"It didn't mean anything. I didn't really love her. It was just about the sex!" Hollywood's portrayal of adultery always includes that explanation. But when my husband's infidelity came to light, he didn't say that.
In fact, he said the exact opposite.
He told me he loved her differently, more deeply than he had loved me. That their relationship was special and intimate in a way we'd never experienced. He said he doesn't love me anymore.
And that he isn't sure he ever really loved me at all.
I wish it had just been an affair that "meant nothing". Sheer, unadulterated (!) lust would've been easier on my heart. But my story didn't come from a Hollywood script.
And even if it had, I know adultery never means nothing.
But what caused the deepest ache inside me is this: My husband chose to share the intimacy of his heart with a woman other than me.
I wish it had just been about the sex.
But it wasn't.