letting go
Sometimes it’s easier to feel guilty than forgiven.
All-too-often I choose to cling to my mistakes, my shortcomings, my depravity rather than to embrace the forgiveness and freedom that God has for me.
It takes effort to make that exchange, and—honestly?—sometimes I’d just rather not put in the effort. How pathetic is that? Especially since He already did the hard part.
But God’s power has no effect in my life if I don’t choose to receive it and rely on it. I don’t want to nullify His power with my apathy.
I recently spent time letting go of some things I’ve held against myself for way too long. As hard as forgiveness can be, I find it most difficult to forgive myself.
Sitting alone in a “service” at St. Arbucks Church, I made the choice to let go. To forgive me.
After all, He already did.
And what I hold against myself, I’m ultimately holding against God. I’m basically slapping Him in the face and telling Him that His redemptive work isn’t good enough. That I can do a better job atoning for my sin than He can.
Pride can’t often see herself in the mirror. But I saw her loud and clear.
So I acknowledged that His work was final—that my sins are not only forgiven but paid for. And I made the decision to step out of the prison I’d locked myself in for so long.
I left a lot of crap in Starbucks that night.
And I got a venti cup of forgiveness to go.
[from a post on this day last year]
*hug*
You make my heart smile.
@cassgirl says:
I
This is my favorite post of yours.
ditto on all that. i’ve let the woulda shoulda couldas trump the goodness of forgiveness too long. time to be free.
love this.
well put, friend. Glad you left it there…love ya.
@coloraturajoy says:
another one well worth posting again.
thanks for inviting us all on this journey (to an extent).
you’re a brave and strong lady.
way to put it behind you :), the first couple of steps are always the hardest but as you keep stepping and stepping it gets so much easier.
you make me smile HUGE and this is whats good.
We do drag our chains around long after Christ has broken the shackles. Way to (let) go.
ps. I may have to get the location of that particular St. Arbucks.
this is awesome. this could be an introduction for your book.
@cassgirl says:
Sarah…. so true book.. A great introduction for her book.
I hope I get one of the first ones signed!!!
:)
(Love you)
I so get this. Because I SO do this.
Man, My pastor just talked about this on Sunday. its so true. I struggle with this sometimes when i get up on stage to lead worship. all my sins come flashing in front of my face trying to convince me im unworthy to stand in front of these people. then when i start confessing in my heart over and over I hear my Lord say back. what sins are you talking about? as far as the east is from the west… that is how far i have removed your transgressions.”
@tamhodge says:
wow. your thoughts here was my exact revelation when i finally came to a place of self forgiveness over my abortions. it was the most freeing day, to date, of my whole life. it changed my course of living. it changed my eyes and perspective on everything, on Him.
to say i am proud of you…just isnt enough.
heidi — do it. seriously.
michele — “time to be free”. my heart exhaled at the that.
annie — when i read your comment, i couldn’t help but think of the verse that says “deep calls out to deep”. mmm….
joy renee — thank you for that last sentence.
ric — even your living room will do!
sarah — ah! the memoir that is still just a seed…
heidi (again!) — i already sent you a PILE of “signed” napkins!
hannah — east to west indeed! thank you for baring your heart.
tam — you’re proud of me?! sheesh.
@danielleH says:
alece,
such powerful thoughts. i’m so thankful you shared them. i’m actually going to print this up and stick it in my Bible.
we’ve been wondering things like “if God loves me and has called me, why then do i doubt myself and my value?”
good stuff, thanks. love you.
@tamhodge says:
yup!
you have that uh-ffect on me.
(im thinking the right word is “effect”)
:?
Letting Go….forgiving myself..The LORD this morning is hammering me on this. I just came from Jenny Hope, preaching the same thing. Its so easy to take our eyes off HIM, and before we even know what happened, we are trying to justify things ourself, and its so hard to forgive myself. It usually comes after a good whipping of “idiot girl”.. IT really is a done deal, and we really are carrying around unnecessary weight. love you!
“I left a lot of crap in Starbucks that night.
And I got a venti cup of forgiveness to go.”
Most excellent.
And may the Lord keep reminding you of that cup every time the temptation to atone for yourself
sneaks in.
You speak truth, Alece. The part you said about slapping God in the face – every time I remember that, it’s gut-wrenching. Because I find it easier to hold on so often. Why is that?
(Oh, and that’s just a rhetorical question, just kind of thinking out loud. Didn’t want you to think that I expect you to solve my mysteries!) :)
yeller — i loved hearing that you’re gonna print it and stick it in your bible. :) and i wrestle with the same stuff, friend…
tam — ding ding ding! we have a winner! good job on “effect”!
darla — it always blesses my heart to discover that something i’ve said ties in with what someone has already been learning or grappling with. thank you for sharing that!
amy E — yes! thank you for praying that i’d be reminded of that cup. i need that often.
mary — i find it easier to hold on, too. i think it’s the illusion that i’m in control. ha. who am i trying to kid?!
i’m guessing here – the counseling has done some good huh? :-)
a word.. we can sometimes feel so good we give up too soon… go the distance Alece.
Some ‘roots’ will remain if we don’t dig deep enough.
But what you have done so far is remarkable! :-)
<B
God’s done some good. a lot of it.
and you don’t need to worry about me feeling anywhere near “done” yet…