four-minute friday: am i just lazy?
Go.
My energy and motivation have been record-breakingly low for days now. I blurted out a “What’s wrong with me???“ to a friend, and she asked if it was a rhetorical question. To her, it makes complete sense that I’d be feeling this way. After months (years?) of stress and ongoing fatigue and facing the hardest situations of my life, she thinks my body’s just finally getting to let down a bit.
I get what she’s saying. I just hate feeling… unglued. I don’t know if that’s the best descriptor, but that’s all my fuzzy brain can come up with right now.
I feel like I could sleep for a month. I can’t seem to think coherently. I have zero motivation to do the things on my growing to-do list, even though they’re urgent. I forget everything. I lack even the creativity or fully-processed thoughts to really blog these days. And it frustrates me that I’ve got nothing worth saying.
But this post I could do. I figure it’s only four minutes, and I’m fine with it being all rambley. For just this one post anyway.
I guess what I’m wondering is—How do I know if I should take my body/mind’s cues to disconnect for a while or if I simply need to be more disciplined?
Done.
my africa
I painted a portrait of my beautiful Africa.
coffee talk: safety
What makes you feel safe with someone?
today
Today I’d normally be working hard to show him how much I love him. I’d be scribbling sweet nothings into funny cards and trying to decide the best time to give him his gifts. I’d let him know how glad I am that he’s alive and that he’s mine.
We’d go out for lunch. I’d make him dinner and maybe even a cake. Or a pie. I’d have people over and we’d celebrate in style. We’d drink our favorite wine.
I’d give him lots of hugs. I’d tell him over and over and over how much I love him.
But instead, today I will just feel the loss of all those things.
The pain of lost love and tradition and memories and sentiment hurts more than words can say.
And I can’t help but wonder if he’s mindful of me being mindful of him today.
four-minute friday: gettin’ my groove on
Go.
I love me some music.
I can’t carry a tune and I don’t play any instruments, but dang—I love me some music. It just resonates with me. Sometimes it’s the lyrics (I’m a words girl), or the acoustic guitar, or the perfect harmonies. Sometimes I can’t even put my finger on what “it” is. I just know a song has it.
And I love it.
Every song has a “crank it up” spot—the part I love the most, that’s best heard at top volume. Drive with me once and you’ll know exactly what I mean.
I have absolutely no rhythm, but music just moves me. I find it impossible to stay still. Sometimes a girl’s just gotta get her groove on.
I wish I could actually dance.
But the fact that I can’t doesn’t stop me from dancing in the car. Or in my bedroom. Or, my personal favorite, in the kitchen.
Because seriously—there ain’t nothin‘ like kitchen dancing.
Done.
somewhere
When I pushed “Go Home” on my GPS and it led me back to Kennesaw, reality set in.
This is my new normal.
And I’m still not quite sure how I feel about it.
There are lots of question marks. And I’m so tired of everything moving beneath my feet.
I know someday I’ll look back on this and smile.
Because I’ll feel settled. And solid. And secure.
Somewhere.
i call God a liar
When I don’t believe God, I’m calling Him a liar.
And though I really don’t want to do that, I often do. I call Him a liar by my actions and attitudes that reflect more doubt than faith.
I’m sorry, Lord.
Doubt grows where faith has worn thin.
I know there are places in my heart where I need to be intentional about strengthening my faith, because it’s begun eroding away. And doubt’s started to grow.
I want my life to be marked more by faith than by doubt. To reflect unswerving belief in my illogical God.
Lord, I want to believe You. Help me overcome my unbelief.
buried treasure
You know all of Jesus’ “the Kingdom of Heaven is like…” talks? I’ve heard them a lot, so sometimes I stop hearing them. (Know what I mean?) But a while ago I saw one of them in a new light. I was reading about the guy who found the treasure in the field.
I’ve read that passage quite a few times in my lifetime, but this time I saw something I’ve never seen before.
The man found the treasure and then hid it again.
For the first time, I asked myself why he didn’t just take it. Selling his stuff and buying the field proved the value the treasure had to him. It was worth more than petty larceny. It was worth all he had, and his actions demonstrated that very fact.
Yes, he could have just pocketed the treasure—could’ve walked off with it and no one would’ve known. But he decided it was worth more than that. Worth so much, in fact, that he hid it again, went and sold all his belongings, and then came back and bought the field.
He didn’t buy the field for the field’s sake. He bought it for the sake of the treasure. The field only had value because of the treasure it held.
Similarly, I have value because of the treasure I hold—Christ in me, the hope of glory.
Every single day, the treasure of Christ is freely mine for the embracing. But if I truly value that gift, I will sacrifice to lay hold of it. To lay hold of Him.
Too many days I just pocket the treasure. Or worse, I leave it buried.
Today I want to let my life show the value I place on the treasure that is Christ.
You?
four-minute friday: goodbyes
Go.
Jon McLaughlin said it best: I hate the sound that goodbyes make.
I’ve talked before about the revolving door of my life. I’ve said a lot of goodbyes in the past eleven-plus years as a missionary. It never gets easier.
I think my heart is more sensitive right now and she feels more deeply the sting in every farewell. The miles of distance seem multiplied. The sorrow that comes in the night feels heavier. Sigh.
I’ve been living in Ohio with my Kitty’s parents for eight months. Terry and Weezer took me in as one of their own daughters and made me feel very loved and cared for at a time I really needed it. Goodbyes were tearful when I left for Atlanta this week, and driving away from my W’ville home felt completely bittersweet in so many ways.
My heart is echoing today with my least favorite sound.
The one that goodbyes make.
Done.
upside down
I’m driving today. For however long it takes to get from Columbus to Atlanta. A long time.
Syd’z is keeping me on the straight and narrow, and iPod is riding shotgun. Okay, I’ll let Cathi ride shotgun, as long as she lets iPod sit on her lap.
You’re invited to road trip with us, too. If you want.
I figured it’s an upside down kind of day. (Remember how that works? I comment. You write the post.)
Your comments will come through to my phone, so I’m hoping you’ll keep us all-chuckles all the way to the ATL.
So tell me something that would make me say:
That’s what she said!
