coffee talk: the one you wish you had back
June 15, 2008
A book I recently read posed a great question, which I’m now asking you:
Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back. What if you got it back?
Feel free to take it any way you want.
Oh—And talk amongst yourselves.
Storybook answer:
My Grandma Lila.
But really, I was young when she died. I didn’t know her that well. And I wish I’d gotten the chance to know her at this age – when I might have been able to have real conversations with her. To glean from her experiences. I love doing that with people.
Interesting answer:
I’ve gotten this opportunity, actually. With my David. Met in 2004 at wonderful Thrive Africa. Lost touch for 4 years. Coincidentally regained the friendship through a mutual friend. Entirely accidental, very appreciated.
P.S. – You like Mitch Albom? He frustrates me a bit. He writes about interesting things… and maybe I need to read some more of his stuff, but I don’t think I was a fan of his writing style. Then, I did try to read Tuesdays with Morrie while my Granddad was getting worse. Bad idea.
(Sorry about the book of a comment. Way too many thoughts popped into my head when I read this.)
:)
loved and lost a few times.
Hindsight can be a wonderful way of seeing your own faults -and hopefully not repeating your mistakes – but learning entirely new ways to stuff things up in a realtionship – sigh.
Don’t think i could fix everything in just one day.
I also need to be wary of thinking that because i miss someone and have ‘grown’, that having them back and trying to patch things up would make everything between us ‘better’. That probably would not prevent me from making more mistakes/bad choices in any ‘new’ future.
Generally i think it best NOT to try and ‘go back’ – even if you think at the same time you could now ‘go forward’.
<B
Mine would be my grams……there was so much more I could have learned from her. I would love to have one more day with her to sip coffee, swing in the porch swing and giggle like we used to! I am so grateful for the times we did have together though so I don’t have any regrets….just miss her. :)
@mandythompson says:
i got it back. the person never died, but the relationship did…
and i got the final “conversation” again about 15 months ago. and it made everything better.
Just so everybody knows, yes, Alece and the Kittys are very busy with the littlest kitten. She’s basically one of the cutest babies I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
Alece is currently internetless- but should be back soon. She misses the blog world.
I’d visit with my grandpa Smith. I was playing guitar for someone’s recital. She was playing violin- it was a very involved piece- The Devil Went Down To Georgia. Haha.
My grandpa was supposed to come watch me, but signals got crossed and he never could. That was the last time he was at our house. I had my eyebrow pierced, had just graduated from High School, and we sat on a bench on my porch taking pictures together.
I wish he could’ve come to my recital. I wish I could sit down with him and learn from him. I wish I could laugh at his sillyness. I wish I could show him how much I’ve grown up.
P.S. Has anyone else read this book by Mitch Albom? I’ve read about half the book. I sat in Starbucks reading it one day when they were selling it. I figured I’d read it before I bought an overpriced book. (Starbucks over prices everything….admit it), but I didn’t get it finished. I think I felt like it was stealing or something. I dunno.
But I loved what I read.
And I really like Mitch Albom’s style.
ROO: I too was reading Tuesday’s while both my grandparents were dying. I cried a lot more then I maybe would have in another season of my life, but I loved it.
@tamhodge says:
ssiiiiiiiiigh….
mmm, hmmm… and it hurts
Yes, one.
He probably wouldn’t answer my question though…
Sorry, Tam. :(
Well the first thing I thought when I read “have you ever lost anyone…” was of my ex sister-in-law. Now she’s still alive and well as far as i know but i did loose her. We were really close friends, she didn’t really have her life all together but I always felt I could talk to her honestly about things, and not have to pretend with her. I always knew her and my brother had a rough marriage, but not bad enough to walk out on. I felt really hurt when she left, like I had been lied too. It really made me question what kind of a friend I had been to her that she didn’t feel she could come to me with her troubles. I could blame it on her weed problem, but I didn’t even know she had a drug habit till after she had gone. I haven’t talked to her in almost exactly a year, funny you should bring this topic up today. I could go into her work anytime and ask her anything I want to but I either don’t have “the balls” to do that or part of me feels like letting the past stay in the past. I guess I would just tell her I loved her and I miss her friendship.
On a lighter side, I have always wanted to go back and have a talk with my ex boyfriends, just to see what they were thinking!
And on a much lighter side, I can be very thankful that I have never really lost anyone. Everyone I would want to spend another day with is right here with me! Thank you Lord!!
Faith:
Thanks for your transparency.
You know, I think you should pay attention to how timely this message seems.
Go see her at work.
Tell her you love her.
And that you miss her friendship.
God doesn’t ask us to fix things (that’s His job), He does ask us to be a little less timid and a little less passive about things.
Of course, that’s easier said than done. But I really want to encourage you to heed this.
“What if you got it back?”
I would hold her and hug her and kiss her and smell her and weep and wail and tell her how sorry I incredibly monstrously sorry I am that I didn’t call her back that last time and then I’d take her to Applebee’s for dinner and buy her that double chocolate cake dessert she loved so much and then we’d go to Barnes & Noble and sign sign sign all day over cheesecake and vanilla bean frappuccino and make fun of all the hearing people who stared at us because they never know what we are signing and then we’d go to Mickey Dee’s and get some soft serve ice cream and I would ask her if she has seen The Face of God and is she okay now up there in Heaven and I’d tell her, “I know this was only a day, but thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so much for coming back and giving me one more day and oh God I’m so sorry I never told you how much I love you or don’t take all those pills because they have poisoned me, too, but at least now I had one more day and I know you’re okay you’re in Heaven and I’ll see you when my time comes…”
There are 22 more “days” like that I could share, but I want that one the most.
Well…you asked.
Hmmm … well, the obvious person in my life here would be my Mom, but this question to me sounds like it’s asking if there’s regret there. Thankfully, I have no regrets with my Mom. I would love to have her back for a day – and if I could pick a day, it would probably be when(ever) our first child is born. I would want to share that with her. There are plenty of times when Mom would have been the obvious person to call up and ask a question or ask for prayer, or share a story, and … I had to endure the loss of her on my own. There’s no doubt there’s a hole in my heart that she once filled. But no regrets. I’m blessed with that.
Wow, Nor…
You’ll get that day.
You will.
Look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are only temporary but the things which are not seen will last forever…
In the Day…
@20BOLD11 says:
Thanks for sharing Nor; definitely touched my heart too.
Like Annie shared, I don’t have any regrets concerning relationships with people who have passed. My only thought is how many people I know and loved, died unsaved and quite honestly, that is something I struggle with concerning my family too. Will they come to know Jesus before they die?
I lost a best friend when I was a sophomore in college. There was a lot of debate on whether or not he committed suicide or if he was murdered. The conclusion after 2 years was that he was murdered. I would love to spend the day with him. He was a fun loving person. I would love to spend the day with him and tell him about Jesus.
Thanks for the provoking question Alece :)
thanks Becca for your advice. Turns out I might get the chance to see her after all. My brother still has her wedding dress and was thinking about selling it. So I told him I would take it and get it back to her. Also I did just loose someone in a way. My brother (the same one who got the divorce in November) and his girlfriend were 10 weeks pregnant and just had a miscarriage. He’s really shook up about it. I don’t know how I feel about things yet, I’m hoping they will break up now and get their lives together. Anyways I just wanted to give you an update, I will let you know how it goes when I see my old sister-in-law.
Found you via Kristi Applesauce.
This is a great post. In a shirt tail sort of way, I recently wrote a similar post addressing loving each moment of life, the classroom, growing together… this took it a step further for me.
Here’s my post if you are interested:
http://sharingnotes.blogspot.com/2008/06/if-youve-been-following-you-already.html
Good for you, Faith. I really appreciate you letting me (us) know about how things turn out.
i love love loved reading everyone’s hearts on this post. thank you for those of you who shared…
i don’t think the implication has to be regret. even when we don’t have a regret, we may wish for one more day with someone who’s no longer in our lives (for whatever reason).
i’m still not sure what mine would be. i need to keep mulling.