I want to live worthy of my suffering. I know suffering is a pretty strong word, and maybe it seems too grandiose. Or melodramatic even. Then replace suffering with trials. They're one and the same really.
He's assigned me my portion, and I want to live worthy of all of it---the gifts as well as the trials.
Now I'm not saying that God causes me to suffer. I don't believe He does. But I desire to steward well even that which He allows. And He makes it very clear that suffering and trials are an inescapable part of this life.
I want to live worthy of everything He entrusts into my care. I want to carry my suffering well.
I desire to face my lows with the same depth of character as I face my highs. I aspire to walk through the valleys with as much uprightness as I walk the mountaintops. I want my seasons of want to be as fruitful as my seasons of plenty.
To live worthy of my suffering means to carry my cross with humility, dignity, courage, and faith. I want to bear my suffering honorably. I don't want to resent the refining process. I don't want to scorn the fire in which my faith is tested; I only want my faith to be proven genuine. I long for Him to consider me faithful.
I want to show myself trustworthy.
Even with this.
Because living worthy of my suffering really means living worthy of His suffering.