i’m sorry, Lord
February 24, 2010
Lord, I’m sorry for thinking You love me the same way others do.
For assuming You’ll withhold affection until I’ve paid penance or until You’re “over” whatever I may have done.
For imagining that You hold me at arm’s length and invite me in only when You want to want me.
For thinking You view me through eyes of disappointment, seeing only how far I am from all I could be and should be.
For presuming You only love me because You have to and not because You want to.
For guessing You hold my mistakes against me, just as I do with myself.
For acting as though You think I’m discardable and unwantable.
For forgetting that You love me for who I am and not for who I can be.
Lord, I want to believe. Help me overcome my unbelief.
It still amazes me that we believe and own words as truth, that are so far from His truth and His reality. And how hard we work to hold on to a fleeting truth, when the real truth is so much more tangible and soaking.
Jesus, help me in my unbelief.
Amen! I was just thinking along those same lines. All I can see is failure, failure, failure but all He sees is BELOVED, BELOVED, BELOVED.
gosh this is good…
3 days…
@Nomadstacey says:
‘For presuming You only love me because You have to and not because You want to.’ Hmm I’m sorry for this too, Lord.
@moweezle says:
me 2!
The biggest thing that helped me realize the level of His love for me was having kids… and it didn’t come right when I had them. It’s only been more over the last two years or so… as they develop their own opinions and make their own choices, right or wrong… it’s then that I get a glimpse of how God must truly see us, despite our shortcomings.
@gritandglory says:
i can totally see how raising kids would blow your heart wide open in understanding the love of God. i desire that in my own life…
my mom always tells me i won’t really understand love until i have kids.
i disagree.
i’m hoping God can supersede the fact that i don’t have children.
your mom is wrong on that one. ;o)
Maybe she meant the love a mother has for her child? Because that would be true, but you can understand love without having kids.
I think you fully understand how to love.
I love you.
Hey, just reading this, I thought … Paul didn’t have kids.
@bajanpoet says:
Oh! That resonates with me today!
I’ve been praying that GOD reveal his love to me …. I want a new revelation of his Love… which, since the word says that God is love, means that I’ve been asking for a new revelation of God himself!
“38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39
NOTHING!!!!!!
Wow, to fully grasp this. I am not there yet… but I am yearning for the day I am.
@bahava says:
mmmm, so much packed in there…I SO need to get my head around the whole my sin is as far as the east is from west and is forgotten and He sees something different….
@coloraturajoy says:
i needed to read this today.
i want so badly to just sit and soak in God’s love. And to walk in this every single day.
@gritandglory says:
love you.
do i really get to hug you soon!?
ditto
I need to read this today…thank you for sharing.
I love that God is causing you to see who He really is and His love for you. So often we hear and believe things that are not His words, and we miss the closeness of relationship (Communion as Jesus and the Father are one.) because we believe that He doesn’t want us.
I was journaling about a month ago and I was frustrated that I was feeling that I just needed to “suck it up” and stop complaining. I heard God ask,” Child whose words are those?” The Spirit opened my heart and I realized those words were my dads. And God replied, “And not your Father’s.”
I love my dad. And I’m praying for God to transform that relationship, but yes, it was through the lens of my relationship with my dad that I was viewing God. He’s transforming my view of Him to see who He really is as my Heavenly Father and calling me to forgiveness and healing.
Peace to you, Alece
Had a friend a long time ago who said this:
God is NOT a reflection of your earthly father, He is the PERFECTION of your earthly father.
That’s a thing to think on for a while!
Oooooh. That’s good. I’m going to remember that one.
@bajanpoet says:
I LOVE that one!
@gritandglory says:
thank you for opening your heart so transparently. so beautifully.
Amen!
Wonderful. I really identified with this post; especially: “For guessing You hold my mistakes against me, just as I do with myself.”
@gritandglory says:
i find it hardest to extend grace to myself…
That one resonated with me just a little too much. I could’ve written it myself, especially #4.
One time after a workout, I looked at my triceps and thought, “Yuck, they’re still loose and look bad. They’ll never shape up, no matter how hard I work. Gotta keep them under wraps so no one can see.”
Then came the Voice of Truth. The Holy Spirit showed me that this is so like the lies of Satan. He showed me that, instead of looking at the areas I was growing and getting stronger in, I was choosing to zero in on my failures and weaknesses. And that concentrating so much on my mistakes, regrets, and areas that still need lots of work in my life, I was listening more to Satan’s voice over His. Believing Satan’s lies over His truths. Choosing to look at me and to others instead of to Him and the glorious work He IS doing.
He is doing a glorious, deep work in you, it’s so clear. And He who began a good work is faithful to complete it!
@gritandglory says:
when i was 15, a same-age friend wrote to me: “why do we believe so faithfully the words of the meteorologist yet hesitate at the words of God?” and i’ve never forgotten it. it rings so true in my life. not that i believe the weather man… ha! but that i find it so much easier to believe the lies than the TRUTH.
Oh how I needed this.
I’m feeling this same way lately. Trying to find the balance between the God who punishes and smights and the loving Savior who removes sin and remembers it no more and gives fresh starts. Some days I just have too many questions and I need to lay them at His feet and just TRUST.
@gritandglory says:
i just read this in the book Reckless Trust (which is phenomenal), about a guy who got to meet Mother Theresa —
“‘what do you want me to pray for?’…’pray that i have clarity.’ she said firmly, ‘no, i will not do that.’ when he asked her why, she said, ‘clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.’ when [he] commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, ‘i have never had clarity. what i have always had is trust. so i will pray that you trust God.’”
I spent so much of life feeling this way, but not even realizing it wasn’t the right way to think. Not realizing that love for the sake of love is a given. The comfort of resting in that truth is life changing. And still, at times, so hard to hold onto.
@gritandglory says:
“love for the sake of Love” — that phrase won’t leave me alone.
Thank you SO much for this today. I despartely need this transformation of thinking.
I am going to print this post out and pray this prayer of forgiveness on a regular basis and ask that God changes my thinking, my heart, and my understanding towards His love.
Thank you, Alece.
The LORD is like a father to His children,
Tender and compassionate to those who fear Him.
For He understands how weak we are;
He knows we are only dust.
He remembered our utter weakness.
His faithful love endures forever.
I so need these reminders from the Psalms. He is looking at us as the most tender father (obviously NOT my earthly dad) and saying, “there, there…it’s okay…I understand…”
Whoa. This struck a robust chord with me (especially no. 6)! Thank you for writing this!
@tamhodge says:
this pierced me.
thats really all i can say about it…
@traceepersiko says:
I so wish I saw myself the way he sees me. Sigh….. one day. All roads lead back to him. If I believed in who he says he is it would domino into the rest of life.
One day
@chrystieecole says:
Whew! You are singing my song on some of these. Especially: “For thinking You view me through eyes of disappointment, seeing only how far I am from all I could be and should be.” That one has shaken me to my core lately. I have been praying “Lord, help me overcome my unbelief” for months now!
@danielleH says:
now thats something i need to read over and over again.
thanks…
Alece,
Thanks for this, I needed the reminder this week..
Praying for you in your year of risk.
Bindu
Sigh. Yeah.
Thank you! I needed to read what you wrote tonight. Sometimes I forget and fall to thinking it is up to me. One good thing about trying to walk in obedience is, we see how easay it is to fail at times. It is only by His grace.
@gritandglory says:
i don’t know how you found The Grit, bob, but i’m glad you did. i think i needed the encouragement of your comment tonight even more than you needed to read the post.
Alece,
We all need encouragement from time to time if not each day. You are very welcome. Have a blessed day and know that you will be in my prayers this morning.
Bob
@LindaMbaba says:
The Lord will bless you Alece for speaking for me.
I’m in a state of sadness and shame for constantly dwelling in my past sins. Your words have led me back to GOD when I needed to know how much HE cares for me.
I have sent this URL to all my friends to help them as you have done for me.
Thank you again!
The Lord is great. I’m sorry for all my sins, Father. I hate myself. Help us all change. In Jesus’ name, amen.