I never imagined this moment would come at all. I certainly never thought it would play out like this. By myself.
In a Kinko's.
I print out the paperwork my attorney emailed me, and I just stare at it. With trembling fingers, I pick up the pen, and still... I just sit here. Aware of each breath. Fighting tears---and losing. Unable to swallow.
I read and re-read the letters on the page, trying to wrap my mind around the legal jargon. I worry there's something I'm missing or misunderstanding. So I read and re-read again. And then... I just sit here. I sit here and stare. Motionless, save for the uncontrollable trembling in my fingers. And my legs. Yeah, they're jittering as well.
I brace myself, steeling for the inevitable. I hold my breath as I put ink to paper... and sign. Painfully. Heart-brokenly. Yet peacefully...
Tears stream down my face and I try to make sense of this collision of emotions. There's a deep unspeakable ache... and an overwhelming sense of relief. Neither stronger than the other, these emotional opponents are equally matched. Pain and peace, dancing together to the somber music of my heart.
And yet deep, deep down I know...
It's just beginning.