my story
I’m just a Long Island girl who’s passionate about grace, authenticity, and good salsa. I moved to South Africa when I was 19, where I lived and served as a missionary for 13 years {though I still shudder a bit at the word “missionary”}. I’m now a communications strategist and program architect for non-profits, embracing a new season of life in Nashville. {And I’m only half-joking when I say life in Africa prepared me for life in the South.}
I’m starting over after my marriage and ministry came to a screeching halt at the hands of infidelity and divorce. I live with far more questions than answers and try always to write candidly about the grit and glory of learning to trust God through uncertainty and loss.
I’m an extroverted introvert. I laugh really loud, dance in the car, and burst into random off-key songs. I despise choosing favorites, can’t decide which I crave more: roots or wings, and am on a lifelong search for the perfect margarita.
Most of all, I’m thankful for a God who writes remarkable redemption stories.
Alece
@tlovvorn says:
So sorry to hear what you have gone through. My wife and I divorced in 2002 due to my unfaithfulness and addiction. You can watch a video of our story at http://traylorlovvorn.com/?page_id=72.
By God’s grace we remarried in October of 2008 after six years of divorce.
God bless!
Traylor
@AleceRonzino says:
rejoicing with you on the full-circle restoration of your marriage and life. God is faithful!
Your story of restoration moved me to tears. How great is our God!
@tlovvorn says:
Thanks Sarahbeth! Indeed He is great!
Traylor
Hi Alece,
I just stumbled upon your blog by way of Don Miller’s blog.
Your story is incredibly heart-breaking, but incredibly inspirational. I truly believe that God has his hand on you and your ministry in Africa.
Blessings,
Amy
@christielici0us says:
Just wanted to mention I ADORE this picture! :)
@bajanpoet says:
Your story is powerful… and I’m glad you have so many people (including me!) who love u and are rooting for you. And you’re right – your story is FAR from finished!
@BrokenN2Beauty says:
Ours too is a story of brokenness. Feel free to visit the newly created site to share our story – for His glory. My heart is drawn to you, as I identify with so much of your experience. I would love to connect with you more!
@AleceRonzino says:
thank you so much, mandy. i hate that you can relate with this kind of brokenness, but i’m encouraged to see the ways you’re allowing the Lord to use your story for His glory.
Hi Alece
I pray that I would never do to my wife, what was done to you and I thank you for being willing to share your pain and restoration through our Lord Jesus Christ! He is able to do more than we can imagine and he is the lover of our souls. I pray that you will be able to find joy in the Lord every moment and that He will continue to lead you in your inspirational work in Africa. When I lived in the Middle East, I made several friends from different parts of Africa and I cannot wait to go and see them in their homeland and celebrate Jesus with them and their loved ones.
Your brother in Christ,
Vineet
Hi Alece,
I have read your blog frequently over the past months. Your story and mine are simular in many ways, and my marriage broke up back in 1996, so I now have the benefit of reflection. God sent a wonderful woman my way and we have a great marriage that walks with God always, we have been married almost ten years now. Healing was a long process, but He will heal us if we are patient. I thank you for the wisdom your site imparts to others who are broken and healing. God Bless
Jim
Hi AleceI pray that I would never do to my wife, what was done to you and I thank you for being willing to share your pain and restoration through our Lord Jesus Christ! He is able to do more than we can imagine and he is the lover of our souls. I pray that you will be able to find joy in the Lord every moment and that He will continue to lead you in your inspirational work in Africa. When I lived in the Middle East, I made several friends from different parts of Africa and I cannot wait to go and see them in their homeland and celebrate Jesus with them and their loved ones.Your brother in Christ,Vineet
+1
@AleceRonzino says:
thank you for your encouraging words, vineet. be blessed.
@idelette says:
I m so happy to have stumbled upon your blog. I am a South African girl who’s lived away from her continent for 11 years, having married a Canadian … I am so sorry to hear about your experience … But I love your heart. Blessings …
Thank you for your raw portrayal of the devastation of adultery and divorce. My journey with divorce was 21 years ago, so I can partially share some of your pain, but each pain is unique. Each wound needs to be examined, washed clean and allowed to heal. Thank you for not glossing over or cheapening forgiveness….it is a tough journey. Your story mirrors my beautiful nieces story. I hope as she begins her healing journey that your frank words will carry her some of the way.
I have the privilege of being born and bred in Africa [Zimbabwe] and know how that continent and its people wrap themselves firmly around your heart. I return from my present home, Australia, each year and work with Youth For Christ in Bulawayo. Their ministry is with children in crisis. Thank you for continuing the work of Thrive Africa. I wish/pray our Aussie young people could have the love for God and courage to overcome trauma that the children of Africa Thrive on!
May God continue to bless this ministry and redeem you, precious young woman, from the ashes!
Morag [Ragsie in South Africa!]
I KNOW EVERYONE IS SAYING YOUR STORY IS NOT FINISHED-AND ITS NOT.
IM GOING FARTHER THAN THAT I’M SAYING YOUR BEST DAYS ARE AHEAD OF YOU.
GREAT EVENTS LIE JUST AHEAD.
LOVE TO YOU IN JESUS JOE CANTONE
Hey am soo glad I stumbled across your blog!! I have this heart for missionary work and have done some..seems to just be in my system and i love the new cultures and challenges, and definitely will interest me to keep up with you. Blessings and love be showered upon you!
Found out about your website from an infidelity website – someone suggested reading your story. My heart goes out to you as I am currently – right now as I type this – in the middle of trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces from my husband’s multiple affairs. It is such a long story but I found out in 2009 that my husband had been unfaithful. I stayed because I thought that’s what God wanted me to do but then a few months ago, he left me saying that he was confused about his feelings for me (and the last woman he had an affair with – turns out that they have feelings for one another). He came back home after a month. Still, I’ve stayed – trying to do what I thought God was telling me to do but as of yesterday , I told my husband that I can no longer do this. After school is out, I’ve decided to leave him and our home. There are some underlying issues that are not being addressed and until they are, we are going to end up back where we are right now – and my heart just can’t take that. Thank you for your story – for your honesty. I will keep you in prayer! Please say a prayer for me as well!
Thank you for sharing your story and your journey. I came to your blog because a friend shared a link to it about One Word and wandered over to read you story. You have put a voice to my life of the last 3 years. You have said the words and felt the pain that I have lived. Your transparency has really blessed me!
@_kingsdaughters says:
Hi Alece,
I am so sorry that your heart got hurt. God is so faithful in restoring a broken life and I know he is going to do awesome things in and through you. Praise God for your passion for South Africa, I am a South African living in the UK but still have a heart for Africa.
I have written three books on my story and how God has done amazing things in my life. I can send you the PDF’s if you would to have a read and perhaps even review them on your blog.
http://kingsdaughters21.blogspot.com/p/contact-angela.html
Love
Angela
xxx
So you are Rob’s friend Alece, author of the one word resolution? I can’t believe I found you! I’m going to get one of those little signs for my blog to encourage deeper conversations about faith in a non-threatening way. (People can be so touchy!)
My word is “Know”… as in, Be still and KNOW that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)
I look forward to coming back and reading your story. Sorry to hear you’re going through some stuff now. In spite of the struggles, what an interesting life you have! God bless you…
love2u.
Hello Alece,
I am so sorry to hear about your pain, but I know God is in control, even of this. Sometimes it’s so hard to understand people, situations or God even. But I know this will work our for your good and His Glory. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your story, blessings to you and thank you for stopping by my little blog.
Although your story brought me to tears as i read it earlier today, I must say I love how with God there’s always hope/sunshine after darkness. so I liked how you didn’t conclude your story with despair, but hope:
“While I wish this wasn’t part of my plot, I take heart knowing that God isn’t done with my story yet. He’s still writing.
My first break-up won’t be my last chapter. ”
Promise that God will see you through.love!
Alece, I had the privilege of meeting you on my mission trip to Thrive in 2004! You picked us up at the airport in “JoBurg” and gave us all hugs. On the trip to Thrive I got to sit up front and talked with you about your life and the ministry. I remember thinking to myself what a strong christian woman you are and how I admired you. You obliviously still are today an dI am so glad to see you are doing well in-spite of what has happened. Thank you for being an inspiration and a Godly sister to look up to. God is going to continue to bless you and do amazing things thru you! God Bless~Ginnie
@AleceRonzino says:
i appreciate so much re-reading your words here, ginnie. thank you!
Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. I’m sure many other people will find healing through your experiences. (There were several posts I wanted to comment on as I read your story, so I decided to just comment here instead.)
I have a story that is similar to yours in some ways, and different in others. And both of us had to deal with so much publicly instead of privately. You because of your work, and me because my husband was all over the news in middle TN. (It was more than just infidelity, but I learned everything at the same time – and it was immediately public.)
I admire you because 5 years later, I still haven’t had the courage to tell my whole story. Obviously many people already know it, but I don’t talk about it. Through my blog people know I’m a single mother and that I’m divorced. They know my ex-husband is in prison. They know I was pregnant when he left. But I always fear rejection if I say anything more than that. Some stories are just too ugly to tell… I don’t know if I ever will, or if I should.
Anyway, thanks again for your story. God bless.
@AleceRonzino says:
i can’t even begin to fathom this, jenn…
i hope you are well…
@DGeneStrother says:
A good blog. I am adding you to my blogroll. If you would rather I didn’t, let me know.
So sorry to hear about what happened to you. I’ve walked a similar journey – only in our case it was me that was emotionally in a situation with another man. Our marriage was saved – but there was a high cost for us and me personally – felt like my right arm had been cut off in having to release those feelings and build again with the man who had become distant from me. We have rebuilt our marriage and lives – celebrate 30 years in September. I always felt like God was telling me no and that somehow beauty would come from the ashes of a broken heart – and He is faithful if not silent to those issues that baffle us. I know that God has a plan for the brokenhearted – and that He is very near to you. I enjoyed your guest blog on Karen’s blog today – I feel like you and I could be real friends :)
@AleceRonzino says:
i so appreciated your honest, heartfelt comment. thank you, cindy.
A friend of mine always tells me ” The end of the matter with God is always good, so if it’s not good, then its not the end of the matter.” I don’t know if thats true but I like it anyway. You seem to have a wonderful relationship with God and I pray that you will find healing for your heart. The reason I’m writing to you is because I am in charge of helping new believers connect with God and with ministry at my church. My hunch is that you may have some wisdom on this subject and was hoping you might have some time to share some thoughts with me. Thank you.
I’m loving catching up on what you’ve been up to for the last couple of years! I can’t believe it was ten years ago that I spent those two summers in South Africa! I have a new friend at work who is from Joburg and I was just telling her about you the other day. I’m glad you’re staying strong and building a new life for yourself back here in the states. If you’re ever in San Francisco, let me know!
@AleceRonzino says:
hope you are well, girl!
I was referred to your blog through a mutual friend that we share. I feel your pain as I, too, am walking a very similar path. My husband has left me twice… the first time with three hurting, angry teenagers. This second time, pregnant with our fourth child. I believe God has called me to stand for my marriage and believe in the promises He has given me, despite the current circumstances. I know your anger, hurt, frustration, questions… I also know your contentment, joy and peace. Although there are still some days of tears, the peace and strength God has given me is amazing! My journey continues as my story is very intertwined in many different struggles and blessings. I wait for God to move and for His timing… He is a faithful God and absolutely NOTHING is impossible with Him. I look forward to reading more about your story… there is always hope when you find someone who has struggled in the same way you have, but with God’s grace and love have found the healing and redemption that He provides. :) http://www.createdtobebeautiful.wordpress.com
@AleceRonzino says:
i’m so sorry you can relate, tara. but i’m thankful for how God lets us know we aren’t alone… i am praying for you tonight…
We’re praying for you.
God said He will never leave us or forsake us.
When all else fails He remains.
His love is better than life. (Psalm 63)
@AleceRonzino says:
amen… and thank you.
Do you believe remarriage after divorce is OK? My parents take John Piper’s stance against it.
@AleceRonzino says:
ana, not sure if you’ve seen the slew of comments that have followed your question. feel free to come back and read through them.
i am not a theologian or a scholar, but–for me–i am not against remarriage after divorce. from your short comment, i’m assuming you are divorced and possibly wanting to remarry? i’d say talk with your pastor and study through Scripture on your own to make a determination of what YOU believe. regardless of your parents’ belief, you alone need to live out the convictions (and peace) of your own heart…
i know it’s not an easy road. and i’m so sorry that it’s one you find yourself on. i am praying for you today.
@GodCameDown says:
Ana,
What does the Bible say?
@GodCameDown says:
Ana,
How do you interpret Matthew 19:9 NIV84?
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
@tlovvorn says:
Yet another reason I am glad I remarried my ex-wife! :)
Absolutely! What an awesome testimony you and your lovely bride have!! :)
@GodCameDown says:
Ana,
Jesus said there is one exception.
If you believe the Bible, then John Piper must have not taken this one and only exception into account.
Jesus said it. Its so.
Ana and Christ Centered Teaching…
I am not an expert, a theologian or a Biblical scholar… I am just a wife in the middle of a separation/divorce who has studied this subject for the last 3 years as I have and will always stand for my marriage, no matter what the court records say.
I do agree with John Piper, Voddie Baucham and the many others who are now beginning to take this stand on divorce and remarriage. I do agree that our “interpretation” is not completely correct as we translate into our language and culture of today. Voddie states that Matthew wrote to a Jewish audience (I believe), and that the “divorce” he spoke of was only during the betrothal period (the engagement) and not actually the actual marriage.
Do I believe God can redeem any situation, even if there is a divorce and remarriage… absolutely! I do not judge anyone who has lost a spouse due to infidelity, divorce and remarriage. However, I do believe we as a culture, a society and a church have become too accepting of it.
Our churches stand on that Bible verse and say it is okay. They offer divorce recovery classes. They offer blended family classes… Very few offer “Standing in the gap for your marriage” classes or “Praying for your Prodigal Spouse” classes.
Our churches use the term “Free Will” as the clause that if a spouse leaves, God will allow them that choice. They encourage us to pray until the divorce papers arrive. They they tell us to move on and “recover”.
Really? Is this really what God would have of the very first institution that He established at the beginning of mankind? This unique, holy representation of God himself and His bride?
We as a people, as a church, cry out to God to save us… to save our churches… our nation. Yet, our foundation is shaky and our walls are crumbling from within because our marriages and our families are falling apart. Why are the divorce statistics almost as high within the church as they are outside of the church? There is something seriously wrong with this…
I read a “Story” after my husband first walked away from me and my children (almost 3 years ago)…. it was from satan… there was a comment that read something like this: “When I have the husband, I will have the family. When I have the family, I will have the church. When I have the church, I will have the community. When I have the community, I will have the nation. When I have the nation, I will have the whole world.”
I believe our churches need to stand up and fight against this. We need to come together and pray for hurting marriages… for spouses who have walked away… for healing, reconciliation and redemption. “For Nothing is impossible with God!!” (Luke 1:37) If God truly “Hates” divorce, then we as a church need to hate it as well and fight against it as much as we can!! We need to love all of those involved and not be quick to judge… but rather stand beside the betrayed spouse and never give up on praying… never give up on God and what He can do in the situation. We need to stop looking at the circumstances and realize that God can move mountains and work behind the scenes in ways we will never know this side of heaven.
We need to change the statistics within the church. We need to take back our marriages and our families. We need to be the example!!
To listen to Voddie Baucham’s sermon on this topic: http://web.me.com/voddieb/vbm/home.html ……. I believe it is entitled “The Permanence View of Marriage”… “Gospel Healing for Hurting Marriages” is also a very good one!!
Much love to you all!
Forever standing for my marriage,
Tara :)
@GodCameDown says:
Piper, Bachum and D.A.Carson are friends and even publish books together.
Carson believes in the exception in Matthew and also the one in Corinthians
Hi Alece – I came across your blog via the One Word 365 site. What an incredible story and journey you have been on! Thank you for sharing with such honesty. Enjoyed reading your posts. Will be back for more :)
I despise “favorites,” too!
Great stuff here. Truly. Beautiful worship sprawled out in this space.
@CindyTunstall says:
So glad I found your blog. Delightful, really! I so enjoyed roaming around! Thanks so much for sharing your journey. Can’t wait to read more!
Cindy Tunstall
@ThePeacockQuill says:
It’s neat to see the obvious faith of readers who walked similar broken paths. Very encouraging!
@AleceRonzino says:
that has been the thing that’s kept me going on days when it all feels to be caving in…
God never wastes a thing… His redemption of even this, blows me away…
From someone who fell to infidelity and the break up of marriage I am getting where you are coming from. This is my first visit to your blog so thanks for making it available and can’t wait to read what you have on board.
@AleceRonzino says:
Thank you, Eddy. I appreciate your words.
Hi Elise! Great website! God bless you for all you are doing for Christ!