august rush
How is it August already? I feel like I’ve lost my year. And at the same time, I’ve endured more in the past seven months than I ever thought possible in a lifetime.
Looking back, I’m saddened. Frustrated. Angry. Hurting. All I can do is shake my head. My eyes fill with tears. My story overwhelms me, burdens me. I feel as though I can’t breathe, as though life has been sucked from my lungs. I’m suffocated by my own heartache.
Looking forward, I can feel the promise in turning the calendar page. New day, new month, new hope. The uncertainties and question marks linger, though. And while I know it’s out there, I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even when I strain my neck and stand on my tiptoes.
But looking up—Looking up, I am awed. He is so big, and I am so small. Just me. And yet He sees me, knows me, cares for me. He’s holding me. He’s got it all under control, even when it all feels so out of control. He is my help. My shield. My shelter. My strength. My salvation. Even from this.
Even from this.
Oh girl, I do not know what to say…. but I agree with you… even from this… He is in the midst of “this” with you… holding you… keeping you… There is nothing that is bigger then our God or His Love for us. I am convinced of that as I am sure you are even more every day.
one of my recurring prayers these days is something along the lines of — “over and over You prove Yourself a Redeemer. redeem even this, God. redeem even this…”
i know my Redeemer lives. and is ever faithful.
I have been thinking lately about the part in Hebrews 11 – “For those who come to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who earnestly seek Him.” It’s this exact thought that you mentioned – no matter how dark my night, no matter how great the shadow of death in my valley, my God will bring me to the other side. In the final analysis … I will never be found to be at a loss when I have this focus, outlook, earnest expectation. He will reward me as I earnestly seek Him. I’m doing it His way, come hell or high water. Literally. I’ve stared death in the face, and even if death is what happens … I will still hold.
“but even if He does not…”
i’ve had a blog post brewing about that for a while now. this week might be time to finish it.
I read your blogs and after ALL of them I want to say something half-way intelligent, but instead I’m left speechless. Praying for you <3
@danielleH says:
that’s really so true…
how does one respond to such amazing, powerful statements?
we are praying and loving… and enjoying some really great pictures
i so appreciate your love and prayers. i love you, yeller!
MissCrys… thank you. i love you.
He IS your shade. He will NOT let your foot slip.
Love you bunches and praying always. Just as an aside … August is the 8th month of the year and the number 8 is symbolic of new beginnings … just saying! :)
Oh how He loves you Alece … so mightily He loves you!
ahh, looking up. why in the world don’t I do that more often? cause that view has GOT to be filled with more promise of victory than the one I’m currently fixated on.
i need to do it more often, too. lift your eyes, kaykay. i’m standing right beside you.
i’m looking up with you.
…how in the world do i not go stargazing very often? i love it so much. i guess nothing beats the south african sky at night… laying out and hearing the wind. mm.
yesssss! that is THE best way to gain perspective. at least for me anyway…
@traceepersiko says:
i love me some SA nights!! as cold as it gets i loved some stargazing. too many lights…
i wish the dark night of your soul wasn’t so long. I wish I could say, “well that’s over.” I am rowing hard core for you.
thank you for rowing so hard for me. i’m unbelievably grateful you’re in my boat.
still twisting my ring. (side note..i watched this movie tonight and cried….again!)
thank you for still praying so faithfully for me. that really means a lot.
A friend and I were recently talking about the hymn, Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus:
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of the world will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.”
It’s that part about the “things of the world growing strangely dim” that gets me, because there are definitely times I want some things in this world to fade away, at least for a little while, so I can rest in – and with – Him.
Bottom line: I hate that you’re in this kind of pain. But I continue to cling confidently with hope and trust with you and everyone else that God WILL redeem this.
conviction: all too often He is the one growing strangely dim. time for me to repent!
I’m trying to remember to magnify God instead of magnifying the problem. Easier said than done…. Time for us both to repent!
Alece, I am praying for you! I want to share my favorite quote with you.
“Oh God, Don’t ever let me forget, that it’s my tears that make my rainbows”
U r an incredibly strong woman. Hang in there. He is really right there alongside you, sharing all your emotions and even though it’s hard to see the end of the tunnel, He’ll do even more than just bring you to that end. He can also bring it all together and give purpose to that which makes no sense or reason. I’m right there with ya counting on it too…
Yes indeed. Even from this. I know we don’t know each other too well (or at least anywhere near others in our lives) but my heart is heavy for you.
Alece, you have a gift of expressing your heart. Thank you for your genuineness; your vulnerability. I am just beginning to explore your site. I know I’ll visit often. Oh God bless you sister. I pray for you and He hears….that’s the great part. L Y Linda
thank you, linda. it’s great reconnecting with you here in the “blogosphere”.
much love.
I wish i had the right words to say to heal your heart…but i don’t have them. I want to make everything all better. but I can’t. Thats God’s job not mine humph…BUT i AM praying for you!! THAT i CAN do! :-) Love you!!
@moweezle says:
love you!!!
I’m holding you in my heart and asking for His tender mercies to be yours.
Still glossing…much love…
@gritandglory says:
thank you for your continued faithful prayers for me. that means a lot.
LOVE this
“But looking up—Looking up, I am awed. He is so big, and I am so small. Just me. And yet He sees me, knows me, cares for me. He’s holding me. He’s got it all under control, even when it all feels so out of control. He is my help. My shield. My shelter. My strength. My salvation. Even from this. “
@gritandglory says:
i need to re-read that often.
I have found that the true light at the end of a tunnel is really a porthole where the only true way out is up. Keep looking up friend and as daddy heals your heart you will not only see the light but the rainbow after the storm as well. I love you.