lord, i’m sorry
February 23, 2009
Lord, I’m sorry for thinking You love me the same way others do.
For assuming You’ll withhold affection until I’ve paid penance or until You’re “over it”.
For imagining that You hold me at arm’s length most of the time and invite me in only when You want to want me.
For thinking You see me through eyes of disappointment, seeing only how far I am from all I could be and should be.
For presuming You only love me because You have to and not because You want to.
For guessing You hold my mistakes against me, just as I do with myself.
For acting as though You think I’m discardable and unwantable.
For forgetting that You love me for who I am and not for who I can be.
Lord, I want to believe.
@knights_lady says:
tough stuff to take in as truth, eh? {hug}
@atangie says:
What a brave prayer. Child like faith, yes, and child like courage, trust and hope, too. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2018:2-3;&version=65;
I am proud of you!
for thinking You are only as big as my mind can imagine…
@moweezle says:
beautiful, Alece!
I love you.
Wow.
This was awesome.
I pray this, too. You and I, we’re more alike than I ever realized.
I love you.
@cassgirl says:
His love is amazing.
(fiercely loving you this morning)
It’s so hard not to judge God by man. So hard to remember that we are created in HIS image, not the other way around. So hard to comprehend how much He can love, give, care, forgive – when we’re so incapable as humans. So hard.
@traceepersiko says:
Honey to my soul… you are peoples morning coffee. you are so much to offer. God is making life out of your broken bread. Thank you for being willing to feed us all friend.
Oh Alece, God loves you no matter what, the end! You can’t do enough, be enough, say enough, ask for forgiveness enough because it’s not about you, my sweet. It’s all about Him … His sacrifice, His great love, His perfection in you. He remembers your sins, flaws, whatever no more … east to west … only satan reminds you. Don’t listen.
You are most precious Alece. My heart just wraps around you this morning. I have walked where you are walking. I have felt all those feelings. God is ever faithful. Holding you in HIS HANDS. And, He is NEVER going to let go.
I recently had pnemonea (sp?). I spent a lot of time pondering/praying on related concepts while I was healing. You gave what I was processing voice. Thanks.
R
wow… glad I stopped by today.
“i
loved this.
i think God must get weary of our attempts to stuff him into human descriptors. we probably do that to manage him, to feel like we can understand him, wrap our limited psyches around him. his reality is too much, and it feels unsafe sometimes. too big.
so we cut him down to a size we can chew, and shoot ourselves in the foot in the process.
it’s his uncontainable, inexplainable qualities that we need so desperately. but don’t know what to do with.
help me overcome my unbelief, indeed.
love you, lece.
<3
rn4u_04@yahoo.com
<3
rn4u_04@yahoo.com
If our faith were perfect…
…it wouldn’t be faith.
Hey Alece … wanted to make sure you didn’t miss the last part of that statement. When we ask for forgiveness, God doesn’t remember those sins anymore. When we ask for forgiveness again … his question to us or statement is … “I don’t know what you are talking about!” Because see, He remembers them no more. Walk in peace … you and I and anyone else in Him who asks forgiveness and repents and moves away from that sin we walk in “He remembers no more.” Call satan a liar, as he is, and tell him to shut up because God remembers NO MORE! :) Oh what freedom there is in that! I LOVE YOU!
first of all, for the joy (you) that was set before Him (you know the rest)…
second of all, i owe you a hug too. =)
S
for loving me when I feel unlovable.
for letting me call you Daddy when I long to be closer to mine.
for dying for me when I can’t live for you alone.
wow. so totally relating to SO many of these you wrote. Thank you for the change in perspective.
I’m sorry you seem to have first learned love from some people who love themselves more than they loved you.
(And let’s face it – the majority of, if not all, people on this planet do that).
Love is what will bring us together (in Him). The things many people think love is – is not.
1 Cor 13:4-8 is what LOVE IS.
i love that counselling and your wisdom seem to both be working here. :-)
now if you can also ask for patience as well as courage ;-) ( Know that your Faith is something that will be ‘perfected’ over quite some time and not feel so bad that you don’t yet have as much as you only think you don’t). ;-)
<B
you have no idea how often you leave me speechless.
or how many times I read what you write and say aloud, “Exactly.”
@coloraturajoy says:
i feel like you’ve totally just read my mind.
I’m going to pause… and pray that too… it rings true in my heart as well…
@danielleH says:
wow…
Wow is right. I am totally blown away. You put into words what I’ve wanted to pray but couldn’t. We are truly NEVER alone. I heart you.
Oh my. I’m crying. Oh my.
Amen.
Thank you for praying the words I needed to hear.
@tamhodge says:
this left me breathless. speechless.
my attempt to find words would be a big “fail”…
i just love you, alece.
you, to me, are courage.
Again and again, your words mirror my heart. This whole past week has been a journey of unknown and then here you capture it in one post. I am so thankful that I am so unlovable but yet He loves me. I so don’t understand that. I don’t understand that at all. It has all been in vain and I feel like finally a glimmer. There is much to sort though…but yes. This is so awesome. Thank you for this.
ms. motts? i love you.
i’m glad you realized…
i love you, spoons.
i know you are. thank you, friend.
mmmm… yes.
indeed it is. hard, but good.
i haven’t prayed enough brave prayers lately…
i’ve seen God in places He isn’t, and missed Him in places He is. i’m trying to look in the right places…
words with weight, sweet friend. thank you…
[have you gotten my emails, jean?!?]
mmmm… thanks, nutmeg.
yeah. maybe that’s it deep down for me. impossible = unsafe. so i stick with what seems possible. which is a sorry attempt for a God worth following.
i need to get so comfortable and familiar with the impossible, that it feels safer for me to stay there.
i’m glad you stopped by too. and i’m glad you weeded through the comments enough to catch that.
most recently, i’ve seen His character reflected to me in a friendship. i don’t even have to look hard to see Him there anymore… what an amazing feeling.
oh man. i hope you’re feeling better!
“you gave what i was processing voice.” — that’s a huge compliment to me. thank you.
“you can’t ask for forgiveness enough”… i’ve been doing that lately. thank you for the reminder that when I confessed, He forgave.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
HE is the perfecter of my faith. i need to chew on that a bit!
mmmm… yes! thank You God!
i read that a few times. thanks, sarah!
yes! freedom…
i’ve been holding a lot of my sin against myself for far too long. i had church at st. arbucks tonight and finally let go of it all. i walked out feeling forgiven… by Him and by me.
freedom is right.
i so often feel alone in my thinking, and am amazed to discover how not alone i actually am. i’m glad this resonated with your heart like it did mine.
i definitely need patience! (especially when i’m driving. sheeeeeeesh!)
i know faith is a journey. right now i’m remembering that baby steps are still progress. while i have my moments, in general i’m not trying to rush through this time.
and i’m so grateful i’m not journeying alone.
you make me smile, sara!
praying for you, friend. right…now.
I was not thinking you were ‘rushing’ but i suspect from the post you may also sometimes feel like you have not ‘got’ ‘enough’ – yet.. sort of like you ‘should’ have more than you do ‘by now’?
Some see the faith others seem to have and wonder why they don’t have the ‘same’ faith as them…
The only person we should ever compare ourselves to is the person we were before today – this moment. That is how we can best determine our ‘progress’ Many people will look at aspects of ourselves and think – i wish i was like that, just as we can do with those we see.
Every trial we pass through perfects our Faith – through the challenge it poses and the learning we (hopefully) gain from it.
What we think of ourselves – and our progress, is rarely what He thinks of us.
Which is probably very fortunate for us all :-)
And i hope no-one reads this and thinks it is an excuse to in any way ‘slack of’f from doing Good – it is just an encouragement to be less hard on ourselves which, for many, can make us discouraged and dispirited.
I would not wish any of us ever do that to ourselves.
<B
thank you for the encouragement… and you’re right. i’m closer to Him than i was just yesterday. and that is what matters.
Yep. HIM. Not us.
Enjoy the meal, Alece. ;)
that’s a huge compliment. thank you, shineanea.
i love that.
woah.