandglory says:
i LOVE that you are back. your comment was perfectly you, and i’ve missed you a lot.
@mjdagenhart says:
“What’s another month?” Amen.
Today I am thankful to have made it through August. After last month (and the last several months, really), I am so ready for September.
We’re in this fight together. Stay strong!
@gritandglory says:
i’m glad we’re in this together, marisa.
Do you feel alone facing September? Do you feel like it’s just you against the wind? I hope not. I hope you know that as you stand, feet planted, teeth bared, face directly in the wind, that there are many stretched out to the left, to the right, and like a sea behind you, in exactly the same stance. Take that, September!
PS: I remember that post of two years ago, as I clicked on it. Isn’t it a blessing to know, in the midst of this huge change, that all of it was foreseen by God? And not only that, but that you heard? Wow.
@gritandglory says:
mmmm… trying hard to view it in that light.