thinking about NYE…
New Year’s Eve 2007 was hard for me.
My husband’s affair started six months before, and I’d reached my breaking point. His denial, lies, and painful guilt trips drove me deep into depression. And nobody had a clue what was going on.
This much I know is true: Suffering in silence amplifies pain.
That December 31st, my heart was exhausted. I stared into the midnight sky and begged God for things to be different in the new year. Something’s gotta give! And I wanted so badly to believe it would.
I tried desperately to cling to the hope that things would change for the better.
But they only got worse on the slippery slope of ’08.
New Year’s Eve 2008 was even harder than the one before. I’d finally pulled the cord and exposed my husband’s affair, and the bottom fell out of my world.
That December 31st, my heart was aching. I cried myself to sleep, begging God for wholeness, restoration in my marriage, and strength to keep going. Something’s gotta give!
Hope was harder to come by, but I still believed things would get better. They had to. They couldn’t get any worse.
Or so I thought.
Less than three months later, my husband told me he wanted a divorce.
Sigh…
This December 31st, my heart will still be aching. But not as much as it was. I’ll still be in a place of hardship and hurting. But the nights aren’t as dark as they used to be.
My heart still pleads, Something’s gotta give! But if I quiet my soul and listen closely, I can hear the creaks and cracks of the levee starting to break.
2010′s gonna be the best year I’ve had in a long time.
I believe it will be a great year for you!
smiling so wide for you right now!
its hard to believe that the day I first met you in the airport this hurt was going on in the background. I really thought you had a typo about the 2007 at first…
I don’t have much to say and something witty doesn’t seem appropriate so I’ll just say I’m really sorry for all you’ve had to face and go through.
I hope you have a fantastic New Year’s Eve, circumstances be damned.
Peace
i know, matt. i know…
and your last sentence made me laugh out loud. thank you!
That’s right, Alece! 2010 is going to be a GREAT year for you! ((Hugs))
Love it! And I am so hoping for a Starbucks meeting in 2010!
PRAISE GOD! It only takes a crack in the levee to let the water in. And that is the beginning of the tank feeling up and eventually overflowing. Another thought is even the littlest, tiniest, barely there bit of light and truth commands the darkness to flee. You are on the road to recovery which becomes more beautiful with time. You go girl!
it’s going to be so good, so full of life, so full OF RAW intensity and your next chapter is going to start. it’s going to be so AMAZING. a time of lots of hugs, laughs, smiles and growth.
most of all: it’s going to be full of grit and glory
dang i love you Mamma bird.
yes, yes, yes!! 2010 is gonna be the best year for you!!!!
a year filled with love, hope, and PEACE!
wish i could hug you in person…maybe your atlanta family could give you a squeeze from me.
Yes, ma’am 2010 is going to be a great year. I can hardly wait to see all that God will unfold for you. Wow! I am excited!
Yes, Alece, your best year yet! Good things are in store for you…
LOVE
“Suffering in silence amplifies pain”
WOW!! I thank God for yo openness which teaches us to pray specifically for those around us. You are a vessel used for His glory, Alece! I pray that the Lord surround u with love this New Year’s eve.
Yes 2010 will be great and we will meet again after a long 2 year’s period, which is one of the things I anticipate for this coming year, my sweetheart.
Hugs and love!!
love you, thoko. thank you friend!
Oh, Alece! My heart is overflowing for you!! I am praying for and I also believe that 2010 will be a great year among years for you… God in His wisdom has set forth your path, and you have given your all to follow His will.
God bless,
Jessica
Alece,
We’ve only recently become blog friends..but I am praying that 2010 will be a great year for you. Thank you for your openness and sharing of your story of how God is working in your life.
Happy New Year
Bindu
yes friend… YES!
I was going to name 2010 the year of Stephanie, but I’ll give it to you instead. 2010: The Year of Alece! :) love you!
yesssss! thank you for letting me “have” it! ha!
amen, sister! i am believing that for you. 2010 will indeed be the best year in a long time. i am believing it for myself too. love you, friend!
When I read that last sentence I can sense your certainty/anticipation/excitement. I’m new to your story but I’m excited for you as well. :)
That’s my girl.
Amen to 2010 ( get it…it rhymes!) ;)
“2010’s gonna be the best year I’ve had in a long time.”
you betcha it is!
You shine truth, Alece. Thank you.
You’ve had to hold your finger in that dam a long time…. Holding hold back the force of what eventually had to break forth.
These two statements made my heart leap: “But if I quiet my soul and listen closely, I can hear the creaks and cracks of the levee starting to break. 2010’s gonna be the best year I’ve had in a long time.”
Praise GOD. Not just for that statement, but for what’s behind it. And what’s ahead of it.
Oh Alece, what a picture of that levee. It’s like I can almost hear it groaning from the weight. It’s almost ready to break forth. What a beautiful, “whelming flood” is coming.
YES!
Happy New Year, Alece! :-)
I.Love.You. I am so proud of and inspired by you. And I cannot wait to watch you get swept away in the flood of God’s mercy, love, and RESTORATION! Hold tight my friend, it will be a wild ride! :D
Your 2010 is going to be AMAZING. I’m excited about what is in store for you.
If you have seen the movie “The Chronicles of Narnia”… you will remember the scene.
It’s winter all the time…. The river has been dammed up by the ice. Everything is frozen and then suddenly things begin to change. The dam begins to thaw, the ice begins to break.
The warmth of Spring comes to Narnia.
I know the hard cold times of the winter season of the soul… At times you feel as if you will not make it through. You want to give up. Life seems bitter….
Then suddenly out of nowhere the warmth begins to shine through. Hope springs new.
Winter has it’s way in the heart, just like it does in the world. The fruit of the flowers double as they rest in the bitter cold of winter. So it is with the soul!
The greatest work was done in Joseph’s soul as he sat in prison, falsely accused. He didn’t deserve to be there. He’d done nothing wrong. He tried to get out, through the baker and cupbearer but was forgotten again. Suddenly the doors of prison opened for Joseph and he appeared before the Pharoah. The Pharoah said, “there is no one on whom the Spirit of God rests, like Joseph” (my paraphrase). The winter of prison had had it’s work in Joseph’s life.
It is the same with you, my friend. You have been through the hard winter…. it is having it’s work. I know because I’ve been there. One day you will wake up and the sun will shine brighter and you will see….the harvest…..
2010 is around the corner…a new year, a new start… a new chance to see more of Him.
Happy New Year!
my heart resounded an AMEN to this!
Alece,
There have been days in this winter wilderness when I’ve wondered if the “breakthrough” would come… It’s on those days I try to remember Joseph. I wonder if he wondered if he would die in prison. First off he was there when there was no reason for him to be there. He could not prove his innocence. Second of all two men had come into the prison, he had interpreted their dreams and asked him to remember him when they got out. They forgot. Surely he must have felt the pain of hope deferred that makes the heart sick. Surely he wondered if he’d ever see the light of day outside the prison walls.
And then one day he woke up as usual and the doors opened for him. He was pushed at warp speed into his new beginning…..
God was faithful with Joseph to deliver him out of the winter of the soul… I try to remember that faithfulness when I can see no movement or change…
You are in a good place, my friend… I truly believe a ripening moment is on your horizon…
it’s true. we read his story knowing the ending. when he was living his story he didn’t know what the next “verse” would hold. he just kept on keeping on.
like the faith of my 3 jewish friends — “our God is able to save us, but even if He does not…”
Yes, Alece, so true, so true… One of my favorite missionaries, who is now walking the streets of gold, used to say, “even if you slay me, yet will I trust you.” The more I know Him the more I can say that verse… I’ll never forget when I came to the verse in Philippians that said, “I want to know you and the power of your resurrection and the fellowship of your suffering… Yea, I wanted to surely know the power of His resurrection but the fellowship of His suffering? I wasn’t so sure about that.
As I think of what you have walked through this last year what I can see as I consider that verse is that you have fellowshipped with him. For now you know how His heart feels when another lover is chosen… You know the ache of longing to love and having the one you long to love walk away…
You now know His heartbeat more deeply….
“Suffering in silence amplifies pain.”
True.
But it is still better to suffer in silence than to suffer even more from the evil born of the best intentions.
And among the most incompetent.
I hope that 2010 is a fabulous year for you. I really believe if anyone deserves happiness and peace, it’s you. I admire you, and the way you’ve gotten through this situation with your faith still in tact. Thank you for being a role model for me! I hope we get to know each other better in the coming year! Happy New Year, Alece!
mmm… my heart hurts for you still. and is looking for hope and restoration with you. for nothing broke-ness by His mercy.
i hope that you have an amazing God-encountering new year.
i hope Niel has the same. i miss you both.
i’m glad (is that the right word?) that this year isn’t as awful / painful for you…
bug hugs.
Yes, this is going to be an incredible year. I am counting on it for you. For us all.
Suffering in silence amplifies pain……
that is where I have been. It’s so true. Love to you and I know this is your year!
Amen!!! I will claim that one for myself too, if I may.
absolutely!
I am reading your blog tonight and relating to your feelings so much. My ex-husband left me for a man and oh the shame I felt. I didn’t talk to anyone about it for a LONG time. I think that is the devils best tactic to get us isolated.
Praying for you as you walk this journey. You will smile and laugh again.
From a fellow GA girl.
Lyndy
oh how my heart aches for yours. i am so, so sorry, lyndy.