my heart is tired
The past few weeks have been full of some really great things. But when I landed back in Atlanta last night, I knew I was more than just physically tired. My heart is weary, too. And that frustrates me. I’ve spent time doing things I love with people I love, and yet… my heart has settled back into this valley-like funk. Hmph.
The past two years have destroyed the holidays for me. I hope they get redeemed at some point, but right now they just feel… hard. And my eyes can’t help but fill as I let my thoughts wander to the days ahead (and the days past).
I wish I could fast-forward through the next six weeks. A time that used to be my favorite of the whole year now just amplifies my loneliness and heartache. I hate it.
I’m already tired of it and it hasn’t even really started yet.
I know all the things I’m supposed to do to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get through this. I know. I know. I KNOW!
I’m simply too tired (inside and out) to do it right now.
Thankfully “God helps those who helps themselves” isn’t in the Bible.
While I don’t have it in me to do anything right now, I’m hoping that God will show up and once again do what He does best:
Rescue the helpless.
Alece-I sent you an email 10 minutes before you posted this (well give or take a few). I hope my email is confirmation that God will pick you up and carry you. He already has and will continue.
you wrote in your email: “you are on my heart again tonight”. i started crying as i read that…
I’ll be praying for you!
anonymous prayers… hmmm…
thank you for talking to Him about me.
I have something that might give you a cup of cheer (even if its just a sip from the cup)…. send me your home address again. I think I only have the old one from Ohio.
Love you!
These passages are holding me up through a really hard season not much different from the path you are walking. Please look them up and soak them in!
Is. 42:16
Is. 43: 1b-3a
Is. 43: 18-19
Is. 58:11
(can you tell where I’ve spent some time? LOL!)
Ps. 18:16
i camp out in isaiah a lot, too.
thanks for stopping by, angie! and for passing along those passages…
Amen. Selah.
oh.wow.
thank God we don’t have to help ourselves. He is the lifter of our heads. He is the one who binds up the broken hearted. BUT let me say that these words can & do ring empty sometimes and that’s ok. these times are tough, they stink and we don’t have to like them.
i know i’m rambling (again) but i love ya and i wish i was in ATL with ya to “celebrate” the holidays!!
Would it help you to spend the Holidays serving? Like at a down town soup kitchen or a gift distribution for the homeless?
i actually wrote this post right after i got home from the homeless shelter where i spent the evening volunteering…
He will rescue the holidays my sweet friend. I promise He will and you will look forward to them again. Praying for you that God will fill these next six weeks with sweet gifts that tell you over and over, “Alece, I love you!” Love you bunches!
I will be praying for you. I believe that God will redeem the holidays for you again. He is holding you in His hands healing your heart. Trust Him to give your heart (and the rest of you) rest.
These thoughts get me through:
One day at a time, one moment at a time…
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace…
Taking this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it…
brOKen
FYP
You’ll be in my prayers. I remember this so well…feeling like a 3rd nostril. It stinkin’ hurts. There are no magic formulas or words…you know, but I will be praying that His presence will be real and greatly comforting. 1 Peter 5:10-11.
I love you. Praying for you.
On Christ the solid rock I stand. (Isn’t He amazing?) Keep standing in Him beautiful Alece!
So there. But I do find comfort that God is strong when I’m weak. That when I’m done, He’s just beginning to show His power ans strength. Man, I’m glad I have Him as my Best Friend.
I know the emptiness of walking the hard road of pain… You wonder if you will ever get off.
You wonder if your heart will ever feel fully alive again. You desperately want to feel the joy coursing through you but sorrow seems to be a constant companion. I kept hearing the verse, “why do downcast o, my soul, put your hope in God”…. and I wanted to put my hope in Him… it was hard to find hope….
I’m always amazed at how He comes… even without words… He reads the tears, the groans of my heart and He comes. It’s astounding really. To think that the God of the universe would come for me without me uttering a word.
Those times have changed me forever. I have seen the true heart of my God. I will never be the same again!
My prayer is that our God will astound you with His presence and you will never be the same again.
Love, Julie
Holiday’s are different now. I spend them with my sister and her boys. I love the mass amount of food and at Christmas the chaotic pile of wrapping paper and happy little boy giggles but there is something deep that altered three years ago. Even though life is good, and I enjoy it, the difference remains and the holidays though better are not yet good. Maybe it requires more time. I’m not sure. But yes my sweet girl, they are changed.
Praying for you and your heart.
That the Lord will just totally full you up with so much of Him that you are able to experience this year, this season, the string of holidays in a super sweet wonderful way.
That you are able to truly look forward to Christmas, December 25th and be reminded of not your past, but of the sacrifice of Christ. Remember the miracle of His birth. Reflect on how the angles were rejoicing in heaven, that the redeemer is here.
That every time you look at a starbucks red cup, you are reminded of his blood that covers our sins. And because of Him….we have hope.
xoxo
“Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
He said it. He meant it. Lean on that…
So…ummm… exactly who determines when you grab the bootstraps and pull yourself out? I have read the Bible several times and I have yet to find a passage that states grief has a time limit and that depends on the circumstances. Not that we’re to wallow but… I think that “bootstrap mentality” drives me a bit bonkers. After all – not everyone is provided bootstraps and those who are aren’t necessarily provided with the proper style for EVERY situation. I think we frustrate ourselves when we condition ourselves to be upset because we’re upset. How do we heal from THAT? Sorry…I might need to put my head back in a hole somewhere. I seem to have much to say these days and that almost always leads me to trouble. :) You are definitely in my prayers! I heard an awesome story this morning of God’s provision at just the exact moment it was needed (and it included burning a house to the ground!)… am praying He pulls out just such a miracle for you through the holidays! And…if He doesn’t? I pray He lets you see just how He’s holding your hand through it.
God cannot help those who choose to help themselves. They are in no need of Savior.
For those who cannot help themselves, who don’t know how to save themselves, who are in the pit of despair and death and have nowhere else to turn to…
That is when God comes in and saves.
Romans 3:10-12
as it is written:
“None is righteous, no, not one;
no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.”
Jeremiah 24:7
I will give them a heart to know that I am the Lord, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart.
Matthew 1:21
She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”
Praise God the one who saves.
Oh yes, my friend, he will! He is amazing like that.
I have been in a funk all week too. Can’t figure out why which is even more annoying. I have been trying to stay focused on everything I am thankful (there is so much on that list) to be excited about the season ahead but still all I feel is BLAH. Ughhh, so how about I pray for you and you pray for me?
Btw – I’m so thankful for discovering your blog. You are an inspiration to me. And I find comfort in the fact that you aren’t happy all the time.
oh i am definitely not happy all the time. (don’t even know if i could honestly say i’m happy most of the time.)
i’m thankful for your refreshing friendship, too. and i’ll be talking to Him about your funk…
Please go listen to JesusCulture’s song ‘Your Love is Everything’.
http://www.myspace.com/jesusculture
(This one should work. :))
I am praying for you! When I am overwhelmed I just tell God I CANNOT do it, I cannot bear the burden of _________. I give it to Him, but it a way that says, “I’m stinkin’ weak and tired. I’m discouraged and alone. SHOW UP ON MY BEHALF! NOW!”
And, Alece, He always does…
Maybe this year you can focus on the reason for the season instead of the season. I have missed commenting. Its been too busy around here. I’m so glad you had a good fun few weeks. Love you. Miss you. Am praying for you.
Oh and just so you know, this year when I think of everything I’m thankful for, you are deffinatly on my list. Your words of healing and encouragement have been just what I needed this year. Thank you. I don’t think I would be where I am if it wernt for you. I didn’t think I would have much fun this red cup season but its turning out good so far. So much love and thankfulness sent to you from me!
thank you for this, friend. it means a lot.
Memories will not be erased but will gain perspective with the backdrop of HIS truth
Praying for you Alece – have had some tough times down life’s road as well. Christ was always there, I just seemed to have a harder time finding Him.
You know, I’m in a funk, too, and scolding myself for it. After all, my life is so much better this year than last year, so I ought to be on the top of the world and rejoicing. You’d think. But the lingering pain is still there. Memories that still sting. A holiday season last year that was one of intense suffering. And I’m struggling to get into this season.
Thinking of you. Wishing we could come drag you up here. No matter how much of a funk we’re in, the energy of four kids, sleds, and snow is enough to make me at least act happy some of the time!
So, not so much then. Sorry to hear that your heart is tired. Praying for you.
When I read your blog I about flipped a lid.I have been feeling this way as well the past two days. Heart and mind are tired and wanting to just push fast forward could not be better said. I will be praying for you!
“Hello Lord, it’s me Your child. I have
a few things on my mind. Right now I’m
faced with big decisions, and I’m
wondering if you have a minute
Right now I don’t hear so well and I was
wondering if You could speak up.
I know that you tore the veil so I could sit
with You in person and hear what You’re
saying, but right now, I just can’t hear You
I don’t doubt Your sovereignty, I doubt
my own ability to hear what You’re saying
and to do the right thing, and I
desperately want to do the right thing…”
This made me think of you. I am praying for you, Alece.
I miss you. I miss a lot of things about us, truthfully, but mostly I miss your hugs, your eyes, your wisdom, your sense of humor.
I hate being tired.
I am praying for Endurance.
I’ve been swimming lately, and I realized how out of shape I am. And I’ve been trying to do between 1,000 and 1,500 yards a day. And maybe it takes me an hour and fifteen minutes, with more than a few minutes between each set, I still get it done.
Praying for endurance, even if it comes from you Resting.
Love you.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
I’m praying for you. May God give you His peace and His strength. He loves you so much!
There are no words…
It is comforting to remember that Jesus will step in and pray for us when we don’t have the vocabulary, the strength, the stamina to do it ourselves. He is praying what needs to be prayed on your behalf. Trust it and believe that even in the midst of your grief, He is still who He says He is and He will do all that He promises He will do for you. Just wrap your arms around His neck and cry… He’s big enough and strong enough to carry you through.
I love this. God has been rocking my world with my false idea of “saving myself” and that scripture you referenced has been the center of a lot of it.
Thanks for continuing to share your heart with people, I’m praying for you.