love/hate relationship
I have a love/hate relationship with asking boomerang questions. You know the kind: questions that invoke open criticism of yourself.
We just finished up the debriefing session that is always the hardest for me. We gave the interns time to share any suggestions they have for improving the program. We told them we wouldn’t defend ourselves or even explain why things were done the way they were (unless we felt it was absolutely imperative ). So the interns had full permission to just say what they disliked about their year.
I love it and I hate it all at the same time.
I love it because I always want to get better at what we do. I want next year’s interns to have an even greater experience than this year’s. I want to learn from our mistakes and make things more effective as we go forward. I also just love giving someone the “ok”, and making them feel comfortable enough, to share this level of honest feedback.
I hate it because it’s hard to hear that sort of honesty about how I’ve failed. It’s difficult to not defend or explain myself, but to simply listen for the issue that underlies what’s actually being said. I hate it because I find it so hard not to take this kind of criticism personally.
In the long-run, I know that this morning’s challenging conversation will lead to an improved internship program. This is the sort of thing that makes me a better leader. Even if I hate it while I love it.
What do you have a love/hate relationship with?
Great like it very much
I have a love/hate relationship with being myself. I give too much for some relationships and dont get what I need back. So then I change who I am for some relationships. Also similar to what you said here, when I am totally myself and someones comes at my personality or my attitude its a painful feeling of failure, like when they get a different perspective out of my honosty. Confussed?..
@danielleH says:
wow, i could imagine that would be so hard. it’s like i would want honesty…but only about the good things and the bad things…could you write them down instead of making me hold eye contact with you.
I have never had a problem with people giving me “constructive criticism”. Since I know I am always right I just don’t pay any attention to it. :)
Habanero Peppers
Hats with ear flaps – love the way they keep my ears warm, hate the way they make me look.
Triple Chocolate Fudge Cake – love the way it taste, hate what it does to my waistline.
NY Mets, SF 49ers, Tottenham Hotspurs – love to watch them win, hate to watch them lose.
Women – can’t live with them can’t live without them. :)
Oh, I would hate that. On both sides… it would be so hard to hear “failure” but I also am sooo uncomfortable when people sit there and say great things about me. Kind of like how I loved performing on stage but hated the curtain call when I’d have to stand there for the applause. I just wanted to perform and then walk off stage.
I guess, if you can, you could try coming at it from a different angle. I think the word failure is so harsh. Maybe the suggestions they’re making are for your future successes rather than current failures.
It’s semantics, I know… but approaching an issue from a perspective of working on a different way to achieve rather than trying not to fail can make a world of difference.
But I know… it’s personal either way and that makes it hard to take. It would be for me, too.
I totally and completely respect you guys for doing this. Praise God for godly leadership. And yes – I can COMPLETELY understand how excruciating that would be to not defend yourself. Have trouble on that one, myself. I also think it would take wisdom to discern individual reaction from a general area of ‘opportunity.’ Hmmm.. Yeah. Greatly respect you guys. (I know that’s terrible grammar, but ….)
Dang it. You are incredible.
amy joy — i think i get what you mean…
danielle — “could you write them down instead of making me hold eye contact with you.” — indeed! :)
ed — i love your list!
gitz — “Maybe the suggestions they’re making are for your future successes rather than current failures.” true, true. thanks for the perspective.
annie — thanks for saying you respect us. that means a lot.
kristiapplesauce — your mom’s incredible.
@cassgirl says:
I think listening to our weakness is okay. yeah it hurts and stings for awhile but it enables us to grow. It enables us to not “arrive” yet and it allows us to be “fluid” before God. so we can get His message across clearer and EVEN more distinct.
Love and hate for me would be my own sin. I love that sin, but I hate the consequences. Yeah I have a little
I know you and Niel will take GREAT insight and take this not as personal, but as the mission that God has laid before you and even make it GREATER, STRONGER and more fluid before His Throne.
(love ya)
I so respect what you’ve written here. Your honesty. Your desire to be better for Thrive Africa’s sake – and the next group of interns – and to place that over your own feelings – wow.
I have a love/hate relationship with caring about things too much. I want to have a heart that really beats and feels….. but that can be painful.
I have a love/hate relationship with loving to CONNECT with people. The flip side of that is too often giving trust before it’s earned…. and having regrets.
And lastly, I have a love/hate relationship with God opening my eyes about how there’s so much more about the Holy Spirit and the Christian life in Him than I ever knew or heard about before…. for a lot of reasons.
Thank you for your example of courage, honesty and transparency, Alece.
heidi — thanks for those encouraging words….
lisa — i so appreciated hearing your heart on this!
@cassgirl says:
I always have your back.. even an ocean away
:sigh:
@mandythompson says:
That TV show Lost. Am about 1/2 way through the second season and definitely have a love/hate relationship.
Oh. And there’s the show 24. yeah. That too.
Oh, Oh, Oh! Mandy! Don’t give up! Second season is BAD but 3rd and 4th get better. Actually, 3rd starts great, gets worse, and then rockets again. So beware. But keep going. ;-)
mandy — 24 season 1 is some awesome TV, let me tell you!
@atangie says:
mirrors. which is kinda like your answer but on a very much more superficial level. ;-)
ok – you two just keep climbing those rungs. this is good.