dear god
Are You there, God? It’s me, Alece.
I know I haven’t been talking to You as much as I used to. I know I haven’t in a long time. I’m sorry for that. It’s just hard, you know?
You feel really far away, and life has sucked for a long time now, and I really just don’t know what to say. Maybe that sounds silly, but it’s true. My words ran out a long time ago—for myself, for others, and even for You.
I just don’t know what to talk You about.
Not because there isn’t anything to tell You or ask You, but because there’s so much. So much that when I open my mouth, tears come out my eyes. How does that work?? There’s a question for You…
I know I’m supposed to be talking to You. I know You want me to. I know You’re probably talking to me and I’m just not listening closely enough to hear what You’re saying.
So I guess in some ways, talking to You just reminds me of how much I fall short. Again.
And I’m tired of not getting things right. Of not being enough. And so I avoid the reminder that comes with talking to You. I know that’s a sucky thing to say, and an even suckier thing to feel. I’m sorry, God.
I know prayer isn’t about changing Your mind, but changing my perspective. But I also know You say that prayer can change situations. And honestly, I’m wrestling with my theology on all that at the moment.
Faith isn’t as easy as it was when I was a kid.
And now I question so much about how and what I used to believe… It feels like I don’t know what is true and right and You anymore.
What good would come of telling You that I’m crying (again), and how much I hate it? Or that I feel stuck but don’t have it in me to un-stuck myself? (And don’t even really want to?) What good would it do to tell You how badly I feel, and how much my body hurts, and how tired I am of being exhausted and in pain? You already know all those things. And I’m weary of saying the same things over and over, even if they’re just in my own head.
So yeah… I’ve grown quiet. Please don’t take it personally. I’m really pretty quiet with everyone.
But will You do me a favor? (Can I even ask You that?)
Will You please just let me know You’re still there, standing close? That way, when I’m ready to talk, I know You’ll be listening…
Thanks, God.
Opening up this space for you to scribble out
your own honest, conversational heart-prayer..
Will you let your guard down and pray with me—
no holds barred?
Praying for you Alece. Stay strong. He’s there when your ready to start talking. Even when your not speaking. He hears the cries and the sound of your heart hurting. He’s holding you friend. Believe that.
@moweezle says:
Alece, I can honesty say I’ve prayed sections of your prayer so often lately. Though we have different stuggles, and I can’t understand yours, know that you are not alone in your thoughts. There are moments when I am just ready to say, “Enough!”
Love you so much and thinking about you!
I have not walked in your shoes, but I walked in shoes that were on fire… and so far have survived. There is a deep deep unspoken place that only comes from suffering, its unexplainable to those who haven’t cried from a place they didn’t know existed, who stood at the horizon and truly truly wondered if God had turned away and not answered just one more cry…… The beauty of what I learned I learned from Angie Smith sharing out of her suffering….. she shared, one day she had been driving and driving and screaming at God almost to the point of losing her voice…. and she realized the most amazing thing about God….. He wanted her to scream, and best of all, He could handle it. He could handle her. I pray that in this time of deep deep suffering you will see that He is right there, He is not silent, He can handle your silence and doesn’t require anything more but just “you”
I am still in this process but the shoes are drying out and a littile less painful.
I will admit this is so not the fairy tale I signed up for and as soon as I find the little weazel who stole my magic wand and my super hero cape I am going to beat him silly ;)
@gritandglory says:
i found myself nodding as i was reading this. thank you, kristi.
@tamhodge says:
im thumbs upping this comment.
*Like*
@tamhodge says:
i just shared on papas blog that ive known for a long time that i need to “dig in” more. but, i havent. maybe its cuz im exhausted. maybe its cuz im afraid of this limbo period. perhaps its because ignorance is bliss. im not sure why im at where im at. but i do know that it weighs heavy on my heart. not in a guilt way. but, its there.
im not running.
yet, a part of me feels afraid. and i dont know why.
@gritandglory says:
can i just say “me too” to your entire comment? i have all the same maybe’s. and part of me feels afraid as well, though i’m not sure why.
right now? i’m just grateful to know i’m not alone. thank you, friend.
Tam & Alece = God’s creation coolness. Neat seeing your get away on Tam’s blog. God is good to our hearts to give us people we need when we need them. Hope the Golden Gate was good to you both. xoxo, R
He hears even when you don’t speak. Holds your when you don’t feel it, and is always there at your side in your heart and on your lips. Give em Heaven Kid.
Hi Alece – still here and standing with you. We are walking through the fire ourselves, and it’s not pleasant. But we have learned a lot from ‘fire walking’, and will continue to do so. When I have nothing left (which is where I have been camping for quite a while now), knowing that God is still on His throne is enough. When I can’t pray, I sit in silence……waiting. We’ve been waiting for a while, and the silence is deafening! But knowing that God is there is all I have been holding on to. When I want to rage, God is there. When I’m crying, God is there. When I’m mad beyond belief, God is there. And for now, just knowing God is there is sufficient. For when I have no energy for anything else, and silence is all I can muster, God is there.
I’ll be here for you when you return in full swing. (And my invitation still stands – if you want to come out to the left coast, you’ve got a place to stay and a car to drive around in to explore!). Love you lady!
Alece,
Definately just cried while reading this post. One day soon you’ll have to come to Manhattan and we’ll have tons to talk about over coffee.
I’ve been thinking about my own inability to form words to talk to God lately. I feel like if I open my mouth lots of words will pour out that no one is really ready for. But the message I keep getting from God is the same, that He’s still there waiting to talk when I’m ready and that He already knows.
If that makes anysense.
Praying for you friend…
B
@LindseyHartz says:
One of my favorites that carried (and still carries!) me through so much…
Romans 8:
26 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. 27 He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. 28 That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
Love you
This is beautiful. God’s word is beautiful.
Alece thank you for making yourself vulnerable. It is a comfort to me to know these feelings…the shadows are universal. It makes the aloneness slightly less lonely.
This post reminded me of this verse also…love it…”groanings too deep for words…”
alece, thanks for the honesty right here.. if there was a “ditto” button, i would press it. sometimes i have trouble articulating my thoughts to human beings (lol), so i struggle at times with how i am ever going to verbalize (or at least within my head) my thoughts and petitions to God. i want to remember that it’s okay to just rest in Him….
Alece,
I am encouraged by your post. You are real and authentic and do not desire to hide that. Know that when we are speechless, the Holy Spirit speaks on our behalf. It is rough being in the wilderness. It is rough not knowing what happens next or what is around the corner. My wife and I have been through that and we see that God is in control and has been using this to help us conform more to the image of Christ. Praying for you.
Geez, I don’t want to sound trite, but I am praying for you Alece. Yep, faith and prayer and all that was definately easier when we were kids. But it’s funny, everything I know I prayed about as a kid became trivial over time. I was no longer concerned about the things which had once consumed me. But it felt extraordinarily earth shattering at the time. I wonder if the things which consume me today will lose their grip on me in a few more years.
Alece-
This is a season of life. You are not defined by it. I’m a messy person. A lot of the time I look at the piles and piles of clothes on my floor and I think, ” Not now. I don’t know where to start.” The mess just keeps getting bigger and bigger to the point I have to ask for help, and I have to spend two days cleaning things I should have cleaned the whole time.
This is similar to my prayer life. I have so many things I need to take to the Lord, but I don’t know where to start. Eventually everything gets so big that I can’t do it on my own, so I have to take it to the Him. I I need to repent of doing things of my own strength. I need to quit hoping that I can change people and show God how I cleaned up my mess myself. That’s not what He desires. He wants to get us through the grit and the glory :)
None of us our enough. None of us our good. For a long time I believed in that goodness in people. That hope that one thing would wake them up and everything would change. But then I realized I was hoping in a sinner. That my hope needed to be in Christ. When I’m looking up towards Him the messes around me fade.
My encouragement to you is to begin anywhere. This is an overwhelming time in your life. I’m sure you feel like you are in a million pieces. No one can put you back together, but Him. He knows where every piece goes and always knows exactly where to start. Trust Him.
Thank you for your honesty in your posts. Keep fighting the fight. -b
Alece, in my gut I get this. I know everything I should say and do but just I can’t say or do it. Oy the grace of God is amazing.
Abba, I want to not care what they say. They’re just children, but how many times can I hear them call me a man or ugly, and not just want to crawl out of the classroom crying? And right now, I’m not sure what I should even ask for. I’m stretched to my limits of faith teaching these kids and living so far out of my comfort zone, that how do I ask for more? I know what I want…I want to marry him, but there is so much confusion. With every frustration, its a punch in the gut. For every time we laugh, I’m ready to fight for him. Lead on, where I don’t know where to go.
I have few words, but a link to a song – if you wish to hear it. This song has often been my prayer, my plea…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gBGGX3yvMo
Praying with you along the journey
@traceepersiko says:
rowing for your heart and question marks.
I am continually amazed at your deliberate vulnerability and transparency. I love what Kristi said up there too: he can handle your silence and doesn’t need more than just “you.” Shalom to you, my friend.
I have been having the same exact conversation with him lately and asking for the same exact thing…just a little reminder that he is still there. You are not alone as I am feeling quieter these days as well.
He knows your heart:
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” Romans 8:26
Praying for you today.
@bryanallain says:
fascinating to hear you say “Faith isn’t as easy as it was when I was a kid.” because it immediately reminds me of Jesus telling us we should have “faith like a child”.
What does that mean? What’s the difference between a kid and an adult? is it a higher capacity to reason? Is it the life experiences that help define us, both good and bad? Is it that kids don’t yet think they are in control of their lives like adults often do? I don’t know.
Makes me want to take a hard look at my faith and make sure it hasn’t been distorted in negative ways since I’ve become and adult. Is my faith in God contingent on the good circumstances in my life right now (or the bad)? Is my faith in God colored by the fact that I feel like I’m the one who’s in control right now when the reality is that I’m not?
Sorry to think out loud, but I appreciate your open thoughts on the subject, Alece. It is refreshing to hear. I trust that God knows your heart and more than giving you what you think you need, will give you what He knows you need.
@mat2820b says:
I thought this too!
And then I wondered… how does this work with figuring out your faith, and moving into your own relationship with God? You know, questioning things, why do I believe this… why do I have faith in that? Little kids just… believe. Even *gasp* blindly. Do we, as adults, over analyse it all?
Thanks for writing MY blog post today! This is EXACTLY what I opened my computer to write. Seriously. Guess that’s a God thing, huh? Maybe His reminder that I’m not as alone in this battle as I feel.
I don’t know you, but I know your heartache. It sucks to be in this place. I am tired of knowing what I’m supposed to do, but it feels impossible to do. Overwhelmed. Where to even begin?
I am told that God will help us in this… that He wants to help. I try to remember the “God things” that have happened in my life — times when He has made himself SUPER obvious (like someone else writing my heartache out in a blog post for me). It sometimes helps to remember that He has worked in my life before.
As you well know, there isn’t anything anyone can say that will make it better. Maybe knowing today that there is someone else who really “gets it” will bring some comfort.
Hang in there!
Father – I too have been waiting on you for so long. I know you say to me to be patient, is it impatient of me to ask, how long? Everyday is a struggle, you say you will give me new strength and I will soar, I can’t find this new strength and I don’t think I know how to soar. Lord, I don’t want to go out and get anything, I only want what comes from your hand.
@coffhaus says:
I read your blog and I recall the moment I lifted my hands up in an act of worship, and told the Lord, ” I love you. I don’t feel like I love you. I don’t feel like you love me. But I am going to say what I should know and that is I love you and that I know you love me.”
Not sure when I next felt that the Lord loved me, but I know it happened.
I have touch and go moments of feeling the Lord loves me. I have learned to just rely on the knowing that He does rather than the feeling that He does. I still welcome the feeling though…very much so.
I am writing this out of more knowledge of it than feeling what I am about to type…
The way we know God loves us is not our present situation.. but by looking at the Cross. We know He loves us because He sent His son to die for us. Nothing else matters. Our present circumstances, etc… that is not how we tell.. we live in a fallen, broken world that hates Jesus. We tell by the Cross..
I am having a hard time believing this now. But I will speak Truth even when I don’t feel it…
@sonnylemmons says:
Given how many times God speaks to me in a still, small voice, I don’t think He minds when my own voice is still..and small…
The faith I had when I was younger is long gone. I grew out of it like I did the rest of my clothes. What I have now isn’t better in comparison, but it fits. Sometimes a bit too snug and sometimes far too loose; either extreme tends to make me emotionally uncomfortable. But it fits. For the most part.
The only encouragement I get from when I find myself questioning it all is that I know God is big enough to handle my questions. That no matter how big the doubt I have is, it’s not bigger than Him. And so He waits. Patiently.
Praying for you, friend. Praying for us both, actually.
@mat2820b says:
Oh my. I love this whole comment. Every little bit of it.
The first thing I thought when I read this was, “Has she been reading my journal again?” Then I thought of Rom. 8:26. We’ve been looking at Romans 8 in our small group lately, and that verse popped up in my Bible study last week too. But something I noticed that I’ve never heard anyone talk about is the idea that it’s not our groanings that are too deep for words, it is the groanings of the HS who intercedes for us when we do not know what or how to pray. Just ponderings, but I’m thinking that even though it is the HS that intercedes, that sometimes there just aren’t words, just groanings too deep for them. Here lately I’m feeling overwhelmed by the inadequacies and insufficiencies of my words. Language is so limited in expressing our heart sometimes, but don’t we all understand the groans of grief? It doesn’t need to be explained, maybe the what does but not the emotion of it. Know that there are people holding on for you when you can’t hold on anymore. Praying when you cannot pray. Liftiing your arms up in the thru the battle when you can’t do it any longer. Giving you a place to sit and rest yourself, literally and metaphorically. Yep, nothing seems as easy as it did when we were children.
I posted this song on my FB page for you a while back. Here it is again. I know I’ve needed it so many times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfB0N8F5lP8
3000+ miles is a long way, but I hope you can feel my love and hugs all the way across from VA to OR.
God. where are you?
You’re so commonplace here that I have a hard time seeing the real power of your name.
I’m not sure if I’m running from you. but I just don’t see you here. or hear you.
I long to hear your voice. but all I hear is a to-do list.
Accept me with all of my doubts and questions. Keep them from consuming my heart. (like they are right now).
convict me. break me. comfort me.
be my strength.
Be stronger than the fear that consumes me. Make yourself known.
Break me until I made the basis of my faith You alone…instead of the work i’ve seen you do in others.
I feel far from you. it’s been forever since i’ve heard your voice.
quiet my dissatisfied heart. be my priority. love me when i can’t love myself.
i’m just confused God. and I haven’t made enough space for you in my life. i can’t box you in. please just consume me.
help me to want you. period. with all of me.
sigh.
@hannahruthie says:
I cried real tears when I read this. I don’t think I’ve ever read a blog post in which every. single. word. could have been from my keyboard. My Bible is dusty. My prayers are scant. I’ve grown up in a Christian home and I’ve been wounded by the Christianity that I grew up with. I know that that is not who God is, but I am left wondering who he REALLY is because I can’t see it anymore.
I want God, I do. But maybe I just don’t want him enough. Why do I keep turning away as though my burdened heart, my waiting heart, is too much. I feel the weight of it every day and I’m afraid of laying my crap down at the cross. The cross feels so far away from my struggles. I’ve been there — at the foot of the cross — but that cross… I feel like I worked so hard to get there. So now I feel like I fall short too. And I know this is so skewed. Such an imperfect/false view of God’s love and grace and freedom, but it’s where my heart is at. I’ve given the mask of perfection too much reign in my life and now I know I need to be real. But “real” hurts so much too, and I really wish I wasn’t so quiet like this with God.
I’m sorry, Alece. Your heart-state is so different from mine, yet we are both wounded just the same and it’s a sucky feeling. I wish I knew how to “fix” this.
@prestonyancey says:
I have a close friend who told me once that when she was in college, she hit a place in her life that was just too hard for her and she didn’t know how to pray anymore. She asked her best friend, “Say my prayers for me?”
I love that story. I think some people would have serious problems with it. I think who I was a year ago would have serious problems with that. I don’t anymore. I don’t know you well enough to ever say your prayers for you, Alece, but I do know how to pray. So you are being prayed for. And I think He translates all those prayers into exactly what they need to be, even when all we seem to be coming up with is silence.
Grace and peace to you.
God – me too… it’s been a lot of heartbreak and battle the last year or two.
And now, this new thing you’re asking? Seriously? That? I know better than to make deals with you, but that was kind of the unspoken one – the I’ll do anything “but” thing.
And yes, I’ll do even that. But I might argue and fight a little bit first.
That immediate obedience and peaceful surrender thing is still something you’re teaching me.
Help me to learn that gracefully.
And promise to go with me, even in this thing.
Because I’m yours, and I can’t do it without you.
@aeg0707 says:
God, I’m ready. I’ve been ready for more years than I care to remember. And I know that my worth in you, nor my admittance into the Kingdom, is based on my marital status. But God? You didn’t make us to live alone. And for all the truth I tell, I don’t sometimes believe that I can be alone and not be lonely. I want a family, a marriage, a help-mate. You are enough. I know that. I know that in my head and my heart, but I want more. Since You and I are walking this truth thing together, you know why I really wanted to join the Convent last year? Because then I wouldn’t have to deal with this desire any longer. Married to your son, I would be able to check a box and live happily ever after.
But you said No. At times I think I know why- because you’ve called me to a different vocation. At other times, I have to banish the thought that it was because I wasn’t good enough. I know that is from the author of lies and this Lenten season reminds me to stand firm in all the devil is not and does not hold.
But today? Today I’m in a job I don’t always like, a city a don’t really love, and still in a marital box that makes me feel small. I want to trust your timing, I really want to whole-heartedly believe you are not just enough, you are the I AM. Will you settle for my wanting to be found fully in you? Walk with me through this season. And if it is more than a season, I beg you Gentle Father, hold me near.
@mat2820b says:
Silent tears made their way down my cheeks as I read your heart. Please know I prayed for you… and your husband… wherever he may be.
@hopefulleigh says:
Ashley, this has been the cry of my heart lately. I find myself torn in how to pray for this season. Do I continue to ask for a husband, for God to prepare me for marriage in the waiting? Or do I prepare myself for lifelong singleness? Either way I want to be open to how God will use this in my life. I just wish dreams deferred weren’t so hard to deal with. Praying with you.
@aeg0707 says:
My first response, sadly, was to recoil and say “but I don’t need your prayers.” Not in a bad way, but in an arrogant way. Oh how much work the Lord has to do on my heart. Thank you both for accepting my very real heart, not demanding a polished and perfect response, and praying for me. That means more that I can ever explain.
Dear Alece,
here’s my voice, my contribution to letting you know that someone’s listening.
Papa. Abba,
my life’s like a burning bush…it seems to be in flames all the time. But of course You know that.
To the outside and to myself it looks like my life will never have a boring moment. Oh how I long for one of those. But of course You know that.
Sometimes the heat is so intense that I feel like I can’t take a second more of living in my own skin. But of course You know that.
Today my branches are dried up, there is no water left in them, nothing to keep them going. But of course You know that.
So, I come to You, because I’ve read You’re the source of living water, the source of strength and life and love…I’m having trouble believing it in my heart…it’s too dry. But of course You know that too.
I’m on my knees, I beg you, I ask you…water me, just a drop, a tiny one. Just so I know You’re there. Right there with me. In my most dried up hour, were the last of my branches go up in flames.
Lord, water me, so I can stand the heat. Water me, so my heart doesn’t dry out. Water me, with Your living water…so that even when my life’s like a burning bush, the flames won’t consume me.
Please don’t leave my dry. But of course I know You won’t…You never have!
Jesus, a lot of times lately, prayer feels naive. Like I’m wishing on a star or sprinkling fairy dust from childhood on my grown-up problems. I still picture you and your disciples in flannel-graph form. Bible stories get mixed up in my memory with fairy tales. But I want you to be real for me (and I know that requires a change in ME not in you). I want my faith to be more than a gimmick I use to fit in at church. I invite you to do some work in the secret parts of my life, in the areas I don’t talk about, or admit to myself, or know how to express. It’s easy to follow all the right steps and look like a Christian, but I want to be a different kind of person, one you can use whether my life feels mundane or exotic.
Amen.
So much of what I was going to respond with has been said above. It’s so interesting that so many of your readers are basically in the same boat. I’m there too…I haven’t experienced pain anywhere near what you’ve gone through, so I won’t even pretend to be in the same section of the boat. Maybe you’re steering the whole sihp wihle I’m lazily rowing away in the middle. It would be easy to sugar-coat and use cliche’ phrases, but know that He knows. You don’t have to say anything for Him to know.
I know this is off topic, but last night I went back to the gym for the first time in a LONG time. I posted this on facebook and said the hardest part is jumping back in. And it’s so true. He isn’t waiting for you to work yourself up to a place of “good enough” or “where you might’ve been before everything started to go wrong” to start over. He truly is already doing what you’ve asked -standing close.
I read a post today about Coldplay’s song “Fix You”. The writer said that when he’s listening to this song, he sometimes envsions Jesus singing this song to us. If you have a second, youtube it or if you have it in your itunes library, give it a listen. If you can’t stand Coldplay, just google the lyrics.
Here is the end of a prayer from my journal that had to do with a specific situation that seems to be an endless road block for me…
“PLEASE, from the bottom of my soul. I’m crying out to you. PLEASE LORD, PLEASE, bring this chapter to a close. My heart is in shreds and I can’t handle it anymore. Please, bring peace to our hearts LORD. Peace.”
That was a prayer from a little over a week ago. While the chapter hasn’t closed, my heart is healing as God seems to bring encouragement my way on a continual basis. I feel renewed and better able to face this seemingly HUGE mountain in front of me.
@JewelzSightings says:
I hear these words coming into my mind for you….I believe God is stirring my heart to speak His words to you… for they will not stop coming into my head…
“Oh my sweet, Alece”…. “No need to apologize.” ” I love you.” “My love isn’t based on anything you do or don’t do.” “It’s just there because I am love.” “Don’t you see my child that words aren’t always necessary, for I read your tears.” ” I see the groans of your heart.” “Each tear is gathered in My hands and carried to the Father, where they are turned into prayers on your behalf.” “Remember how I told Peter that I had prayed for him?” “I pray for you too.” ” I intercede on your behalf.” “Words are only necessary when they are needed.” “And they aren’t always needed.” “Your heart yearns for me.” “I don’t look at your behavior to testify of that. I look on your heart.” “If I know anything I know that you love me with every fiber of your being.” “I know this is a hard place.” “When you weep, I weep.” “But a time is coming, my sweet daughter when your mourning will be turned into dancing.” “Your ashes into beauty.” “For out of the fire you will come.” “Know that I am OK with you, always am OK with you.” “Know that I will never, ever, ever look at your behavior and be disappointed with you.” “I’m OK with your silence.” “I’m OK with your tears.” “I just love that you are here with me, clinging onto me with all that you have.” “The beautiful thing is that is really isn’t up to your clinging… it’s My clinging to you that holds you yet even today.” “I will never, ever, ever let go.” “I love you, Alece, more than life itself.” “Even when everything inside you feels dead know that you are still alive, for I am in you… the very breath of life indwells you.” “You’re going to be OK, my girl.” “Trust me.” “Believe me.” “Even when you cannot feel me or hear me or see me know that I never, ever, ever leave you.” “I love you.”….
Father God,
Thank you that you are who you are, and that we can do nothing to change that. Thank you that there is nothing we can do to make you love us more or to make you love us less.
Thank you that you are holding Alece in your hands, that you are ahead of her, behind her, by her side and below her, carrying her. Thank you that there isn’t a single thing about who she is or how she is feeling that you don’t know intimately.
Thank you that she is fearfully and wonderfully made, in your very image, and that you have numbered even the hairs on her head.
Thank you for your Holy Spirit who is always talking to you on her behalf even though she has no words. Thank you for her loyal and supportive friends who surround her with your love.
Father, I pray that Alece would feel your presence with her in a very tangible way.
I pray that you would reveal yourself to her more and more, even though she may find it difficult to actively seek you out. I pray that she would hear you in the most unexpected of places.
I pray that you would help her to lay her burdens at your feet and to literally feel a weight lifted from her shoulders.
I pray that you would heal her brokenness perfectly and completely in the way that only you can.
I pray that she would come to know you even more through all of this.
I pray that you would continue to sustain her, and that you would grant her patience and hope for the duration of this journey.
I pray you would restore joy to her.
Father God, please continue to pour out your love on Alece.
In the powerful name of your son Jesus.
Amen
This is so beautiful.
Got a new phone and your site looks great on it!
I remember during my rough time feeling so far from god and very much in my own sinful world afterall what kind of holy god would stand by me through that?! It wasn’t much later that I saw so clearly how god was there the whole time. Holding on to me never leaving me or letting me go anywhere that he could not bring me back. Ooops I guess this is my x marks the spot comment of something I don’t want to forget. But I’m trying to say that even if you don’t feel him he is there like it says in that footprints poem. Love you girl! I’m so glad to be back at grit and glory!
Hi Alece,
I just want to encourage you that God is faithful. I have had to deal with depression over the years, and the best weapon that brings me up out of that pit is to begin to thank God. Thank Him for anything I can think of, big or small – for clothes on my back, for a roof over my head, for my fingernails, for the dirt in the yard – for the very boards in the wall. It’s lifting our eyes up off of the problems, not that the problems aren’t there, but making the deliberate choice to thank God in spite of them. He promises to keep us in perfect peace if our minds are stayed on Him. I know that is not easy in the midst of the battle, but it is possible, and God will never fail us if we obey His word. He will do His part. Be encouraged.
God…
Thank you for all the people you’ve brought into my life to lift me up, but honestly I am tired & weary. I need You…please more of You.
I’m here. And I’m His. So He’s telling you He’s here by me being right. here. always.
love you and your open heart, even when you think it feels closed.
@kamriereed says:
God I am tired of being so stinking hurt. I am laughing one second then tearing up the next. I am not emotional. really. but lately tears flow easily.
I am frustrated that I don’t really know what to do or where to go. I feel as if you are asking so much of me yet not telling me how it will go down. Which leaves me in the dust babbling like an idiot about some dream. and everyone else mocking me with jokes that they don’t really understand. Is there any way you could stop breaking my heart for these young girls. It is not so much fun. I am tired of thinking about how they can’t see your love and how no one will love them and worst of all that I can’t be there for them. oh yeah and I am really tired of this surrendering thing. it scares the poop out of me to trust you.
but
I am going to take my stupid deep breath again and surrender again leap into the air hoping someone catch me.
May you someday soon comfort others with the Comfort with which you have been comforted, and bind up broken hearts the way yours has been bound and healed.
@gritandglory says:
hey everybody…
i am the best-kind-of-overwhelmed by all the responses here. thank you for your heartfelt words, for letting me know this resonates with your hearts, reminding me i’m not alone. and those of you who’ve joined me in laying your heart bare in prayer… there isn’t a “thank you” big enough.
i appreciate you all so much. thank you for so graciously listening to my heart and responding with your own…
God, I know that this life is more than I deserve and that I should count it all as grace and gift from your Hand, but sometimes that is so hard to do. I am weary of praying the big prayers and not getting answers – prayers for healing from physical pain, prayers that you would grow my family, prayers that you would protect my daughter from the world. I’m exhausted after this year where You have asked me to give up everything I thought I was or had control over. I know the rewards are coming. I know deep down You are here in the midst of all of this, but I need Your Rest. I need You to quiet me with Your love.
Alece, I want to add that I’m so glad you’re writing again. Keep on being real!
@amykiane says:
While I haven’t walked in your shoes I understand the feeling that you’ve prayed the same thing so many times you wonder if He is still listening. The past few weeks have been this way. I’ve also been the friend like Preston mentions above that prays for a friend when they can’t pray themselves. I’ve discovered something in these past weeks though. Some times we just need to go through the motions. I’m writing about it on my blog tomorrow. I’ve also realized if I ask Him like you did here that He will show me and I will feel His presence. Thanks for sharing so openly.
Oh, Alece, I hope that you feel God holding you close with his tender loving arms. It’s not easy, the road you’re walking, I know because I have felt a part of that same sting. God loves you and will be there. I am praying for you dear dear one.
Dear God,
*deep sigh* Did Alece hear my many prayers I have prayed? She just prayed many of the same words I have prayed for years and years. So many times, I have admitted to you that I have not been talking to you like I used to, and all I felt was tears. I have felt so distant from you, for years now, I have nearly forgotten what it was like when I wasn’t. I make two steps forward, only to take 5 steps backward. I have questioned EVERYTHING I have ever believed. I think, God, I am finally beginning to make peace with it, and starting to feel like I belong to You once again. I am so thankful that You are always there. I didn’t always feel like it. I have wept for feeling so empty, so lost, and so lonely.
This one thing, God, is the ache of my heart right now….. please God, I pray for my children and my husband, my longing is for us all to live for you…. fully, completely, no holds barred, passionate, desperate, only for You. This is what I weep for right now, more then anything… Jesus….
@bahava says:
hey god. so when i got asked that question about whether i actually had told you how i felt about that and when i realized that more often than not i just ignore me….well, i’m an achiever so i couldn’t not do the “homework” but goodness really. i didn’t know i had so many tears still left in me. i didn’t know how many wounds are still bleeding, gaping, wide open. so um. if you could just bind them up real quick and nice that’d be great. but see. i don’t trust you. i don’t even know how to trust you. so you might have to teach me that before i let you come near them. all these “get real with jesus” talks are wearing on a girl’s heart. that girl being me. i’m tired. i’m tired of the push back i get when i speak truth, when i bring my ten million questions. and god. why. why don’t they want to walk with me? it’s sure not making this whole trust business any easier. and really. let’s be honest. i’m still pretty hurt about the whole notion that well “you’re too much and i’m not a counselor so let’s make a deal and you go see one and we’ll extend some grace and decide to keep you around.” yeah that hurt. oh and just sayin’ i’m fighting being bitter every time someone says “he’s coming or when you get married.” let’s just shut everyone’s mouth on the topic. stop bringing it up. unless they have heard directly from you then i’m skeptical and i’m pretty sure they didn’t hear your audible voice telling them that my man is coming because that would just be ridiculous that you would decide to tell other people and not just give me my dumb yes/no answer. and let’s be honest. i don’t even want to hope. so yeah. that’s a problem too. yet i hate the juxtaposition of how i would feel if they told me he wasn’t coming…so there’s a catch-22. so okay god. oh and one more thing…i just hate how this makes me sound like i complain about everything and don’t have any joy and that i’m not enough and not a good enough christian yet. because seriously. ugh. yep. not my heart. and i guess you know that but yeah these let’s be honest conversations. they hurt. but i did just write out that sometimes to be whole you have to broken…so let’s get this breaking over….it hurts too much to be torn. not to mention that my heart’s already torn and mostly just in africa anyway. but that’s a whole other thing that i could get honest with you about and why i don’t trust you. so yep. sing over me while i sleep and hold me while i cry some more tears because you see them and bottle them. you are the god who sees me. el roi.
There’s a light inside, burning bright for You. There’s a fear so deep, keeps me grasping for Truth. Will you love me for now? Will you hold me ’til then? ‘Cause I need you now, need you to the end.
@brittxander says:
i can’t even start this off with your name and honestly, that just makes me feel like a failure. god, it’s late and once again i can’t sleep because my mind is racing and i feel as if everything is spinning out of control. my cheeks are wet with tears and my heart is hardened. so many times i have been given the advice to just talk to you, but right now, you’re the one i’m mad with. i’m so angry god. i’m angry to the point that i barely have words to say to you, instead i turn away and sit quietly.
tormented. hurt. shaking. scared.
i wonder if you care. i wonder if you see me; if you hear me. i wonder if i’ve gone too far to ever be brought back. and so i walk a little further away each time i start to hurt because i feel like i’m talking to no one.
mentally, i know that i’m not supposed to feel this way but right now the walls around my heart are so heavily armored that i fear the strongest of weapons can’t get through. i’m running away and if i listen to that small area of my heart, the one hidden below the rubble, all i really want is to know that you still care and that you can heal me.
i’m drowning and i’d really like to know that you are still there. that you still care. that you can and will rescue me. i fear i’ve pushed you too far away and i’m sorry for this fear that consumes me. i have no right to ask you for anything, but if you are listening, rescue me? would you send a little bit of light into this darkness? could you just let me know that you still care? i just want to be held and told that it will be okay, that i am safe and i’m not alone. that you still love me.
please, will you rescue me?
Brittany, my heart breaks for your brokenness. You can never go too far. He is always there and He always hears you. And He loves you no matter what. *big hug* Psalm 139 is often a comfort to me, so I’m sharing some of it below in the hope that it comforts you too.
1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
then up ahead and you’re there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can’t take it all in!
7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you’re there!
If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute—
you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.
13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.
Thank you God for bing there with me even when I wasn’t talking to you. You were there for me entangled in every step of my life. You have used many of your children to speak through to teach me. My faith has grown stronger every day as I worship you and thank you for all the blessings. I turn from the temptations that come not from you and focus on the new life that is given only from you. You call me to lead a life that has only been reflected by Jesus. I will not give up trying to reflect the love and joy you have for me and every other child of yours.
I worship you and love you!
Words cannot express how I feel about you…
duch… can i come sit quietly with you? i struggle for words with lots of people these days. and maybe we can pray together.
but, really. if i don’t get either of the jobs i applied for yesterday and today… i’ve been wanting to visit the northwest for a few years, now.
p.s. (after writing the next part): writing this, i cried for the first time in … almost a week, now. and i thought i was doing soooooo well. *rolling my eyes at my own naivete* *rolling them even more at the fact i used the word “naivete”*
as for my prayer…
getting un-stuck, feeling less purposeless and having something to #listen to once in a while would be nice, God. but, then, maybe i’m just not listening closely enough. and sometimes, i’m scared to talk to you. because i’m scared of being reprimanded for hurting. i’m scared you’ll want me to put on a joyful attitude, when all i want some days is to keep crying and feeling sorry for myself.
@atangie says:
I love that your prayer started with ‘dear’.
Papa,
i think i’m at a place where i am slowly coming back to you. getting out of this rut and trying to be obedient to you. will you help me? i know i keep thinking that i know more than you, and it hurts to admit that ive been wrong….for YEARS.
will you rebuild my self-esteem and self-worth into who you are, and into what you’re making me- a mini you?
thanks. and oh yeah, the faith thing, Papa. you know i struggle to believe what i can’t see. i think you’re calling me to go where i can’t see and to live blindly by faith. i’m scared. and i hate that i’m scared and faith-deficient. will you help me to take each step day-by-day in faith to you?
i know now that i can’t rely on myself to fix my issues, so will you help me?
thanks so much.
@bernardshuford says:
God, I feel like I suck. Period. At everything. I’ve not done anything at all that I feel good about, because the part of me that’s screwed up so badly seems to invade everything I touch. I can’t laugh any more. I can’t make people laugh. I can’t make people feel you because I can’t even feel you myself. I can’t find you. I don’t know how. I don’t even really care like I used to about the fact that I can’t find you. Or about the fact that I don’t even know how to look. About the fact that I’m not hungry for you, because I feel like I’ve let you down so much that I’ll never find you again.
My faith in you is quite shattered. I’ve concluded that I can’t believe hardly anything “men” tell me, because the next one along will tell me something different. I can’t believe those who say “just believe the Bible” because there are hundreds of polar opposite beliefs that are “based on Scripture.” So I try to find peace by just not thinking about it. Which means I don’t think about You, because I can’t separate the two. I’m clueless. Brain dead freaking spiritually clueless. I’ve been in church all my life, spend 4.5 years in a Christian college, played in worship bands, taught in Sunday morning services, wrote songs, experienced major shifts in what I believe, and yet can’t settle on much of anything that I really, really KNOW about you.
Basically, I just feel really sucky about this whole “I’m a Christian” statement, even though I know darn well that I am.
God, if you don’t bring me through this, I’ll crash and burn. Badly. I need you terribly. All I know to do is say “God Help Me” even though I often find it hard to believe that you even hear me.
You say you won’t turn away those who come to you.
All I know is to come to you. And I’m not even very good at that.
Amen. Although I probably need to pray this whole prayer over and over.
Welcome to my life.. even down to the 4 years at a Christian college, changing view points, etc etc…
This is just how I feel so very very often!! Thanks for being vulnerable and writing about this.
Father – I see how you’re leading me with your spirit, it took me so long to even recognize your deep, deep love. The wasted years of doing things on my own and forsaking your name. Forgive me of that selfishness. I long to be the man that you smile over. You are my creator – that alone speaks to your worth. Shine through me. I love you. Amen.
Alece,
The Lord has heard your cry and He loves you so much. He knows you are hurting and this is what He wants to say to you:
http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/about-nick
Be blessed!
Mercedes
Praying right now seems to remind me of the reality that I want to forget. When I pray I feel the pain I want to pretend is not there. I am tired – exhausted, and wondering why, as I “wait upon the Lord” my strength is not renewed, I am not soaring with wings of eagles, I am running, but yet I am weary, I am walking and feel so faint . . .
Your first line. That says exactly what I feel. I can’t stop thinking about “it” when every time I pray, it’s the first thing on my mind. The whole thing wears me out. And frankly, I’m starting to not give a rip.
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.” Romans 8:26
Kind Father,
I pray that you’d break though, knock down, plow over, dig up, and throw aside the barrier that’s keeping Alece from feeling You. Allow her just a touch to rekindle her Hope.
((hugs))
I see myself in most of the sentences that you wrote. Almost word for word.
@Melissa_Rae says:
Dear God, thank you for showing yourself and speaking to Alece through the words of these many.
Alece, love your heart!
my heart is heavy for the very deep pain and struggles shared here by so many. my only encouragement is this:
ask your YHWH God to show Himself to you, to speak His Truth into your heart.
it has been during this last year of the deepest pain of my life that He has met my broken heart with His healing truth and grace. i have seen Him and He is very real. it is not easy, but it is simple: just ask Him. He loves you and wants to bring His healing to your heart.
Dear God,
I am mad at you. I don’t understand why you made me this way if everything in my life works against it. Why did you make me this way and give me these dreams if none of it is going to work. For once in my life I would like to have some idea of where I am going or what I am doing, I’m tired of feeling like my life is a puzzle that I am putting together without a picture. I’m mad at you.
@gritandglory says:
thank you for your honesty, G. my heart is heavy for you… hoping you feel Him respond to you in an unmissable way.
Dear Lord,
Where have you gone? My faith used to be so easy, so simple. I never asked why – because I knew YOU knew how You are best glorified and I am not You. And then one day, one moment, it all changed. The barrages of doubts, the anxiety, the depression, out of nowhere? What is this? What are You teaching me? Where is the Truth I held so dear? Why does everything feel fake? WHAT are You doing?!!!! I know Your grace is sufficient if this is forever, but Lord, I feel like I am losing my mind. What are You doing? Please.. take this cup from me.. please.. but not my will, but Yours be done.
[I just want my mind to be at peace, to know Truth, to not doubt that You are there, and to feel clearheaded for the first time in a month...]
@amandasims says:
Dear God, I know something is going on. There’s something more in me. I’m scared to death that I’m not up to it. I know I keep putting you off, but it’s because I’m so terrified of my own inadequacy, unoriginality and laziness. Help!
@JCWert says:
Dad,
I’ll be honest. I’m so pissed off at you right now I just don’t know which way to go. I felt you leading me to do this year long blog where I lay my life out there, put all my dreams in writing in front of everyone and you’ve done nothing but rip all of them apart. You’ve sent me to a weekend conference full of dreamers just to blow my dreams up and leave me with nothing. You’ve put in the middle of a church filled with incredibly creative people doing wonderful things right and left and you leave me feeling like I’m nailed to a bench watching all of your blessings go by.
Then you take my job from me, give me no income for my family, give me no responses to the resumes I’ve sent out, open up no new doors and leave me feeling depressed and alone because I cry out to you and the only thing I hear is a friend telling me they feel impressed to tell me you’re giving me discipline. AGAIN.
It’s been eleven years of these kinds of trials and discipline for which I see no purpose at all. You keep asking me to trust you when you don’t tell me for what I’m being disciplined. Why am I being put through all this crap? Seriously? You can’t give me one freaking iota of a clue as to the purpose of all of this?
And yet you leave me with feelings there’s something more. That I’m built for more than where I am now but you never let me move from victim to victor. Every time I think the clouds are starting to part you pull off a manhole cover and I fall into the sewer again.
If you’re rejecting me from serving you, just tell me. Stop jerking me around over and over and over. If I don’t get a comeback story, if I’m going to be that person that everyone looks at and tells their children to not end up like me, then freaking let me know. I’m tired of trusting and hoping and praying and seeking and telling other people how great you are while I don’t see that greatness in my own life. It’s hard to turn to someone who seems to come at you with a baseball bat most of the time.
@deborahhardy says:
Hey God,
Yeah, it’s me again. It’s time for me to complain some more. To demand for answers, signs and reasons for what I’m going through…even though I can’t pin point what I’m going through.
I know you’re there. I know you’ve been showing up in BIG ways. But it’s not enough. I don’t want to just know you’re in control, I want you to snap your fingers and just fix it.
I want my freaking “sun stand still moment,” God. Because I KNOW you can do it.
I feel like I’m always begging, whining and demanding of you. So, could you do me a favor and just shut me up already?
Thanks…
Dear God- Thank you for dying, so that I could live. The only thing that really silences me is the sobering truth that you sent your Son to die in my place. This life is hard for some, harder for others, and truly unbearable for some. I have had seasons of silence before you, but none so silent as when your holy spirit showed me how really unholy I’ve been. I would say that I’m eternally indebted to your Son, but in obedience he took care of that for me, and again I am silenced by that truth.
What shall I say then to a holy God except to praise you with my mouth.
Dear God- Thank you for dying, so that I could live. The only thing that really silences me is the sobering truth that you sent your Son to die in my place. This life is hard for some, harder for others, and truly unbearable for some. I have had seasons of silence before you, but none so silent as when your holy spirit showed me how really unholy I’ve been. I would say that I’m eternally indebted to your Son, but in obedience he took care of that for me, and again I am silenced by that truth. What shall I say then to a holy God, except to praise you with my mouth.
Dear God- Thank you for dying, so that I could live. The only thing that really silences me is the sobering truth that you sent your Son to die in my place. This life is hard for some, harder for others, and truly unbearable for others. I have had seasons of silence before you, but none so silent as when your holy spirit showed me how really unholy I’ve been. I would say that I’m eternally indebted to your Son, but in obedience he took care of even that for me, and again I am silenced by that truth. What shall I say then to a holy God, except to praise you with my mouth.
God,
You know I love you. You know I don’t need to understand. I don’t even think I would want to know it all if you offered to just let me get a glimpse of what could have been if mom had not died…
But God… what am I supposed to do with it? How do I fit into this family that has been revamped and now revolves around another woman I don’t know? What is my roll now that I am invisible?
You’ve broken me down this year and I accept it with arms wide open because I am not the same as I used to be. You’re building me back up stronger and different and more like you. But will the thought of my mom, my sisters, my dad, my stepmom always feel like a knife to a chest?
Oh how far the mighty have fallen. Is that what you did to my family, God? A godly family that served you? Were we too prideful God? Did we take you for granted? I know it’s not true… but when I think of them and see the rubble of once was… I can’t help but wonder…
Or maybe it was nothing at all. She got cancer and died. And everyone made their choices. And she’s at peace. And we will be too. Because you’re bigger.
And I don’t need to know why.
I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it.
Hi.
I miss easy faith. Though I guess some would say if it was easy, then there wasn’t much “faith” involved.
Am I who You thought I would be? Am I the servant You want me to be?
Probably not.
I’m self centered and self reliant. I cut and burn my flesh in order to punish myself. Those in the Church may harshly judge me, saying You paid for my sins, and for me to do it over and over and over must mean I’m not a follower. But I do love you. I just haven’t figured out how to deal with anger. Jesus had righteous anger, throwing tables and money everywhere. But He was JESUS. He’s allowed to do that. There are so many questions I have about what is right and what is not right in how I deal with anger and sadness and negative emotions. I need your help to wade through what is true and what the devil has gotten me to believe for twenty five years.
Maybe you grieve every time I press a hot lighter to my skin. I relish in the days of pain that will follow, but maybe you weep. And when I continually do not let my wounds heal, You must get kinda frustrated… In a Fatherly way. You want so badly for me to see things about who You have made me to be, how trusting in You isn’t easy but it is freeing, and that this does not need to be something I covet; that scars no longer need to bring me comfort…That You can, and You do.
But I find those things hard to believe. I’m sorry.
In the most proverbial sense, wounds that are more than a decade old have been RIPPED open. And I’m not mad at You I guess… I’m just grieving, and I wish I didn’t have these memories. I wish the memories I had of my family were pure, and wonderful. Sometimes I don’t care how You will use the experiences that happened to me. Because they hurt me. And I don’t trust men, and I’d rather live alone than face intimacy, but I’m so terrified of living life alone that sometimes I think about having sex just to get it over with, so I can face my fears and become a normal person. But I know that’s not what is best for me. I know that would make you sad.
I’m just mad that I have so many triggers of my family life that at times it’s hard to go a day without crying. The fact that You allowed him to continue the abuse on his own kids makes me kinda hate You. I wish You would have killed him. I’m supposed to be working on forgiving him again. That’s going to be hard. And I’m being inwardly obtuse about it. But You know how much of a mule I’m being right now.
I’m sorry my heart is so hardened to You and community. I’m sorry for the ways I’ve reacted to those who truly do love You and just want to talk of Your goodness. I feel like a grinch, but I can’t get out of this hole.
Will you send down a rope? Or at least a note telling me You love me and You’re here?
I will try my best to look for the rope or the note when it comes my way.
I love You. I’m sorry I’m quiet and bitter. I do love You, I’m just obsessed with my circumstances right now.
@brittxander says:
is it weird that i feel more comfortable talking you here than just talking aloud in my room? i know i’ve been distant from you and that’s because i’ve been trying to protect myself from getting hurt, but that changed last night. you wrecked me, broke me, and held me. god, you’re the one who can take away my shame and pain and i ask you to take it all. i don’ want to forget that feeling from last night or say thanks for that hour then forget about it. i want to be that vulnerable with you always. i broke down and cried and shook and let the words i couldn’t say come out through tears. and i was held. by you and by others physically while the tears shook my body. and so i ask you, wreck me. break me for makes yours. change me. take away the shame and embarrassment i feel because of things i’ve done and things that have been done to me. take it away and make me yours. use me, heal me, rescue me.
Wow. Alece. You have great courage. Thanks for sharing your prayer with us. It encouraged me and moved me today.
I’m praying for you.
@zizzivivizz says:
God,
I am sorry that I’ve been so far away. Even saying that makes me feel the guilt of it, that I have fled when I should have drawn near. I’ve used the closure of my church as a convenient excuse to hide even more. I am afraid to find a new church, afraid to meet people, afraid to share with them and afraid they won’t ask, that they will ignore me, even though I want them to.
I have told You that I can’t handle this on my own, but I can’t stop trying. I am afraid to need You. Just afraid, period. Afraid that this is my forever life. I’m wildly, furiously angry and I want You to make life fair. I want You to promise me something easy, for once. I feel like my whole life has been one battle after another, even in my childhood, and I’m so tired, so lost, so confused and hurt and battered.
I am ashamed of how ugly my life is, how ugly my heart is. Ashamed to even offer it to You, and too stubborn still. How can I be this person and the person who trusts You at the same time? I don’t understand. You must get tired of me asking you to help my unbelief. Or maybe You’re glad I say anything to You at all.
I recognize my need for You, but I don’t know how to live like I need You every day. So I ask You again to help me. Be merciful to me. Don’t forsake me. Please.
Sharone
Hallo all,
No worries. If you feel further away from God it’s not because he’s moved. Just go out and do something good for somebody else without getting paid for it. You’ll feel closer again pronto!
Simple.
If you’ve done it unto the least of these my brethern, you’ve done it unto me.
Enjoy!
Steve