a tale of two dogs
I’m house-sitting this week, taking care of my friends’ two dogs, beta fish, and hamster. (Oh yeah! That reminds me… I’ve gotta feed the hamster!)
Last time I house-sat for them, I nearly killed the fish. I had to actually contact them on vacation to tell them he might not make it. Stress. Full.
This time around, the fish has been fine. You can be sure I keep a close eye on him though. Hamster? No worries there.
The dogs, however, are unbelievably high-maintenance. And this week has been no exception.
When they go outside to… you know… do their thing, one of them likes to mill about forever. I call and call and call, but she won’t come back inside.
Until I give up and go back to whatever it was I’d been doing. That’s always the moment she decides to scratch at the door, wanting to be let in.
But I can bribe the dogs with cheese.
It’s the fastest way to get them to come running. When I have no more patience for the outdoor wandering, I shout “Want some cheese?” and—BAM!—there she is.
Go figure.
The other dog is a hypochondriac. Or that’s what I’d be thinking by now if she were human and not canine. She is at the vet multiple times a month for all sorts of strange ailments. Who knew a dog could have tonsillitis!
A few hours after they left for vacation, my friend called to say she was concerned the dog may also have a bladder infection.
She asked me to get a urine sample to bring to the vet.
Say what?! Payback for nearly killing their fish, perhaps…
It felt like a very low moment when I was outside, tupperware container in hand, trying to get the dog to pee.
Unbelievable.
Then a couple days ago, both dogs escaped from the backyard and took off running down the street.
I ran after them only to discover that they run much faster than I thought they could. I ran back to the house, grabbed my keys and some supplies from the kitchen, and hopped in the car.
I drove up and down the streets in the neighborhood, windows down, calling their names.
Nothing.
So I reached for the supplies I brought.
As I looked around to make sure no one was watching, I held a Kraft Single out the window and started shouting “Cheese!”
And I discovered things could get lower than urine-sample-collecting.
The cheese slice was melty and gross by the time I found the dogs. But they came running for it anyway.
All I know is:
I’m gonna need a vacation after this!
Sheesh. Molly would never do that stuff to you…
@dubdynomite says:
Oh my word. I wish I could offer some helpful advice, but I’m afraid I’m not much better with animals.
I’ll say a prayer for you. And the pets.
@coloraturajoy says:
oh.
my.
goodness, i needed that laugh!!!!!
picturing you a) holding tupperware under a dog’s bum, b) running after 2 dogs c) hanging cheese out your car window to attract the dogs is BEYOND hilarious!!!!
i hate to laugh at your expense, but that is just priceless! i know you looked adorable doing that too!
@gritandglory says:
oh you are more than welcome to laugh. i am!
@elainaavalos says:
Sounds like my adventures with the cat I’m taking care of. I have never met a more high maintenance animal in my life. She’s uhm . . . difficult.
bahaha!
(makes a hedgehog look even better, deece…)
@gritandglory says:
hahaha! yeah it does!
Wowsers. Worse than babysitting… I think?
I laughed so hard that I started to cry…
Cheese always makes me run tooo… but I Hate American, got any Bleu?
San Diego I hear is a great place for vacations!
I’m laughing so hard my own dog is looking at me funny!
Picturing this all in my head made me laugh to the point of tears! Geez. I sure hope it gets a little easier! Kansas City is a good place to vacation too! :)
I hear you. I’m hoping for a trip to the Bahamas. Of course, my husband is out of work right now and my house needs more work than we have money to handle so… probably isn’t happening but… I hear you on the need for a vacation. A girl’s gotta have a dream!
@lynselstevens says:
haha!! i dog sat 3 weimaraners once… they were known for getting out often, and this was no different. they ran away and didnt come back. the next day the owner calls me (and yes, i did call them and leave them a vm for them) to say that the dogs were picked up by the pound and i needed to go get them…oh joy. nothing like getting a call from the owners on vacation…oops.
another dog we watched woke up each day at 5:30….yes 5:30 am to have 2 hot dogs. hmmm…yes, that is weird. but we had to get up and feed them hot dogs. HIGH MAINTENANCE.
and yes, you do need a vacation after that.
@gritandglory says:
oh my gosh — getting that phone call would’ve sucked!
and i can’t believe you had to wake up at 5:30 to feed them hot dogs! so bizarre.
I laughing so hard that this should be illegal to read first thing in the morning. I am so trying to imagine you in the yard with the Tupperware container…. And the cheese? Oh my word…… No pics for us?
@gritandglory says:
definitely no pics!
Shame.
@atangie says:
Funny
This is too funny, Alece! These friends must be some great friends of yours…. lol.
Oops, I meant you must love them a lot to be doing such things…. not that they are crappy friends, that’s not what I meant. hehehe
Oh my word!! The laughter brought on tears and now I can barely see to write this. Thanks for the laugh!
btw – we killed our beta, and are on our third hamster… and I’ve always said I wanted a dog, but i’ve been concerned that I may not be able to handle the high-maintenance thing. hmm… this post reaffirmed my suspicions.
YIKES!!! That sounds like an adventure of the strangest kind.
I have been walking my own dog and it took off after a squirell but I had the leash wrapped around my wrist and got dragged through the mud for about 10 yards before the leash slipped off.
I think God uses pets to keep us humble sometimes.
@gritandglory says:
i couldn’t help but laugh…
and then agree.
Dog.
this is hysterical! i feel for you girl. but i am laughing so hard my eyes are watering!
my pug ate duck poop yesterday then wanted to kiss me. ((Ellleeeechkkkkk… cough cough… sputter…spit))
the only good thing is that the duck-poop incident is that it sponsored a writing episode for me :) dogs are good for blogs :)
instead of getting tee tee, you could have been thrown up on like Lisa-Jo yesterday … but i don’t know what’s worse… tee tee, up-chuck, or duck poop.
what is it about bodily functions this week? :)
Word! What is it with bodily functions this week. At least my kids can say, thank you and then go on to support me in my old age one day. Dogs will never be grateful. The most they can do is lick you with their duck poop tongues.
And then go eat the hamster while you’re not looking (true story).
@gritandglory says:
awww… poor hammy!
OH MY Dang… i snort-laughed so hard when i read this :) your dog ate a hampster? i hate that for the hampster, but that is hilarious!
Who knew dogs ate cheese? Sounds like you had an adventure you won’t ever forget :)
I remember I housesat for a family one time. It was pretty easy. They just had an obese cat that stayed out of the way most of the time :)
This could perhaps be the funniest post ever! You poor thing!!!
@jclayville says:
hooohohohohohohoohahhaaaaaaaahhhh!!!
i mean… sorry.
bahaha, this is great. it’s even funnier because I’m also currently house sitting. yep, two dogs (a great dane and a chihuahua.. classic), two cats, and a bird. the bird has officially declared war on me (I guess I can’t really blame him), the cats are FAR needier than I thought cats were ever supposed to be, and the dogs.. well, I don’t have any cheese antics like you, but I was given permission (I’m not even lying) to put the chihuahua down if he had a stroke or something and the vet said that it would be best. and apparently, they wouldn’t be surprised if exactly that happened.
so I put on my serious face and said, “carmen.. you know how I am. if you tell me to put your dog to sleep, I will. make sure you’re serious about it.” and she goes, “yeah, I’m sure. just don’t tell us until we get home.” I guess I would have to lie when she called to check in. “yeah.. he’s.. uh.. fine. really peaceful.”
hm. here’s to wishing that the chihuahua doesn’t stroke out, and the dane doesn’t squish him. because they ALL sleep in bed together. with me. but hey, I got a kindle out of the deal. (: so I’ll stop complaining.
@gritandglory says:
oh my dang! i could never put someone else’s dog down — i don’t care what they said! i can’t believe she told you that! (i loved your remark on what you’d say when they called to check in. ha!)
last time i housesat for them, the dogs slept in bed with me too. (just like they do with their “parentals”.) they are doing quite fine in the little “nests” i created for them on my floor this time.
and way to score a kindle!
I love all that makes you human… besides, this is fantastic practice for your future children one day!
@PrudyChick says:
I thought washing other people’s laundry was ummm kind of humbling. Collecting a urine sample from a friend’s dog well that’s another story. Hopefully a nosy neighbor didn’t see you and go Marge what is that woman doing?
The dog we had when I was in Jr. High/High school often got out. We’d drive around using treats trying to get her in the car.
I laugh, and I’m sorry.
We have a turtle. N.e.v.e.r. have to worry about pee. Or samples.
giggle giggle snort.
Again, sorry. LOL
@gritandglory says:
if you ever need a turtle-sitter, you let me know! ;)
funny.
Sounds like you are having fun. I hope your friends left some wine for you to chill out with.
I had not heard of a hypochondriac dog before, but if we did comeback as animals that would be me.
About once a year I house sit my cousin’s six cats. I will trade you six cats for two dogs any day. Think about litter box and cat vomit. I must admit trying to get a urine sample from a dog does sound as gross as it gets.
@traceepersiko says:
hahaha!! still chuckles over this post!! One day, seriously, you’re gonna yell, “want some cheese,” and i’m gonna runnin to the door!
@gritandglory says:
i’m gonna have different kinds of cheese for you even!
@jeremybarr says:
When Moses escapes from the backyard, I have to bribe him with a car ride to get him to come back. He knows exactly what the words “car ride” mean. (Either that or I catch him while he’s trying to pee on a tree or something.)
You’re a better friend than I am, because I just can’t picture myself out in the backyard trying to stick a container under a dog just when it tries to go to the bathroom. That’s hilarious!
@gritandglory says:
moses?! “car ride”?! ha!
@jeremybarr says:
Oh it looks really funny as I drive down the street at .02 MPH with the door open yelling, “Moses, do you want to go for a car ride?”
Scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You wrote that so well, I was laughing all the way through it. Sorry, but just too funny.
I cat-sat a neighbor’s cats when I was in 5th grade, and their big treat was those Kraft American slice things. Never knew dogs could be into it, too, though.
I was watching Cesar Milan on The Dog Whisperer the other day, and there were these SUPER high-maintenance dogs on there – RESCUE dogs, no less, and I was thinking about 5 minutes in, “NO. WAY.”
High maintenance ANYTHING just takes the stuffing out of me. Just crash on the couch for a few days afterwards to recover!
@gritandglory says:
ohhhh! thank you, lisa! i never know with stuff like this if other people will find funny what i think is hilarious. so… thank you! ;)
Your antics made so many people laugh here, and put me at the top of that list!! I’m still kind of giggling. Don’t be surprised if people think, “Tupperware and cheese” when they think of you now! hee hee
@kamriereed says:
I hate it when my dog gets off of his chain. I never have to worry about finding him; the trick is catching him. He likes to taunt me by running by me really fast and dodging my lunging body at the last minute. I think this might be a sign that I need to work out more so that one of these days I will run faster than him.
@fishythoughts says:
Sorry, I’m still stalled on the part where you nearly killed a fish.
@gritandglory says:
hahaha!
this made me laugh SO FREAKING HARD!!!!!!! aaah ha ha ha hah a!!!!!!
@Nomadstacey says:
Ok your high maintenance dogs take the cake on my bux strangers!
Laughed. Out. Loud. at this. Imagining you trying to get a urine sample…then melty cheese square hanging out your car window.
Hil.ar.i.ous!
Hahahahahahahaha!!!! This was a great break in my day!
@mandythompson says:
I didn’t make it through the umpteen comments to see if I’m the only one asking:
Did you SUCCEED in getting a urine sample from that dog?!
@gritandglory says:
yes maam!
@mandythompson says:
yes that I’m the only one asking? Or yes that you got the sample?!
Just kidding. I’m unspeakably impressed!!!!
Seriously, you need to ask for a raise. This goes along with your “risk” plans for this year. Raise!
Or most likely, you are doing this for a friend out of the goodness of your heart. Which I say, “No good deed ever goes unpunished.”
As you would say, “Oh my dang!” I laughed so so hard – I am still laughing – at the mental image of you clutching your tupperware and cheese. There are no words. Thanks, I needed that. Really. Suddenly the lap full of puke I was delivered last night seems much less awful by comparison!
@gritandglory says:
oh i don’t know. i think a lap full of puke would be faaaaaar worse!
A pee sample? With a tupperware? I mean, you talk about taking risk this year – I’d say thats pretty risky business. I’m a dog owner and have no idea how to take a pee sample, nor would I agree to. Your brave and this made me laugh (a lot) -thanks!
My dog we had when I was growing up, her all time fav treat was the craft singles! Too funny! This made me laugh so hard! I used to want to die just thinking about loosing my dog. I’m so glad you found them! So did you get the results back from the vet? Hop the little guys ok.
@mallyflip says:
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
This sounds like EVERY time that I have to baby sit my parents dogs. They are such high maintenance dogs. And I am not the only one that says this… my friends say this too. My dad special order cooks for them. They get pork loin, chicken, a special sandwich, oh and a slice of french bread that my dad makes for them. When I ask for it, do I get it made for me? NOOO only the dogs.
I guess I am lower than the dogs. I have to make my own food and if I ask to eat the pork loin… I am told that I can’t because it is for the dogs. ughhh.
HAHA!!!!! Oh my word, that is funny.
@hannahruthie says:
This just made me laugh so much. I need a good hearty chuckle and a heart smile!