meeting a need
February 5, 2009
A phrase I keep hearing lately is this—
“Meeting a legitimate need illegitimately…”
In what ways might you be doing that?
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@atangie says:
That is a new one to me. I will be interested to see the examples that others give to better understand.
@cassgirl says:
I have heard this term as temptation.
ie: We have a desire to do something in which may or may not be healthy, but Satan uses it which fulfilling this desire in a wrong way.
I’m not sure I can come up with specifics, but I’m reminded first of Dale’s new post on the difference between human compassion and divine compassion (that was an eye opener!) http://practicalbibleteaching.wordpress.com/2009/02/03/compassion-the-sequel/ So the legitimate need might be when someone else is in pain or hurting. But the illegitimate way of meeting it might be to launch off and do it ourselves instead of waiting on the leading of the Holy Spirit.
Secondarily, I’m thinking about our own lives – when we have a personal need (like love) that we feel lost and incomplete without. And again, instead of waiting on God to fulfill it, we try to do it our own way. Bad relationships, bad timing, trying to force your husband to do what you want him to do (that one’s from personal experience). All these are illegitimate ways to meet a legitimate need. So … to answer your question … I need work in the hubby department.
it’s valid for me to crave resolution, to desire for tension in relationships to be alleviated. but when i apologize for what isn’t mine to own in order to create peace and alleviate that tension, then i’m meeting that need wrongly.
Ooh, good stuff.
i like annie’s wording.
for me, it would be my food issues. legitimately needing to eat to sustain life. using it as a plug to meet a need that I should allow God to fill.
and there are those in need that I want to fix it for them, rather than let God work it out in their heart/life. I often find myself pleading with God to show me if I need to step back.
thanks for the thought to chew on today. I’ve gotten three really good ones today, and it’s only noon. gonna be an interesting day!
Well, you know it’s food for me. :) I’m working on it though!!!
I think Money would be a big one for most people too.
You just like to make me think too hard! :)
I don’t wanna talk about it. LOL
i know what you mean, brandy…
@cassgirl says:
This is tough. now that I have few hours to dwell on it
tough how?
@cassgirl says:
:just tough:
It’s just in the “excuses” that I have heard fits this.
(im chewing)
i hear you, friend…
Ha! My first thought was, “CAFFEINE!”
But really. I’m gonna have to think on this. It isn’t something I analyze about myself lots – I know there’s an idea rattling around in my head, but it doesn’t want to show itself right now. I’ll get back to you with the real-me answer.
you’re so right about caffeine! the venti chai i want right now is an illegitimate way to meet my legitimate need for energy, sleep, restfulness… ouch.
looking forward to hearing the rest of your thoughts later. (love you rootabega!)
(yeah, i could use some of that restfulness.)
LOVE YOU!
… and i really will get back to you later. it might be much later, as far as g&g time goes. stupid 7-hour difference.
Oh, I’m going to need to chew on this for about 5 years and get back to you. Seriously.
@atangie says:
So we are talking about the moral issue of the end justifying the means? (personal treatment)
Or are we talking about overextending oneself to do for others something that is none of ones business? (social behavior)
@traceepersiko says:
I can say amen to the caffine for sleep. The more tired I get the larger the size of caffine.
For me, my weakness is people. i could spend all day long with people. I can look to people more than i can spend time with and look to God.
angie — both?
If I addressed this issue accordingly you’d never see me online again.
hahahaha!
i so can’t answer this right now.
just wanted to stop by and say “hi”
i’m husbandless tonight and i’m exhausted.
Wow! Now I’m going to have to really ponder that one. Hmmmpf!
@danielleH says:
this is a difficult question – of course you know that –
a surface answer and one that first comes to mind is to rely (heavily) on the computer for relationships instead of facetime.
like my flair says “i love my computer because my friends live in it”…but it is a desire of my heart to have a local, “everyday” friend.
Danielle, we have the same flair for the same reason! haha!
@knights_lady says:
Annie’s first comment captures it so well. But I really didn’t want to hear Alece’s comment about resolution. I have a major problem in this area and your words put the finger right on it. I loathe conflict and will do anything to ‘make it better’. This is a growth area that I need to start thinking through. Advice, anyone?
Another area you may want to consider is something that I see all the time in church. Church has become an environment where 20% of the people do 80% of the work. There are legitimite areas of need where folks need to get involved, but too often we jump into those areas of need because no one else is stepping up and not because God has guided us to do that.
I feel that this is wrong and it doesn’t allow space for those that God is still working with to step into the space that is theirs by Design.
@atangie says:
Fluctuation between meeting a need adequately and the illegitimacy of over indulgence or meddling, puffed-up pride is inevitable. So what’s the legit solution? I believe it comes back to having people close who are not afraid of calling it like it is so that adjustments can be made. Perspective.
wow. you guys helped me see this in an even broader light. i so appreciate all your examples. thank you for opening your hearts to me.
[louise - i do the same thing. that was part of what was underneath this post. right now, the best advice i have is the advice i am trying to follow myself: don't own what isn't yours to own. if you're like me and tend to apologize for even things you didn't do in order to make peace or alleviate tension in a relationship... only own (apologize for) what is yours to own (what you did wrong). it's hard, i know...]
@mandythompson says:
OH DANG THAT HURT.
Since being spanked by a teacher in 2nd grade on the back of the knees in front of the whole class for stealing an eraser from a classmate and lying about it (which i KNOW i did not do) i have NEVER had a problem of accepting blame for something that was NOT my fault – the reverse may be true and i find it hard to admit fault at times.
So i have difficulty relating to what i believe is essentially this female ‘trait’ ( but one by no means all females possess)
To me taking responsibility means correctly and honestly accepting what is ‘yours’ and stating honestly if something is not.
Ed mentioned that the Truth does not always set you free, and i understand what he means, but we should all understand that lying (or withholding truth when it is required by ALL involved) will most certainly keep you in chains.
Christ took on all the sin of the World – but he did it FOR us, not to set an example to follow (well, not unless you can achieve ALL that He did that is) ;-)
May He grant you Wisdom and Strength to pull through Leesh.
<B
…when I do not permit His wisdom to guide me.
Alece, thanks for saying what you said (directly after my comment). Generally I wouldn’t have thought I had a problem with that (I’m on the other side – like Blove – my error is in not being quick to recognize where I am wrong) but I think … in a way I have been doing that (what you said). I am always the confronter – the ‘fight’ not ‘flight’ person – but I’m beginning to think if somewhere in that (with my husband I mean) I may have taken too much upon my shoulders that didn’t belong there. Such as his response to me. I’ve been rather anxious for a long time about what would happen if nothing changed. I’m not anxious now. I don’t know what’s at the end, but I know there is an end … that God has planned … and I can be calm and walk through this even if the storms whip up about my head. So … thanks.