thank God!
It’s really hard for me to remain thankful in all things. In moments of disappointment, hurt, anger, frustration, impatience, whatever, it’s often impossible difficult to lift my eyes and say, “I will thank You anyway.”
And as if that weren’t a sufficient enough challenge, I’m not just instructed to be thankful in all things. I’m commanded to be thankful for all things.
“Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything…”
Sigh.
That means I need to live from a heart that readily says—
- Thank You for my husband’s infidelity.
- Thank You for his decision to leave me.
- Thank You for this loneliness.
- Thank You for yet another high-pain day.
- Thank You for the uncertainty and the unknowns.
I need to start thanking God for my “all things“. Even before they work together for good.
Thanking Him even for what hurts and confuses me, develops trust. It helps me acknowledge that He’s in control, and that He has even this—whatever this may be—in His hands. Thanking Him for what makes my heart ache, builds my faith.
And my faith sure needs building.
But, to be honest, I’m nowhere near there yet. I don’t know when I’ll be able to say with a sincere and genuine heart, “Thank You even for this.”
But this week I am going to start praying, “Lord, I want to want to thank You, even for this…”
pay it forward
I’ve never been one for Black Friday shopping. Just thinking about all the crowds and chaos makes me feel an anxiety attack coming on. No thank you!
But I love me some internet shopping. Cause I can do that without ever leaving my bed house. Mmhmmm.
Here are some ways you can support Thrive Africa and your online shopping habit—not just on Black Friday but every day:
You can donate without actually donating by clicking on this Amazon.com link before making purchases. Thrive gets a small referral fee when you buy anything from Amazon after you follow the link.
Donate a Portion of Your eBay Sales.
Do you sell things on eBay? You can donate 10%-100% of the final sale price to Thrive, for any item you sell. Learn more about setting up your next listing to donate to us.
Who says you have to live in Africa to make a difference in Africa?
wall of thanks
One of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions is my post-it-note wall of thanks. (You can see what I mean here.)
If I had a wall of thanks this year, one of my first additions would be:
What would yours be? (List as many as you want!)
now i get it
This week last year was hell on earth. I honestly don’t know how I managed to stay standing breathing.
I’d finally found irrefutable proof of my husband’s affair—evidence I knew he wouldn’t be able to deny or push back on me. But for a long list of complicated reasons, I had to wait until the end of the week to confront him with it. I had interns who deserved the best debriefing possible. And I had Thanskgiving to cook for 30-some-odd people.
So I said nothing to him about it.
I told only my Kitty, and her frequent phone calls and texts got me through the seemingly never-ending week. Somehow I led debriefing sessions, prayed over my beloved interns, drove 16 hours home, cooked for a small army, and hosted a holiday meal. All with evidence of my husband’s lengthy unfaithfulness tucked in my back-pocket.
And the morning after Thanksgiving, I pulled the cord.
The weight of that week—that I couldn’t express or let out last year—is weighing on me now. And it’s crushing me. If my sweet friend were here, I’d cry it out on the bathroom floor yet again.
But still I know, just like a year ago, I will keep standing. Keep breathing. Even when I don’t know how. And even when I don’t want to.
God, You are Redeemer. Redeem even this.
my heart is tired
The past few weeks have been full of some really great things. But when I landed back in Atlanta last night, I knew I was more than just physically tired. My heart is weary, too. And that frustrates me. I’ve spent time doing things I love with people I love, and yet… my heart has settled back into this valley-like funk. Hmph.
The past two years have destroyed the holidays for me. I hope they get redeemed at some point, but right now they just feel… hard. And my eyes can’t help but fill as I let my thoughts wander to the days ahead (and the days past).
I wish I could fast-forward through the next six weeks. A time that used to be my favorite of the whole year now just amplifies my loneliness and heartache. I hate it.
I’m already tired of it and it hasn’t even really started yet.
I know all the things I’m supposed to do to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get through this. I know. I know. I KNOW!
I’m simply too tired (inside and out) to do it right now.
Thankfully “God helps those who helps themselves” isn’t in the Bible.
While I don’t have it in me to do anything right now, I’m hoping that God will show up and once again do what He does best:
Rescue the helpless.
captionating: blind date awkward moment
[INSERT CAPTION HERE]
cliff notes
Cliff notes of my week:
I spent time in DC with my sweet friend Tracee. The morning after I arrived, I ended up in a pediatric (don’t ask) dentist’s office on an emergency visit . What I thought was possibly a filling that fell out was actually half my tooth. Yikes.
We ate at one of my favorite restaurants from back home in South Africa—in downtown DC. (Holla if you’ve ever eaten at Nando’s on either side of the ocean!) I was disappointed they didn’t have Castle Lager, but the peri-peri chicken made my nose run and my heart happy.
I volunteered at Catalyst One Day in Baltimore, and got to sit in on pretty much the entire event. God’s good like that. (I love me some leadership development!)
I wasn’t sure what to expect from my Meet Me at Starbucks shout-out, and was blown away that 17 people showed up. It was interesting to see corners of my world collide as ministry supporters, old friends, and bloggers intersected in one spot.
It felt a little blind-date-esque to finally meet Tonggu Momma, The Gypsy Mama, Stranger, and my lurking “I’ll never comment” reader from Oklahoma. (Hi Karen!)
I didn’t realize the implications when I announced on twitter and Facebook that “my ‘blind date’ at Starbucks was so great!” One friend told me with a raised eyebrow that he wanted to hear my crazy blind date story. Another called his wife to see if she knew anything about this date I went on. Oops.
At the last minute, I booked a ticket to Detroit. Since I arrived two nights ago, I’ve shot a promo video, met with some pastors, spent time with a friend who works at Thrive, and hung out with my Yeller. Good times in Michigan. I’m ready to get home to the HTL though.
What are some cliff notes from your week?
three-minute thursday: take 19
Go.
I spent four hours in a studio today shooting a new promo video for Thrive. And I’ve gotta tell you — I am juiced right now!
I went into this thing feeling kinda nervous about it. Intimidated by it really. I’ve done this sorta thing before, but never by myself. And for someone who tends to shy away from the proverbial spotlight, being in a literal spotlight all by my lonesome can be pretty nerve-wracking.
But then I got there. And we started brainstorming. And story-boarding. And talking vision.
And everything changed.
Granted, I was still nervous. And some things took more takes than I’d like because I’d speak too fast, or trip over my own words, or wiggle my arms or legs too much. And there were times I had to say “Just wait a sec” while I took a minute to think through what I wanted to say. But the producer always knew when I was ready. He said he could see me get my game face on and inevitably the very next take would be the one.
I can honestly say I had a blast today.
Because I seriously love talking about Thrive Africa.
Done.
5’4″ isn’t THAT short…is it?
I’ve got so much to say, and no time to blog. I hate when that happens!
But you should know that my blind-date-esque meetup at Starbucks turned out to be amazing. And the 17 people who showed up, overwhelmed me with their love. Seventeen! Yeah. That’s another post for another time when I actually have time.
For now, I think you should head over and read Tonggu Momma’s rendition of our time together… and the “excitement” that followed.
While you’re there, please stick up for me. TM’s making fun of my height again. (Or rather my lack of height. Hmph.) So let her know I sent you and stand up (on your tip-toes) for me, k?
Mmkaythanks.
Tuesday’s gonna be a long day for me. Any and all encouraging or humorous comments would be appreciated to help me get through it. You guys rock like that.
(Oh—Tonggu Momma? Sorry about that friendship-and-latte-induced car accident. We still good?)
i’m tired
I was reading along in Isaiah when I tripped over this phrase: “You have not wearied yourselves for Me, O Israel.” I brushed off my knees and copped a squat right there. I knew exactly what God was talking about. And I knew I was just as guilty as Israel was.
After over eleven years in full-time ministry, I know full-well what it’s like to weary myself. I’ve put in the ridiculously long hours. I’ve juggled an impossible schedule. I’ve reached the point of burnout and lived to tell about it.
And as I fall in bed exhausted at the end of a long day week month year decade, my heart sighs, “I’m weary…”
If I listen closely enough, I hear God’s voice, ever loving and gentle. “But you haven’t wearied yourself for Me.”
Without even realizing it, I’ve been wearing my exhaustion like a badge of honor. My demanding schedule and ever-growing to do lists became my identity. As if fatigue is the mark of an accomplished missionary.
If I’m most honest, I wearied myself because I thought my value lay in my productivity. I mistook accomplishments for significance. I bought into the lie that busyness is the telltale sign of successful leadership.
But while I was getting stuff done, and even—by God’s grace—impacting lives, I was ultimately toiling for the wrong reasons.
The work of discipling young leaders in Africa is worth every ounce of my effort and energy. I want to tire myself out doing what I love. But I need to keep the motives of my heart in check. Wearying myself for some self-serving purpose is just plain tiring.
I want to weary myself for Him.
Then and only then am I strengthened.
