mine to tell
I kind of hate what my blog has become.
I write from my heart, so my blog reflects the heaviness that’s been my life for the past six months. And while I haven’t felt ready to share details of what’s going on, I’ve tried to write with openness and authenticity about my journey. I just hate that the result has been a lot of heavy, weighty posts.
I know my ambiguity may be confusing at times. But I assure you I’m not trying to be dramatic. I’m not seeking to create an air of suspense or intrigue. It’s not a publicity stunt. My life simply is what it is. And, even void of details, my writing is unavoidably colored by it.
Sometimes I wish I had a poker face.
But most of the time, I’m glad I don’t.
My story is mine to tell. I still can’t right now, but someday I will. That thought brings both freedom and trepidation. Telling my story means owning my story. And I’m not quite ready to fully accept that it’s real. That it’s mine. That it is permanently woven into the fabric of my life.
But it is.
Whether I like it or not.
And although I hate what my blog has become during this season, I’m gonna keep writing masklessly. Because the real me is all I’ve got to offer.
Take it or leave it.
Take me or leave me.
I’ll take you, Alece. The real you.
There are far, far too many masks and diversions and lies of “living our best life now”. Well, as a matter of faith, the best is yet to come. And I am very much looking forward to the day you tell your story; because when we own our stories, they do not own us.
Take. Definitely.
Your blog is still what it always has been: a journey of you. Details don’t tell the story, your heart does.
And personally, I love your heart… both when it’s joyful and when it’s broken. And sometimes, when it’s both at once.
Your beautiful, courageous, deserving, loving, forgiving, honest, open and sassy heart. I’ll take it.
I love you.
I hope you won’t hate what your blog has become too much, it’s in the darkest parts of our lives that God can shine the brightest. As I have said many times, your words touch my heart, they speak to my own pain and inspire me. Perhaps it’s your maskless approach that makes the content (even without details) so relatable… pain is raw and real and there is no comfort, no healing, in plastic smiles and hollow words.
“Permanently woven into the fabric of my life”, it kind of feels like someone tossed a black string in with all the gold ones doesn’t it? I wonder what that black string will become. I heard this quote once, “If you’re going to paint a masterpiece, you’ll have to use some dark colors..” I think that goes for our lives too. And you know, if you live the rest of your life only offering the real you the world will be better for it, I already am.
“I already am” — thank you for that, krista. really.
@moweezle says:
Take you!!!! I have loved the rawness of your posts. When everyone hears your story they will see how incredibly brave you have been for sharing.
Love you!!!!
@moweezle says:
and until then, we will wait patiently and love on you with your masklessness.
You and your blog, just the way they are, are MORE than okay. Your heart, for sure, doesn’t have a poker face. How we need that today.
I’M SO GRATEFUL FOR THE REAL.
And the tulip pictures are STUNNING and make my heart happy every time I come here.
oh good! i’m glad you’re enjoying them. i have enough for 2 more carousel rounds, so hopefully by the time i’m done you won’t be sick of tulips!
I’d rather take the maskless than the mask any day! I appreciate your rawness and your realness…..even though it’s clear that you’re walking through a valley. The good thing, you’re not alone and when you reach the mountaintop we’ll all be with you to help raise your hands up in the Victory! Hugs!!!! I agree with Lisa on the Tulips….they make me smile too!
“Real” is always beautiful, Alece.
@danielleH says:
true…and the real Alece is beautiful.
Very true.
Although I am sorry you are suffering right now, I am grateful for you blog and for you, Alece. As Henri Nouwen says, “…nothing can be written about ministry without a deeper understanding of the ways in which the minister can make his own wounds available as a source of healing.”
And take it from me, the poker face is not.
@atangie says:
So what I am hearing from you is that in the end it is worth it.
You have a firm grasp on redemption. Am I willing to bend my knee to let God teach me in my valleys? Hm…
@rachieannie says:
God doesn’t ask us to be perfect, have all the answers and be cookie cutter Christians.
Instead, He asks us to be real, to be genuine and to love Him.
You know, I’ve never met you in person, but I just want to say, “I love you, Alece.” (((((hugs)))))
Poker faces are boring.
Authenticity is front and center in my book.
BUT I can relate, and went through a period or two when I d my (now dormant) blog – and how dreary and mopey I must have sounded to others.
I know that there is more to you than what I see here – but this season of heaviness, depth and openness is here for a reason, and I know I for one can appreciate knowing that I am not alone in having seasons similar to the one you are traveling through.
somehow I lost a word or two up there…. that should read “when I too d my (now dormant) blog…” I’m the QUEEN of typos. :P
hey! where did it go? again?! the word H A T E keeps getting deleted when I hit submit. ???
that is so strange!!! i don’t know why it’s eating the word, or how to make it stop!
let me see if it eats mine too:
hate
GASP! it didn’t! go figure. i have no idea…
Ha! I figured it out yesterday and forgot to pop back in to explan…It’s not your site – It was MY INTERNET FILTER.. filtering out “hate speech and intolerance” Ha! Go figure. Had to change that setting…. :)
ha ha! way to figure it out!
“Telling my story means owning my story.” …that is true for all of us! or at least for those who choose to live life masklessly as you put it…that is tough to swallow though!!!
side note…nothing to do with this post…my gravatar NEVER shows up…WEIRD?!?
strange.
I’ll definitely take you anyday, any second, any minute.
your an amazing friend and most def. an amazing mammabird.
i’m freaking getting you that shirt dude :)
Hands down, take you! Love you Alece!
By the grace of God, you are who you are…and His grace for you is not in vain. (1 Cor. 15:10)
My cling-worthy verse for the past couple years…may have shared it before, but it’s always worth it. Thank you, Paul!
mmmm… so, so good.
take you! i appreciate your realness. i’ve grow so tired of the masks i put on.
well said, Kitten…
@cassgirl says:
The day you stop wriing about the “real” you is the day I will stop reading.
You may think it’s all black right now in these blogs posts, but guess what
My fierce friend, for you to stand strong and speak your fear, hurt, and some shame, YOU have helped ALL of us too.
If I could I would wrap in you up in my hug and just tell you, there were many mornings where I came crawling here to G&G, for a new word… A God Word during my own pain.
I was never ever let down.
We don’t always have to share the details, but HE expects us to worship Him through the trials.
Fiercely loving you.
this made my heart feel hugged. love you.
@coloraturajoy says:
how is it that i could say everything you just said?
how is it that the words that you type here are almost exactly the reflections in my heart?
i don’t know if i’m ready yet to own my story….
really?! (about your questions…)
@coloraturajoy says:
yes. times ten.
(like…this part: And I’m not quite ready to fully accept that it’s real. That it’s mine. That it is permanently woven into the fabric of my life.)
I don’t know if we all (all who read faithfully and those who may stumble here by “accident”) need to know all the details. This is your road, and although we all are kind of on it because we are all tied together, this is your road. We love and we carry one another when need be…but full disclosure is over-rated sometimes and not always wise. God is God and He knows our all anyways. That might totally be a cop out answer, but writing or explaining what He is doing in and through you/us/me is so much more and gives Him full Glory anyways…regardless of how much Grit involved.
i SO want to glorify Him in my grit.
@knights_lady says:
And you do.
mmmm… thank you, louise.
@danielleH says:
I’ll take ya all day long, friend.
I know you feel like its been down here at g&g…but I’m glad to know what is going on in your heart. It helps me stay connected to you.
I remember mandy commented a while ago something along the lines of we’ll keep reading and praying and growing together under it’s “grit and glory. mostly glory”.
“we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit”
I love you.
Take you. Tell your story to the glory of God.
I was actually going to post the same verse as yeller.
Alece, I love the authenticity I find in your posts…I would much rather read the stuff straight from your heart than to read something written from behind a mask. I know I don’t comment much but I do read regularly. Love you!
wow. thank you for this, april.
You always write from your heart, which is why I look forward to all your post.
I can speak from experience that trying to put a mask on, and be somebody you are not, just does not work.
Friends share their lives with each other, the good times and the bad. You are a great friend.
Life always changes, what doesn’t is friendship and faith.
Still here.
it’s time for us to talk…
“Telling my story means owning my story.”
You hit it right on with that statement. I’ve been where you are now–you are impacting people around you in wonderful ways as you travel on your journey. Keep pressing forward–it’s incredible when you get there!!
I totally understand. I don’t blame you at all. Accepting the reality of your story is hard. It always has been – and won’t ever be easier (with new stories). My life sometimes feels like someone else’s life that I get to peek at. Like right now. I feel trapped in someone else’s body. But that will change, I’ll grow. And I’m looking forward to the result of this summer. Change is so good. Even “bad” change. Even when I can’t see that. Especially when I don’t want to see the good happening.
On the flip side of your tale, I’m not a fan of the light and me-focused blog of mine. My problem is… I don’t have the emotional energy to put into real blogs lately. Or even update, apparently.
Ha.
Alece, just to echo what others have said about ‘no need for the details,’ your blog is effective because of the lack of them. It’s like the best country songs, where you can make it your own by filling in the lack of provided details with your own and it becomes your song. Though this experience is obviously extremely personal, because of your rawness and honesty in your writing, others in similar dark valleys can borrow your words and hum along. If you filled in the details it would probably limit the relatability factor. Plus, God knows the details and doesn’t need us to know them in order to pray for you. Love you, girl. Keep on writing.
i love your analogy of the song… and how others can hum along to the tune, filing in their own words where needed.
i’m gonna be in arlington, VA soon. i wonder if we could hook up? did we see each other after 93, or has it been 16 years????
I’ll take you!
I love you my friend! I know I’m not saying much….. but you are ever in my thoughts and prayers! Consider yourself hugged from “Wonderbread” Ohio! Bring on the Grit!
I love your heart. And I love your blog.
@tamhodge says:
i’ll take you.
perfectly said. also, i think that owning your story sometime takea a whole lifetime. don’t rush it friend. =)
I’ll “take” you too, love you guys, and keep being “real” it’s the most beautiful side of all of us