privacy, authenticity, and living publicly
Lately I seem to have better luck “accidentally” writing blog-post-length comments than writing actual posts. So I’m gonna stick with my new trend of just turning the comment into a post.
My friend Sarah wrote an amazing post about privacy and authenticity in the online world. You need to make sure you read it. Like right now. Then come back and read my thoughts.
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I’m a pretty private person, so my choice a few years ago to share about what was going on in my life/ministry was huge. I was very scared of doing it wrong — in a way that would bring more hurt and dishonor — than anything else, so I went about it with great trepidation. I painted with broad strokes, leaving out the bests, worsts, and a lot in between. And I still do. Not just in the ongoing journey of all that (and the many layers it entails) but also in my day-to-day life.
It’s easier to step back now than it was a few years ago. I often go days without being on twitter, weeks without blogging. I don’t analyze my sharing as much, debating on if this should or shouldn’t be shared. Those decisions come much easier than they used to.
Sometimes I have to fight the feeling that I’m missing out on great connections and opportunities (because of watching people quote-unquote “get ahead” with their @replies and intentional online shoulder-rubbing) and that I’m just missing out on all the fun — like everyone else is at the cool kids table and they’re all having this amazing time I’m excluded from. Sometimes I still have to fight all that and sometimes I just don’t even care anymore.
But the bottom line is this:
I value honesty in whatever is shared (by myself or others) rather than the amount/depth of it. I don’t think I — or anyone else — should divulge everything, but wisely withholding doesn’t mean one is being dishonest, disingenuous, or inauthentic. Be truly and honestly you in whatever it is you choose to share, and THAT is all the authenticity I need.
{Seth Haines also wrote a poignant post about authenticity and Sarah Markley unpacked more of her thoughts in a follow-up post. You’re not gonna wanna miss these ones.}
Would love to hear your thoughts about
privacy, authenticity, and living publicly. Let’s talk!
I read Sarah’s post and I say like a million times! And I read your comment and LOVE it, too. Sadly, there is a ridiculous addiction and we have become such voyeurs. I have to set boundaries for myself to remain in “real” life and even more fully connected to the one Who IS life. Social media has it’s place, but it’s not better than real life. Love you Alece! Miss you.
Just read Seth’s and Sarah’s follow-up. Yes! And that is all. :)
Alece, this is tough… (because of watching people quote-unquote “get ahead” with their @replies and intentional online shoulder-rubbing)…
I wonder if all this intentional shoulder-rubbing, book deal talking, and FB ranting is taking away from the quiet, authentic work of the gospel. That’s not an accusation or anything… just sort of wondering out loud. And if it is an accusation, I think I’m levying it at myself.
These are good words, Alece. Glad you’re throwing your two cents into the ring.
@hopefulleigh says:
“Wisely withholding” is key for me. And perhaps why I’m taking a bit of a blog sabbatical right now. I need to focus on other things right now and blogging and all that comes with it has become a way of procrastinating. An excuse. But not even a good excuse because there’s so much I’m not writing about, it’s starting to become a drain.
I never thought I would need to enforce blog boundaries and yet here I am.
I totally agree with you. You have to be careful when and how much you share and with whom. Sometimes honesty can be like “casting pearls before swine.” It pays to be cautious, which is different than dishonest/unauthenitic (is that a word?). Personally, I’m not sure most people are really interested in what I have to say, so I pretty much keep things to myself.
I feel the same way about being away from the cool kids table too. I’ll tell you this though, there’s a more authentic and tender version of myself that exists only for my wife and my closest friends.
We all have versions of ourselves we show to the world. Even if that version is an Over-sharer.
@DionnaSanchez says:
You’re going about it the absolutely right way.
@mafeinberg says:
privacy is a hard line to find–how much do you share? how much do you hold back? My friend has a “one-notebook” rule. If the event happened in a previous notebook than the one she is journaling in, then the event is fair game to blog and share about. If not, she uses a lot more discretion. Great topic!
I remember in my marriage how much a longed and craved for our lives to be our own–and not just fodder for twitter or blog posts. So often it seemed like a means to an end, and that end was not happiness and satisfaction with our marriage and our family, but an effort to be a part of that “cool kids table”. This is a tough, tough topic…
@AleceRonzino says:
oh kate… hugging your heart right now…