my scarlet letter
I still wince every time I say divorce.
Since it’s not finalized yet, it’ll be a while till I say ex-husband. But I’m pretty sure I’m gonna feel queasy the first time I have to say it out loud.
There are words in my now-almost-daily vocabulary that I never imagined saying with any great frequency. I feel like I’m in a John Grisham novel when I say things like my attorney, litigation, and counterclaim. But then I remember it’s not a courtroom drama. It’s my life.
And I just have to shake my head.
The D-word is by far the hardest though.
I feel a shameful sting in the word divorce. I hear the unspoken judgments, like What’s wrong with her that made her husband leave? and She’s used goods and even simply Tsk tsk.
I hear them because my heart has been that condemning of others.
My good Christian upbringing left me judgmental. Pious. Spiritually stuck-up. Without realizing it, I’ve looked down on those who were divorced. I’ve unconsciously viewed it as the ultimate failure. Practically unpardonable—not in God’s eyes but in the Church’s.
And now here I am, walking around with a red D on my chest for the world to see. And I feel not only the weight of others’ judgment, but also the historical weight of my own.
How horribly arrogant I’ve been!
I hope to someday be able to say divorce without hanging my head in shame, or feeling the need to justify it with an explanation, or wincing as I hear it megaphone my insufficiencies. I hope someday my heart fully believes that my divorce doesn’t define me and that I am enough because He is enough.
In the meantime, the D-word will remind me of my own need for repentance.
@nateonamission says:
I can’t wait for that day, Alece. I can see it emerging. I can see with every day that you are healing.
“I hope someday my heart fully believes that my divorce doesn’t define me and that I am enough because He is enough.” – He DOES define you. He made YOU in HIS image!
Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
I think of the book by Max Lucado titled You Are Special.
I know that it is a children’s book, but it speaks so much to me. The thoughts, perceived ideas, words, and hurtful things stick to the wemmicks. I long to spend so much time with my Maker that those ‘dots’ don’t stick to me anymore. My full worth, dreams, and purpose in life lies in Him.
Quote from the book:
“Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. ‘Because you’re mine. That’s why you matter to me.’ “
love this book!! I read it to my children’s church class and my daughter regularly.
@nateonamission says:
Yeah, I found it at the school that I work at this last week, and revisited this wonderful story! I worked at a summer camp here in the Puget Sound, and we used it in our day camp! It is such an invaluable story that I am still learning from, and I’m not a kid anymore. haha.
exactly, it’s not just for kids! in fact, it was my husband’s “Family Issues” class in Bible school that introduced us to the book!
@gritandglory says:
i need to spend enough time in His presence, gazing into His eyes until i hear down in the depths of my heart Him saying those same words —
‘Because you’re mine. That’s why you matter to me.’
I love that Taylor slams these things in my face, and has made me realize my own arrogances. I might’ve developed a few more, but that’s another story. I’ve loved hashing out in my head the idea that I’ve been poisoned against “those people,” whoever they are, and whatever they’ve done.
Everyone’s story is worth hearing.
Yours is so much more than worth hearing. It’s not just another story, and it’s forever entwined with my own. And the stories of countless others. When the “beauty from ashes” does happen… it will happen in the stories of all of us who are wrapped into yours.
For now, though, I want to bear hug you so people can’t see the scarlet letter at all, for a bit.
@gritandglory says:
i’m so grateful that our stories are entwined.
and i wish i could cash in on that bear hug right now.
@bahava says:
“that I am enough because He is enough” so much truth in this. standing on this promise with you and hoping and praying our hearts believe it and soak it in today. He is all we need.
He is jealous for me. loves like a hurricane, i am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
when all of a sudden, i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. and i realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me.
and oh, how He loves us so. oh, how He loves us. how He loves us so.
@atangie says:
I am
Listening.
Choosing to hear.
Processing.
@gritandglory says:
hmmmm….
As one being on the other side of the big “D”, I hear everything you are and have been saying. I do believe that healing of your brokenness and your broken heart will come, but you will not be the same as you were before. What you do with that will help shape your clay pot into either a little ol mud pot or an earthen vessel of great beauty. To this very day I truly believe that the divorce was the single biggest failure of my life – a defining moment that took on a surreal nature in my mind’s eye. I am not the same and still feel like a failure and know for a fact that many in my family and the body of Christ regard me in that manner. I have not fared so well – but in your writings I see glimmers of a bright future. And know this – you are loved more than you know.
@gritandglory says:
wish i could give you a hug, kim. thank you for being brutally honest.
@dg4G says:
You’re completely right that the Church has taken a (mostly) sucky view of divorcees … as if it’s worse than any other part of human imperfection.
Thank God it’s just another lie to overcome and not the truth. His grace really is enough.
So good … reminded of judging others, my own need to repent and forgive and also God’s grace. That’s me! You know, you carry that “D” that really isn’t yours. We all carry things. Sad thing is, the body has scars and unfortunately the one’s who pick at those wounds the most are the body. I know that grieves God’s heart. In our scenario, I carried the “S” for seperated, which comes with all the questions and lies that you experience. After our restoration, my husband carried around the letter “A.” Instead of receiving forgiveness and embrace and support, he was very subtly shunned and uninvited … one of the reasons we changed churches. We needed to be in a place that rejoiced in God’s goodness and saw the miracle that was what He did in our hearts and lives. May I remember those lessons as I embrace the miracles God has done in others and the love He has for all those, including me, with scarlet letters, whatever that letter may be.
Thanks Alece … love you!
Ouch! This hits home hard. I too was raised to look down on divorce. I too was stuck up and somehow thought I was better than others. Funny how God has brought me to my knees and humbled me. My sweet Alece, its not your fault. Sure you could have been a better wife in many ways (hell, who couldn’t) but it wasn’t your choice to divorce. Even if it was, you have a God given right to divorce when there has been adultery . I’m not looking down on you. In fact I am looking UP to you! As are so many others. We look up to you because of your strength and courage and the beauty of Christ that shines through you. I hope that you won’t see this as a scarlet letter or feel shame. There is no shame in this for you!
I remember the first time in church hearing the word adultery spoken by the preacher. For the first time in my life I didn’t feel that smugness that I was better than them. For the first time I was one of THEM and all I felt was shame. Sick in my gut shame. I walk around always with THE Scarlet Letter on my chest and back. In some close friend circles its scarlet color is faded to a meer red but in most cases the scarlet covers me till I am no longer recognizable to myself and to those around me. Unlike a victim, I will never completely heal or recover from this. The day won’t come when I can hold my head high and say ADULTERY. I can never free myself of the hurt and pain I have so selfishly caused others. I know there is freedom in Christ, but how can I receive it? Wouldn’t that be a slap in the face tp all those I have already hurt. My moving past this great shame would mean my forgetting what I have done. That seems selfish. I love you and pray that you find freedom soon. Maybe one day I will too. But I think that even then the word Adultery will come with a deep feeling of shame.
I was married for 2 years and my div papers went through about 2 years ago. I can very much relate to having gone through all that you are saying in this post.
Nowadays if the topic comes up, I simply say, “I was married once.” I don’t use the D-word unless necessary. Divorce is something that happened in my life, but it’s not who I am.
It’s true, we all have some sort of scarlet letter. And we are all worse than we can imagine. That is why Christ came to die on the cross for our sins. He loved us while we were still sinners. Cling to Him always, sister! He is not letting go of you.
The story of Hosea encourages me:
Hosea 2 (NLT)
14 “But then I will win her back once again.
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her there.
15 I will return her vineyards to her
and transform the Valley of Trouble[b] into a gateway of hope.
She will give herself to me there,
as she did long ago when she was young,
when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt.
16 When that day comes,” says the Lord,
“you will call me ‘my husband’
instead of ‘my master.’[c]
17 O Israel, I will wipe the many names of Baal from your lips,
and you will never mention them again.
18 On that day I will make a covenant
with all the wild animals and the birds of the sky
and the animals that scurry along the ground
so they will not harm you.
I will remove all weapons of war from the land,
all swords and bows,
so you can live unafraid
in peace and safety.
19 I will make you my wife forever,
showing you righteousness and justice,
unfailing love and compassion.
20 I will be faithful to you and make you mine,
and you will finally know me as the Lord.
21 “In that day, I will answer,”
says the Lord.
“I will answer the sky as it pleads for clouds.
And the sky will answer the earth with rain.
22 Then the earth will answer the thirsty cries
of the grain, the grapevines, and the olive trees.
And they in turn will answer,
‘Jezreel’—‘God plants!’
23 At that time I will plant a crop of Israelites
and raise them for myself.
I will show love
to those I called ‘Not loved.’[d]
And to those I called ‘Not my people,’[e]
I will say, ‘Now you are my people.’
And they will reply, ‘You are our God!’”
@gritandglory says:
i so appreciate you sharing a glimpse into your own story, christina. and that passage in hosea has been so good for my heart. i camped out in that whole book a few months ago and let the words wash over me… i may need to do that again soon.
Ok as I read that just now where I said “wouldn’t that be a slap in the face of those I have already hurt”. I heard in my mind “wouldn’t that be a slap in Gods face not to receive His healing?”. Hmmm I have some painful thinking to do. Also the woman who commented before me was a light being flipped on. Rejoice in the goodness? Hmmm
yay faith!! i got ready to respond to your first comment and for some reason i chose not to. i’m so glad that i didn’t. it seems that God is already showing you. Jesus did not endure the cross so that we can punish ourselves over and over for our sins. grab ahold of His forgiveness. ok…sorry didn’t mean to start preaching. love to you!
@gritandglory says:
dang, i love you girl. i loved reading both your comments… to see how the Holy Spirit shed His light in your heart as you processed.
we are all broken.
we are all in need of a Savior.
you and me both, my friend.
I’ll never forget the entire world of understanding that appeared when I went through my own divorce. The shame was unexpected. I wasn’t surprised by the shame of what I perceived to be my own failure, but my shame in realizing the judgment I had previously cast upon others.
How arrogant! How short-sighted! How selfish and self-serving was that judgment.
Although the process afterward was one of realization and growth, it was a single passage that I shared with you in SA and I often return to that continues to stir my faith in God, though my understanding of Him has changed.
““Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.
Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.
You will no longer remember the shame of your youth
and the sorrows of widowhood.
For the Lord has called you back from your grief—
as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband,”
says your God.”
These are verses 4 and 6 from Isaiah 54, but you should read the whole thing. If you haven’t already.
@coloraturajoy says:
great verse.
@gritandglory says:
isaiah 54 is so rich for me.
i love you, talia.
I woke up early this morning with you on my mind, Alece, and I want to tell you what God lead me to pray for you…
His healing will flow through every part of your being…every cell of your body, every memory of your mind, and every part of your spirit. And when you return to Africa, that healing will CONTINUE to flow, and it will become a wellspring, a river, a fountain of healing that will flow THROUGH you to the Africa that He loves so dearly.
So take heart!
@gritandglory says:
“every memory”… that is a prayer i need to start praying.
and i agree with you wholeheartedly that God is going to miraculously use this to impact africa in a greater way. i already have a new understanding of the plight of african women and the unfaithfulness and abandonment they face in such large scale.
God WILL redeem even this.
@coloraturajoy says:
Now that I’ve known two beautiful people (other than my parents) to go through divorces, I see the sadness of loss, but I also see the great hope for the future, for God’s amazing plans of goodness and success to continue to be revealed. And I hope I never, never look on and judge.
I know you won’t let this define you.
Oh man Divorce soooo does NOT define you!!!!! You WILL get past that feeling! All of these verses that people left are the truth and the words and encouragement from the Lord are the truth! There’s so much humility in this entry… not just shame, humility too. And that’s awesome. God is all over you Alece all over your life… The healing and truth that you are realizing is so amazing. Most people don’t see that in years and years… Being a nurse I’ve been thrown into the lives of people who’ve had some horrible life experiences… well I guess not just being a nurse has done that.. but I know that life happens and it’s not always pretty. But God is always there loving us and wanting to heal us, wanting to show us the grace we need to continue and overcome… So for me, I usually don’t hold judgement for these situations. And I’m saying usually because God knows my heart. But my judgement comes for those who do judge others for their life situations. Like reading this blog my thoughts are: “shame on whoever looks down on you! They’ll get what they deserve!” “Shame on that pastor who didn’t help you when you reached out needing it!” But I guess in reading this today God showed me that that’s not my place either. You’re right, only God is the judge… of every situation. He’ll take care of those who judge you. What makes me really sad is that so many have been hurt by “the church”. I have been a part of a church for the last few years that is so not like that, they are full of grace and humility, and I hate that some people have made “the whole” look bad. Anyway, all that to say again, I admire you’re strength. I wonder if I would be as strong as you, being so open and not letting a hard shell form around my heart. I don’t know. I hope that I would have that strength! :)
@jclayville says:
awesome post, alece. it’s almost like you just wrote my heart… except my scarlet letter really IS the scarlet letter “A”. that in itself is not as much the issue now as it is the judgment i still struggle with when i see it “on” other people.
messed up, huh?
As Christians we simply can’t boil things down to letters. Everyone has a story. It is far more important to come alongside each other in our hurts & struggles and to be Jesus to people. I wish more people believed that. The judgment hurts so many, and causes so many to lose their faith.
@bajanpoet says:
I just wanted you to know – your story has made me visit this site more…. I have passed through on occasion, but now – I see your heart. Your honesty, rawness, desire for God to be still the one you follow … your HEART SHINES THROUGH, and I’ve JUST realized it.
So I’m staying.
I’m trying to figure out how to get the RSS working in my Google home page (using Google Chrome, so the clicking the RSS button doesn’t seem to work on this page) – you’ve been promoted to one of the few blogs I want to see on my home page rather than in my reader! ;)
(Hope I made u smile a bit. Will be praying for you.)
You D might mark you, but not in the way you fear. It may mark you as someone who is relateable, as someone who has been broken and walked through it, and someone who is redeemed.
Your story continues to draw people in, people who need to feel connected, like they are not alone in their brokenness.
@gritandglory says:
it did make me smile. thank you, robert!
@gritandglory says:
and if there’s something i can change to fix the RSS problem, let me know. i have no real idea how to do any of that!
@larainec says:
But the most amazing thing is, is that God doesn’t see shame or sin. He just sees u perfect and righteous and blameless! So remind urself that u are the righteous of God!! Ps 103
I still love reading you. Thank you for being so honest in your sharing. It’s like watching a flower wake up in the morning…each petal slowly straightening out until all you see is God’s beautiful creation. Don’t give up, don’t give in to those feelings of shame – they are from the enemy, not from God and you’re one amazing flower…
@cassgirl says:
The “D” doesn’t define you, it only marks the part of the journey you are in.
Loving you!
Thank you for this. I needed to hear that someone else felt the way I do.
I love you.
@gritandglory says:
you are not alone, sarah.
@mjdagenhart says:
“wincing as I hear it megaphone my insufficiencies.”
That hit home. Hard.
Praying for you today.
That’s so interesting that you bring up that stigma associated with DIVORCE. I also grew up in the church and it definitely did not look too kindly on divorce at all. But as I grew up and “lived a little”, I realized that divorce is not so cut and dry. There are so many variables and emotions that encompass it. Divorce is a word, but it does not define YOU. You are an amazing Christian and person. It’s shows through how you write about this struggle, with so much integrity but still very truthful. And as always, I’m praying for you.
Thanks Sheryl I can use lots of love and preaching! Thanks.
Judgment is a crazy thing. We are usually more judgmental than we think we are. When I notice that I am judging someone for anything that they are doing I try to step back..let go..and stop the finger in my mind from pointing. I just wish a loud bell would sound in my head as SOON as I start to judge…before I go there…before I speak it out or meditate on it.
I have had too many friends who have gone through divorces to judge them. Too many amazing women who have been cheated on, sometimes abandoned. The one thing I am trying not to be is afraid of marriage….which is hard….I still am hopeful…
Love you…
“Hear it megaphone my own insufficiencies” – friend, what a powerful image. And a sadness that divorce is not the only megaphone out there. We all have one handy. And we all need to lay them down at His feet and take comfort in His quiet whisper instead.
Its amazing how we find ourselves exactly where we accidently judged in the past. Its so humbling to know that God wants to correct our thinking. That he actually takes us through, that which we “never thought it would happen to me”. I know God doesn’t look at divorce as the person has done anything wrong, but yes as humans we tend to judge (not you, just in general). I know that the thoughts of condemation you feel from others is only a reminder to show you what NOT to think. A record reminder of the past thinking we are trying to cleanse. Anyone that looks down on someone that is hurting shouldn’t have the right to judge in any way. Enjoyed the post. It is amazing how many times those thoughts run through our brain (Tsk Tsk or a what’s wrong with them) about the subject. Its like valid reminders of what our brains have silently said about others. Its a reminder to never judge someone like that again. We should all see through anything we see as a “sin” and not judge but pray for that them as they are learning through the season of their life, for God to daily hug their heart and create a stonger being!! (Alece, stand firm in what you know is truth!)
yes, I too, am a divorced Christian. I remember telling a fellow colleague, friend, and Christian “Christian’s aren’t supposed to get divorced…..”….
As the Indian proverb goes “until you walk in another’s shoes…..”
@gritandglory says:
oh i hear that “not supposed to” loud and clear. and for this rule-abiding, do-everything-right girl, it feels like a crushing weight of failure…
i’m learning, though.
i’m seeing new.
i’m changing. ever changing.
The whole concept of one sin being worse or worser than another is dead wrong. And it gives me a stomach ache. It is too bad that there is a stigma you feel with being divorced, because the reality is the rest of us have signs too. “Liar”, “Gossiper”, “Greedy”, “Coveter”
My promise from today is to learn from a situation like yours and not to judge sin on levels of badness anymore (well try my best). Praying for you tonight that God would surround you with love and kindness and His mercies WILL be NEW in the morning :)
@gritandglory says:
it’s true. the totem pole of sin is man’s invention, not God’s. yet it permeates our culture, our individual thinking.
but it’s not truth.
thank you for your prayers, heather.
@danielleH says:
Hmm…yes. God has challenged my heart in this area as well, walking through this time with you and some other friends. He has been highlighting to me how — wrong judging is, even if internally. We just dont know situations or motivations for why people act / are the way they are. LOVE always hopes.
my view of all of it changed drastically when my sister went through it. her husband abandoned her and her two children and she was left to handle everything. We never thought divorce could happen to our family, and at that point I stopped looking at life in categories.
To give you hope, she is married to a wonderful man who couldn’t be a better father to her kids if they were his own. Thomas and Becca, I am sure, are better people for having distance from their dad and a bond with their step-dad. At the time it all seemed insurmountable, and now we see the blessings.
I can’t wait to see your blessings.
I think one of the biggest things that’s impacting me most from these last several blog posts of yours, Alece, is how careful I/we need to be not to jump to conclusions or make mental judgments, especially against our brothers and sisters, because really, we have no idea what the full story is. Or should know. That when we do that, it’s like we’re driving one more dagger of condemnation into them. Horrors, I just realized that that makes us like Satan, when we “accuse the brethren” like that. We need to just weep more with those that weep.
How about some other letters?:
“M”….. for “Mine.”
“B”…… for “Bride.”
“PB”….. for “Precious and Bought.”
“F”……. for “Forgiven.”
@gritandglory says:
ooooooh. so stinkin’ true. i am more like the enemy of my soul when i walk in judgment. when i think of it like that, i can’t help but repent. fast.
I’m sending this along to a special friend of mine… who needs to read it since she is feeling exactly the same.
@gritandglory says:
thank you for forwarding it along.
this much i know is true: your friend is not alone.
wow, i took a bit to comment but i had to do some repenting of my own spiritual stuck-up-ness. i felt so dirty and ashamed. i want God to expose the judgmental areas in my thinking and i want them gone! i want to be a person of compassion and caring.
@gritandglory says:
dang, i love your heart!
I used your words today :-)
http://myheartresonateswithaglorioussound.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/bristol-connecticut/
well not your words words but referenced you
I praise the Lord for using you to speak to us out here :-)
still lifting you up
xoxo
@gritandglory says:
thank you, friend…
Like other people have mentioned, everyone has a story. Everyone has their own experiences. Everyone has walked miles and miles that only they could have walked. None of us can truly understand what others have gone through.
My DH and I were having a conversation just the other day about how ‘we’ (meaning all people) do not understand what another person goes through, and how everyone needs forgiveness. This is the beauty of Christ. The sinner and the saint will both be in heaven – not because of anything we’ve done, but because we have accepted the love of Christ. Christ’s love washes over each of us, regardless of the miles on our shoes, without judgment.
I try my hardest to push judgment out of my mind, and having been a part of a divorced family, what I have learned over and over and over again, is that you simply cannot understand the fullness of someone’s experiences unless you have lived through every single day with them – and even then, your experience will be different because of your very individual ‘filters’. Having said all of that, I see no D anywhere close to you – I only see restoration, God’s love, and the fact that THERE IS NOW NO CONDEMNATION FOR THOSE OF US IN CHRIST JESUS!
And to reiterate:
1). Nothing is wrong with you – your husband left because he made his own decisions. Don’t let the LIES that are contained within this statement affect you!!!!!
2). You are not damaged goods – again, a lie from the pit of hell!
3). Tsk, tsk, tsk – let folks think what they may, you have no control over that. What you DO have control over is believing the living, breathing, word of God that will never fail.
It’s human to think these things – it is divine to ascribe yourself to the word of God, and divine to see yourself as GOD sees you, not how other people see you. We are all guilty of judging others, and really need to watch that – but you ARE NOT JUDGMENT! You are a child of the King of Kings, and the Lord of Lord’s – the MOST high….not the kinda high, but the MOST HIGH KING! Alece, HE has chosen you as His child. He has chosen YOU to serve Him. He has CHOSEN YOU, plain and simple!!!!!! That is amazing. Regardless of what you have been through, or what judgment you have passed on others in the past, you are still a child of the King. How glorious is that??? You are CHOSEN!
@gritandglory says:
thank you for reiterating truth to my thirsty heart, carol. i appreciate you!
@lynselstevens says:
I dont think my view of divorce changed until my parents started the divorce process. Even raised as a non christian i was always told that divorce is wrong and ugly and leaving your family….so just being a kid that is what i thought…
until i became an adult and had friends who were living through it. Hearing the stories and the reasons it all was clear to me that sometimes it is going to happen and thats totally ok.
and then when my parents told us they were divorcing and the reasons i got it. I quit judging because it is not my place.
I so respect you for the healing that you are going through and the process you are going through. I am praying for you daily that all of the drama of a divorce would be lessened….that God would be with you. That He would carry you, comfort you and be your strength.
Love you girl.
@lynselstevens says:
oh, and if i wasnt clear….i dont see the scarlet letter. I pray that one day you wont either.
my dear sister in Christ,
never forget that God does not see you as a failure, or incomplete, stained or tainted in any way. He sees you as PERFECT and COMPLETE and BEAUTIFULLY WHITE AS SNOW.
In my own life, I have seen that God has used my failures (NOT THAT THIS IS YOUR FAILURE…IT IS NOT!!!!) but God has used the hard times in my life, the situations i never thought I would be in, the situations that I used to look down on other people for…. as a way to humble me, to make me love more, to give me the ability to UNDERSTAND and be EMPATHETIC when other people are hurting. This, to me, is a great gift. It is, after all, what we are here for. Sometimes you just have to go through it to be able to understand it in someone else’s life.
Keep praising God, my friend. His promises are true. Not only will He bring you through this, He will make you more beautiful and blessed because of it. His plan is soooo much better than ours.
I know you know all of this. I love and appreciate all your honesty. Keep your head up and your hand in His.
HUGS!!!
As a child of divorce growing up in a small town, I knew the stigma all too well. There were times the other kids called me a bastard because my father wasn’t around. And I knew the hard stares of judgment all too well. People looked down on me and my siblings because we weren’t a “normal” family. And I was, many times and in many ways, considered to be a lost cause.
Of course, all of this changed dramatically during my teenage years when I became a believer and started going to church: it got worse.
Still, I believe.
Alece, with tears in my eyes, you have written my story in this post…thank you.
@kamriereed says:
Wow I remember the prideful days. It is so easy to label others who struggle in life. I realized that , God has taken my past of brockeness and allowed me to struggle causing me to loose my pride in exchange for love. Now that I look back I see I am just like those people who “messed their lives up.” Instead of my shame that I used to have it has been replaced with passion for God.
This post really resonated with me because I see myself now through the lens I used to see others. It has been humbling and painful to recognize my pride and superiority. I still sort of gag when I think of myself as a single mother. I have been surprised by the acceptance from others and hope to serve that healing balm to more.