beholding beauty
When my friend Sarah asked me to write a post about beauty, I knew it would be challenging. But I had no idea how hard it would actually be.
I labored over this post. I backspaced entire paragraphs. I started over completely. Twice.
I certainly felt the weight of penning thoughts for Sarah’s blog. She has an incredible way with words, poignantly extracting glimpses of grace from her everyday experiences. Sarah has big writing-shoes to fill.
But even more than that, I was forced to come face-to-face with nagging insecurities and fears. My heart had to struggle through it in the process of writing it.
And hours later, this is what I ended up with…
: :
I see beauty all around me.
I find it in painted sunset skies and majestic mountains. I recognize it in the joy-filled eyes of the poor. I discover it in the authentic sharing of hearts.
I see beauty all around me.
But I can’t see it in the mirror.
Click here to read the rest
of my post on Sarah’s site.
Sitting with you in this moment friend…
thinking of a line from the movie Crazy Beautiful… “He held up for me what was beautiful so that I could see it.” and then thinking of Eph 5:26 in the MSG: “His words evoke her beauty…”
((internet hug))
i heart your heart. you are so beautiful inside and out.
Sitting with you now… not saying a word. Just sitting, listening, being.
You wouldn’t be able to see beauty around you if you didn’t have beauty within. Clean your mirror! :-) Thanks for sharing. I am glad you posted for Sarah because that’s how I found your blog and I enjoy you! Thanks!
You inspire me by your honesty, every day! Thank you!
I may have told you this before but its what jumped out at me today. I remember telling my husband that I didn’t think I ever loved him. It was a lie. A lie to myself from satan to hurt Dan. But I think the most painful part is the memory that sticks with me. Just the otherday I had a flashback of some of my cutting lies. It hurt to remember how deceived and controlled by satins lies I was. That I could have thought that I never even loved Dan, never loved him when I quit my job to spend more time dating him, never loved him when he we took our vows together, never loved him when we had the greatest time just spending ten days together on our honeymoon, never loved him throughout our whole first year together when all we wanted to do was spend time together. Now with a clear mind and a clean heart I can remember how much love I felt for Dan when he would drive three hours on his weekend off just to go to a family thing of mine, not because he wanted to in any way but because he loved me too. I loved him when we bought our first home and planed our future together. I loved him when I was sick and he cleaned up my through up. I loved him for loving Conrad and for being a wonderful father. I love him for working so hard to give our family a great life. And I love him for fighting for me when others would have walked away. I love him for seeing my lies for what they were and for believing in God and His power to change me.
I know at some point if not already, Neil too will realize this. He did love you. I’m sure of it.
Faith, that is a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing–it gives hope to those of us hearing those lies.
@JewelzSightings says:
TOTALLY agree with what Faith said. He tells you he never loved you because he himself is deceived. When you are in that web of deceit the truth is you can’t know or see reality.
@gritandglory says:
thank you for continuing to share your own story and journey so transparently here, faith. i love you.
Wow! That’s an amazing story. Thank you for your honesty in sharing it. I’m sorry for the devastating things you went through, nobody should have to go through that, but I pray that you continue to find your beauty in God!
@kamriereed says:
I really enjoyed this post. It is hard to see value in yourself when society is constantly trying to conform you to what they see as beautiful. The jewish culture sees God’s beauty in everything. They say the world is drenched in God’s glory. Why can’t I see this constant new beauty. Even through many tragedy and discomforts I am overwhelmed by God’s love. I know that I am a new creation in God. When I see the continual sun rise it is amazing. I know God is here even though we have completely screwed up and continue to. Through the rain and sun we see God’s constant promise blessing and loyalty. So I continue to strive to see God’s glory in me and creation.
@pa3cia says:
beauty for ashes. =]
thank you for sharing your heart.
i wrote a similar post last year and i just wanted to share this thought with you to encourage you.
“He will never DEFINE you because of your imperfections ….His power is made perfect in your weakness” – [here's the link if you'd like to read more http://bit.ly/9m6Beb ]
Thanks for sharing your heart. Healing is coming through you sharing of your pain and experiences, both to yourself and many people that you’ll never meet.
All of the honesty here….all of the pouring out of hearts in the comments here….sounds like restoration is occurring. I pray that you find rest in the midst of it.
I thought yours was the best of all the beauty blogs. Maybe I’m biased because I know you personally, but I thought yours shone above. Probably why Sarah saved the best for last. :-) They all were good and I’m so happy to have found some new blogs to follow, but you my dear are the best!
girl, you rocked it.
okay, HE rocked it.
anyway, it rocked. you, too have a wonderful way with words. He is being glorified through your story. your struggles and pain. thanks for your honesty.
Alece, I don’t know if I ever shared, but God has used your story to touch my life as well. The day I read about the situation you are going through, I prayed so hard for you both and for Thrive. And then I completely broke down that night while sorting laundry. I thought I was crazy, I wondered why I was grieving SO hard for a woman whom I’d never met. Finally, after much sobbing and questioning, God revealed to me the unresolved emotion and pain in my own heart…for my marriage that ended a decade ago. My husband walked out on me. He just slammed the door as I begged him…on my knees…not to leave me for the other woman. (I was sixteen when we married, twenty when he left me.) I thought it would last our lifetime. Although the experience was devastating, I’d never fully dealt with it or been healed…and I didn’t even realize it. Thank you for your courage and honesty. I thank God for using your life to help others!
And Alece, you’re vulnerability makes you even more beautiful. As much strength as it took for you to build your life and ministry…it takes that much more to move forward in the future God has for you, trusting Him completely to hold you when everything else crumbles. You are an amazing woman and an inspiration to me. I love you, from afar! And I am excited to see how God is blessing your future because of your obedience and perseverance!
Til about a hundred years ago, when clothes became widely available by retail, girls were most concerned about their inner beauty and character. After that girls became more obsessed with fitting a standard size of “normal”. In some way, the didn’t measure up. Some body part/dress part was too big/too small, so things didn’t fit right, as opposed to the fit of a home-styled, personally fitted dress made by their mothers. Now there was a norm to adhere to. Major focus shift. (See Liz Courtney’s book, “5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter) I’m so tired of body image issues. My daughters don’t seem to have much of an issue, and that makes me very grateful since I’ve been very intentional in that area. Can’t say the same for myself, but I just keep it to myself.
A song I used to sing a long time ago (wish I could live in this reality more, a lot more)
If I could look through Your eyes
I’d see there’s no way to impress you and I wouldn’t even try.
I’d stop trying to prove I’m worthy and I’d take off the disguise
If I could look through Your eyes
If I saw my value to You
I’d see Your love for me remains despite the foolish things I do
And I’d see Your love for what it is – unshakable and true
If I saw my value to You
I want to see what You see
I want to recognize the treasured prize You say you see in me
I want to give up trying to earn Your love, You’re offering for free
I want to see what you see.
And I would see that I’m precious
And I would know that I am prized
I’d know Your love never changes
If I could look through Your eyes
Lord, help me look through Your eyes
(-Greg Ferguson)
Not really about beauty per se, but I’m not real sure He cares a whole lot about what we would call beauty.
@JewelzSightings says:
Alece, I don’t usually do this, but I wrote a post today that I thought might speak to you where you are. Your name kept coming to mind as I was writing.
If you are interested in reading it, go here: http://jewelsightings.blogspot.com/2010/03/mosaic-in-making.html
@XCWATERBOY says:
hey alece read the entry on other site.
this is perhaps a bit awkward but being an ocean/continent away perhaps lessens it.
Your hot. Straight up. Stunning.
And don’t let anyone, thing, experience say different.
ALLRIGHTYTHEN! But for serious. The man does not lie.
@thevelvettrunk says:
The boy is right. Has good taste, obviously. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
Hugs,
Mel
Alece,
Thank you for getting transparent about beauty. I know what you mean. When the man you’ve poured yourself out for and given yourself to tells you that he never thought you were beautiful (among other things) those kind of words destroy a woman’s soul.
It’s been a tough 3 years of God restoring me. This area of beauty has been especially hard. Because underneath is the thought that if I really am so beautiful (like everyone kept telling me I am) then he wouldn’t have done that, he wouldn’t have left. And he did.
The feeling like what I have and am is not enough is one of the most painful things a woman could feel. But God is simply amazing! He has coaxed me along the path of trust and healed so much devastation. I can look in the mirror and see a beautiful woman. I’m no longer hiding, even from myself. I can look in my own eyes and see His beauty looking out at me. Only Jesus can do this! He has done it for me. He will do it for you.
It takes courage. But you’re a brave woman. And God will not let you give up on your own beauty. :)
Praying you will let Him show you what He sees when He looks at you.