time to talk about it
Depression is a sign of weak faith.
I don’t know that I was ever told those exact words, but growing up, it was certainly conveyed to me that a depressed Christian is a bad Christian. A depressed Christian obviously lacks a strong relationship with God. A depressed Christian just needs to pray more, speak words of faith, and spend more time in the Bible. A depressed Christian gives Jesus—and the Church—a bad name.
That kind of thinking kept me bound in a prison. Forced me to suffer quietly. Because… Well…
I’m depressed. And I have been for a while.
My life is rich in many, many ways. I love God; I’ve followed Him my whole life; I’ve served Him passionately on the mission field for over a decade. I have people in my life who love me deeply and whom I love deeply in return.
But I’m also facing the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure. And it’s left me struggling with depression for almost two years.
Do I have weak faith? Sometimes. (So thankfully all I need is a mustard seed sized dollop of it.) But I know now that my depression isn’t a reflection of my faith.
And I’m so sorry for ever thinking anyone else’s was a reflection of theirs.
still praying for you!!!
Whomever or whoever told you this is WRONG!
I don’t want to injure this person by my words this person or organization or whatever has been INJURING you too long, and I want to STAND in front of them and SCREAM… But I am lady like.
K, rant is over.
Look @ Elijah’s life- God spoke to him during his depression, God honored Job through his depression, He healed the woman of her depression.
I could go on.
Depression is hard…( I know this personally.)
It’s okay to tell them to stop speaking nonsense in your life !
It’s not your fault!
It’s not YOUR cross to bear!
Stop punishing yourself for a “blue” day!!
He knows YOU ARE FAITHFUL.
Friend look past them
look up.
“they” are NOT your saviour HE is.
In all of your 5 foot 2 strength, LOOK past.
Heal!!!
(( I love you)) ((listening))
Praying sweet Alece. This storm is passing and soon the sky will be a brilliant blue and the air will smell sweet and you will walk forward a new warrior for His kingdom with so many more lives to touch for Him, given this part of your journey. Oh the blessings!
No, depression is not a sign of weak faith. In my case, it was a sign of a deeply wounded heart.
As a sister in Christ who has been there, I don’t have words, but I’m letting the Holy Spirit interceed for the groans inside me for you I cannot express.
Depression has little to nothing to do with your faith, or even lack thereof.
Our struggles manifest themselves in our physical being in varying ways. For me, it was in panick attacks. And I know for a fact that it wasn’t my lack of faith that was the reason. For you, it’s the depression. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Be honest with yourself and be honest with God about how you feel. When you’re angry, tell Him you’re angry. Not that He doesn’t know already.
Rest my friend. This is a season, and it WILL pass. Sometimes we feel so weak in the midst of a storm, but when we come out on the other side, we realize the strength and increase in faith God was quietly instilling into our beings in the process.
Praying for you friend. Keep being real. Don’t hold back. You must be who you really are.
{HUGE HUG}
I remember when I first heard a preacher shout from the pulpit, “Don’t walk away from negative people, run!” I thought to myself, so that’s why every Christian avoids me!
“I
man i love you. i’m sittin in that same trench with you, alece…
we have some REALLY nice beaches here along the gulf coast of florida if you ever want to stay at the Wing Inn
I have also struggled with depression in my life at various times, sometimes extremely strong! You are not alone. I remember the first time I went for counseling, and I felt all the guilt and shame for even admitting it. Thankfully, I had a wonderful counselor who is a warrior of faith, but I know exactly how you feel about needing that dollop of mustard seed! You are continually in my prayers and thoughts!!!
We all love you very much!!!!!
I am so happy you wrote this. There is so much power in admitting it “outloud.” It doesn’t hold you captive. Yes the depression is still there, but there is now also freedom in knowing that people who love and care about you understand just a little more about where you’re at. And it’s not a shameful thing, or something that speaks about your faith or lack of it.
Depression doesn’t descriminate. It’s an equal opportunity destroyer, and when we keep quiet about it, we give it power over us.
I love you friend. Dearly. I hope that the love you receive here from all of us, will repair the damage that was done to you all those years you were taught that lie. And a lie it was. The devil is a sneaky little bastard if I may say so. ;-)
LOVE YOU!
“I love you friend. Dearly. I hope that the love you receive here from all of us, will repair the damage that was done to you all those years you were taught that lie. And a lie it was. The devil is a sneaky little bastard if I may say so. ;-) ”
Bran Girl thank you for saying this. I especially like the last line.
:)
jane — thank you.
heidi — five foot FOUR! (and 3/4!) :) i am so grateful for your fierce friendship. thank you for helping me “look up.”
debra — bring on the blue skies! (thank you for all your prayers.)
melissa — how long have you been lurking!? or was this your first visit to the Grit?? either way, i’m so grateful you said what you said. “a deeply wounded heart” – yes, that’s me. and thank you—thank you—for interceding for me, someone you don’t even know. that humbles me so much.
rachel — thank you for speaking life to me.
ric — i don’t feel strong. at all. i’ll read that sentence of yours a few more times before the day is done, that’s for sure.
swinger — i would love a visit at the wing inn! i miss you a lot. let’s connect soon?
mo — i so appreciate your honesty and openness. and your prayers for me.
raisin bran — “when we keep quiet about it, we give it power over us” — that is such a powerful statement, friend. thank you for your wisdom. and i’d completely agree that the devil’s a sneaky little bastard. (thanks for making me laugh!)
I sent you an email via facebook with my thoughts.
Praying.
I sent you an email via facebook with my thoughts.
Praying.
“Depression is a sign of weak faith.”
I am sorry you had to hear the above. It is a crock of crap.
It is like telling a diabetic he should faith himself without insulin.
R-E-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S toxic faith.
Again, I am sorry. I am sure those who shared had best of intentions, we taught that an believed and all that warm fuzzy stuff. But that doesn’t make it any better for a person suffering.
I went from puberty to menopause as a teen/20-something. I sweated out my bed regularly, had “aunt flo” visiting 3 weeks of the mo vs. once a week, and all the other symptoms associated with menopause as a young girl/woman. I can’t tell you how many people told me it was in my head, I’d grow out of it, to shake it off, etc. By the time I got my diagnosis my bones were 65 years old and I had barely tipped my toes into my young adult hood. While my story is hormone related, where would I be today had I bought in and not continued to knock on doctors doors till I got the help I needed. Now I take hormone replacement therapy which is my version of what someone who is lacking seritonin (sp?) or other chemicals related to mood, and I am happier than ever. I lost a lot of time as a young person because I was dragging everyday. Once I self advocated and shared my story, of course I received support – and in defence of others they could not have possibly considered what was happening to me was happening because it was so unusal at the time (at the time, anovulation [sp?] was a sign of pre mature menopause vs. always flowing, if you will, which is what happened to me. Folks just saw “ASB Social Chair Person, Captain of the Track Team,” bouncing around. In your case, it is so easy for folks to put you on a petistal, not allowing you to have needs and wants because a missionary is a servant. Well, you need to be served to. I am so proud of you for self advocating and for sharing with others. This will help you and folks around you understand, and perhaps prompt folks feeling related feelings to also self advocate. What ever treatment plan you decide, please know God created all of it and it is His intervention that interrupts the fallen aspects of humanity that we all have to deal with in one form or another. Christian counselors and doctors are here to help us. There is no shame in that. Just freedom and joy.
Wow. I got on a role I did not expect to. I have a four year old at my feet and need to run, but hopefully what you will get from this is I have my pom poms out for you, and am thanking you for your courage to share.
No time to proof. Let me know if I need to clarify.
xoxox,
R
Depression sucks.
God knows all about it…inside and out…He gets what you’re going through better than you know yourself…Psalm 139…
I had a pastor once say taking medication for depression was a sin.
In that case, I’ve been living in a state of sin for many years. But if I don’t take the medication, then I’ll be actively making wrong choices that will damage so many others around me. I’m taking the medication…for me and them.
I am alive today because of medication. I do want to stay alive until God decides it’s time for me to go home…not lack of serotonin.
Depression is a part of this fallen world. Someday it will all be new, it will all be different.
Can’t wait for that day.
FYP
I’m sorry for the hard stuff you are having to endure.
And I’m really, really proud of you.
And I love all the parts of you… from the depression parts to the secret-sassy parts you don’t know are there. :) YOU are enough.
I’ve been lurking for a couple of months. :) I love thinking about and talking with God about the things and questions you share.
Keep letting Jesus fight for that beautiful heart of yours.
jean — your FB message blessed me so much!
roxanne — wow. thank you for sharing your story. your transparency means a lot to me. still looking for that “just freedom and joy”, but i know you are absolutely right.
michelle — i’ve been told that taking antidepressants is a sin as well. i, too, am a sinner. i love your heart. thank you for sharing it here.
fritz-friend — you love all the parts of me?! that made my eyes widen. i’ll read that a few more times so it’ll sink in a little deeper. and the way you ended it with “YOU are enough”… you just need to know that that simple phrase is so powerful to me. my close friend tells me that often and is working hard on getting through the layers of my heart until i believe it. thank you for reiterating that message from God’s heart to mine.
melissa — i am so glad you de-lurked! your words are blowing me away right now. thank you…
I would never in a million years associate weak faith with you, Alece. Depression does NOT mean you are weak, nor does it mean your faith is. Several people in my family have fought depression and I have the tendency myself. I don’t know that that makes me more or less qualified to comment here, but there it is. I will pray for you. You are strong, and our God is even stronger.
Thank you!! Email me more about this when you can. It’s been a struggle of mine for a 8 years on and off. I’ve heard it all from Christians…weak faith, sin…even get over it and get up! I am on some meds now but I haven’t noticed a huge change. I can’t afford the newest medicine that the doc wants to add to what I’m taking. :(
I appreciate you…and your honest heart. :)
I wish I could give right now … but all I can be is an ear and a heart. I have never dealt with depression. It made me think of my pastor’s wife. Right now, she is knock-your-socks-off strong. But she battled sever depression for … 4 – 5 years, I believe. Do you know of Lynne Hammond? She’s written books … I don’t know of a specific one that deals with what she went through (and I’m sure you’re up to your ears in ‘resource material’ right now). Anyway. I LOVE what Melissa said – that depression is not a sign of weak faith, but of a deeply wounded heart. I think she nailed that right on the head. “Walking wounded.” And in some cases, “Dead man walking.” I believe the Holy Spirit weeps for this. No … I know He does. He is. He heals the brokenhearted.
I just looked up a verse on that … and thought I would share. There are three verses (NASB) which use the word ‘brokenhearted.’ All three use the same Hebrew word shabar-lev. Lev is heart. Shabar … means:
He knows. He knows, Alece. Your heart is heard.
Pastor Lynne Hammond did write a very wonderful little book about the depression and how she got on top of it. It’s a mini book titled “Dare to be Free”. Mrs. Hammond completely understands depression and what it does, and how helpless you feel. And annie is right, the Holy Spirit does care. And, as she also said, He is in the healing business! Isaiah 42:3 says about God, “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. ” Instead, as Ps 68:9 says, “You refresh Your weary inheritance when it languishes.”
thank you, jennie.
i am clinging to His promise of wholeness — nothing broken, nothing missing. i know He is walking me through this valley, and He is faithful to complete the work He’s started…
you have so much to offer friend. you bring the real. you allow us all to find a real God, a personal God in the storms of life. Thank you for reminding us all that God is the peace. He is the blue sky.
A wise friend once told me that he is the peace asleep in the stern. He wants us to have that same peace, Him, in the midst.
-Alece
thank you wise friend
mary — thank you. so so much.
jennifer — i so value your honesty. [i hope you're enjoying florida! i'm behind on blog-reading...]
anneth — lynne hammond’s book “the master is calling” is one of my all-time favorites. i never knew she’d struggled with depression. makes me want to reread it; it’ll give me a different perspective. [GAH! i wish my "library" weren't an ocean away!] and the verse that says “God is close to the brokenhearted” is one i’m holding close these days… thank you, friend.
sweetfriend — thank you for the huge cup of MG. and for the gift of you in my life. i am so grateful to have you journeying with me. DILY. [woot!]
“It is like telling a diabetic he should faith himself without insulin.”
Totally agree. Depression is about brain chemistry, serotonin levels, and all that physiological stuff that can be compounded by external stuff. Not a reflection of our spiritual state or ability to “think positively”. I am so sorry you are going through it, and so sorry you’ve been guilted about it, too. I really appreciate your vulnerability about it.
I just made a post including you. Let me know if problem and I will remove:
http://roxannekristina.blogspot.com/2009/03/when-i-process-why-i-blog-there-are.html
kristen — thank you for your kind words. i appreciate it.
roxanne — thanks!
Just had a class on suffering tonight through our fellowship and was so encouraged. Praying that Jesus would give us ALL vision that our suffering is not in vain, and that the gospel is actively bearing fruit in and through our lives…your LIFE; regardless of whether or not we see clearly now.
I LOVE the story about Horatio Spafford, the man who penned the hymn “It Is Well with My Soul” — http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Is_Well_With_My_Soul
“That Christ has regarded [OUR] helpless estate,
and has shed his own blood…for [OUR] souls…”
well. you know me. i think i’ve always thought this (depression = weak faith), but i’m not sure if i was ever specifically told. even sitting through my counseling classes here at school, i kept the same mindset. and i know they weren’t telling me that.
i know you probably don’t feel it, but i think you’re brave. we’ve been sharing testimonies as a cast for the musical i’m in, and i always hate doing it. even though i’m out of the valley now, i still hate opening myself up and letting people inside. a select few, fine. you, for example. but announcing it over a blog? you’re brave. and i look up to you. you are beautiful and strong and a woman of God, even broken as you are. the brokenness makes you shine even brighter. God’s all about broken people. that’s who his glory and grace is best made known in.
Thank you for ‘finding’ this ‘place’ Leesh… a place from where you may be able to move into a ‘happier’ place ( or ‘lose’ some of the unhappiness you carry inside).
I can absolutely confirm from my own experience that (ONE reason for) depression is most definitely a broken and confused heart (which so closely links with our mind/brain and the rest of us also).
My sessions with a counsellor and the drugs he prescribed were made necessary because of ‘love’ – mine being so strong – so ‘consuming’ and hers being what i felt was in some ways ‘rejecting’ of me.
This was after i had begun to develop the ‘faith’ i currently have (a microgram less than a mustard seed ;-) )
I can easily see how in others the conflict between our love of God and the ‘lack’ we feel of His presence in our lives could easily bring similar feelings to mine…
Of such a powerful ‘want’ – a NEED – that we felt was not being met the way it ’should’ – the way we believed, the way we desired so badly.
My ’solution was awareness… realisation that what i was doing was not ‘healthy’ and that in fact my expressing my desire so strongly was actually pushing the object of my affection ‘away’ not drawing it closer.
I also decided Zoloft was not a good thing ( for me) and stopped taking the pills…
slowly, bit by bit, i pulled myself ‘together’ and let my love be directed more to Him and to myself than to another woman on another continent.
my depression is under ‘control’ now (6 years and counting)
you will find a way through – especially if – as you seem to have done.. you can face it as well as putting some ‘distance’ between the ’cause’ and your understanding.
and i’m guessing it also helps some being ‘free’ from that false prison you made and know you have so many around you ( even those on the other side of the planet) who know some of what you are dealing with and support you as far as they can.
God Bless Alece.
(always has – always will)
<B
hey there, sassafrass… just popping back in to check on you.
and yes, I love every part of you… even the parts I don’t know yet… because I love your heart. i know it’s hard for you to believe this right now, but you absolutely could not do anything that would make me not love you. once i love someone there’s no turning back.
you’re just going to have to learn to live with that. :)
jessie — you de-lurked, too! your phrase that the Gospel is actively bearing fruit in and through my life got me. thank you.
nutmeg — i’ve read your comment about six times already. my heart is trying to hear… [and thank you for letting me in. i don't take that lightly.]
mr. love — i really appreciated the window into you. thank you for trusting me with a glimpse of your story.
fritz — i giggled at “sassafrass”! and i feel like i just got hit by a mack truck with your comment. in a good way, of course. thank you.
De Nada – I could say the same to you…
Oh! Wait!.. i’m pretty sure i already have :-)
hee-hee
<B
(Thanks again!) :-)
<B
i’m really impressed at how willing you are (have become) to share this kind of testimony.
i struggled with depression for about a year just very recently. in fact, it’s exactly why i am looking forward to 2009 as my year of hope.
anyway, all of that just to say…feel encouraged, sweet girl.
joy renee — “have become” is right. thank you for noticing, and pointing it out.
Hey Sweet! After reading this in my reader, i just had to come and comment.
Charles Spurgeon was suffering from Severe Depression, and the same people who spread that lie about ones faith totally esteem him.
Sheila Walsh (WOF) has a chemical imbalance, that causes her to have Manic Depression, she takes medications everyday. I listened to her speak about this a couple years ago, and how she had bought the lie that her faith was not strong enough, or that she was harbouring sin..and she tried to walk away from her meds, it almost killed her.
I have been sick for three weeks, and have a very weak respiratory, seems I will catch everything that crosses my path, and get it to the extreme. I also have suffered from depression. I have had people tell me that surely I am doing something wrong, and God is not happy with me. HE is happy with us, HE adores us. We live in a fallen world, and in the heavenly body we will be whole and free from things like this.
I love you. Thanks for sharing, and it takes great faith to open up about such things…praying for you.
I have been on depression medication since I was 16. I truly have a chemical imbalance, and if I don’t take the medication…the problems begin. Depression is not a choice, but as long as you are willing to allow yourself treatment it is very managable
I’m glad I “de-lurked” too, Alece. Your blog is really life-giving for me.
Not sure if you got my message on Fb; offer still stands, of course!
Have a wonderful day amidst this overcast, not-yet-blooming city.
I am not so good with words, but I do know depression and I know that somehow he heals and redeems and though it hurts so much…it does get better. one of my favorite people on the subject is a guy named Dr. Grant Mullen…he is trying to educate the church about depression so that Christians stop getting depressed about their depression. :) I love you. I am sorry that my own issues in the last two years blinded me….
I will add my voice to everyone else’s in letting you know how much your are loved.
A person of weak faith would just give up. I don’t see you doing that.
Depression is a disease and your have taken the first step in overcoming it by acknowledging it. You are smarter than I was because you are seeking help. I wasted the first 18 years of my life.
Two years is a long time but each session with you counselor, each time you search your soul for strength, for an answer, brings you one step closer in overcoming this disease. Each step brings you closer to finding the faith you need.
No one can tell you how long it will take to overcome this disease, how many steps it will take. I look forward to sharing your day of overcoming with you.
i battled sever depression off and on after both my kids were born. its a feeling that i can never quite describe to someone else.
our lead pastor deals with depression. he has to take meds for it and makes no apologies either.
alece – i still maintain today that you are one of the strongest women ive never met. dangit, we really need to change that. your courage and strength blow me over.
i love you sweet friend!
darla — thank you for being so affirming. and… sidebar here… i used to love listening to sheila walsh when i was kid — does she still sing???
MS — i so appreciate your openness, and i applaud your honesty. thank you.
jessie — the phrase “life-giving” really got my heart. thank you. and i DID get your facebook message. i am so slow in responding these days; but i’ll write you back soon.
char — no need to apologize. at all. but i appreciate your heart in your words.
ed — i think i say this almost every time, but your comments mean a lot to me. thank you for your wonderfully big heart.
tam — shoooo. i read your words a few times, friend. i do hope we get to meet. sooner rather than later. [thank you for always encouraging me so!]
“I
Alece, you are a brave woman. I am proud of you for getting the help you need. It tears me up that you are hurting so deeply. I admire your humility.
nor — sigh…
gigi — thank you. truly.
I understand…. I too deal with depression and received the same message…
HUGS
we are never alone.
check your email
[thank you, friend.]