catch-22
I need some cultural advice.
Joyce (my Mosotho house helper) gave me a gift for my birthday. While it was the most meaningful gift I received, it’s also the gift I like the least. Maybe that’s putting it too mildly. I really dislike it. (I’m trying not to use the word “hate”, but I think you get the idea.)
When Joyce gave me the gift, she also said that since she didn’t get a chance to buy a card, she’d just tell me what she would have written. “You have always given me so much, and I could never repay you. I don’t even have enough words to say how much you mean to me. You are my family, my only family.”
Joyce shared that her daughter recently asked her, “Why do you say, ‘Hello, Mama’ when you talk to Mme Alece on the phone?” Joyce said her reply was, “Because she is like a mother to me. She is my mother.”
It was so special. You can’t put a price tag on that kind of a gift. Joyce spoke from her heart, and it meant the world to me. That is what makes her gift so meaningful.
What makes it something I strongly dislike is… well, it’s what the gift itself actually is. I cringed (only on the inside) when Joyce unpacked it (opening the gift for me, in typical African style). “A toilet set!” she proclaimed excitedly.
“Wow, Joyce!”
“Here, let me show you…” and she immediately started putting each piece in its proper place in my bathroom. There’s a toilet seat cover, a toilet tank cover, a toilet paper roll holder, and a curtain. And they were suddenly all on display. In all their frillyness, gaudiness, and tackiness. It was almost overwhelming.
“Wow, Joyce! It’s so fancy!”
“No, it’s not!” And I’m sure she’s thinking that it’s not fancy because practically every home in Intabazwe has a set like this. So in her mind, it’s commonplace, not fancy.
“Joyce, it was so thoughtful of you. Thank you so much!”
After we hugged and talked a bit more, Joyce left and I stood in my bathroom a while. Contemplating. The question going around my head was: How do I get out of this? Joyce works in my home, so I can’t simply just not use the gift… So how do I get out of this?
“Aww, come on!” you’re thinking. It can’t be that bad! Oh really?! This is what my bathroom looks like at the moment:
So, I need some advice. Remember that I’m feeling the tension between how strongly I dislike the state my bathroom is currently in and the fact that I love Joyce, value her friendship, and desire to be culturally sensitive.
What should I do?
**UPDATED**
Make sure you read part two!
Hmmm, that’s a hard one. What I would do is this…..I would see if there were another bathroom that the decorations could be put in – such as a guest bathroom under the pretenses of “I love it so much that I want everyone to be able to enjoy it”…..or, to go a bit further, maybe have an American friend send you a bathroom set and explain to her that you are going to rotate through the sets because you don’t want to offend anyone (her, or your friends from the states).
Or, you can simply tell her that you really like it, but that you are afraid that it’s too nice to get dirty and only want to use on it special occasions. Surely she would be able to understand keeping your nice things nice (and of course, explain to her that you are used to using things that could get dirty – and those of us raised in America have two sets of linens, dishes, sheets etc… – One for everyday use, and one for special occasion use.
And then of course you could simply be honest and tell her that it’s not your way of decorating – but then you run the risk of very hurt feelings. (I don’t think I would tell the whole truth for fear of hurting someone close to me – but that’s just me). :)
Good Luck!!!
Oh Kitty… I’ve been laughing so hard at the photos (not your situation!) that I have a huge tear running down my cheek! Carol gave you some good suggestions… I honestly don’t know what I would do… probably put it in the guest bath… or leave a few pieces up in your bath. Her words were so meaningful… what a treasure that she shared her heart w/ you… but shame on the bath set!!!!!!!!! I think somehow… it has to be displayed somewhere… at least for a little while…
Oh my!!! My house help, for my birthday that just passed, gave me a bathroom set that would match yours perfectly!!! I am not kidding! But they are just the pieces that go by the sink: toothbrush holder, soap dish, etc. I was also trying to figure out how NOT to display them. HEY, I know! I could send them to you… yeah, that would work. (hee hee hee – just kidding)
I REALLY like that guest bathroom idea… I think that might work for me.
Here is the solution that DaRonn offers: 1. consider an “accidental” fire. 2. do you have a dog? He can “chew” them up for you.
But seriously… I think I would just leave them for a while. (When in Rome…) And then find some other bathroom to put them in.
Maybe they are the type of thing that grow on you?… nah :-)
Oh… how do I tackle this one. You’ve come over and visited my site and said such nice things about my photography, Lord… you got me on this one though. OUCH!!! Listen, I have no tack. Ask anyone who knows me. Dear God in Heaven above, your bathroom looks like a Vegas Motel 6. Decorated by Russian women. I know, I’m horrible. I hate me right now. I wouldn’t know what to do. I guess if you do have a guest bath then go with what your friends tell you to do. Otherwise, Viva Las Vegas!!!
By the way, thanks for visiting my site so frequently. Really. Thanks.
I laughed so much when I read your blog & saw the pictures!! Oh shame! She means so well… but what to do, what to do?!! I have no clue what to advise!? Sorry, not much help, but thanks for starting my day off with a good hearty laugh!
Good Suggestions! I think that whatever you do….just blame it on Niel. That will work well! :)
Longtime reader first time poster here…
Though I understand the dilemma of wanting to get what looks to be my grandma’s bathroom set out of your bathroom. I would think that putting it in the guest bathroom would be a much worse idea. The last thing I would want is for a guest staying at my house to think that this is the kind of taste I have. Every time I had someone over I would have to explain to them the story behind the frilly drapes before they went in. No man, much worse in the guest bathroom. At least when it’s in your bathroom you can keep it locked away so no one else sees it.
As for a solution besides not putting it in the guest bathroom or lighting it on fire I’ve got nothing. I would probably deal with it for a while them try and find a tactful way to say you have to take them down because it looks like a creative memories convention gone terribly awry.
RYC: :-) It’ a deal!
BTW: What has Niel said about the gift? Does he like the new look?
Oh Alece….few things make me literally laugh out loud at my computer but when I saw those pictures I cracked out! It caused me to think, “Do people really decorate their bathrooms this way?”
Ish!
I think I would do one of two things…..endure it…after all the relationship is the most important espeically this one. Or…I would be brutally honest with Joyce, telling her the truth in love….”I really appriciate it and love you, but this is really not my style.” I think it would depend on how close you are to her.
None the less…it was a very thoughtful gift and I can see you are torn….I would be the same way. Recently Nelisha (my house cleaner and nanny) brought back one of those soap stone carvings. (I hate these…..they end up breaking all over the place and I think they look tacky…yes, I am over african curios. :)) Anyway, her father had carved it and sent it back with her for us. I know the gift came from the heart, but I didn’t quite know what to do with it….I put it in Andrew’s room! :)
Hugs! And thanks for the pictures….they truly spoke the story for you!
i am torn between my femenine side and the fact that no man should sit between lace and frils and read his auto trader or farmers weekly while doing the thing most men enjoy first thing in the morning….my body is revolting against the change in seenery and feeling of silky cloth…i think i will have to build myself an outhouse or burn down the bathroom..cant wait to send it to one of our dearest friends who comented on its look for cristmass…
it is so napolion dynamite…
Wow.
I’ve been laughing heavily for the past few moments and Aimee keeps going, “what ARE you laughing at?!”
Certainly a well-written post. And those pictures, surprisingly, do the humor justice. Of course I didn’t see the heart on the toilet, since, ya know, it was up..That one got me going.
Thanks for the laughs.
No advice, but thanks for the laughs… ;)
-Becca
I think the thing that bothers me the most is that the curtains don’t fit. That is complicated. What would Starbucks do if you let him loose in there for a few hours? Any reasonable damage possible?
Oh my GOSH!!! I dont think I have ever seen such a “gift” I recieved a few that I cringed at but nothing to such grandure…… and do I have any solution…. I cant not think of a think that would keep Joyce’s feelings in tact…. perhaps ask a trustworthly local? Some one who could keep a secret.
I liked Carol’s idea and enjoyed Charlene and Niel’s post. Maybe since it is a cultural style you could put it in a bathroom in the office, lodge or a place that many teams would see. You could decorate the whole bathroom in local style and put up a little sign “Decorated by the people of Harrismith” or “modeled after local decor”. So ALL the visitors can view your lovely display. Good luck!
Um… just pretend you’re at Ceasar’s Palace in Las Vegas and that all the rooms look like this. LOL Yeah, it may be tacky and yeah, you could say it’s worthy of your strong disliking – but think of it this way… how much time do you really spend in that room? It could have been worse… It could have been for the kitchen or living room. Cheers!
Brick (currently living in Kenya)
I was amazed to see all the comments generated by my cultural dilemma. This one really pulled people out of the woodwork! Thanks for reading…and for your helpful (and funny!) remarks.
No worries about all the laughs at our expense. WE’VE been laughing non-stop. How could you go into that bathroom WITHOUT laughing?!?!
LOL!!! LOL!!!!! LOL!!!! I CAN’T TYPE I’M LAUGHING SO HARD….
i CAN JUST PICUTRE YOUR FACE…LOL!!!! OH, MY GOSH!!!!!
i CNA’T STOP LAUGHING……
LATER.
I have no advice for you… but Ken and I are sitting here cracking up on our couch. Are you sure it wasn’t a gift she received and she doesn’t have some hilarious post up somewhere about how she got rid of it to her American friend?
Oh boy! At least the green’s nice for St. Patrick’s Day?…. Those pictures took me right back to my days in Seoul, Korea, and getting similar gifts from Korean friends. The more satiny the fabric and the more ornate the embroidery, the better. Just be glad you at least didn’t get a matching tissue box holder, too………. :)
:shock:
holy cow…..
is this still what your bathroom looks like?!
ok. here’s an idea…. candles. yes. you’ll have to take a bath in that GLORIOUS claw-footed tub, and you’ll HAVE to light lots of candles…. and they will strategically be placed by the frilly things.
and they’ll light it all on fire.
you can’t have scorched curtains/covers, now can you??
Oh wow! I read this and just started laughing!! I couldn’t help it.
I have been in this situation before when one of my Japanese friends gave me an awful looking dress that I had to wear that night to the formal dinner. I wore the dress to the dinner (like you hanging everything up) and all of the japanese people commented on how lovely it was.
I was sooo embarressed. My friend was grateful that I wore it to the dinner and that is all that I had to do. I gave it away to goodwill about two years ago.
I would think that you could start slowly replacing the frillyness (I think I just made that up) with something that is not so Gawdy looking.
OH MY.
That’s about all I have to say about that. :lol:
I just saw this post… and I had to laugh out loud… Did you ever change it??? :)
thankfully, YES!
here’s the dramatic conclusion:
http://gritandglory.com/2007/06/28/no-frills/
wow seriously this is what your bathroom looks like?
no no no! not anymore! [thank God!]
that’s only what it looked like for those few days with joyce’s gift, umm, in place… but now it’s back to looking like this:
http://www.gritandglory.com/2007/06/no-frills/
Oh.My.Hell.
you just made me laugh really loud. i needed that tonight. HA!