lessons (4 of 5)
It’s been a while… If you missed lessons one, two, and three, be sure to head back and read ‘em.
Develop your team. You won’t develop outwardly if you’re not developing inwardly.
We’ve made development a high priority; it’s one of our ministry’s core values. We constantly look for strategic opportunities to develop our staff and interns. For my own development, I read a lot—books and blogs of ministry leaders. I also listen to and/or watch teachings by leaders I learn a lot from, like Andy Stanley, Craig Groeschel, and Steven Furtick.
Let your team know they have freedom to fail. Make new mistakes rather than repeating old ones.
I am a perfectionist. And very detail-oriented. So this lesson is one I’m constantly needing to remind myself of: Mistakes are okay. I’m more intolerant of my own failures than those of others, yet I know I always need to better guard my response to others’ mess-ups. I’m learning the benefit of making new mistakes, because of all the lessons and opportunities they hold for me. As long as I’m learning from them, I need to be ok with my shortcomings.
Don’t hold things with a closed fist. We’re called to be stewards, not owners.
Niel and I are both strong givers, so this one is maybe easier for us than for many. At least 10% of all our general ministry income goes out to support other ministries and missionaries. And because of how far we’ve come, and all the “lack” we’ve endured over the years, we naturally take good care of what we have. At times it causes frustration in us when we see others on our team treating things with recklessness or disrespect. While we continually challenge them to be good stewards, we can’t expect them to remember what it was like when we didn’t have much.
How do you handle mistakes you make?
What’s the hardest thing for you to hang onto with an open hand as opposed to a closed fist?
I think it’s difficult for me to do purposeful reading. By that I mean that I love to read for fun, but reading material that would be personally or spiritually beneficial is like eating : I know it’s good for me, but blech.
These are so good. Thanks for sharing so openly.
What do you do to develop yourself?
Much of the same things that you mentioned: reading, listening to teachings, watching preaching, participation in church, attending conferences, asking trusted people where they see I can improve
How do you handle mistakes you make?
Hi. My name is Angie. I am a recovering perfectionist. I used to be perfect to a flaw. I used to be depressed, shocked, embarrassed and paralyzed when I goofed up. Glory to God I have grown. My man always says, “Big problems = big changes. Little problems = little changes.” So first, after the initial bonk to the forehead and a painful expression on my face, I evaluate if the issue needs major overhaul or some minor tweaking. Then make the necessary apologies and look for a do-able solution. (I still HATE making mistakes.)
What’s the hardest thing for you to hang onto with an open hand as opposed to a closed fist?
Big givers here too. Material stuff is not a big deal with me. I am finding, though, that recognizing seasons with relationships is challenging to me. I tend to hang on tight to the few close relationship that I have. When there is a threat of the intimacy being comprised I become anxious and fretful. This is something I am dealing with right now and working to grow in. The main reason being that I don’t want to be a mother that defines herself by her children and when the kids are gone she is no more. Nope – not me. I am learning to mother with an open hand in stead of a closed fist.
@ventigrace says:
Good stuff, Kitten, good stuff.
Like you… I like to soak up teaching and read from leaders I respect to grow inwardly. The thing I have the hardest time holding with an open hand is definitely Silas and baby girl. Mistakes are still hard for me- and area I continue to need to grow. God has been reminding me lately that obedience does not equal perfection.
love you- and thanks for your prayers- today is a better and new day!
it’s sometimes such a relief just to know i’m not the only one struggling with these things…
1) What do you do to develop yourself.
A hard lesson I learned was to listen more to the opinions of people I disagree with instead of just feeding my ego by listen to everyone who said I was right. More listening, less talking, which for me is a very hard thing. :)
When I read a statement that I feel is totally, completely wrong, I go back and read it again. Take the time to try and understand how the other person came to their opinion. More often then not I will learn something new.
Another problem I have worked at trying to overcome is to focus on one development need at a time. Focus my all my attention on thing at a time. Just keep working at it and even when I don’t seem to be making progress, patience, patience, patience.
2) How do you handle mistakes you make.
This is something I have had a lot of practices at. :). I have learned not to waste time feeling bad, or guilty, or stupid about the mistake, but to focus on correcting the problem. Every mistake is an opportunity to improve myself. At least that is what I keep telling myself as I am banging my head against the wall. :) I have learned to laugh at my self.
Life is too short to waste time dwelling on mistakes. Making mistakes is the best way to learn, even if it may be the hardest way to learn. The only way to avoid mistakes is to not do anything.
3) What’s the hardest thing for you to hang onto with an open hand as opposed to a closed fist?
To remember that what seems like a simple idea, or point, to you can be very hard for someone else
to understand, especially if they don’t have any prior experience, or expertise.
If someone else is not getting what you are saying there is a good chance you just haven’t explained it well enough. When teaching, or leading a team, it is very important to get feed back to be able to know how well the other people really understand you.
Most people are reluctant to ask a question in a group because they think it will make them look stupid. Ask each person to explain when you said, in their own words, what ever it is you told them. Sometimes this is best done outside the group so you don’t hurt that person’s ego.
Always assume then did not understand what you said. Never simply say, “Are there any questions?” and leave it at that.
It took more than one failed project for me to learn this hard lesson.
mmm… good stuff, ed.
and, i need to laugh at myself more.
ed does have some good offerings there. Well, everyone does.
developing myself? uhh …. working on it. Needs more work, I think. The challenge is not to be content with where I am, but to keep going. Lack of forward movement is backward movement, even when I feel like I’m maintaining. (not a pretty reflection on myself.)
Mistakes? I make mistakes? :) Um. Get defensive usually. Then when I can calm down and really look at it, I can see where I could have done better. Actually doing better is a different story. Much harder, that.
Open hand? Probably myself. I find it hard to admit when I’ve fallen short – and the greater the falling short the more difficult it is to admit to. Letting down my pride and letting people see the flawed me that God is working on just as much as everyone else … that’s a challenge.
ouch. I have to say, there isn’t a pretty face in this mirror. But thanks for making me look.
@danielleH says:
My “scope of life” seems somewhat limited right now. That scope (although slowing increasing) involves the girls, Daniel, our parents, brothers and church family. Activity wise…I parent. That to say, I feel like I’m sort of coming from a different side of things. So most of the questions are answered as a mom.
Developing myself? I talk with both of our moms – talk through things, ask questions. Look up in a book for what I’m needing to know for a given situation (reading a book all the way through is really hard these days!), parenting magazines for quick reminders of parenting issues and I try to often pray and ask God how to parent Anna and how to parent Emma. I ask that He will give me wisdom to know how to discipline Emma (He knows what will “click” with that cute little brain of hers) and how to love Anna in the way that she needs love and parenting — not in the exact same way as with Emma. Now if I can just get better at the listening part….
Mistakes? A typical mistake would be getting angry with Emma for breaking my headband after I told her she could touch it but not stretch it (5 times)…or that she put yogurt in her hair (just after a bath from putting spghetti in her hair)….or being impatient with Anna because she is so tired and just wants to be held and wont’ stop crying….so I try (key word: try) to do what I read in Sacred Parenting. Apologize to the girls and say, “See, Mommy was wrong. I made a bad decision. Mommy needs Jesus to help too. Will you pray with me?”
Hardest thing? Family and Dreams (and my laptop)
thanks for your transparency, annie…
yeller, different scope of stuff but similar lessons. i enjoyed hearing your perspective.
i’m a total perfectionist. can’t STAND to have someone else do it if i know i could do it better.
on the other hand, i don’t even wanna TOUCH the stuff i know i’m bad at – bc i’m set up for failure. even though it might be something totally required of me – like a part of my job that i’ll get fired for if i don’t do it.
it takes all i’ve got to walk into a failure situation and do it anyway.
mmm… so good, mandy. i am the same way.