do unto others
June 16, 2011
“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
So I do. Or at least I try to.
And then I find my heart disappointed and sometimes even hurt when those “others” don’t do to me as I’ve done to them.
Which doesn’t mean they are being hurtful. It maybe just means they are doing for me what they’d want done for them. Ya know, the whole we speak different love languages thing.
Maybe what’s a priority for me isn’t as important to them. And maybe doing unto them what I value doesn’t mean as much as doing unto them what they value.
Such is the random ponderings of my mind this morning…
Love sure is a tricky thing.
@moxiemandie says:
wow…that really does put a spin on things-
It maybe just means they are doing for me what they’d want done for them.
you’re a smart cookie & you know just how to make me scratch my head & think… ;)
@JCWert says:
Yeah, I know this all too well I’m afraid. It gets to the point you avoid others because otherwise you’d have to unto them that which isn’t done unto you because you can’t stand yourself if you don’t treat them right.
@tonyjalicea says:
And sometimes people don’t love themselves very much, and it reflects on how they treat others. They actually expect others to treat them terribly (because that’s how they value themselves), and they respond/react in the same manner as a way of following the golden rule.
@maryjohess says:
it makes me thing of a HUGE argument my hubby and i got into one night. i was absolutely furious and hurt that he just didn’t “get” me. . .
i would wait on him and serve him and give him affirmation all the time.
he would constantly show me affection, buy me gifts and want to spend time with me.
it was then we realized we were DOING to each other what we wanted DONE to us. LOL
but above all that i’m having to learn to love without necessarily expecting the same in return. he may love me back differently. (or in friendship or relationship. . . you get the picture i hope)
love you friend. gonna be in the nashville area soon. would love to see you!
So maybe doing unto others as you would have them do unto you is more about loving others how they are as you want to be loved as you are?
Wow. Wowowowowow. That probably nailed it. Great reply, Jason!!
@Brain_Of_Brian says:
I know all about being hurt because most of the people around you do not speak your love language. I’m a big quality time person, and I only have a handful of friends that know how to speak love to me through quality time.
@nateonamission says:
I think about this all the time. I see this a lot in my own family and how we treat each other. If we would stop being so selfish and focus on the other members of the family, I think we’d be getting somewhere. I am just beginning to grasp the fact that love is very sacrificial. If you think that you are going to get anything out of it, then you are going about love the wrong way. (totally speaking to myself here … ) Love really baffles me. I can’t believe that we are given the opportunity to love as Christ has loved.
got my wheels turnin’ Alece!
It sure is!
@amykiane says:
Oh wow. That does put things in a different perspective doesn’t it? Showing others love in their love language is quite tricky sometimes I think because it may not be our love language.
@amandalou01 says:
I think that’s one of the hardest things to learn about relationships. You can’t project your expectations onto the other person (I’m not saying you don’t expect things of other people, just that we all process things individually and what seems like a completely natural reaction to ME might not even cross another person’s mind). You have to actually see them and their needs and wants, not what YOU would want if you were them.
Oh man, I’m still learning this one…. :)
@helenamaddox says:
Practicing love is a life long journey but one I believe is worth it! Thank you for pouring your heart out authentically on the “pages” of your blog. I have been reading through some of your previous posts and I’m encouraged to continue on as I read your story. Thank you.
@sheddmatt says:
This is such a wonderful truth! My wife and I have found that so true. When i love her my way–she is often upset or annoyed, and when she spends time planning something to show me her love, it has often been done in her language, and so I am less than enthusiastic in my response.
The joy we have when we get it right makes it all worth while
just so you know, you speak my language just right.
yes. i hear you on this one.
(that’s not to imply at all that i don’t usually hear you. because i do. loud and clear! it’s just that i can so relate to this. but, then again, i so relate to almost everything you write.)
@julespreever says:
Good, good stuff once again, Alece. I might have to make this the topic of discussion for our next Bible study. Thank you!
True that…
@Han_kyoul says:
i love your random ponderings. they cause some contemplation and introspection. keep sharing as you do.
I totally get this & find it so hard myself. I have those moments or days that I get completely inward & wonky, over analyzing why so & so doesn’t like me, or show appreciation for our friendship, etc. I have my pity party & then wonder if it’s just high strung emotions or they’re legit. Super confusing & blah. That to say as I get what you are getting at.
@marniarnold says:
This is why I love your blog…and why I have come to deeply value you. You are candid, transparent and to the point. Your life inspires mine to grow deeper in Him and truly think and ponder on the things He needs me to examine and evaluate with Him. Thank you, friend, for sharing what goes on in your heart as well as your mind.
This post alone has me contemplating something pretty deep right now.
Awesome ponderings. Crazy to think of it this way.
does this mean when someone is acting like a butthead I can throw my shoe at them?
just sayin.
@stephindialogue says:
That’s a hard thing. I was thinking that this verse is in context of Jesus talking about how we should treat our enemies; so i imagine it’s never an easy thing to do, especially since if we’re treating our enemies as we’d like to be treated, we probably cannot expect them to return the favor.
@chuckazooloo says:
I completely feel the same way. but I have to ask myself these questions. Am I doing things for others with a return in mind? Do i have unrealistic expectations of them? Am I speaking their language because I love them or because I want them to love me?
And believe me, I have questioned that a whole lot lately. Second guessing myself. Placing blame. Keep loving Alece. Keep speaking love to people in their language and there will be those who will give back to you the love you so richly deserve.
@brooklynspeaks says:
This really just hit home with me. I’ve found myself in this situation many times and am currently smack in the middle of one. Your thought that
” It maybe just means they are doing for me what they’d want done for them.”
is a great perspective. I definitely need to take that into account in some areas. However, I sit and think how some people respond… surely that cannot be how people want to be treated! Ha!
I sometimes feel like there is a lack in relationships any more. At least real, deep, intimate ones. I think most people desire more depth and intimacy, but there seems to be some disconnect. Like there is a fear of getting hurt that increases betrayal and decreases loyalty. I don’t know…
Thanks for your thoughts!