just plain hard
She asked me what my weekend would hold. I told her my Grandma had passed away and that the memorial/burial service is on Saturday. I will never forget her response.
“At least you’re used to facing a lot of death in Africa, so that makes this easier to deal with.”
Let me tell you what I didn’t tell her: Nothing makes this easier.
The fact that I live in a country with an astronomical death rate, where I often know people who pass away, makes nothing easier. One in four South Africans have AIDS, but those numbers, the ones and the fours, aren’t just numbers. They are people. They are you; they are me; they are our families.
Consistently facing sickness and death makes neither easier to deal with. Maybe it makes my approach different than someone else’s, maybe it even makes me want to be numb to it all, but it certainly doesn’t make it easier.
Although I wanted to say all that, I simply smiled a flat, unconvincing smile. She changed the subject and moved on, for which I was grateful.
We are on our way to the cemetery this morning. Nothing makes this easier.
Today is just plain hard.
@atangie says:
yep, you are right. good for you biting your tongue. i don’t think i would have had the kind of composure you did.
may i just say that i hope you cry a ton.
i know it is hard. i will continue to pray for you.
I am glad your man is there for support. Praying for you.
I am glad your man is there for support. Praying for you.
I am glad your man is there for support. Praying for you.
I am glad your man is there for support. Praying for you.
I am glad your man is there for support. Praying for you.
I am glad your man is there for support. Praying for you.
I am glad your man is there for support. Praying for you.
Nothing makes it easier… people say the darndest things sometimes.
@cassgirl says:
Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don’t worry…I’m here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you. -Charlie Brown to Snoopy”
loving you and praying for you Alece
Having my left leg sawed off would not make losing my right leg any easier.
You are loved.
praying. I would be there with you if i could.
loving you.
praying for you.
and I love you.
lots of prayers to make this day even a bit easier. Love and blessings!
I wish I could hold your hand today.
I love you.
This makes me sad for you. Sad for that person that doesn’t understand it is never easy.
I love you friend. ((hugs))
i’m sorry for your loss.
you are brave.
i agree with sarah. you ARE brave. it’s not at all easy, and my heart goes out to you.
Two things.
I’m sorry. Losing a grandparent is like losing your childhood. That SUCKS. I know it happens. It has and will continue to happen to me. It’s never easy – even when you’re expecting it.
People SUCK. Who thinks death is EVER easy?? In her defense – she probably just didn’t know WHAT to say, so she ate her foot instead.
I’m sorry. So sorry that death is something you have to taste more than the rest of us. Life is temporal….. what we do now COUNTS!
I’m praying…now…
@mandythompson says:
i’ve been thinking about you all day
Alece, I love you. I am praying. I understand loosing a grandma…and I am so sorry.
@ventigrace says:
thinking of you friend… i love you.
I hope today you had peace…praying for you,
@cassgirl says:
I haven’t quit holding you up…
Lovin and prayin!!!
:) I’m sad for you on this sad day.
As to her … um … insensitive?? … holy cow. Although I did like Soliloquy’s take on it. :)
I know that nothing can take away the pain – the sense of loss is so extreme and goes so deep. I do know that the sting of death is gone … and praise God for that. Can you even imagine the pain for those who are without Christ? I can’t.
Oh Alece,
Everyone else already said what needs to be said, but I will ramble on anyways. I love you and I am sorry for your pain. I wish we could help you in more tangible ways…please know that we are all here to hold you and your family up.
Thinking of you, praying for you alece
@danielleH says:
love you.
Well I have experienced firsthand Africa’s death, and its not easy!
praying for you on this hard day!!!
love you.
“She asked me what my weekend would hold. I told her my Grandma had passed away and that the memorial/burial service is on Saturday. I will never forget her response: ‘At least you’re used to facing a lot of death in Africa, so that makes this easier to deal with.’”
Welcome to my world, Alece. I hope you can’t stay long.
“Consistently facing sickness and death makes neither easier to deal with.”
indeed. i cannot begin to imagine such grief.
alece, you are a strong, honest, noble woman of incredible character. you inspire me, and you are in my prayers.
You are God’s favorite.
angie — oh don’t you worry… there were lots of tears!
heidi — i love snoopy! thank you for that.
nat — good point. i should have replied with THAT.
sarah M — brave? why??
quy — your comment was perfect. thank you.
noreaster — can you explain that thought a little further?
amy E — wow. wow. wow.
cindy — i’ve stared at your comment a while. not sure why you wrote that, but… my heart thanks you.
EVERYBODY — thanks for all your love, prayers, and support. you mean the world to me.
I stopped over to check out your blog and came across this post . . .I am so sorry for your loss.
You’re right. Nothing ever makes it easier. It is part of living in a fallen world – it will never feel right because it’s not right – our true citizenship is in a place where death has no power so it’s grueling to go through it. You showed much grace to the person who said that misguided attempt at comfort.
I’ve always liked what someone said about the book of Job . . .Job’s friends were on the right track until they opened their mouths to talk.
But having been through losses I think has made me a better comforter to others – we know now to just say “I’m sorry. I’m praying” and sit quietly if needed.
(even though just now I said a lot more . . .but I am praying for you)
lei — wow. thank you for that. i’m speechless.
Back from vacation this week. Ouch. The words you must suffer at the worst possible time no less. Very well stated here. I tip my hat to your tongue-biting until you could articulate your thoughts and feelings here. Beautifully articulated, I might add.
thank you. i wish i could have said all that to her in that moment, but alas…