it all comes down to this
I’ve gotta be honest. I was blown away by how many of you related with my friendship insecurities. Isn’t it crazy how alone we can feel in certain things, only to discover we are all more alike than different?
As I kept thinking about it all, I realized something.
Relationships are stewardships.
They are gifts. Loans, really…
I am given them to safeguard. To nurture. To cherish.
And while I am responsible for how I handle my relationships, they are not mine to keep or control. More importantly, the people in my life are not mine to keep or control.
Ever.
When I hold a person too tightly, I begin to squeeze the life out of them and our friendship.
Just like everything else I’m entrusted with, I am called to hold my relationships loosely.
I don’t mean carelessly, or with lack of regard. I mean with an open hand rather than a tight fist.
I mean living in the awareness that none of this begins or ends with me.
We are all His. And the relationships I have are because He has orchestrated them. I want to love my friends like I know that to be true.
So going toe-to-toe with my insecurity isn’t so much about trusting others more.
It’s about trusting Him more.
WORD!
@mat2820b says:
Yes. My like you indeed ;)
so true. my mom and i were just talking about this tonight. she said, i was on loan from god and how many times she had to “hold loosely” and give me over to my dad on her weekends and how hard it was to take ill treatment that inevitably follows a divorce…and you’re right, it’s about trusting God with those relationships. I say that often about my marriage when we battle trust issues with each other…it’s always about trusting Him more.
@gritandglory says:
i so appreciated hearing your heart on this, melissa. thank you.
@atangie says:
Woohoo! Lightbulb moments are the best!
Hi Alece. Its been too long since I left you a note on here. I just wanted to let you know I have been reading and loving your thoughts and words. I just haven’t been very talkative lately. I think about you every day and when I do I say a quick prayer in my heart for you. Which I’m so glad you understand that a quick prayer in what I do instead of interseeding for hours, I hope you have those kinds of friends too. Anyways just wanted to say hi to you and let you know om still here. Love and blessings, faith
@CandySteele says:
Oh, I love this :) Wow.
@gritandglory says:
seeing your face here makes me smile big, candy!
I have learned this w/family over the years – with my dad especially. On the days when I ask “why God would you bring so much difficulty into my family?” and then God reminds me that He has gifted me with certain folks in my life to steward… thanks for the reminder today friend :)
It’s where faith meets fear.
Beautifully written.
@gritandglory says:
and you summed it all up perfectly in five words!
LOVE This.
@bahava says:
so true…it all comes down to trusting Him…
Yes!
Very true!
great thoughts alece :-)
Thank you Lecers… I’m chewing on this
@coloraturajoy says:
I’m with ya on this.
I consider things like this a lot, especially when I think of having children in the near future.
My own mother (unintentionally) drove several of her 4 children away by doing just that kind of thing–holding on so tightly that it just sucked the life out.
I want to be a good steward of my relationships…trusting God with them.
Thanks.
Ah…this was a much needed deep breath. I love my friends and family but loving them means allowing them to move in the freedom that God is allowing them. I’m asking that of the people in my life too as I transition far away. Some have let me go and others are in various strengths of holding on.
There is not a single friendship I have that I know will always be a constant. In fact, I know that none of them will be. So at times I WANT to hold them tightly while I have them, but I have to be prepared to let them go at some point….. not forever, just changing. My friend that just left on Sunday…. oh how we cried. and cried and cried and cried. And oh how I cried throughout the rest of the day, and even the next night when talking with a mutual friend of ours about how hard it was to see her go…..
The hard part about “losing” face to face friends this way sometimes is knowing where the end is…. you have a period of mourning for them. You are aware that your paths might not cross again, but then you hope that in this small Air Force you get to be stationed together again. It’s different than a friendship just slowly fading b/c of life direction. There is an abrupt end to the every day face to face. And it’s hard to adjust to.
Your posts on friendships this week couldn’t have come at a more ordained time for me sweet friend. I love you!
and p.s. I LOVE the edit option! haha!
@gritandglory says:
i hate that you’ve had to say goodbye to so many people lately. i know how hard that is! loving you, raisin….
This is SOOO high on my “I need to work on” list right now. I feel like sometimes I dont steward my friendships well. Lisa Welchel has a new book “Friendship for Grownups” Im working on right now and it is AWESOME! She talks about being a safe friend. I absolutely love that description. Safe. I crave feeling safe. So I know others must feel the same way! Safe. Love it.
@gritandglory says:
ooooh – i think i need to read that book. the word “safe” has always resonated very deeply with me — it is what i long for, and what i want to be for others.
Love this too. That is probably the one thing I want to be in every relationship that I have: safe. I want to be a city of refuge people can run to if they need and know they will not be attacked. And at the same time, where those who attack will know that they will not get through me. Good stuff.
Yes indeedy….good stuff, Alece.
In a world of selfishness and increasing just-going-through-the-motions type of relationships, my soul cried “YES!” about what you wrote about what TRUE relationship and friendship should be.
Gotta check out that Lisa Whelchel book now that Staci mentioned above.
@LindseyHartz says:
I so agree with all of this~ I’ve learned to embrace whatever role God wants me to play in the lives of my friends and even strangers, big or small and to shed as many of my needy expectations as I can. I’ve learned to focus on offering the loving and giving, and to let go of my furious grip on my sometimes desperate need for receiving.
On a side note, I love the blog world because it has allowed me to learn a lot about true grace and true community. Some of the women I have met through this world have been such an encouragement; such a reminder that I am not alone.
i know i need to trust Him. unfortunately i’m terrible at it. relationships included. but i want to get better at trusting. i so want to. i want to realize and trust that He’s the point…not anyone or anything else around me, myself included.
@gritandglory says:
“He’s the point” — amen, sister-friend. ;)
Oh my the wisdom He is pouring into you. He is training you for something so big and so good it gives me chills just thinking about it! Wow!
I’m with Debra….He really is shaping you into something bigger than you know.
@gritandglory says:
thanks, girl!
Thank you for putting my hard learning lesson into words. I put a true friendship on the block a few years ago and it got butchered emotionally. Looking back I should have protected it more fiercely. I had to learn the hard way and may have lost it for good. However, I always have hope in reconciliation and I have learned. If anything, I have learned to care and protect those you love. They are gifts from God to be treasured. And from now on, I will do just that.
doesn’t it always come down to trust tho? im starting to realize that EVERYTHING in life is a TRUST game with God. we must hold EVERYTHING loosely, because it ALL belongs to Him. its a tough mindset to continually adopt when the world constantly berates you with MINE, MINE, MINE! so yeah, i can definitely relate to you with the friendship thing, as i have oftentimes introduced friends to other friends and they became better friends with that person than with me, but its all good. like you said, God is in control.
love.
@gritandglory says:
for me, it really does all come down to trust. i’m challenged everyday to grow in that.
@Melissa_Rae says:
Your plan sounds a lot better than what mine is: rejecting people before they reject me.
I’m really good at the beginning of a relationship. I’ll have you over for dinner, hang out all the time, invite you to everything. Then, when the newness wears off I have trouble with friendship maintenance. I hate talking to people on the phone because I worry they want to hang up but won’t say it. I take any instance of reluctance to get together as a desire, on your part, to end the relationship. And instead of fighting for it, I pull back and allow it to die.
I think your idea of friendship stewardship is important. And I agree that once I learn to trust God more my insecurity in friendships will most likely lessen.
@gritandglory says:
thank you for sharing your heart here, melissa. means a lot to me.
@joyeggerichs says:
Love it. Love you.
@allison0105 says:
I have definitely squeezed the life out of some relationships. Completely out of insecurity. I hate my insecurity. Ugh.
@smillerrb says:
I love the way you say relationships are stewardships, gifts, loans realy . . . I think this is true and because I have moved so often only the ones that He wants to stick remain. I actually tend to hold them a bit too loosely at times and need to be more intentional about cultivating. Lovely post about friendship.