explainless in columbus
“What are you doing in Ohio?” is my least-favorite question in the whole world right now.
Because I simply don’t know how to answer it.
I don’t know how to explain why the only thing on my schedule everyday is a counseling session. Or why I’m not working anywhere. Or why I sit in Starbucks or Panera for hours on end, simply for free internet and a change of scenery. Or why I ended up in a city where I have no friends.
Actually I do know how to explain it. It’s just a loaded answer. Very loaded. And not something I want to divulge just yet, even to people I know and love. Least of all to a fellow Starbucks regular or a hairdresser or a chick at the gym.
I’m not very creative, so I’ve yet to come up with a good “story”. I don’t want to fabricate anything, but I do need to think of a better way to answer the question when I’m asked. Because right now my blank stare, repeated shrugs, and “Ummm… Well… It’s just… Yeah…”, always leave me walking away feeling like a complete idiot.
So while this may have given you more questions than answers, please hear at least this: I’m not trying to be elusive, or coy, or confusing.
I’m just being quiet.
@atangie says:
- – WARNING – - This message contains possibly questionable, unsolicited advice. If I could make it self-destruct in five seconds, then I would. :-)
I know you don’t want to fabricate so here are some one-liners so be said with a kind smile and quiet confidence.
- I am on a secret mission.
- I would tell you, but then… (don’t finish this, just raise your eyebrows and nod your head.).
- Business stuff that I would rather not bore you with.
- I’m a trifle deaf in this ear. Speak a little louder next time. (2,592 points if you can name where that quote is from.)
- Have you ever heard of those secret shoppers? We aren’t really supposed to talk about it, ya know?
After these lines it is crucial that you change the subject. Safe zones are: weather, sports, current Ohioan events, or prying into the personal life of the person who just asked you that personal question. Non-quiet people love talking about themselves. Jump on that. :-) Or… you can talk about the famous people from Ohio: http://www.thingstodo.com/states/OH/famous_people.htm .
Oh, kudos on the gym thing, too.
FYP
How about the old standbys “I’m redefining myself at the moment” or “I’m on sabbatical?” Those work. But being quiet works, too.
Angie- It’s from Willie Wonka.
Am I right, am I right?
I think it’s okay to be quiet.
I love you.
@cassgirl says:
I like your quietness. It allows me to be your friend for real.
THere is no chitter chatter… just alot of prayer, love, and when that email comes or text, a HUGE smile and heart hug arrives.
Quietness: Healing.
I love you
@moweezle says:
You have every right in the world to not have to explain yourself!!!! We all love you with or without a long story, please know that!!!
And just so you know, I sorta know how you feel (on a small level). Everyone here ALWAYS ask me what I am doing here, and I never know how to answer that or what to say. Not that I don’t want to say, but just cuz I really can’t be 100% honest in my answers…..So I always fall back on, “its a long story.” Sometimes people accept that and for those who don’t I then say, “One day I’ll have to fill you in on it all.”
Just in case you wanna use that one. :)
Love you girl! Hey..I’m only an hour and half away! I may have to come see you! I love Panera!
Tell them you are on a new reality tv show and can’t divulge any information or you won’t win the big grand prize.
Praying for you!!!!! I am!
I think I know this place all too well.
Something my mom taught me, that has served me very well in life, is-if you can’t answer someone in honesty (esp if it’ll hurt their feelings)-answer by asking an immediate question back to them. Example: when I was in high school Bud was in jr high and getting to the stage where he cared what he looked like. I guess my opinion mattered b/c he’d ask me “how do I look?” or “does this match?” and me, being honest me w/o realizing my answer came out unloving, would say “you look sloppy” or “no, two shades of navy don’t really match.” My mom heard me and gave me this bit of advice. So, if I didn’t like what Bud was wearing, and didn’t know how to tell him, and he’d ask “do you like what I’m wearing?” I’d say “Do you like it?” and it was amazing, I never had to give my opinion!
I do it often still and it can really work. So, if the person asking you is IN Starbucks w/ you, and they ask say “well, what are YOU doing here?” and see how it goes from there. (If it’s someone online asking, mmm, we’ll have to work on that one…)
I really admire your willingness to make this stop on your journey and work through the things you’re working through. Most of us just keep shoving the lid back on the pot… to take the lid off and see what’s really stewing inside is totally BRAVE!!! I wish I could do it. Ohio is just a stop on the journey. A pit stop that will end once the wheels are replaced, the gas tank is fuller, and the oil changed.
In the mean time, Africa misses you.
Feeling a little quiet myself. :) So, put us both in a coffee shop and we’d be a heap of fun.
I am sorry…..
I am sure I am one of those ones asking you too many questions. I only ask cause I care… and also because you are a state away from me and I would like to meet you… (I will save the rest of that for an email)
as I said before… I have NOTHING but love for you in my heart…
@traceepersiko says:
come on! columbus is the ideal vacation spot!! okay i had trouble getting that out.
witness protection program. you’re from NY. come on mofia!
Feel free to use my 4 year old’s favorite line,
“It’s time to fall back and regroup.”
She seems to always use it at just the right time. Whenever she says it we look at each other, smile and nod in agreement. And head for the nearest spot to catch our breath, which usually involves a couch and a nap.
:)
“Just needed a change of scenery.”
FYP
I think you’ve got some great responses the next time your asked. :)
I wish I could sit with you in Starbucks or Panera…….and you could be quiet and that would totally not be awkward for me because sometimes being quiet with someone is exactly what us other quiet people need too!
Hugs!!!!
you don’t need to explain anything to me.
no ma’am.
(but i think you are too young for a “ma’am”. I’m not.)
but honesty on the level of “i just can’t say right now” might even be better than explaining lots of stuff to a lot of people who don’t care. better to save it for those who love you and really care. =)
i can’t wait for your story when you are ready, by the way.
here.
q: what are you doing in Ohio?
a: living my life.
Nuff said.
OR, if you want to pretend to be me, you could say: “Just fritzing about.”
:)
[did you get my email about lent?]
@cassgirl says:
so how was panera today?
@cassgirl says:
phone dead. col is in hospital.. i’ll email
oh, friend. i wish i could be quiet with you.
just tonight, i was thinking about this. when i talk about david and i, it’s much the same. people give me blank stares instead of the typical “aww, that’s great!” and the more i talk, the worse it gets. i think i’m pulling a quiet policy from here on out.
…and all that was a random jumble of words. it might not even make sense. in which case, feel free to ask for clarification. i like e-mails. ;-)
prayers are going to you alece!
oh… by the way… what are you doing in ohio? ;)
maaaaaaaaammmma bird alece i love you.
and your not just a regular gal in ohio.
your an amazing WOMAN in ohio.
free internet is gooood.
i am so proud, and i respect you.
and your not an idiot :)
anytime dudddddddde, you always make me laugh and smile.
and you TRULY are an amazing MAMMMMABIRD ALECE…even when your quiet.
NAWWWWWW DUDE i am gonna meet you in Ohio, i didn’t wanna tell you yet but I am gonna make you laugh and smile all at once.
When i get my license in July i am going to meet Amy JOY :) and then I am gonna come visit you.
its a promise….I just made your day.
its going to be A GOOOOOOOOOOD HUG TO.
awwwww yayyyy.
thats whats up alece, making you sqeaul in public.
i’m not coming to Amy because she moved but i am still coming to see you…its going to be my first road trip and i may just may drag my sister with me.
Nooo i am proud of you :), you are such an amazing friend and a friend in my life that is going to be in it until we go chillll with Jesus.
dang i leave long comments.
AWWWWWWWW i am smalls now.
haha my bad i can speak english :)
and yes we most definitely will have to talk.
i am willing to meet you ANYWHERE.
even if it’s hours away..aka like 20 hours.
i am very STOKED about this.
well i love you and will email you tonight, I promise.
@danielleH says:
Okay, I feel bad I didnt read all these comments.
Just say youre on furlough. You wanted a change of scenery. And what’s more opposite of South Africa than Ohio!?
@XCWATERBOY says:
ok this is kind of a huge tangent off what you were saying in your post but i think you will like it because it allows you to stay quiet for the time being.
Columbus is home of the Columbus crew the defending champions of Major League Soccer. Their season starts next month. They have a nice stadium and tickets and such are very cheap for a pro sporting event. Even if you don’t enjoy Soccer too much I highly recommend going just to have a nice evening out and about.
Ok thats all. Stay well.
Hi, its been a while since i’ve been here. i just wanted to stop by and say howdy miss Alece. how are you? I have a new website now, come on over and check it out.
I love you muchos.
<3 Hannah
I have to admit I did NOT read any above comments. I just read this email and wanted to say that you have every right in the world to be quiet. :)
In a world of blogs and reality TV, where privacy is not what it used to be, it can feel weird to want to keep some things to ourselves. But I get ya, girl. I understand.
scene: alece sits in starbucks, sipping on an extra-hot chai and clicking away on her laptop. enter random stranger. they chat a bit and it comes out that alece is a missionary in south africa.
RS: oh, what are you doing in ohio?
alece: (looks around frantically) i’m in ohio??!!!
the end.
i think you and jace should meet up in lancaster, pa. we have amish.
btw, i just mapquested it and you’re only like 6 1/2 hours from me.
We need quiet to listen to the voice inside our heads.
In my case that can be pretty scary.
I hope that voice will lead you to where you need to go.
I don’t really have any good advice, being quiet myself and somewhat in the same boat (not having an answer for those that ask, “so what are you doing these days”, if I were to be honest I would have to say, exercising my ‘nothing’ muscles). But I did want to say that I love you very much. In spite of my being a sponge so much of the time, taking and not really giving back, I do think of you often. And I do love you very very much.
Saying a prayer for you today. I hope you are doing alright and getting the refreshment you need.
You went to the gym??????? : )
Love You!
…I’d detour through OH on my way back from J-Lem just to see you. Love and miss you, my friend.
Quiet away.
I hear you.
My whole life is a “I don’t know what is happening” moment…so feel free to use that as well. I wasn’t going to leave any advice but then as I read some of the comments I was like, “oh” and “yes” so there you go.
I don’t mind the quiet. I like quiet myself.
Love you.
@mandythompson says:
Girl. You just do whatcha gotta do to get it done… Don’t worry about the rest of us.
applepie — i’m gonna try to remember your line to use this week.
ms. beall — i’m glad i can be quiet with you.
mandy mac! — i just love you.
I really don’t know what to say since i really don’t know anything (about ‘this’ )
If you do need an ‘answer’ to those who ask how about:
“God called me here and won’t let me leave till i have figured out by myself just why.”
Of course that could lead into a long convo about God and your religion when all you ‘want’ is some quiet – right?
I really hate not knowing!
What?? I can’t be truthful and honest and share my feelings? Psshh ;-)
May the answers you need be supplied in good time Leesh.
Patience is a virtue! (that i don’t have in full supply yet! :-)
<B
way to be honest, mr. love!
that is hilarious! and “a couch and a nap” sounds GREAT.
yeah, i’m not sure “i’m on an extended vacation” would be too believable.
witness protection… now that has a nice ring to it.
no, no, no… don’t worry. i didn’t mean to make you feel badly for asking… i know you care. i do.
where should i meet you?
you made me smile really big.
i’m not sure i’d actually be able to get out a “well, what are YOU doing here?” but it might be worth a shot. i’d probably end up laughing really hard at myself. (which wouldn’t be all bad.)
i’ve read your last sentence multiple times. that’s something i’ve told others before. i’m not sure anyone’s ever told me that.
thank you, friend.
i kinda wish i WERE on a reality TV show! that would be a far better explanation, even to myself, of what’s going on…
THAT i think i can say. thank you, mozer.
i owe you a long email. soon… soon…
“it allows me to be your friend for real”… mmm…
thank you for doing that. for being my friend for real. despite my tides of communication and lack of of being-there-for-you-ness. thank you.
you are a fierce friend.
[you're right!]
i love you, friend.
@atangie says:
Yay Becca!!! You win 2,592 points!!! Hurray!
yes! i think i could manage those. and they don’t feel dishonest.
thank you, TM!
no way i’d ever be able to get that wonka line out with a straight face. ha!
your suggestions made me chuckle. thanks, friend. way to set the tone with the first comment! (which you normally shy away from, eh?)
i wish that weren’t true.
every time you tell me that… i just want to hug you.
you are so not a maam!
and i keep rereading your last sentence. i don’t know what the draw is, but there is one…
thank you.
yeah i’ve got a whole artillery now!
i’m realizing my problem isn’t so much my response to the initial question… it’s all the follow-up questions people ask. inquiring minds want to know!
it is indeed a change of scenery. sigh…
thanks for praying, michelle. you’ve been very faithful to me in that.
if “living my life” would end the conversation, i’d be all about it. i can already anticipate the follow-up questions that would spew forth: what do you do? where do you work? blahblahblahblahblah.
sigh.
i do hope i get a chance to say i’m “fritzing about”. that would make my heart really happy!
got it! thank you so, so much!
i’m in Bux right now. post-gym. that’s a blog post waiting to happen, let me tell you.
[how'd surgery go? wait... i'mma text you.]
FRIEND!!!
it just never stops, does it?
you be quiet over in j-lem, and i’ll be quiet here in w-ville, and let’s pretend we’re being quiet together, k?
i’ll email you, friend. i want to know…
what the?!? ha!
how are you liking NYC???
soak it in for me. i wish i were there.
you made me laugh, jacey-bird. thank you!
even when i’m quiet? thanks, J-Bird.
i wish we could roadtrip to somewhere in the middle of us so i could hug you.
maybe before you leave???
JACEYBIRD! you just made me squeal right here in starbucks.
i can’t wait to see you!
and yes, you did just make my day!
i love you. and i am SO frickin’ proud of you.
you’re killin’ me, smalls!
that’s what’s up?! oh jace, you are seriously cracking me up. i kid you not.
first road trip – woohoo! you know, ohio is really an incredible vacation spot! ha! oh dear… for real, i may want to meet you somewhere slightly more exciting than here.
let’s talk when it gets closer…
but i’m all “yay” inside. i needed that. thanks!
@atangie says:
Me shy?!?! Hardly. :-/ Ha. :-) BUT, you are right. 1st comment does lead the way, whereas I would rather piggyback in the comment convos. I wonder what would have happened if I had gone with my first instinct for the first comment. (eh hum…drumroll…)
[backspaced all gone]:
You are in the gym? That is great, knowing the passionate relationship you have with exercise. Good for you!
Oh, the fates we tempt when we attempt to lead.
@atangie says:
You win 2,592 points!!! Yay for you! :-)
oh i’ve got a blog post a’brewin about the gym! just you wait!
i’m not a huge soccer fan, but i turn into instant-fan at pretty much any live sporting event… so it might be worth a shot.
the only soccer game i’ve been to was a kids’ one. and i was shouting and screaming like i actually knew what was going on.
ha.
you’re right!
i think i make things more complicated than they need to be.
you’re close!
ha ha! i love it. if i could pull that off, i would be my own hero!
::
“we have amish.” as if seeing nutmeg wouldn’t be motivation enough. dang.
i’d love to see you.
i hadn’t made that connection before — to our ever-increasingly-open culture… good point.
thanks, amy!
wow. what a surprise.
i didn’t get the link to your site… hmph.
i hope you’re well, miss hannah.
i laughed out loud that that’s all you said.
can we talk soon?
i appreciate you coming out of hiding to say that…
“exercising my ‘nothing’ muscles” — i like that!
and wow. thank you for your comment. i love you too, krista. a lot.
me, too, ed. me, too…
yeah, but you can’t tell them you’re IN witness protection… so then it’d get really complictated b/c you’d have to pretent you were in the WPP then try to allude to it w/o admitting it… it does sound kinda cool though.
Tracee- do you live in Columbus? I have a cousin who just moved there, and my life-long friend is moving soon. They’ll be looking to get connected w/ churches and stuff but I don’t know anyone there…
i wish tracee lived here… she’s the friend who came up to visit me a few weeks ago for my “vacation”. (she lives in the DC area.)
is leah moving here????
i obviously don’t know much about columbus, but i’ve gotten to know the little corner i’ve been in fairly well. i’d be glad to help if i can.
i would love that, rootabega!
i love that! thank you.
Ok – I was thinking about this post just now, and thought of a great reply.
“I’m visiting with my Friend for awhile.”
haha!!! Most people won’t ask for details on the ‘friend.’ And it’s totally true!!
niiiiiiiice.
i knew you’d come up with something brilliant!