authentic authenticity
“You just never really know a person, do you?” I’ve heard that from a few different people lately.
I understand the shock when a person ends up being nothing like I expected. I get the hurt when someone I know well turns out to be very different from how I knew him to be. I comprehend the disbelief when someone I hold close proves to be nothing like I thought. It makes me question everything, myself included.
Why did he change so drastically? Or was he always like this and I just didn’t realize? I guess I really didn’t know her as well as I thought I did.
I completely get the painful bewilderment when you’re hit with the reality that you never really knew someone.
But I’m not sure I’m ready to concede that I can never truly know a person.
Maybe it’s my naivety or my blind hope, but I have to hold onto my trust in authenticity. And transparency. And intimacy. I have to trust that those I know best and who I consider to know me best, aren’t leading me on. That they are being genuine; that they are giving me the real them just as I give them the real me. I have to trust that I can really know a person. Deep-down, hearts-connected, honest-to-goodness, truly know someone.
I desire to be known in that way, and I desire to know others on that level. And I refuse to believe that intimacy is only a sandcastle waiting for a wave to erase it from the shoreline. Some things just have to be real.
What about you? Do you think you can ever really know a person?
Deep-down, hearts-connected, honest-to-goodness, truely know someone…Yes. Love you.
That is a good question, Alece. Yes. I believe you can know someone who desires to be known. Fully. Transparent. And at the same time, I have had those in my life who have shown me what they think I want to see. Or say what they think I want to hear. Sometimes I know they are not being honest. Sometimes I do not.
But, I do believe it is possible to really know a person.
I do.
:)
Roo’s mom
I concur.
And I’ll add that, even when they’re being dishonest… you still know them. You just know the side of them that they allow you to see.
It’s a bit scary for me, because I trust. I want to trust. I am not, by nature, a person who withholds trust from people without a good reason.
(I also love what Amy had to say down there…)
I agree. I need to hold on to that authenticity as well. I think that many times, people don’t really, truly know themselves, so what we see and get might not be what they “want” us to see or get. People are also constantly changing, and we might only show part of ourselves to others. So many people are afraid of showing who they really are, and it causes so much hurt to everyone. I’m with you on the whole thing….I want to be authentic and genuine, so I know that others are with me!
I’m not sure I completely know myself much less anyone else. I don’t think that means we don’t know people.
i agree that i don’t fully know and understand myself. but there’s a big difference between still being authentic in the unknowing and living like you’re in a masquerade. i’m just tired of all the masks, i guess.
Wow, that’s the milion dollar question! I’ve been doing couples/family counseling for a long time now. Maybe that has made me jaded. But truthfully, I think it is rare, and it is difficult, to truly be intimate and vulnerable with others. Possible? Yes. But it’s hard and less common than we’d like to admit. Intimacy is a scary place, but it sure is worth it when you get there.
you’re right. it IS rare. and it IS difficult. but it is SO worth it.
You get a glimpse of the heart of God in desiring to be known… authentically. Think of the great measures He went to make Himself known to us… how He does that without ceasing… with every sunrise, with every song, with every whisper to our hearts. And yet, He gets misunderstood, misrepresented- and I’m sure there are lots of times He could identify with… “they don’t know me at all”…but because He wants to be authentically known… I believe He calls us to live the same.
love you.
love this, kitty.
The hardest thing to do is to be authentic. To Be real. To let people in. To have what would be considered a close an intimate relationship with other people. If you spent what seems like most of your life being abused in one way or another. You yourself hiding from your past. I know for my self that I am guarded because of my past. Its not like you don’t see the real me, just not whole me. It takes awhile for people to earn my trust. It shouldn’t be as hard as it is, I Know but there things about me that I share freely now that 10 t0 15 years ago were hidden to even the closest people in my life. I know that part of life is giving mercy and grace. To understand that other people although not there intent to hurt you, do.There are still those out there who will take advantage of you and not care, its about them. So to be authentic, Yes. To be open and vulnerable to people to build that close relationship is hard thing for me to do.
recently i am looking at this exact thing, feeling the things you have mentioned, and hopeful that i can know some people, and lots are exactly as they show me, but its still hard to know how to deal with inner things when you feel betrayed .
[This would be a great in the flesh chai chat]
John 10:14 I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine.
1Corinthians 13:12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
2Corinthians 5:15-17 And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again. Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh… if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Do you think you can ever really know a person?
Yes. As long as in that knowing it is known that we will change, and be changed.
Aawwwww shoot, girl. great post.
I empathize with your struggle.
As for my thoughts, I think I can know someone only as well as they know themselves and only if are vulnerable with me.
Side note: You my dear were in my dream last night. We were on a short term mission team. You and I had (inadvertently?) cause some trouble and our punishment was to eat giant bowl of Cocoa Puffs. But then we regained good standing by totally winning a board game tournament. And the day ended watching the sunset at the beach.
xox
missions, mischief, cereal, winning, sunset, and a beach? sounds like a great day right there! glad i was in it with you! :)
I have a sign by my computer that says, “Love like you’ll never get hurt.”
Easier said than done.
Sorry to have to quote Oprah, but something I’ll always remember her saying, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” ………
………which reminds me of the saying, “The more I’m around people, the more I love my dog.” Yeah, because people can sure hurt each other.
I’m not satisfied with the superficial, either. I crave the opposite. I want to be wise about when and what to share, and only with those who are trustworthy. Which takes time.
I’m only starting to learn that people and relationships are messy and hard.
Honestly, I think the only One who can ever really know US is God.
I don’t have an answer to your question if WE can really know a person. There’s a lot of deception – and SELF- deception – that goes on that I’m not sure I really “get” yet.
this topic always reminds me of “deep calling out to deep”. i have that level of intimacy in a few relationships, and it just makes my heart come alive…
“Deep calling deep” is something that’s been in my spirit lately.
When someone wants a REAL relationship, one where there’s depth and commitment, trust and honesty, iron sharpening iron, no judgment or competition, with a heart that listens and eyes that see – and lots of laughter, too – that would make my heart come alive, too.
You are a very rich woman to have the kind of intimacy you do in those relationships.
i do believe you can know someone. perhaps not ALL of them; we are so infinitely deep. but we can know a person, intimately and in all of their authenic authenticity.
like others have pointed out, it takes so much work. but you’re right, it is so worth it.
I fully believe you can know someone and have honest and true intimacy in that friendship. That is what God created the body of Christ for, isn’t it? In my life, I have found that I have had that intimacy in seasons … in my naive years, I trusted wrongly and was wounded, but I chose not to allow that to keep me from being honest. In my mouthy years, I was blessed with friends who kept loving me in spite of my words. What I found was that in my most life-shattering trial, those friends were the ones I could be authentic with, count on in spite of me and who would be honest back. We learned that we didn’t have to share the same opinion to love each other and that honesty and being real leads to joy, not condemnation.
Satan doesn’t want us to be joyful and have love and connections, so he intervenes with humans as his tools and works to keep us unconnected and divided and isolated and hurt. That is not God’s heart. He is about love and intimacy, most especially with Him.
I am so thankful that God is blessing you, Alece, with a team of warriors, comforters, cheerleaders, real friends to love on you and support you through this season and many in the future. It’s no sand castle, but an awesome gift! I am thankful you are my friend.
Love you!
As an aside, the bible has loads of amazing friendships … Jonathan and David, Joshua and Caleb, Ruth and Naomi, Jesus and Mary and Martha … those were relationships filled with true intimacy and while we don’t know the details of those relationships, their love for one another shines in their not necessarily easy life stories.
i’ve read a lot about jonathan and david lately. i see characteristics of their friendship in one of my own. blows me away.
you can know a person as much as they want to be known.
it’s not about quantity but quality of the relationship.
still twisting my ring :)!
Living authentically is dangerous business.
We live in a fallen world that is destined to become more and more evil until Christ’s return, and our sin affects one another, often ending in broken relationship.
Paul said this to the church in Corinth, “I hear that when you come together as a church, there are divisions among you and to some extent I believe it. No doubt there have to be differences among you to show which of you have God’s approval.”
I honestly believe the bottom line is repentance, which incidentally was the crux of Christ’s ministry. You cannot be repentant without possessing humility.
I tend to put myself out there, but I am more wary of who I press into deep relationship with anymore. I just don’t have the time or energy to try to convince people I’m something I’m not.
Even Jesus, who was completely authentic, had boundaries.
My 2¢.
Great question Alece. I think there are some people who lead such completely open, and honest lives, that it is possible to really know who they are.
It usually takes a challenge for our core personality to show.
When I endure a challenge I usually find out something new about my self. Sometimes it’s a good thing, sometimes it’s not.
I think you can truly know someone. However, what we musn’t forget is that one sly shift away from the norm, from the narrow road can take us places we never dreamed. Places that make others say, “I can’t believe he’d do such a thing.”
Everyday we have to press on to be true to God and in turn, we will be the person that someone can truly know.
it’s true.
sin makes us unrecognizable.
Hmmm… pondering that question a little.
While not everyone is transparent and genuine, I am with you, there are definitely people that you just know. You spend life with them and you learn each other.
Thanks for this post
I agree with a previous poster…. you can only someone as much as they want to be known. But, that being said… I think that if you put yourself out there more and allow them to fully know you, they will feel safe enough to let you in all the way. At least, that is MY hope. ;o)
I’ve been AMAZED at this little thing called blogging over the last few years and how much you CAN know a person…. even a person you’ve never met, or have yet to meet. ;o) Sometimes you just have to jump first and hope the jump in too.
love you dear sweet alece.
I strive to be authentic with those I love, but it’s easy to see the wall grow higher with each hurt. Regardless, we have to try… because what does life hold for us if we don’t?