thinking about NYE...

New Year's Eve 2007 was hard for me. My husband's affair started six months before, and I'd reached my breaking point. His denial, lies, and painful guilt trips drove me deep into depression. And nobody had a clue what was going on.

This much I know is true: Suffering in silence amplifies pain.

That December 31st, my heart was exhausted. I stared into the midnight sky and begged God for things to be different in the new year. Something's gotta give! And I wanted so badly to believe it would.

I tried desperately to cling to the hope that things would change for the better.

But they only got worse on the slippery slope of '08.

New Year's Eve 2008 was even harder than the one before. I'd finally pulled the cord and exposed my husband's affair, and the bottom fell out of my world.

That December 31st, my heart was aching. I cried myself to sleep, begging God for wholeness, restoration in my marriage, and strength to keep going. Something's gotta give!

Hope was harder to come by, but I still believed things would get better. They had to. They couldn't get any worse.

Or so I thought.

Less than three months later, my husband told me he wanted a divorce.


This December 31st, my heart will still be aching. But not as much as it was. I'll still be in a place of hardship and hurting. But the nights aren't as dark as they used to be.

My heart still pleads, Something's gotta give! But if I quiet my soul and listen closely, I can hear the creaks and cracks of the levee starting to break.

2010's gonna be the best year I've had in a long time.