the death of dreams
I don’t understand why we’re allowed to dream dreams that will never be.
But we are.
And we do.
I’ve heard it said—and have even said it myself—that God wouldn’t give us passions and dreams, and then not fulfill them. I used to swallow that whole, but I don’t really believe it to be true any more.
Once you factor in free will, sin, and natural consequences, there is no way every hope, dream, and longing can be fulfilled.
Even when we do everything “right”, life simply isn’t fair. For reasons we may never understand this side of heaven, not every prayer is answered and not every dream comes to pass.
Consider a little league baseball tournament where boys on both teams dream of winning the championship.
You dream of a promotion at work. So do three co-workers who are competing with you for the position.
I dreamed of a restored marriage, while my husband dreamed of a new life with another woman.
It is simply not possible for every dream to come true.
I’ve had to come to terms with that truth in my life. It sucks. And it hurts. And I’m not totally sure what to do with it.
All my deferred hope has left my heart sick.
I miss those dreams that will never be. I miss the future that is no longer possible. I miss what could be and should be, but won’t be.
I have to surrender those to God, trusting that even when it doesn’t seem like it, He has my highest good and His maximum glory in mind.
I’m wrestling with the balance between surrender and hope.
I want to live surrendered—fully embracing what I’m given, rather than longing for what I’m not.
And I want to live with hope—faithfully trusting God’s promises and believing Him for what I cannot see.
But how do I do both at the same time?
How do I hope while embracing what I’m given?
There’s totally a beauty in living in the tension of both.
Hope + Surrender = Beautiful Humility
If we didn’t dream we would never see God’s fulfillment. We might see God at work, but we wouldn’t recognize our want and His fulfillment of our desires.
I don’t think dreams and passions are bad at all, but maybe we are forgetting to put God’s passions for our lives above our own. And then we get disappointed because He has something else in mind. Or when we fail, we see it as un-fulfillment of our dreams, and also fail to see that God has other good things for us. They may be harder to find or we may look in the wrong place. We may not see them at all because they’re not what we’re looking for, but just because God doesn’t let all of our dreams come true doesn’t mean He is holding back. God doesn’t hold back good things from our lives.
I’m just thinking out loud.
that’s exactly what i was hoping you’d do — think out loud!
so appreciate your thoughts, hannah!
I think we think too often in an “either or” type of mentality. I am not sure God thinks like this. I mean, take the whole “God is One” and “Father, Son, Spirit” thing. He’s already blown my mind and made me hold two opposing thoughts at once!
So, hope. And embrace what has been given to you. Do both. Don’t let them cancel each other out. Look up to God and be brutally honest about how both make you feel. How the contradiction makes you feel.
Despite both the hope and the acceptance, through it all, what you are most longing for is God. Our hearts are made so they are always hungry, always seeking Him. Look for Him to meet you in the hope not answered and in the acceptance you don’t really want to accept. But hold both thoughts, because they are both right in this situation.
I like this… “Don’t let them cancel each other out.” I’m going to chew on that for a while.
you are so right. God is the God of seeming contradiction. and this is no exception.
finding hope in surrender and surrender in hope.
thanks, ellie.
These are such good topics to wrestle over, Alece. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I wrote an article on a different but related area that I wanted to share:
http://timothydeanmills.blogspot.com/2009/11/beautiful-soul.html
God bless you, and keep writing!
–Tim
http://www.timothydeanmills.com
It is a tension, indeed…
God is in the business of redeeming and restoring all things. It’s just how he rolls.
You and I are included in the “all things” part. That’s the driving force that keeps me…
romans 8:28 has been so overused (at least in my life), that i barely hear it anymore. i always have to remind myself that He means even my “all things”.
Romans 8:28 is very trite when you’re in the middle of stuff…that’s when everybody tends to tell you, “remember, all things work together you know…” I look at the verse as a post-event verse, not an ‘in the midst of” sort of thing. I’ve always been able to look back after the fact to see where God used it…but never while I was in it.
if i can ever recommend a book to anyone ever… it is The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson.
people sometimes confuse, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart” with being about our dreams for our lives. when in reality it means that if we are delighting ourselves in Him… His dream becomes our dream and we don’t have to worry about the rest. dreams of our own can come and go in a fleeting moment, but He is the dream giver and His dream for us will never fail. all we have to do is surrender…
while your dream seems dead and gone… your journey isn’t up yet… delight in Him and live in hope for what’s next.
praying for you.
I love this, and I wholeheartedly agree!
Oh! I am going to check out this book!
I couldn’t have said it more perfectly! Love your comment Crystal.
I definitely agree!
>>” when in reality it means that if we are delighting ourselves in Him… His dream becomes our dream and we don’t have to worry about the rest.”
YES. This has been the thing that I have come to, in my longing for children. I pray that he shapes the desires of my heart for what HIS desires are for me. And if that is not for children, then I trust that “dream” will quietly succumb to HIS dream.
“then i trust that dream will quietly succumb to His dream…” that is what the prayer of my heart needs to be as well. thank you, johanna!
i absolutely agree. it was taught to me that God will bring about the desires of my heart. but i’ve learned that He is the one who places desires there. those dreams, that start and end in God, are unstoppable by me or anyone else.
it’s a journey of figuring out which are the dreams He planted in me…
Your last question makes me anxious, gives me the visual of someone holding their breath, eyes darting around, wondering, “is there gonna be an end to this? Is this a joke? How do I find contentment in what is now, and hope for what might be? I’m holding my breath because I’m waiting for something better to come along. But who knows how long this will last.”
Sometimes my understanding of the word “Hope” is really “wish”, which is, to say the least, a disappointment.
My answer? Nooooo clue.
I’m not sure Alece.
Surrender is both terrifying and freeing; giving up ones passions, dreams, whole self – for Christ. It means we face the fact that we don’t have all the answers, we don’t always know what’s best, we won’t always do the things that we should. And then allowing God to entrust us with HIS purpose for our lives. Entrust us with His dreams for us. It can make one shake in their boots as well as live with a renewed joy/peace/hope that God has dreamed even bigger things for us then we could for ourselves.
Isaiah 43:18-19 talks about not dwelling on the past, about forgetting the “former things” and opening our eyes to see that God is doing a new thing. If there’s one thing that I’ve been learning over these past few months it’s that brokenness, restlessness, questioning what God wants for you… all that “stuff” is the groundwork, the foundation, the beginning of seeing Gods dreams for your life.
Surrender… ones life (including dreams) to Christ – and hope… look forward, trust, lay a hold of – the plans and purpose that He has for your life. When it’s all given up in surrender, hope is all that’s left.
Death of old dreams leaves alot of space for new dreams.
I don’t know. Those are just my ponderings now that you’ve got the cobwebs in my noggin all tangled.
Will continue to pray.
“Death of old dreams leaves alot of space for new dreams.” — great perspective!
Crystal is right on!
But, I can’t honestly say that doesn’t makes it easier. As I continue to struggle with my desires, I realize more and more…it has nothing to do with me.
I understand the death of dreams. I lived bitter at God for them for a couple years. It wasn’t until I surrendered my will to His that I finally felt peace.
Christian life is about daily surrender.
Chin up, Girl!
The case of watered down dreams…
This post really spoke to me during the time of my life where I felt all my dreams were dying & all my prayers were unanswered.
I hope it speaks to your heart as much as it spoke to mine :)
http://www.ricianne.com/2006/08/classic-case-of-watered-down-dreams.html
I wish I had the answers for you, but quite honestly I struggle with the same thing! I just have to leave it in God’s hands and know that He has and wants the best for me, even if other people mess that up (or we mess it up ourselves). Love you so much!!!
What a risk you are taking in posting such raw thoughts. How many times I have started composing a similar statement only to leave it in the murky draft file. This is the nasty after taste to the flavor of religiosity we were bottle fed growing up. You are brave to speak it out. I pray you and I both come closer to God as we gag down the truth of a gospel of suffering.
thank you for seeing the risk in this for me, and i appreciate knowing this resonates with you.
you’re right — this flies in the face of everything i was taught growing up in the Church. if i just could believe enough, “whatsoever” would come to pass. the implication being that if it’s not coming to pass, it’s because my faith is weak.
the simple realization that two people praying for opposite things automatically means both can’t have their prayers answered (in the way they desire and are asking) was SO freeing for me. SO freeing.
I’ve seen some people use the word ‘tension’ to describe the not-either/or-mentality-but-both. I don’t disagree, I’d just like to change the word to friction. I know it’s semantics but it friction just sits better with me in this surrender/hope topic. In ‘Ruthless Trust’ (oh look, A, there’s that book again…) the prayer that Brennan Manning writes out talks about having God’s will be our will. I think this is part of the redirection and restoration process. When we start to redecorate our souls we have to sift through each desire, want, dream and ask God if the origin is from us, the world, or Him. Slowly, our souls will have a foundation in trusting Him…in turning to Him first with our wants and dreams. Sort of a soulful checks and balances.
I’m not saying I’m there yet. I’m not saying I want to be there everyday. I just am praying for trust and am seeking Him out more.
friction. i like that.
maybe part of that tension/friction is the idea that we are not created for this world. if that is true then it stands to reason that nothing in this world will ever be fully satisfying, not completely. we are created for God and for eternity and only perfect abiding in Him (impossible in this fallen world) will ever be able to address the longing of our souls to be filled.
My counselor first said the words “death of a dream” to me and I physically winced when she said it because (1) it summed up perfectly what was happening in my life and (2) it hurt so very much. I think the reason why hoping and embracing-what-we’re-given is so difficult for me is that it hurts to hope. What if my hopes are broken again, what if I have to live through the death of another dream? It would be much, much easier to just not dream. If I embrace what I’ve been given, and yet dare to hope as well, I feel like I’m leaving myself open for more hurt. It’s like I’m saying to God, “I’ve learned to be content here, after the death of that dream, so I’ll just keep hoping, and if you allow my other dreams to die, I guess I’ll learn to be content with that too.” Which, I guess isn’t really hope…it’s just anticipating hurt.
Like Hannah above, thinking as I write.
Wondering about that, too. Afraid to dream again. I don’t like hurt. But… this last year, I’ve begun to catch a glimpse of God’s dream for me… it is similar in heart to my dream… only so much bigger, better… but it did/does involve hurt. But His dreams for me..well.. they might just be worth the hurt. Still don’t like hurt. Learning to come to Him with it – with all of it, all my feelings, none made “nice” before I dump them in front of Him. But right now, my old dreams look so tiny and insignificant compared to what He set in front of me. Yeah, they were easier, more comfortable, more fun… but His..well.. I’m holding my breath!
i’m in that same exact place. thank you for your raw honesty, jennifer.
Alece, I so appreciate your writing. You write so beautifully. How is it that we ( & others) are going through the same thoughts? That just baffles my mind.
In Awe.
JennG
i loooove that! thank you, jenn!
Thanks for the honesty…it is refreshing. Thanks for sharing.
Loved this post, as hope is something I’ve been struggling with for awhile. Your words (and all the wise comments, as well) are my food-for-thought today. Thanks all!
i’m loving all the wisdom in these comments too. (my FAVORITE part about The Grit!)
If I look at my “dreams” some are healthy, some are divinely-inspired, and If I’m honest some are me lusting after the perfect life which does not exist. I love that we have a God to allow us think independently but sometimes wish he would give us a nice alert (like the sound a van makes when reversing) when our dreams don’t align with His plan.
If our hope is in Him, even when our dreams die a brutal death, we will live with the knowledge that he is at work for our ultimate good.
“and If I’m honest some are me lusting after the perfect life which does not exist.” — i am guilty of that too.
and dang, i wish i could hear that obnoxious beeping when my dreams need to be realigned!
Love you and your heart Alece’. I get this…I do. I don’t know the answers right now. I guess it’s not a one time surrender but, something that can even be surrendered daily or more. My dreams of singing feel like only dreams now. My heart aches when I think about it. I’d say one song I love that ministers to me is “unredeemed” by Selah. Awesome song!
It’s a very fine balance, I think, learning to live with hope and surrender. I would venture to say a very large majority of people never find that balance. We try to be grateful for what we have, for what God has so graciously given us, and yet we always hope for something more. Something different.
Your last question, “How do I hope while embracing what I’m given?”, is one I’d like an answer to, as well. If you figure it out, please share it with the rest of us! :)
maybe we’re not supposed to find the balance. maybe we’re supposed to live in the tension.
hmmm…
This post reminds me of one of my favorite songs, “Who You Are” on Gateway Worship’s Living For You live worship CD. It goes:
I don’t have to be afraid, because of what Your love has done
Now that You are near, I don’t have to be alone
God of all the earth, You know my thoughts
You are all I need, You’re my praise, my song…
Because of who You are
I can live with hope
Knowing that You’ll always be
God of all my dreams
Everything I want to be is found in You
I love your heart…and how you challenge my heart to take risks…
When my ex-husband decided to leave for someone else ten years ago…. this final betrayal in addition to enduring two solid years of abuse at his hand, I remember there was a stubborn rust stain in the kitchen sink. The stain was from a cast-iron pan that was impossible to clean, so we typically just let it sit for days.
After killing my dream of what marriage was “supposed” to be, he left his stain behind.
The day I moved out of “our” house – the stain “magically” was clean-able, but the mark in my heart still remains.
The dream had been brutally murdered by someone who was no longer a part of my life, but I had not died to the dream.
Instead I kept carrying around the dead weight of my life-less dream hoping I could resurrect what I thought was what my dream was supposed to be.
But that was not my dream – it was only a mirror of my dream. It was a second-rate impression of what my dream was supposed to be
It was not a pure reflection, it was simply a reflection, an image, an impression.
Somewhere in my heart, I always knew it was a substitute… I knew it all along. I knew it before we got married.
I just did not TRUST my heart to know.
So I continued to long.
I longed because I wanted my dream… I longed because I knew a taste of what it could be and my life did not match up to the dream I carried in my heart…
Even in the midst of that awful first marriage, my heart still longed to be embraced by the REAL manifestation of my dream.
But that second-rate impression introduced me to myself, my instincts, my soul, my True God – not just who I wanted Him to be…
As I learned to fight for myself, I found parts of myself coming alive that I had always ignored.
As they were birthed, I grieved over the years I had shoved them into oblivion.
I carried around depression. Clinical depression. Anxiety. I got help.
Ten years later… God unlocked the keys to a better dream. It does not look like anything I planned as a little girl. Doesn’t look much like my longing said it would…
But it is good. And God is good. And in that goodness, I can receive my sweet new groom as God’s perfect gift to me.
Take heart sister… and even in the painful days… don’t let your dreams die… they are a part of who you are.
And know that you have someone sitting with you, praying with you, and you are not alone…
You said it so much better than I did. Holding on to our dreams… I think we can still dream… I still do, and lay those dreams in front of God, tell Him what I want. Then He shows me what He has – so wonderful that I stand back and say, “umm.. I can’t”… but He has used the death of my dreams, the hurt, the confusion to bring me to where He can through it all. And that is an exciting place to be – to begin to walk the dreams of God for you. He is a bigger dreamer than I am!
jenny-girl! thank you for your transparency. i don’t take that lightly at all. i so value hearing your story, and learning from your journey. thank you, friend.
love you.
“He is a bigger dreamer than I am!”
I love that :) it is so beautiful!
Great post. My only advice is to not let a fear of hope be the enemy’s foothold.
I am nodding and saying YES!!!! outloud to this one.
He comes to steal, kill, and destroy….don’t let him do that with your hope friend.
ooooh. so good. praying about that today. thank you!
I asked a similar question to a pastor recently. His answer was something like, Just like Jesus does. Which is kinda right but not terribly helpful… because truthfully, we don’t know HOW Jesus does miraculous things.
So, all “How do I…” questions have (for me) two answers,
(a) I cannot
(b) He CAN … but (big but) I do not know HOW he does this nor WHEN he will do this nor even when he IS doing this. I only know after some healing, WHAT he has done.
Like the cross, HOW Jesus does what he does is a mystery and WHAT he has accomplished (finished) at the cross, and in us each day, is clear only after the miracle is past.
Dang, this post and line of thought has helped me so much today.
Thank you, Alece.
I think the best way is to learn to be content and trust that God will take care of you. When you are content then when God blesses you it is even better
I’m scared of hoping. I’m scared of having dreams. Of course I do have hopes and dreams…but they are suppressed from the fear and reality of being dissappointed. But I don’t want to live in a pattern of dead hope.
I want to live in trusting faith. I want to surrender my fear. to align with the will of God. I want His dreams to be my dreams.
but I’ve always struggled with the line between hope/dreams and faith. I want to be faithful to Him in my hope.
“dead hope” — wow. felt the weight of that phrase. i don’t want to live in that place either, and yet there is such a deep fear of hoping…
love your honest heart, coop.
Alece, I think Crystal gave some really good advice from one believer to another. There’s some good encouragement for you that’s Biblically based. I’m not ragging on Crystal’s thoughts at all because I agree with them.
But what you’re talking about in your post really sucks.
I’ve had to let so many of my dreams die over the last few years that I quite honestly thought about checking out some days. That it wasn’t even worth it to keep on going because I was tired of the pain and tired of the broken hopes. I was tired of what seemed like God always taking and never giving. I had reached a point where I said God was little more than an abusive father. He’d give you just enough to keep you around and then whack the crap out of you a little more.
I honestly don’t know how that glimmer of hope stuck around in those dark times. Why I couldn’t just walk away from God and say I was done with having all of my hopes dashed. To say it wasn’t worth waiting for His plan that never seemed to show itself. I still struggle with it because just today I had something I’d hoped and wanted provided for me in a way that seemed to only be God…just to have it taken back this morning. I don’t think we ever reach the point where it doesn’t hurt and can’t be discouraging if we let it get to us.
I see no reason why someone like you with your heart should have to endure the things that you have faced. However, look at this blog…how many more lives have you impacted through your pain and transparency? That has to be God working through you, Alece. No other possible explanation for it. If you want a glimmer of hope, look at the changed lives here. That’s clear indication God’s still using you.
Sorry for the ramble. It’s been a tough morning. :)
i’m sorry for the tough morning, jason. but am so appreciative at your bare-bones honesty here. i understand the disappointment and hopelessness you’re talking about. i, too, have wanted to check out. many times.
your last paragraph was so unbelievably strengthening to me. such a beautiful glimmer of hope in how God’s making life out of my brokenness right here on The Grit.
talking to Him about you today.
I just read this quote the other day and it truly ministered to my heart and gave me renewed hope, it says:
“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, he became a butterfly”
Oh my Lecers…..”God wouldn’t give us passions and dreams and then not fulfill them. I used to swallow this whole but I don’t really believe that to be true anymore.” I love you so much and I am sorry that you are in this place. I have been to the place where dreams seem dead. It hurts, it’s dark, and you don’t know where you will go from there. You’re right sometimes what He puts in our hearts doesn’t come to the end we think it will, sometimes the direction shifts or the course changes, But that doesn’t mean the destination has changed.
Consider the apple seed. In spring it begins as a beautiful fragrant flower, clinging close to its source. It flourishes all through the summer growing strong and confident of the fact that it is an apple! But then the cool fall winds begin to blow, the rains beat down and the apple falls from it’s hold on it’s branch. It weeps for the fact that it feels so far from it’s source, it’s dream of being a beautiful apple is no more. It’s outer walls are stripped away and the old apple begins to die. It sinks low and gets trampled on and buried into the dirt. “Why! I was so strong once!” it cries and lies dormant for the whole winter through. Then something begins to happen….the earth that has kept it buried begins to soften and warm. The cold snow that chilled it through becomes a cool drink of water and nourishment to the tiny seed. And soon, hope springs anew! A new shoot, a new chance for life springs from the seed and it breaks through what was meant to hold it down! It stretches tall feeling the warmth of the sun and over the next few summers it grows, spreading it’s branches and developing the roots that will hold it into place for the rest of it’s days. And then when the timing is right, the tiny seed is vindicated when it produces a bountiful crop of apples all it’s own! The tiny seed had to give up the dream of being an apple for it to produce the fruit that God intended it to.
Your dream is not dead my friend, it has just been planted. I love you!
wow, stacers. that analogy/story paints such a beautiful picture. thank you!
“Your dream is not dead, my friend, it has just been planted.” i LOVE that. gonna be mulling that over…
Love this, too … not a small dream, but a bigger and better dream “planted!” That is you, Alece!
Joseph is my boy for dreaming. Joseph had a dream given by God. He had no idea what the meaning of the dream meant or even how he would get there. He just knew he had one. I get that to the core of me. I know i have a dream. I have no idea how it will come to fruition or even what exactly the dream looks like.
Along the way Joseph was rejected by his closest family. He was dismissed by his trusted management. He was forgotten by friends in prison. But he had a dream. Life happened to Joesph. Sin happened to Joseph. He was sinned against, and i’m sure he sinned. God works with all of that in redirection and redemption. IN all things, God prepared Joseph for the dream he gave him in the very beginning before life happened.
That is so hopeful for me. That as life happens, and sin happens, God uses all me redirecting failures, and moments in need of redemption, to still keep me headed toward my dream given at the beginning.
Surrendering is the struggle for me in believing his words of “on purpose.” – “my ways are not your ways, my thoughts are higher than yours”, “i have plans for you.” I know i can sell myself short on the great plan and dream for me.
Hikers have a term called “false summits.” i am too quick to say i have arrived at my dream. God gently points to the real summit. dangit!!
joseph is such a great picture for this. proof that God can “redeem even this”. that what others (including satan) intends for my harm, God intends for my good and for His glory.
your phrase “false summits” has me thinking. i can very clearly see some false summits in my life. what feels like a dream shattered is just bar camp on my way to the true summit of what He has for me. mmmm… ruminating….
i need to hold onto God more than i hold onto the dream.
Wow! That is so great … God gently points me to the real summit. Love that, writing it in my journal. Such truth … thanks for sharing it.
“…the thing that makes me happy is that I can hear a Voice crying through the vista of time, saying: “It may not come today or it may not come tomorrow, but it is well that it is within thine heart. It’s well that you are trying.” You may not see it. The dream may not be fulfilled, but it’s just good that you have the desire to bring it into reality. It’s well that it’s within thine heart. Thank God this morning that we do have hearts to put something meaningful in. Life is a continual story of shattered dreams…”
-MLK
“Unfulfilled Dreams”
Sermon at Ebenezer Baptist Church
(Delivered one month and one day before he was assassinated)
Wow. I certainly don’t know the answer, but this blog really impacted me. I am currently walking through a season where I am very much dying to my dream for myself. For me, one big moment of truth was seeing how much my dream had become an idol to me, and how I had become someone other than who God created me to be in the process of trying to keep my dream propped up. It’s been a painful process and I am still very much grappling with the “what now” piece. Letting go is one thing, but then what? The balance between surrender and hope is delicate, especially if you have laid down and walked away from something that you found so much identity in. I am realizing that God’s dream for me is so much better than my dream for myself and I am selling myself short by chasing what I want. I’ve been working on a blog post about this very thing. Thank you for sharing your heart here.
love hearing how you’re wrestling through this, too, grant. i’m starting to think maybe i have it all wrong in trying to find a balance between surrender and hope. maybe i’m supposed to live in the tension — maybe in the constant wrestling is the truest surrender and greatest faith.
I think you’re on to something there. I believe that it very true. Perhaps if we found the “sweet spot” of balance, our faith would no longer have that object to wrestle with and develop.
Here’s an except from my blog today about being in “the middle”:
In my experience, I have found God more in “the middle” than at any destination point in my life. I believe He lives in the tension between… between here and there, between what we are and what we shall be, between what we see and what we don’t see.
Trisha and I started a church in 2002. When I had the affair in 2005, we left and we never went back. I had no desire or vision to return to ministry. After 2 years of attending a church close to where we lived, the pastor approached me and asked me to consider returning to ministry. After much prayer, Trisha and I went through a 2 year restoration process. At the end of that process, the pastor who replaced me at the church resigned to start a church in his home town. Immediately calls began to come in from people in the church we hadn’t spoken with in years, asking us to consider to come back. All of a sudden, a dream that I thought I had lost (given up really through my choices) came flooding back. After a few days, I called the elders of the church (whom I had appointed) to ask them if they would consider to allow me to be a candidate for the job. They said no. It was like the death of the dream all over again. It sucked. It hurt…if I’m honest it still hurts and I still long for that dream to be redeemed.
Before we moved to Nashville the elders of the church invited us back to lay hands on us and commission us to our ministry position here at Cross Point. It was bitter sweet, but it did provide some closure and healing.
I think there are days that I see God redistributing that dream into other areas of my life…our marriage ministry, my role here at Cross Point, the opportunity I have to help pastors who struggle with sin like I did…but then there are days that I long for THAT dream to become a reality again…I am overcome with sadness that I killed it and I’ll never get it back. It is in those moments, God has to be enough and I have to lean into grace and know that everything is a gift!
wow, justin. i so appreciate your heart here. thank you for sharing a very real and raw part of your journey. while i see God’s redemption all over you and trisha, i understand the loss you feel over that very specific dream in your heart. trusting that God will bring His restoration there, too — even if that means a peace in that place inside you.
Just wanting to say that I’ve truly connected with these last couple posts. Balancing surrender and hope is not easy, but I still try to do it. A dramatic example: Jesus praying, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”
I have been reading for awhile…lurking I guess. My husband left me and my 3 children…not that it matters, but he was a deacon…leader of the young marrieds etc. I never saw it coming…truly… although when I say that, heads shake and expressions are incredulous.
This is where I am now…where is hope? Where is it when well-meaning family and friends call my life sad and tsk tsk at the lot I’ve been dealt? I am trying to hope…to live out this path with grace and forgiveness…with a new compassion and empathy that doesn’t judge. Trying to remember that God loves me…he isn’t trying to punish me. So many try to “know the mind of God” in regards to my situation…and help me to “know” it too. “Surely you are reaping what you have sown…surely if you surrender he will restore unto you that which he has taken.” I could go on, but I echo your thoughts.
“I’ve heard it said—and have even said it myself—that God wouldn’t give us passions and dreams, and then not fulfill them. I used to swallow that whole, but I don’t really believe it to be true any more.
Once you factor in free will, sin, and natural consequences, there is no way every hope, dream, and longing can be fulfilled.”
Amen and amen…surrender and hope…balance…I want it.
Charmaine
oh, charmaine. i wish i could hug you. i’m so sorry for the hurt and pain you are walking through.
i’m talking to God about you today.
I’ve chewed on this post all day since I read it before I went to bible study this morning. And then something was discussed in bible study that brought this to the forefront of my mind.
Our study is Becoming A Woman of Excellence. I have to tell you dear friend, the way you speak of this journey and the rough spots you find yourself in and how you approach them prove to me that you are the epitomy of an excellent woman.
Our chapter this week was “a gentle and quiet spirit.” We were asked to read Psalm 131 and in that verse it talked about quieted ambitions…. or a quieted soul depending on which translation you read. Quieting your soul, your ambitions, so you can more readily hear what God has planned for you, willingly waiting and trusting in His always faithful care. Like you right now…. you have set aside your hopes and ambitions (whether it be your choice or not, you’ve had to) and still have the faith to wait on Him for what He has planned for you. You are in a season of quieting your soul, not demanding what you feel is rightly yours… because you know, you hope, you trust, that He will provide what you need.
You are an excellent woman, whether you can fully embrace that or not… know that is what we on this side of the screen see.
love you.
wow. thank you for your words, raisin bran. for telling me what you see in me. i so desire a life that is marked by excellence and the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.
psalm 131 was the foundation of the service i attended on sunday. mandy’s church – and she and i had some great convo about it afterward too. a quieted soul like a weaned child… with the trust that my needs will be met even when it’s not how i’m used to and not when i demand it. i need to quiet my soul (and my ambitions) with that kind of faithful trust in my Father.
i have a hard time balancing surrender and hope, too.
me too, alece.
interesting. I’ve been mulling this over lately as well.
unfortunately, the realization that we’ll dream dreams never meant to come to fruition makes me extremely unwilling to pursue anything at all.
I’m not sure how to balance that. if I pursue all of my dreams/longings, and only succeed in a small part of those endeavors, where does that leave my heart during all of my failures? once bitten, twice as shy, I suppose.
i understand that fear, kay. so much. i know the pain is real and deep.
talking to Him about you right now.
As you said Alece, it’s like sports participants and fans who pray for their team to win.
Somebody winds up on the negative side of the ledger.
It’s a painful realization to face.
As I’ve taken stock in recent years of what I no longer have – and of plans cut short or derailed by death – I’ve had to look at what I do have.
And as I look at what I don’t have presently, I’m faced with the temptation to find shortcuts to these things I think I need, instead of trusting God’s wisdom and plan to “arrive” where I need to be (if there is such a thing).
I’m learning to examine my decisions more closely and make moves which don’t involve makeshift devices – which would fall apart under the slightest pressure – to get where I think I need to go.
Though our stories are different, I understand this place called “hope deferred” all too well.
How does one live there…. only by trusting in the God who is always and only doing good… even when we have no idea that He is…
There’s a scene in the movie The Last of the Mohicans that I love. I love the picture it paints. The Mohicans are hunting in the forest when they hear a commotion. Magwa, a scout has been hired to take Colonel Monroe’s daughters to the fort where he is stationed. Along with British officers the girls are riding through the woods when Magwa turns on them. He wants to kill Colonel Monroe’s daughters. He’s trying to get back at Colonel Monroe. He can’t get to him, so he goes after his daughters. The mohicans arrive on the scene, fight Magwa and his men, rescuing the daughters.
What I love about this scene is that it makes me think of how the Trinity is always on the move in my life, even when I cannot see them. They will always be relentlessly pursuing me, often behind the scenes, but always to rescue.
I have to constantly remind myself that I cannot trust in what I see God doing… I can only trust in who He is. He is unpredictable in what He does, but consistent in who He is.
That’s how I make it through the hope deferreds of my life.
I had a dream of being a missionary. I did marry a preacher and thought, “close enough.”
I had a dream of being a teacher, and it happened for a time. But not as long as I had hoped.
I had a dream of raising children who would walk into the world as strong Christian leaders in their communities.
I had a dream of a marriage that would weather any storm.
I thought all of these were God-given dreams. I felt sure He had placed these things within my heart and mind and was working them out for His glory.
And as much as I’d like to say the culmination of the dreams didn’t happen as I had hoped…
I was a missionary in England…for a year. And at a local health clinic…for a time (great stories there).
I was a preacher’s wife for a season, before he chose another profession.
I was a teacher for a quite a few years until health issues became cumbersome.
I have amazing kids who are strong Christians in spite of my bumbling efforts, but their place of leadership is a bit different than I had anticipated (was not ever expecting jail or public school).
My marriage is struggling to weather our latest storm; but I do see God working in both of our lives.
I guess I had the dreams for a time. A season.
And as the seasons change, I’m seeing glimpses of His glory shining through…
Sometimes, in the darkest of nights, it’s so hard to catch a glimpse…
But, even when I am not faithful…He remains so.
I’m seeking Him again.
Looking to Him alone.
Not the works of my hands, but His.
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(Can’t get the song from Les Miserables, “I Had a Dream” out of my head…grrrr!!!)
oh michelle, i love your heart. thank you for letting us see inside yet again.
FYP.
i feel like i have little (if any) to add to what has already been said. and i feel kind of unable to make a good translation from my thought-language to english.
but i do know that, like you said, just because we dream something, doesn’t mean it’s what God intends for us or what will ultimately take place. i once dreamed i could be two separate people. it will never be (obviously), but i sincerely wanted that. (soon, i’ll tell you the story).
right now, i’ve been holding onto the dream of complete vocal healing. if you remember, it’s been more than a year since i started dreaming that. but i’m still waiting. it’s taken everything in me (on several occasions) to surrender that hope to the Lord, and to know that even if my dream of singing opera professionally NEVER happens…even if my voice were completely stripped from me, i would still serve and love Him because He is good.
i’ve chewed and chewed on that hosea passage about the door of hope in the valley of achor (of trouble/failure), and what i continually get from it, is that even if nothing is changed, i will still dance…eventually.
maybe that’s part of it…. it’s the surrendering of the dream….to the hope of God’s provision, restoration, wisdom, love. surrender to hope.
it’s late. i’m not sure if i’m even making much sense at this point. but i AM making a long comment! ;)
great post, alece… i love the way you think. and that you share it with us.
this has been a long journey for you. your heart to serve Him and even to dance is so challenging to me — your joy and faithfulness in the face of uncertainty and disappointment… man. i love that about you.
and you know i want to hear the “two separate people” story!
I’ve been comtemplating your words for a while, and I’m not ready but I wanted to write my thoughts out for my own sanity.
I am only learning to dream, to boldy go after things in faith. My tendency was to not hope at all and just expect that I would not see the fulfilment of my dreams. I am experiencing for the first time the full experience of the death of dreams.
…and I’m finding, while painful, there is far more joy in surrendering my dreams to Jesus, even if He redirects than not believing that God lets us (wants us) to dream.
I wept with a friend as she mourned a very big dream. We both couldn’t understand at the time what God was doing. But we prayed, and now, for this season, God put her in a place where she not only gets to do much of the big dream, just in a different way than she conceived in her own mind. And God has also granted the fullfillment of some of the smaller dreams she had, that at the time didn’t seem to fit with the big dream. Most importantly, she saw the fullfillment of her desires came from Jesus and not herself. She walks closer to Him because of both the death of the dreams but as He answered prayers in a way that revealed His heart for her.
Her story is what convinced me that I wanted to dream and have God direct my dreams.
I know that some of my dreams will face a 6ft hole, but then again, God is all about bringing life from death.
love love love your thoughts on all this. thank you!
I hadn’t commented on this one yet because I had this nagging thought in the back of my mind that I had written something similar. But I couldn’t place it or remember what it was. But, then I stumbled across it today – so here you go – my take on the whole faith in God vs faith in what God can do for us dilemma (read, “desires of our hearts”).
http://thegypsymama.com/2009/12/31/is-there-life-after-no-part-3/
Stywe drukke
LJ
yes! i so often confuse faith in God with faith in what God can do. thank you for this timely reminder.
For me, it was learning that the dreams can take on different shapes if we loosen our grip on them. I wanted to be a published magazine writer who made a living at her craft. Now I’m a simple blog writer who makes a life with her words.
I dreamed of being a singer who could fill a person’s soul with God by using her voice. Now God is using my voice to send a message I never knew existed.
I think it’s about surrendering our gifts to Him so He can create in us the dreams we were meant to fulfill, rather than us holding onto the gifts He gifted to us to use as we saw fit.
Loosen your grip. Be patient. And give Him time to work in you and around you. The dreams may come… they just may take a shape you weren’t expecting.
wow, great comment!
i seriously love you, fritz.
i was really looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this. and, as always, i value what you brought to the discussion. thank you, friend.
Sorry it took me so long to get here. I always save your posts until I know I can sit and savor, reflect and comment. Because your posts are never ones that I can flit by quickly. Much like your heart.
you never need to apologize for that, sara. never.
“I dreamed of a restored marriage, while my husband dreamed of a new life with another woman. It is simply not possible for every dream to come true.”
I read this days ago Alece, and put off replying until now because of the inherent bias that my reply would reflect. But I felt convicted to share, so here goes. From your post title and its contents, I gather that you have gotten to the place of letting your dream of restoration go. You are correct that every dream can’t possibly come true. But do we encourage a team to forfeit because only one team can win? Should a dream to become president be abandoned because others share it as well and only one person can see it realized? My only point here is to discourage others from giving up on their dreams due to this reasoning.
I have had to wrestle with this same “dream” question under similar circumstances. What has been helpful to me is to consider what God’s will is. How do each of the opposing dreams line up with His word and His desires? And does what seems to be a “no” response to my dream instead reflect a “not yet” response? Or a “not exactly the way you envision it” response?
A friend of mine and fellow stander shared an update last week with our Covenant Keepers’ group. His wife of 20+ years had an affair and left him. One week after the divorce was final, she married the other man. That was 3 1/2 years ago. He has not seen her in 2 years, and has maybe spoken to her twice in that time. They ended up speaking on the phone regarding their adult daughter a couple weeks ago, and she indirectly turned the conversation to talk about returning home to him. I’m sure neither of their dreams 3 1/2 years ago lined up with this scenario, but I can’t help but see God’s will playing out in it.
“Many are the plans in a man’s heart,
but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21
Praying for your dreams to be realized, whatever they may be.
my divorce is still not final, and i know God is big and strong enough to work a redemptive miracle even in my marriage. but to be honest, it isn’t something i’m actively seeking/trusting Him for anymore. i have not sought this path out — i’m not the one who filed for divorce, wanting right from the beginning for reconciliation. but right now, my heart is at a place of not being able to hope for that on top of everything else. it feels too much most days just to hope for my personal restoration and for that of our ministry (which has suffered greatly as a result of all of this). i pray for my husband’s heart to turn back to the Lord, but i no longer pray for his heart to turn back towards to me.
i know we all have different journeys and many others may have held out in faith for that longer than i have. but… that is the most honest response i can give about where i am at. and why.
oh friend.
….
*hug*
We all have to work through our dreams before waking to our reality.
i heart you, alot. i know you have no idea who i am. but my heart both soars & aches for you! you are such a strong & loving woman from all i have seen in your blog! your story reminds me all too painfully of the battle my sister endured years ago. i’m so glad you don’t let others tell you how to feel when you’re so totally devoted to Christ & His plan for your delicate soul! i love you as a Christian sister & pray for you and God’s will for you daily! keep seeking Him, even if (as i’ve endured) His plan can sometimes seem so distorted in our own eyes.
::hugs::
wow, trix. thank you.
As always, thanks for your honesty, Alece. I hope you didn’t feel that you needed to justify yourself based on my comments.
Hi Rainer, I just read Deut 24:1-4 the other day. Being with one man, going to another, then returning to the first… yeah… sounds like God’s really not so into that. The scripture calls that “an abomination before the Lord.” Who knew?!
Hi Carmen – I’m trying to see your comment as constructive, but the tone suggests otherwise. That’s unfortunate, because I haven’t gotten that vibe from the postings I’ve been reading on this blog for the past several months. I’ve had a rough day, so maybe I’m just being overly sensitive. I’ll trust that your presence here indicates that you’re a sister in Christ, so I’ll assume it was not meant to tear down.
I won’t get into a debate here regarding Deut. 24. Suffice it to say that there are teachings that do not interpret it the way you do. If you would like me to share any of this with you, feel free to email me at rainer.seitz@hotmail.com
just to clarify: i’m not against remarriage to one’s original spouse. and i don’t think God is either. although i can’t support/explain that as well as rainer probably can.
i’m all for disagreeing viewpoints being shared here. let’s just be mindful of expressing them in loving kindness.
carry on.
;)
I hate reading this. Mainly because I have been there, especially the idea of a lost dream. I was there about 5 years ago when my dad called me and told me things are going to be different, I am leaving your mom.
All that dreaming that I had done about the future and how my parents would grow old together and I they would get to spoil my kids and how I was always going to look to them for the example of marriage was gone.
Its amazing how we can feel like we are living the dream only to be woken up with a huge punch to the gut and then brought back to reality.
I so appreciate your honest here. And if this gives you any resemblance of hope my parents never got divorced and have now been happily married for 29 years.
hate hearing how this played out in your parents’ marriage, and how that impacted you the way it did. but i also appreciate hearing how the redemptive power of God brought healing and restoration.
grace always wins.