revolving door
The revolving door of ministry life has always been challenging for me. We constantly have people coming and going through our ministry. Missionary staff leave early sometimes; even if they stay full-term, it’s just that: a term. National staff quit, move on, move away. Each year we have interns, and each year we have to say goodbye to our interns.
I’m an introvert. And I take a long time to feel comfortable enough with someone to trust them with my heart. I also place high value on friendships and care deeply for people. The combination of all that makes the revolving door of my life that much harder.
I struggle to find the balance between guarding my heart and embracing the reality that we were hardwired for intimacy.
Yet 10 new interns just spun through that revolving door. And here I stand, needing to open my life, my heart, to them. (I sigh at that thought.) I look forward to knowing them all, and I long for the comfortability and familiarity I had with our previous group at the end of last year. It’s just the process of getting to that point that is overwhelming to me.
My heart grows weary of the constant hellos and goodbyes.
Though it may take a while, and though it may even hurt, my heart will once again open. Slowly at first, and then like a flower bursting out of a bud, suddenly I’ll find myself in a place I never thought I’d be.
thinking of you friend…
first. Thanks for your openness.
Secondly- This? “Though it may take a while, and though it may even hurt, my heart will once again open. Slowly at first, and then like a flower bursting out of a bud, suddenly I’ll find myself in a place I never thought I’d be.”
…Amen.
I can relate to the introvert part…I’ll be praying for you.
I can relate.
Now, how is it that you can figure out if you are an introvert or an extrovert? Because, for being an introvert, you seem to be very open and transparent with your blog posts. :o)
Ok – so my curiosity drove me to hunt down an online test (I knew there had to be one out there). I found this one: http://www.kisa.ca/personality/
They say I am an introvert too. Actually they said:
Introverted (I) 93% Extraverted (E) 7%
I am surprised because I always thought that introverts were not good with people. But both you and I have much dealings with people. Hmmm. I will have to chew on this.
oh friend, i’ve been thinking of you for this very reason. i can’t imagine, but i’m proud of you for pressing on anyways. i love you.
such a good post Alece. And I can identify in my own way. I’m very much an introvert, and have just such a hard time with the comings and goings too. I think you’ve hit on why one of my favorite things about heaven is what it is: no goodbyes. Every person I’ve ever known and loved here on earth (the ones that are saved, which most are) I will see again and never have to say goodbye someday. It makes the temporary goodbyes so much easier.
Oh, and regarding @ngie’s comment (which maybe I should post to her blog) “introvert” does not inherently mean not good or shy around people. We tend to think that, but that is not what defines the trait. Introverts gain rest, relaxation, and renewing from being alone or with usually one or maybe two people who are extremely close to them. Extroverts gain rest, relaxation, and renewing from being in a group of people. And for most of them – the more, the merrier. The flip side then is also true: introverts tend to be taxed, tried, and tortured (sorry, couldn’t help the alliteration) by being in the company of a lot of people, and extroverts tend to feel the same about being alone. There are times when these aren’t absolutely true of course, and many people who are very borderline on the I/E scale, who can do either with equal felicity (sorry, I read Pride and Prejudice recently. It seemed the right word). Also, in my observation, many introverts are drawn to writing as opposed to talking as a means of sharing the deepest thoughts of their heart. I’m much more open about myself when I’m writing then when I’m speaking. Paul was the same way, incidentally. 2 Cor 10:1: “I, Paul, myself entreat you, by the meekness and gentleness of Christ—I who am humble when face to face with you, but bold toward you when I am away!” Paul, I think, found his fingers far more capable of speech than his tongue, and God used him for that. On the other hand, Apollos is mentioned quite often in the Scriptures – he was a preacher, and apparently very eloquent of speech … but he never picked up a pen. hmm. Anyway. Just thought I’d answer to that thought!
hi miss alece, thanks for sharring your heart. i miss you and love you so much. i am praying for you and the transition for everyone there adjusting to interns.. interns adjusting to life in africa. alece’s heart opening and closing with each hello and goodbye.
i love you.
Alece thank you for hosting this conversation…
Annie – I kind of baited you. I saw that you hadn’t commented yet and I knew that you know stuff about lots of stuff. I was hoping that you (or some other equally intelligent person) would add their thoughts.
Interesting observations about Paul and Apollos. I had never considered that before. I am also amazed at your all too appropriate alliterations.
Finally – I also read Pride and Prejudice recently. :-)
It way makes me happy to pray about this new year of interns and obstacles. Yay for differences and what makes us the body. That totally sounds like a Hallmark card…but maybe that is why we are all linked together. I love and believe in seasons. So when I was reading through your post I “felt” for you and then felt hopeful and then knew how to pray. Yay again.
wow. thanks everybody.
My heart grows weary of the constant hellos and goodbyes.
Though it may take a while, and though it may even hurt, my heart will once again open. Slowly at first, and then like a flower bursting out of a bud, suddenly I’ll find myself in a place I never thought I’d be.
You are so beautiful.