fight the fear
Just because I believe it’s possible to genuinely know someone on a deep level, doesn’t mean it comes easily for me. I’ve been hurt profoundly, often by those I’ve held closest, so trust is a real battle.
It’s really a fight against fear. Fear of being rejected. Walked out on. Fear of being a disappointment. A failure. Fear of someone better coming along. Of being more replaceable than keepable. Fear of being lied to. Used. Patronized. Fear of not being enough.
Yeah, it’s a battle.
But it’s one I’ve chosen to continue to fight. I haven’t given up in defeat, shrugging as I walk away mumbling that trust just isn’t worth it.
Trust is worth it. That’s why I continue to fight for it. Even when it’s hard.
In the wake of very deep hurts, I’ve still given my heart and bared the real me to my closest friends. I’ve remained vulnerable and exposed. Sometimes it takes more conscious effort and intentionality than others, but I’ve worked hard to not retreat into myself at the time when I need others the most.
It’s true that the deeper the vulnerability, the greater the potential for hurt. But I also know this much is true: The bigger the risk of trust, the stronger the love and intimacy that grows there.
And that alone makes the battle worthwhile.
This is (one of the innumerable amount of reasons) why I love you.
I learn from you constantly.
Thank you for teaching. For your vulnerability. I value every bit.
Thank you for not giving up and not giving in. I am walking with you no matter where we are in the world.
hmmm. good good stuff.
and sometimes a “hmmm” is about all one can say when something resonates so deep. ya know? ;o)
I agree, never give up or stop fighting. It’s a hard battle but one worth fighting.
I love you, Alece!
@atangie says:
I would say that faith and trust are so similar that they can be synonymous in certain instances. So we could say you are fighting the good fight of trust. I am so proud of you!
it’s tough but it is worth the battle.
I have found some people safer than others. I used to be extremely open and vulnerable, not understanding why others couldn’t do the same. Then life happened and I now know, not everyone can handle struggles with grace and mercy.
Now I take my hurts, habits and hang-ups to Him, and a few close friends.
I’m learning discernment and holding on to God’s love.
Yes. This resonated deeply within my heart.
Once again, thank you for sharing your journey.
I had a dream that you asked me to go back to africa with you in Feb. :)
I love this post, hate that you have these questions but very much love your fearful/less trust in people, still. I love you very much!
“It’s true that the deeper the vulnerability, the greater the potential for hurt. But I also know this much is true: The bigger the risk of trust, the stronger the love and intimacy that grows there.”
I need an Alece quote book.
@traceepersiko says:
I often said that there needs to be an Alece quote board! so dang passonable!
Oh, your words hit me between the eyes this morning. Because this morning, I totally want to give in to the fear and Never. Trust. Again.
Never mind that the person I can’t/won’t/am scared to trust is the one I’ve vowed to love and cherish my whole life.
But I’m feeling rebellious. One might even say childish. Thinking, “But – if I forgive him and trust him again, he’ll just hurt me again! And he gets away with it! I want him to PAY!” Hm. As if it’s my job to make anyone pay. As if there’s anything on this earth I can do to prevent pain from coming again.
Trust. It’s a tricky thing, but you are RIGHT. We have to fight the fear…
your comment meant more than you’ll ever know. thank you for your transparency.
Keep up the fight Alece.
It is ten times harder to regain trust, then it is to lose. Regaining trust may be one of the hardest things to do.
People will fail us, we will fail them. This will happen as long as we risk our hearts. If we don’t risk our hearts however, we will never know love.
I don’t see an alternative to risking our hearts, if we desire to experience life to the fullest.
Oh wow, this is good. And I think I’m learning is so true.
@traceepersiko says:
Thank you for risking. I am so grateful that you are a person that I have feel safe risking with. Thank you for your willingness to push through our fears together!
But dang!
This post so resonates with me. Every word I read, my heart went, “So true.”
Your example to not give up or give in to cyncicism, etc. is one I’m grateful to have in my life.
We are very much alike. ….
@cassgirl says:
“Trust is worth it. That’s why I continue to fight for it. Even when it’s hard”
I think this will be my banner this year.
Love you thank you for holding my heart with a sacred trust.