family ties
“God sets the lonely in families.”
That’s never been more clear to me than it was this past week.
Some friends swooped in and rescued me… from myself. They helped me take an honest look at my own heart, and they gave me the courage to make a difficult decision. They went to great lengths to protect and care for me.
For me.
Even now, my eyes fill with tears because of how overwhelmingly loved they made me feel.
My friends showed me what family should be. What family really is.
“God sets the lonely in families.”
He set me in a family that’s held together not by DNA, but by a heart connection that runs even deeper. A family that stretches to every corner of the earth. A family that is as eclectic and strange as they come, yet our similarities far outweigh our differences.
A family that loves one another well.
And when I attempted to thank my friends for what they did, I was told—
“That’s what family does.”
We strengthen. Support. Infuse courage.
We protect and provide.
We laugh. We cry. We hold.
We sacrifice.
We see. We know. We love.
And we push each other toward Him.
“That’s what family does.”
Sometimes it’s the family we were born into, sometimes it’s the family He places us into, and sometimes it’s a combination of both. But God always uses people to show us what love is.
And while this heart of mine at times still feels lonely, I pray I never lose sight of the family He’s placed me in.
For you, my close-as-family friends, have loved me well. And in doing so, you’ve shown me the Father-heart of God.
I’m so, so grateful.
I’d love to hear about the family God’s placed you in
or a time you’ve been loved well.
Let’s live thankful today.
@cassgirl says:
An incredible amazing post…
I love when God shows up…….. mightily!
@tamhodge says:
i love you.
and im hugging you from down the hall.
I love watching your twitter and viewing how God is just wrapping people around you to encourage you, support you and drive you. It just amplifies to me the way that God is going to bring you back stronger than ever and have you make even more of an impact for Christ than you did before all of your trials.
You have big plans…I know His plans for you are bigger. I can’t wait to see how they turn out.
@gritandglory says:
me neither, jason. me neither…
Hearts friend = ALWAYS family
so glad to have you home.
Love. Pure. Simple.
@nateonamission says:
this is so awesome. I love this family.
I love that it does what a family is suppose to do.
loving God, Loving people.
hugs family!
had to pop in and read-lovely!
@gritandglory says:
thanks, robin! welcome to the crazy Gritty family! ;)
I was just thinking today, after meeting with a long time friend and mentor, how grateful I am that God has given me godly women to influence me and guide me. I look back over my life and see how blessed I have been by them, the ones that have been rooted in my life for a long time. Then there are the newer friendships and mentors that bless me now in a way that the others cannot. They all have their purpose in my life, and I love that God orchestrates that for our benefit….. and I wonder if I am doing my part for others in that way. I want to be sensitive to that in my life b/c I know that without the women God has put in my life, I would NOT be where I am today. At all. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally. I teared up today while I was driving away from this meeting thinking about all these different people…. and I had the feeling like you get when you KNOW you just escaped a bad car accident by mere seconds. That scary exhilaration of knowing where you could have been, and the thankfulness that God was guiding you and protecting you…. and for me, that guidance and protection has always come in the form of great friendships with women at different walks in their faith and life. It’s one of my favorite things about my life….. how blessed I have been in that way.
Alece, this is a beautiful testimony to the love and care of God for you. Continue to keep note of these things in your journey. Each of these things marks the hand of God on your journey. Each of these things brings honour and glory to Him in a difficult situation. It truly is beautiful to see.
In my own journey I found this to be true. I was around the world from my family. My husband walked away from me and from God. I was alone but never alone. My dear friends became my family. I was picked up and loved when I could not even manage on my own. This support continued over several years. The support was for big things like having to move out of the house, to people opening their homes to me as a place to live, to providing help financially. It was also for the little things like someone to be with on holidays or weekends, an ear to listen, someone to pray with me, a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on. These dear people are as precious as family to me because they stood in the gap when I was alone and were the hands of Jesus to my devastated and broken heart. I continue to give thanks to the Lord for every single one of them because they made my impossible journey possible because they guided me continually to the feet of Jesus.
May you continue to know His wonderful provisions. May your family of dear friends bless your heart . Remember Alece that God is our refiner and when He has tried us that we will come forth as gold. As I watch you from afar on your journey I see Him refining you and you submitting to His purposes and providences. He is making something incredibly beautiful of your heart and life. I wait expectantly to see who you will be when He deems this process complete.
Bless you girl. My heart has been there. Through the devastation, tears and the the sorrow. He brought me out on the other side and I am convinced that He will carry you through to the end. Continue to trust His heart.
Stephie
@gritandglory says:
my eyes filled with tears as i read this. thank you so much, stephanie. truly.
For me – I grew up in a non-Christian household so when I chose to pursue full-time ministry half-way across the world – well, let’s say I did not get much encouragement.
I met my husband on a mission field and today I am so grateful for his family who love us and support us in our commitment. That is so priceless to me.
And as I look back I see people that God brought into my life through different stages to keep my passion burning and make me feel loved and accepted
@gritandglory says:
what a huge step of faith to step out into overseas ministry without the backing of your family. i love hearing how God’s continually provided family for you, though. He is so faithful…
@maryjohess says:
Last year about this time, he placed my hubby and I in a church family that has helped us walk through a very rough time – broken relationships, financial hardship, marital conflict. And then, amazingly enough, He also started really connecting me with women who I have yet to even meet IRL – and the heart connections have been simply beautiful.
I’m thankful for my family – my new, not DNA, family.
xxx M.
This made me cry…. Absolutely beautiful.
Two weeks before ex-him walked out, God led me to the church I’m at now and literally (not just figuratively) set me in this circle of friendships that saved me from myself. What should have been THE hardest 10 month period of my life I can look back on now and see God’s sweet grace as He created a family more beautiful than I could ever imagine. Your scripture came alive for me too during that time :) love that God is showing that truth to you too…
As you travel through this new stage on your own journey… know that that family God has placed you in, it is also a reflection of the growth of your heart too. God DEEPLY loves you my friend. We do too. God sees every tear and every stress-created-stomach-ache. You are loved. You are loved because of who you are. Your beautiful heart, your beautiful kindness, your sweet spirit.
Know that every single one of us stands ready to support as you take these next steps. We will support with words or silence, with a shoulder to lean on or a hand to help lift up, we have kleenex galore and laughter in abundance cuz we love you.
SO glad God has blessed you on your Friendraising tour friend… SO glad :) love you…
@gritandglory says:
thank you so much, jenny-girl. your words were so timely for my heart…
Thank you for this reminder. I needed it today :)
Beautiful post! God bless you Sis!
@gritandglory says:
thank you, aleysha!
reading this again this morning, and again with tears. loving you—pretend that i am hugging you right now.
@gritandglory says:
i feel your hug, friend. love you.
@christielici0us says:
You have an amazing way with words. This is wonderful. Hope your day is, too.
@sonsti7 says:
Alece — thanks for sharing this! Just wanted to pass along that your post really cut to the heart of some challenges one of our friends — who is most certainly family to us — is going through right now. Just wanted to let you know that your words and witness continue to reach further than you can imagine.
-Joel
@gritandglory says:
wow. thank you, joel!
Love love love this! I can completely relate to the idea of the family God places into you rather than the one you were born into. For me, the family God has placed me into at various points in my life has always trumped my blood family. And it’s taken me a while to be okay with that, but I’ve reached the point where I am. And I’m incredibly grateful every day for the family God has placed me into.
Thanks for sharing your experience! Your words echo your beautifully.
@gritandglory says:
i totally get what you mean — “it’s taken me a while to be okay with that”… at times my heart still wrestles with the expectations of how certain people “should” be there for me, and the disappointment that comes when they’re not… but i’m learning to let that go. hard, but freeing…
@atangie says:
You have the best commenters here at the grit, Alece!
Hm, family. Such a strong word. I am super blessed to have my husband and kids here with me. Then, surrounding us we have a great group of caffinaries, as I call them. They are other mothers serving here in Cochabamba as missionaries. We get together for coffee, movies, lunches, and our kids hang out. These nuclei are absolutely divine! Yes, we shall be grateful today.
@gritandglory says:
“caffinaries” — i love that!
Having lived on three different continents and in a few different states over the past 5 years, I know what it is so have family that isn’t the one I was born into. When I’ve been away from my “birth” family, I have been completely enveloped into the families God set me in for that season. I feel so incredibly blessed to have friends that I consider family across the world. At points in my life, these families have sustained me, loved me, encouraged me, and held me. They taught me what it means to love selfishly and sacrificially because they loved me that way. And they have made it possible for me to come “home” to so many places.
It is amazing to look back and see how God surrounded me with certain people at points in my life when He knew I would need them and how those people would later fill needs that I could never have anticipated. And in return, I have been able to love and invest in the people God has given me as family.
I just love that the people God has placed in my life, those that have become like family to me, are in fact my brothers and sisters in Christ–each of us adopted by Him into the Church. In them, I see the heart of the Father and catch a glimpse of the Kingdom of God here on earth.
@gritandglory says:
wow. you’ve lived far and wide, and God’s “set you in families” at each point along the journey. that is strengthening for me to hear as it gives me hope for whatever lies ahead for me… thank you, christine!
Oh Alece … you know that is why the Lord gave our third daughter your name, Alece, as her middle name. Because you are forever a part of our family … a part of my heart. Whenever we say her middle name or write it (which is often) the person I think about is you. You were the only Alece in our lives until she arrived. Isn’t that just cool! Love you!
@gritandglory says:
this still makes my head shake and my eyes tear. so humbling and so… overwhelmingly amazing to me.
love you, sweet debra!
Alece, I pray that God continues to bless your heart and life with this gift of loving family. That he continues to provide what you need before you yourself even know what that might be.
have a wonderful day,
jan
@gritandglory says:
thank you for praying that for me… my heart shouts a resounding “AMEN!”
Love you, sister.
Tia Mary
@gritandglory says:
your comment was perfect! i love you, broccoli!
When I settled into college I had no idea what God was going to teach me about family. I learned to appreciate what God have me through my birth family, even though they aren’t walking with Jesus. I also learned to let others care for me. I have a family here that I cannot say enough of how they have shown me the Father.
There is a married couple who have prayed for me more than I even know. There is my dear friend’s family who is generous beyond measure and her dad has demonstrated specifically to me the Father heart. There are the “younger siblings” whom make me laugh and drive me crazy some days. I’m know I will leave proximity with them soon, but I know the Father will give me the family I need.
@gritandglory says:
it’s amazing, isn’t it?! simply amazing…
Alece,
I don’t know you well, though saw a wonderful light about you when meeting you this week. So happy that the Lord has surrounded you with family, you are glorious, and know that it is evident! :)
@gritandglory says:
wished we’d gotten to have a real conversation the other night, but i’m grateful we got to meet! thank you for your beautifully encouraging words!
@Nomadstacey says:
Ever since we talked about this the other day I can’t shake the ‘shoulds’. My family ‘should’ do that or my family ‘should’ do this. I’ve been should-ing on my family for many reasons. Some warranted, some not.
I was just thinking today about the cyber-family I have been given via my blog, your blog, Tracee’s blog, twitter, etc. I’m re-learning what a family ‘should’ do by being treated as a part of a healthy family. I can only hope (and pray) that I do all the should’s to my family that this cyber family does for me.
Ohana means family. I’m using that next time I tweet/text/message/talk to you =)
@gritandglory says:
“ohana”… perfectly in line with my hawaiian dream vacation! ;)
My wife and I are currently looking for this in AZ. It’s been a rough 4 years out here, feeling like you have no one when you increasingly desire real community.
We remain hopeful though, which is always good. :)
@gritandglory says:
i know this has been such a long and lonely season for you both … and i know how life-sucking that can be. praying for you guys tonight that He would plant you in a family that reflects His strong heart for you.
i love the little cyber-family i have been welcomed into.
thanks to you, alece!
@bajanpoet says:
Just want u to know – YOU’RE my family too… even although we haven’t met yet. :) I would LOVE to fix that, tho…..
That is one of my favorite Bible verses!! Glad that God has placed you among people that can show you His love!
@gritandglory says:
it’s one of my favs as well — so filled with hope… love…
I can hear how full your heart is right now.
There is nothing like love that *goes there*. That cares deeply enough to say the hard stuff, to speak the truth in *agape* love. I’ve been so grateful for the few times that’s happened in my Christian life. We so need this more in the Body today.
I am still hoping and looking hard for the kind of mentorship others here have talked about. So craving the sense of true family that you’ve been experiencing in extra measure lately.
Someday.
@gritandglory says:
it feels like such a rare gem to me right now — it’s so very different than the bulk of what i’ve experienced in my life. it’s refreshing and strengthening and at the same time, i find myself still a little incredulous. as though it’s too good to be true. or as though if i hold it too closely, rely on it too much, get a little too “used to it”, it’ll be gone again.
just like so many things, this again feels like the tension between hope and surrender…
I so look forward to the day I can say I have quality intimacy and family. Although that day is not today, God himself is proving to me that He is enough for me. Whenever I’ve felt alone, he whispers in my ear “You are not alone. I am here.” It’s hard to experience non-legit (i don’t like the word “illegit”) family on a regular basis with glipses of goodness once in a blue moon from people like you and Tracee, but I’m learning directly from the heart of God. While I want intimacy and family with others so so so badly, I’m so thankful for the God intimacy i’m experiencing right now.
@gritandglory says:
your heart is so beautiful and wise, coop. the way you are digging into God and truly enjoying intimacy with Him is incredible. i also know how much your heart longs for deep relationships… i’m praying for you tonight that He would bring you into a place of discovering that, even as you transition into college. i feel like this season you’re stepping into is going to be equally challenging and fruitful. keep your amazing heart open and continue letting people see the real you. you are so worth seeing.
love you, stranger-friend.
He sees. He knows. He cares. He loves….YOU. Yes, even you. Especially you.
And me.
He makes the best families. Glad we’re a part of the same one!
Love and hugs from VA!
there’s a family that i’ve come to know over the last few years that i didn’t know i had. they have been the ones to ‘push me toward Him,’ when i needed it most.
calling me out on sin at just the right time.
reminding me along the way that no matter what, He remains the same.
stopping gossip~ even when some of it was true~ dead in it’s tracks.
lifting my family up when we were at our worst.
pushing me to ‘stand up’ when i felt like dropping out, completely.
while i am sad that i needed that sort of family (the kind that are the most appreciated in the desert) i sure am glad to have them.
yeah-i know that family, too.
@gritandglory says:
“yeah, i know that family too” — that makes my heart SO glad!
<3 Thanks for loving us back…
@gritandglory says:
i can’t help it! ;)
since moving to TN, the Lord has placed me in a family
4 girls
3 of which are teenagers
and that mentor I had told you I so desperately wanted? Yeah, she’s their mom. I live at their house, live life with them. It’s beautiful.
But so difficult at times
The Lord is refining me and showing me so many false mindsets and behavior patterns. But they take care of me like a family…more than my own family ever has. I love them.
And really, learning how to be loved by them is so hard. Harder than I could have ever imagined.
But it’s worth it and I’m so incredibly thankful!
@gritandglory says:
WOW, adriane. just… WOW.
@danielleH says:
so glad to read of this experience for you. love you.
:) So glad this came at such a perfect time for you. :) My family life was a bit rough growing up, but I see how the Lord has really brought my siblings and I so close through these hard days. (I’m one of five). And I love them. But it seems everywhere I move, God places me in a family that really shows me what love is and how to BE a family, during the good and bad. They have shown me how to love in situations that are difficult, and to work through those times. :) I’m such a blessed person, and hope EVERYONE has a family that they can turn to….
@gritandglory says:
i am seriously learning so much about what it really means to be a family, and to live IN a family…
I sooo agree with your post. God has blessed me so with a wonderful family of people who like you are not necessarily related by biology but related by blood – His blood. And when my heart is lonely, I remember that I have wonderful, AMAZING brothers and sisters (especially my sisters) in Christ.
When my biological family doesn’t understand or gets frustrated with my “religion” or shows how conditional their love is, I know I have the unconditional love of my spiritual family.
@gritandglory says:
“but related by blood – His blood” — yesssss! so well-said, jen!
My heart did cartwheels at this post! I was just thinking about the same thing. I am beyond blessed with the most amazing church family who just have this way of knowing. of loving. of sacrificing. of reaching out to me when I push them away.
I’ve found people who love extravagantly.
And It’s such a small splintered fraction of our Father’s heart.
@gritandglory says:
and doesn’t it make you just want to love others extravagantly as well?! such a good challenge for me…
What you shared is the ache of my heart…. what I long for….
there have been moments in my life I had a family I was set into for that season, just not at this time, when I think I need it the most. Maybe it’s God’s plan that I not be set into a family, but rather that I rely solely on Him. I don’t know… but I am so glad, Alece, that you were given that family when you needed it.