enough for now

benches

He asked if I could explain my swirling thoughts.

“I’m waiting to find the words… and the courage to say them.”

And then I sat in silence a good long while. He didn’t seem to mind. His shared silence gave me a dose of bravery. I took a deep breath, and shook my head, and words clumsily stumbled out of my mouth. I rambled for a few minutes, covering my face at times, wiping away tears at others. My stammerings weren’t eloquent or even complete sentences, but he said they made sense.

“I’m really scared actually.”

Just saying those words out loud made me, somehow, feel a tiny bit less afraid. Maybe because what’s named can no longer lurk in the shadows, like a coat rack impersonating a monster. 

“I don’t know what to do with all of this…”

His words, full of grace and patience and wisdom: “Maybe you don’t have to do anything with it all just yet. Maybe all that’s needed is to name what you’re feeling, and just let yourself feel those things. Maybe simply acknowledging it, like you just did, is enough for now. ”

Maybe it is.

Maybe it is.

Comments

11 Responses to “enough for now”
  1. Terri Poss says:

    Our Father is the Great Physician. Like a skilled surgeon sometimes waits to perform surgery until the patient is strong enough to withstand it, He waits until what He knows to be the time we are strong enough to deal with whatever He’s asking us to walk with Him through. Still painful though. And scary. Love you, friend

  2. Pierre says:

    I have copied the text down from a radio program I heard many years ago. It was a fresh view on the story of Rumpelstiltskin. The story about the princess that promised her first-born child in exchange for a room full of gold weaved from straw. When he came for the child, she refused and he gave her a change to find out his name. As the story goes, a spy of the queen find Rumpelstiltskin dancing around the fire, singing his name. When he came the next day, the princess says his name and the hold he had on her was broken. Here is an excerpt from the text. I am translating it, so there might be better English words than what I can come up with.
    “And how to we break the power of the dwarf. Find out his name and called him that. It is one way and a good beginning, because you know then what you are dealing with. Tell the dragon in your attic and the dwarf in your dungeon, “Your name is cancer”, ”Your name is alcoholism”, “Your name is drug abuse”. Tell the troll in your house “Your name is bankruptcy and you bring fear and anxiety”, ”Your name is pain and you come from the death of a friend, the lost of a loved one or just love itself”, “Your name is melancholia and you come from the betrayal of a confidant”, “Your name is loneliness and you come from old age”. Give the dwarf on your yard a name and you have a better change to fight him. Your name is Rumpelstiltskin and I can see you. I know it is fool’s gold you are spinning and because I can see you, your power over me is broken. Apparitions don’t have names and for things with a name, there is hope.
    “Or if you wish, then it helps to tell your story and he that can put words to his pain and fear has his finger in the right flasket of ointment. It helps if you can talk about it, but choose your words carefully, because even in the deepest woods, at the fire, late at night, there may be spies. Otherwise you need to whisper it into a deep hole in a cane-field that you can fill up afterwards. But, give the thing a name – then you have started to break his power.”

  3. Mark Allman
    @
    says:

    To embrace one’s pain and one’s fear I think helps one to deal with them much better. To deny them is to deny ourselves a start towards working through them.

    To run from fear and pain paralyzes. To turn around and tell fear and pain to take your best shot frees us from the helplessness that comes from burying it beneath the surface.

    I know you Alece and although you may not know what to do at this moment you will find your way through.

  4. SPKarenO says:

    I try to live in this space all the time.

    Naming things has so much power!

    Naming sin to God and to another, somehow removes some of the power it holds.
    Naming fear soothes the anxiety.
    Naming shame lets grace flow in.

    But it goes the other way too!

    Naming joy spreads it.
    Naming thanksgiving grows gratitude.
    Naming who I am in Christ instills confidence.

    Words are so much more than a form of communication. Jesus was and is the Word.
    Sharing our fears and joys and with trusted others and especially with Jesus is so so powerful.

    Thanks for reminding me of that today.

  5. Maybe because what’s named can no longer lurk in the shadows, like a coat rack impersonating a monster.”

    rambling around on your website tonight. reading some posts before i subscribed to you. I kind of remember reading this at some point, and it resonates with me. I have been learning what is spoken and shared- in the telling of our stories has great power to reduce the hold some things have on me. “

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