coming out from under the guilt
For me, prayer has always been wrapped up in condemnation.
Not that it was a conscious thought, but it was always there… underlying my foundational beliefs about prayer. And about myself.
While I’ve never been one to pray for very long, my mom, on the other hand, was known for her hours-long prayer times. And in a way, it became a measure of spirituality in the brand of Christianity I was raised in.
A measure I fell very short of.
I’ve been made to feel like a “bad Christian” because of my prayer habits (or non-habits).
I’ve been told that I’m not spiritual enough because I don’t pray for long periods of time. (Along with my insufficient Scripture usage and lack of structured “quiet times”…)
Prayer became yet another area that I’m simply “not enough” in. The guilt always gave birth to shame in my failed attempts to try harder.
So it’s something I’ve had to realign my thinking on. And I find myself still needing to. Often. Because I still feel the weight of those lies.
I want depth and realness in my prayer life to stem from desire, not judgment.
I’m tired of trying to pray more/better/longer/eloquentlier because I’m “supposed to”. I’m done should-ing on myself, and I’m done with others should-ing on me too.
Because, let’s be honest… Guilt, disapproval, and judgment have only caused me to pray less, not more.
Ironic how condemnation works. Even when it’s self-inflicted.
I digress.
There is significant freedom in remembering that God created me as I am, on purpose.
He’s not surprised by my “oooooh! shiny!” tendencies when I’m talking to Him. He’s not baffled by my inability to sit still for extended periods of time. He’s not confused when I pray in short one-liners spread throughout the day.
He knows what I’m like. He’s the One who knit me together for God’s sake! (No blasphemy intended. He really did create me for His sake.)
And He hardwired me exactly as I am. Intentionally.
I think He loves when I relate to Him out of the uniqueness of my own DNA rather than out of some mass-produced version of how Christians “should” pray.
So today I’m choosing to shake off the shackles of should and supposed to. And I’m giving myself the freedom to discover how God wants to relate to me.
And how He created me to relate to Him.
Which is as individual and unparalleled as my fingerprint.
What are some of the unique ways you can relate to God?
Do you feel freedom to connect with Him like that?
I think some of our best prayers are made up of one word (‘Help’) or two (‘Thank you’), and that it’s really about just talking to God….because you’re dead on. It’s about our relationship with Him, and He made me this way (ha)….so I try to talk to Him like I would my closest friends and my family.
Still, I love knowing those people who *can* pray for hours and be intercessors and prayer warriors and stuff like that. I ask them to add me to their list. ;-)
This is a fantastic post! I’d love to hear where this all goes and what happens!
Love!
deb
@cassgirl says:
I’ll be honest and forthcoming in little box. When I met you this year and actually felt one of your hugs. I knew Jesus lived inside you. I don’t care if you don’t feel strong in the “prayer dept. I just care that you are Alece Ronzino. The woman whom I have learned is alot different then me BUT we still love the SAME God. yes wired different but that’s okay.
‘You are amazing. Don’t allow your thought process get stumped because someone might pray differently. I would think that your “infrequent” prayers would even be more richer than the frequent prayerer.
I just love the fact that you are so transparent. so honest about it.
Your question about freedom: is a tough one friend. For me it’s easy to pray for a miracle in someone else. But for me to believe and pray for my OWN miracle not so much. I still am working on this bondage a bit.. free no not quite yet
working on it.
@gritandglory says:
thank you for your encouraging words, FF!
@larainec says:
i think the major reason we dont wanna pray is our flesh. im not in the mood to pray all the time, but i sometimes i make myself. sort of like when i dont wanna get out of bed in the morning to go to the gym, and im so tired! but then half way thru my work out i feel energized and great!
There are so many places in scripture that talks about “waring” against the flesh, the natural.
the more i pray the more i want to pray. someone said it to me like this first it become a desire, than discipline, than finally a delight! but it doesnt become a delight until ive become discipline. and thats what it truly is.
the more i spend time with him the more i wanna spend time with him. i think its just breaking that barrier.
i do have to say there are a lot of benefits when you get in a consistant pray routine…you align your mind and spirit to hear his voice and have his prespective, because youve put off your flesh and chosen to pray.
i read 4 books that changed my life concerning prayer.
1 “Intercessory Prayer” 2 “watchman on the wall prayer – how to pray for your leaders” (i think that what its called.) both by Dutch Sheets
3 “this present darkness” 4 “piercing the darkness” both by frank peretti
another thing i like to think about. is anytime Gods moves he moves because someone prayed! i mean Abraham prayed to God to not destroy a city, and if God found some good ppl, he would have saved it! Abraham changed Gods mind! that is powerful! that alone motivates me to pray.
it makes me think about my co-workers, my church, my city, the nations. my prayer is powerful & effective!!
but the bottom line is God doesnt judge us for how long we pray. we dont even have to utter a word, he already knows them before they come out of our mouth. thats whats so awesome!
i have had God use me in amazing ways when i seem to feel the farthest from him….it just doesnt always make sense.
i love you and i am always praying for you!
and the truth is, you do know how to pray.
Thrive Africa still exsists because God is using you!
you have touched so many lives, because of your walk with him! regardless of how you feel!
you are an amazing woman that i am so priviledged to know.!
@gritandglory says:
i am so with you on this! it is definitely a discipline. “not feeling like it” is certainly not an excuse not to pray… and i loved how you said that — the more you pray, the more you want to pray. so good!
thank you for your faithful prayers for me and thrive, ‘raine. i love you!
@mat2820b says:
I’m not a big “now I will pray” person. And for a time, I felt guilty about it. Now, it’s more of a continual dialogue between God and myself in my head during the day. Except, I’m so busy, it’s more like a text here and there ;) He’s good though, He always texts me back right away. And He helps me find my keys behind the toilet.
I do feel a freedom to talk to Him like that. It says in the Word that He is our friend (John 15:15) … I don’t have to make appointments to talk to my earthly friends, I just *do* …so I don’t really think that the Lord wants me to make a mark in my day planner everyday, you know? Just so long as I keep in touch … and we are told that we can approach the throne with CONFIDENCE (Hebrews 14:16)… and I take that to mean any old time we want! :D
@gritandglory says:
i love that hebrews passage… approach the throne of GRACE with CONFIDENCE. mmmm!
“I’ve been told that I’m not spiritual enough” how spiritual is spiritual enough friend? Sometimes I think other people around us want us to do “Christianity” just like they do so that they will feel comfortable in their own inadequacies… hmmm…
“shiny” – LOL I have a 1/2 written post on this exact same thing! funny :)
soooo good seeing you last nite :)
I really appreciate your honesty in these posts on prayer…thanks, Alece.
“I think He loves when I relate to Him out of the uniqueness of my own DNA rather than out of some mass-produced version of how Christians “should” pray.”
That right there is the best line of your post! God totally relates to us the way he created us! I’m a thinker. I can “cave” on things, obsess, if you will, and God knows that. We’ll hash things out for days, maybe weeks! He’ll have me on the same topic forever, knowing I think thru things. He and I relate very deeply in His Word too. My husband can see creation and feel a deep sense of God’s presence. I look in my journal or think about space (which is a bit freaky if i think too long) and find a deep sense of God in me.
I’ve said for years, anything that brings condemnation is of the enemy. Conviction is from the Spirit. They are two totally different things!
Prayer is where we should feel safe to confess, sit in conviction for a bit, share our sin with him, feel and experience his forgiveness and then get on with life REGARDLESS of how we FEEL because even if we don’t FEEL a certain way, it doesn’t mean God isn’t doing his job of being God. :)
That’s the thing: regardless of how we feel, God’s truth is truth, His Spirit is working his mighty strength, and we are loved by him. What we can do is humbly bow ourselves to the work of His spirit in us where there is no condemnation!
aaaaand, I’ll stop. LOVE YOU!
I find it easiest to pray in big crowds, or when I’m traveling places in everyday life.
I once read a pamphlet about personality types and finding the ways we best connect to God. It was so freeing to learn that each person connects to God differently, and that the “quiet time” isn’t the only way. I’ve always had a hard time sitting and praying in a room by myself, but then again I also have a hard time reading a book or studying that way too. It makes sense, then, that my personality reaches out to God in a way that involves a lot of movement and other people.
Thanks for these posts on prayer!
@gritandglory says:
so appreciated hearing your thoughts, amy!
Wow – so refreshing! and guilt-lifting! Thank you for sharing what you have learned in this area.
Even reading it I feel a little bit of guilt-weight drop…
@gritandglory says:
THAT was awesome to read, heidi!
I know I would probably never make it through a prayer meeting because most of my prayers are not very long. But I do enjoy prayer and pray every morning and evening for the things I feel like God wants me to pray for. I also just like to chat with God when I’m alone in my car…which I’m sure looks crazy to the other drivers ;)
me too
Oh, how I relate. I’ve never been the person who goes on prayer walks or has long conversations with God. And after the dryness in my prayer life following the events 6 year ago, my prayers took on a whole knew dynamic when I started turning back to him about a year ago.
Because I didn’t want to pray. I didn’t want to ask. I was having a hard time trusting him at all through my residual anger.
So I started small and found myself coming to him with “one liners throughout the day.” As things popped into my mind, I would take a moment and come before him with thanks or needs or even just an I really don’t like you right now, but I need some help. I found if I tried to mentally form a list to return to later in prayer with him, a) I could never remember everything on the list, and b) sometimes I would forget to come at all.
I realized along the way, that God doesn’t care about the form, he just wants us to come to him in our fellowship. And even with this new dynamic, I still feel inadequate sometimes, maybe its because its not how the church I grew up in prayed, or not how society seems to say you should approach prayer. But God’s desire isn’t for long-winded soliloquies, its for us to come to him with open hearts, trusting souls, to commune with him. And no matter the form it takes, I think God rejoices simply because we come.
Edited to add: Alece, your post reminds me of Amy Grant’s song Better than a Hallelujah (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW7xBDmrEFs). If you don’t know the song, I’d encourage you to go take a listen.
@gritandglory says:
“God’s desire isn’t for long-winded soliloquies. it’s for us to come to Him with open hearts, trusting souls, to commune with Him. and no matter the form it takes, i think God rejoices simply becomes we come.”
so, so beautiful, ashley. just like your heart. thank you for sharing all that you did.
I love this! Thank you for sharing your wonderful insight on how God loves us uniquely and individually because that is how He made us. I haven’t felt freedom in my prayers because I thought they needed to be structured and long and scripture-filled. But this definitely makes me want to embrace the mind and heart God gave me to talk to Him as only He wants me to. You are wonderful Alece!
I hope those who placed those seeds of doubt in you, and that weight of guilt on you, are reading this now to see just how beautiful you are and how much you have grown in the way GOD wants you to grow, not in the ways they want you to grow. And I love that your spirit knew it was wrong and you let God weed through it and cultivate in you a REAL understanding of what being a Christian is.
Love you.
@gritandglory says:
love you raisin. so much.
@christielici0us says:
“There is significant freedom in remembering that God created me as I am, on purpose.”
I’m processing this statement and trying to decide if I love it because it sort of releases us from the guilt of falling short of His glory, or if I think it’s a cop-out.
What I mean is this: I agree that who and what I am is a direct result of what God made me to be. That’s undeniable.
But can’t a murderer or rapist or a blasphemer say the same thing? “I’m like this because it’s how God made me”?
How much of me is what God made, and how much of me is what my free will lets me choose to be?
I can’t help but think that even though God knows how we’re hardwired, and He gets WHY we do the things we do, He still MUST be grieved when we don’t measure up. He still MUST want us to continue to strive to be what He wants us to be.
I’m not trying to be controversial here. I’d just never thought about it the way you wrote it, and while I like the idea of it, I’m not sure that it really lets us off the hook with Him.
I think I see your point here….but I think the bottom line throughout all of this is that we are to be who GOD made us to be and grow in the way HE wants us to grow. We aren’t to strive to be what others put on us.
If prayer is something that Alece is to work on, it should be because GOD is prompting her, not because of the guilt and shame laid upon her by others expectations.
The hardest part of your post I’m trying to understand is this: “I can’t help but think that even though God knows how we’re hardwired, and He gets WHY we do the things we do, He still MUST be grieved when we don’t measure up. He still MUST want us to continue to strive to be what He wants us to be.” It seems that there is a suggestion of guilt in there too? For not being enough or doing something the right way? Correct me if I’m wrong. ;o) The last sentence there though is right on I think…. we are to strive to be what HE wants us to be, not others.
Since He made us as we are, and on purpose as Alece has pointed out…. I think He knows best how to go about cultivating a right spirit in us. Did He make murderers, etc the way they are on purpose?? He made THEM, on PURPOSE, but they chose to walk away from Him…. that is the downside to free will.
Alece here is talking about walking towards Him, I do believe, and letting Him guide her….
thoughts?
@gritandglory says:
i don’t at all mean that phrase as a license to sin, or to not pray, or to refuse to be intentional about growing and changing. “well, this is how God made me” is not a justification to live unbiblically or not do what God commands me to do. ultimately i am called to be christ-like… that means everyday i must decrease so He can increase… that’s going to require a whole lot of surrender of…ME.
i wasn’t intending to come across like we are let off the hook from an important spiritual discipline. my heart was to convey the freedom we have to discover how we best relate to God and then learn to express our hearts to Him through those pathways.
i appreciate that you pointed that out, chrissy, and opened that up for discussion. thank you!
@sonsti7 says:
Alece — It’s so clear that God absolutely loves you and He loves to hear your praises and thanks and laments. He adores that you to interact with Him in a way that is uniquely true to the way in which He’s crafted you in His image. So glad to read this post from you!!!
I’d also offer up these thoughts; In regard to my prayer life now more than ever, I definitely get the “wowsers!!! look at the shiny thing” sort of thoughts racing through my head too! Happens alot and I KNOW that not every one of those thoughts that I have makes my prayers mean less. Sometimes those thoughts even seem to come right from God as I’m praying — sort of Him prompting me to — “Ask me about this, Joel…” OR “Why won’t you talk with me about THAT?” That’s obviously something I have to pay attention to and am learning to sort of “tune in”.
That said, aside from the other funny, random quirky thoughts that race through my head which I’ve decided are harmless and simply “me being me” — I’ve also started to pay attention to and recognize this —
Some thoughts, which really are seemingly harmless, absolutely not sinful, and pretty fleeting — can really be distracting. Not so ironically, I tend to get bombarded with wonky tangential thoughts when I’m try to work through something with God that’s kinda big or impactful on my life or someone else’s. It’s almost like the communication signal I get going with God gets scrambled. I’m getting more and more of that as I choose to make my life moves and choices on behalf of the kingdom of God. There’s a recognition of the evil minor theme of the whole story continually trying to interject with something to distort or cause me to ignore or completely miss the truth that God would deliver to my heart in those few short prayer moments. This sort of thing never happened much when I wasn’t living with Christ as my first priority. But it does now.
I’m realizing that I’m a very real threat to Satan.
You are a very real threat to Satan. You are dangerous to his destructive cause. Knowing that his days are numbered, the evil ripping at this world sees and knows that you are made in the captivating image of God; that your desire is to raise Jesus name above all others not only in your own life, but in the lives of thousands of people –throughout countries and continents via the ministry and outreach of Thrive Africa, through the telling of your story, through your writing and speaking and whatever else is to come.
What I’ve most enjoyed about your post today is that you’ve “shaken off the shackles” of praying like someone you’re not; choosing to pray deliberately out of the beautiful creation that God has made you.
Thankful for you!
@gritandglory says:
i agree! the Bible tells me i need to “take captive my thoughts” — and that is a huge reality for me. the enemy wants nothing more than to keep me distracted or too busy to connect with the Lord!
This is refreshingly honest, and just plain refreshing. I’ve often found that I don’t fit into many of the prescribed cookie cutter molds the church or the world would like to cut out for people. That has been at the root of some unpleasant misunderstandings in the past.
We are each unique, and wired to connect with God differently too. Just because your devotion doesn’t look like another’s doesn’t mean you’re not doing it “right.” And the unecessary guilt that comes from that? Oy vey!!
I wonder how sad it might make God desperately trying to fit ourselves into a common mold when He made us to refract His light a bit differently. Hmm.
Thanks for writing this.
@gritandglory says:
“when He made us to refract His light a bit differently.” — such a beautiful mental picture, kirsten! loved hearing your thoughts on all this.
@JewelzSightings says:
Loved this post, absolutely loved it. Couldn’t agree more!
I get it. Prayer is something I can’t completely define or understand. I am called to it, not just as an intercessor but as Child of God. HE set me free by His blood to restore communion with me. Its unbelieveable really…
Prayer does look differently than everyone. I’ve been gifted with praying in tongues but I’m still kinda weirded out when one other friend does that. At times I could pray for long periods of time, but mostly I pray as things come up through out the day and as the Holy Spirit brings people to mind.
Prayer is a discipline as good communication is a discipline (Prayer rises out of knowing who I Am Speaking with. God loves you. He loves the quirks about you. He laughs as you speak in your own way and even as your attention is snapped away to other things; its the same as when you switch subjects quickly and without warning in a conversation with a friend. Its funny! God has a sense of humor and nothing beats an inside joke with Jesus!
Heck, start praying over your Target list, it obviously contains things that concern you.
Seriously though, there is no way that you could have walked through what you have walked through if you didn’t have a prayer life. You’ve communed with Him and He has revealed and healed as you have spent time in His presence in whatever way that looks like for YOUR relationship with Him. Keep in mind I come from a ministry that teaches certain methods of prayer, personal Bible study and quiet times. I appreciate every bit of practical training that I have received, but I still relate with God in ways that fit outside these lines and I refuse to feel guilty about it. The tools are a great way to to get started and to pass onto new believers as a starting point for relating with God, but I pray they take those things and adapt them with their personality and lifestyle, so long as they are meeting with God.
*steps off milk crate*
@gritandglory says:
“heck, start praying over your target list, it obviously contains things that concern you” — how true that is, melissa!
you can climb onto a milk crate any time you want — i love hearing your thoughts!
shaking shackles?
yeah, i’m trying to shake them.
ugh.
@gritandglory says:
i hear them rattling, friend. i hear them…
Your transparency is wonderful, Alece….and THAT is how, I think, we relate to God best. We can do “all the right things” to be some sort of super-Christian, but until we can honestly talk to him as if we actually know him (and him us), it’ll all just be noise. Keep doing what you’re doing. :)
@gritandglory says:
oooooh. i like how you said that. thank you, josh!
Awesome!! Just skim read it as my hubby is in hospital with two broken wrists after being knocked off his bike on way home from work Monday. We are doing ok by God’s amazing grace and provision.
Just wanted to comment because I have just stepped into a whole new level of freedom re my parents. Its a long story, but I’m feeling so much more free. Have lived since 5 yrs under a load of guilt I didn’t understand. The Lord just gave us clarity at the weekend!! Wow!! I love freedom!! God is so awesome!!!
My thoughts are with you!!!!
Elizabeth
@gritandglory says:
wow, elizabeth. crazy to hear about your husband’s accident! and i would so love to hear more of your heart about the clarity and freedom you just got. could use some of that myself!
Awesome, awesome authenticity in this post.
We are very similar. My “prayer life,” or whatever Christianese term you want to call it, is definitely different than others. But, I’m learning to embrace it and be emboldened in it.
I don’t sit still for long. My prayers are often disjointed and scattered. I absolutely hate praying in groups. I feel awkward. My spoken AND body language changes when I pray.
I felt guilty for SO LONG about my praying… when I decided to just let go and BE, I found that my prayers became much more heartfelt, sincere and transparent.
Cheering you on! :)
@gritandglory says:
thank you, nish! i really appreciated hearing your thoughts.
@LindseyHartz says:
Can I jump up and down and yell AMEN AMEN AMEN :-)
I agree that we are all made to worship in our own unique ways– and prayer is a beautifully special and intimate time with God, that is OUR time, not anyone else’s.
All He wants is our time and our attention and our complete dependance and trust– in whatever way we express that.
While I do pray in my head a lot throughout the day (see previous comment) I also write out my personal prayers. My journals are like one long love note to God, seeking and wanting and desiring more of Him in any way possible.
alece. . .i think you really hit a nail on the head here. i agree that an “effective prayer life” for every believer is as unique as their personality and fingerprints. thanks so much for such a candid and great reminder. . .a reminder that we don’t want to get stuck in legalism and being “Pharisee’s” but rather experience freedom in how ((and who)) God created us to be. . .
@gritandglory says:
amen!
@kamriereed says:
Sometimes I do feel pretty guilty when I don’t pray for long periods of time. One way that I really am able to honestly talk to God is by journaling every day. This has really opened the door to talking to God and listening too.
Hi Alece, It’s been a while since we’ve communicated. We have been keeping up with your blog, however. Just wanted to let you know that you have been and are still in our prayers.
We pray that the joy of the Father blesses you and gives you strength to press on just as Nehemiah wanted the people to experience the Father’s joy during the reconstruction of the walls in Jerusalem.
“Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10
Lots of love, Pam & Benjy Guerrero (Kyle’s parents)
@gritandglory says:
pam – i always love hearing from you! thank you for your beautifully encouraging note, and for your faithful prayers and support. you are wonderful!
@randishort says:
“I think He loves when I relate to Him out of the uniqueness of my own DNA rather than out of some mass-produced version of how Christians “should” pray.”
I love this Alece.
Like you with your mom, I had a Gramma who would spend hours in prayer. Live up to that? Not likely.
But we’re not all hard-wired that way. Though truth is – even beneath all the guilt that I’ve felt – I still desire that deep prayer-life. I still desire to be able to approach God with confidence, and know that He’s listening. I desire that deep-intimate relationship with my God.
Prompts are good. I do most of these actually. Especially praying for someone right when I say “I’ll pray for you.”
I also listen to worship music on my commute. Gets me talking to and praising each morning and afternoon.
Lindsey, I’ve recently begun to listen to the Fish on my commutes–and it really is amazing how much of a great mood it puts you in and refreshes your focus for the day on God.
I was just thinking about this today during my quite time with the Lord. I was so excited to dig into the word this morning to prepare for this in-depth bible study that starts for me next week that I didn’t even “think” to sit down to say this long prayer before getting into the word…..
then I was thinking….who taught me this? Who told me that I have to say this long prayer before going into the word. Then I remembered it was that one church I attended when I was first a believer who told me that in order for the Lord to really speak to me I absolutely have to pray before I even pick up the bible. I don’t think the Lord commands us that we “have” to say a certain prayer for a certain amount of time before we pick up the word to read.
I am talking to the Lord while I am reading. I am asking him questions, asking him to lead me where he wants me to go on my rabbit trails so he can show me what he wants to teach me. I am also thanking him for the little nuggets of truth that just light up in my “Aha moments” of being in the word.
For me I got to caught up in trying to please God by pleasing others around me by trying to mimic what they were doing in their prayer life. Spending hours in a room with a bunch of people on your knees and falling face flat on the ground….okay I do this on my own but I should not have to feel “pressured” to do this in public.
Once I was able to let go of the people pleasing “prayer” I was able to have a deeper stronger relationship with the Lord in my prayer life.
Woohoo! I love your thoughts on this! I love that our prayer life can be as unique as our finger prints. Thanks for this.
I am SO with you on this. I could write pages on how much I agree with you. But since we both know how long-winded I am, I’ll just limit myself to that.
AGREED
I’m REALLY late here, but I’m like you, Alece. And I used to suffer a lot of guilt about it. But then God showed me that prayer time, and praying for others wasn’t supposed to be like I thought it was. If you’re interested in that part of what set me free from the guilt, I blogged about it here:
http://hopeiscalling.blogspot.com/2006/09/useless-warrior.html
I didn’t comment for awhile because I wanted to take some time to think, and seriously, we were just too busy. Had someone coming to stay for the summer which meant I HAD to find a bedroom under all that stuff! Then I was going to, and we had two injuries to kids that have me running back and forth between doctors. They will be fine – after awhile… cast for six weeks on one, and the other needs plastic surgery to close a wound.
But I was thinking this through because we’ve been through some tough times lately – of which the two injuries seem like nothing. And I thought about how I prayed during that time. I sort of felt guilty. I knew there were people praying day and night for days. I knew my whole Bible school ran their prayer chain for four days. I know that they gathered to pray in three locations for four critical hours.
But I didn’t.
I didn’t have any great long seasons of prayer. And I felt guilty. After all, it was MY husband. Didn’t I care? Didn’t I trust God?
I came to the conclusion that I do. I just pray differently. At times I can and I do pray the “normal” prayers… but I am a person of silences also. The more I feel, the more silent I become. A watchful silence.
Years ago, a few friends of mine were kidnapped. They were held for months. For those months, I prayed for the ones held and for my friend – the wife at home without her husband. But seriously, how many times a day can you say, “God get them out of there!”
Ok, you can pray for strength, safety, encouragement, food, warmth, health, freedom from fear…. but then what? Repeat it all in ten minutes?
I learned that under severe stress or concern, I often pray with silence. The very silence of looking up at God. I got to the place where I said to God, “Every time you see me, every time you see me here in Your presence, take my very presence here as a prayer. My being, my whole being will remind you of my request.’ And I spent many hours in constant watchfulness – oh, yeah, between being a mom, pregnant, caring for day care kids…. but my soul was quietly watching in front of God. A wakefulness that never quit for all those months. When I rolled over in bed (this is quite feat when large and pregnant), my eyes would go back to His face. I actually got stubbornly insistent in my silence… I am here! I am not leaving! I stand here with my hands empty waiting for the answer. I have not forgotten!
And when we went through our own crisis, I prayed that very same watchful silent prayer. At times interspersed with things I wanted God to do specifically. Things usually that I felt He was asking me to ask for. But largely silence. The silence of watching for God’s answer. And that is ok. That is how I tend to pray for requests – for crisis requests.
It is not the way I pray all the time. I can, but I haven’t recently, sit down and pray. Sometimes I do. I’ve also learned that I pray best – the type of prayer where I sort things out with God if I am doing something. So I often talk with God while I weed the garden or sweep the floors or drive. Then we just talk and laugh. I really think God has a great sense of humor! It is here where He often throws me the one-liners that make me think….. questions He wants me to direct my thinking towards.
I don’t pray well for long hours, but I have in groups on occasions. It is tough. I do my best prayer in silence. A good friend of mine prays in tongues, and I have so wanted to be able to do that – because it is also when God talks to me, when he prays, but I can’t. I pray in silences. Funny for a girl who talks too much! But if I have a really, really good friend who I love and am comfortable with – I love to be quiet with them and walk or sit quietly and watch the world. I do this with God – reflective thinking in silence with Him…. interspersed with occasional comments of questions.
Another type of prayer I do is when I let God question me. That is tough because He knows where to question me, but it is a valuable time – this I usually do while driving. I am one of those who other drivers likely think is insane, too.
I still think I don’t pray enough…. I should, I should…..
I think, Alece, you talk in short thoughts. I’d be surprised if you prayed differently. How wonderful it would be if there was another one you knew well who prayed like that – you two would pray well together. Not the long perfect prayers, but the short, interrupting each other thoughts and comments.
Prayer is being relaxed in front of God while still being in awe of Him. It is not hiding and pretending to be someone else – He does see past that! But it is also a continual desire for Him to show us where He wants us to change. Drawn by love, not pushed by shame.