straight talk to men
November 5, 2008
Men—all few of you who read my blog—can I talk to you for just a minute? I’ll be quick, I promise.
The way you love your wife shows her the way Christ loves her. What?! Too much pressure for a fallen man?! I didn’t say it; God did. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church…”
Your wife will believe and experience Christ’s love for her only to the degree that she believes and experiences your love for her. God can miraculously work in anyone’s heart and life, and women with very ungodly husbands can certainly still experience intimacy with Christ. But God puts the responsibility on you to show your wife how much God loves her.
Help your wife believe that Christ thinks she’s valued, treasured, and adored today.
Okay…
This below blew me away…
“Your wife will believe and experience Christ’s love for her only to the degree that she believes and experiences your love for her.”
I am silenced…
as a fellow married woman, do you agree?
I emailed this to Jake.
and I totally agree. more than you know!
love you!
Heidi, I was first comment at your place. You like to make people cry don’t you?! :) Love you too!
Oh Alece girl, I so agree and I’m so drawn to this sentence.
So if the love from a husband isn’t all there are women truly NOT experiencing God’s love throughly??
Bran… I aim for tears… not really it just happens.
need a tissue?
heidi — good question. i think they may be missing out on aspects of God’s love. not that they can’t feel it and experience it fully in other ways, but our husbands should be revealing unique aspects of God’s character to us…
what do you think?
Yes. Wow.
just thinking out loud here…
when niel works hard to raise support and get income-generating businesses going, he shows me God’s provision.
when niel surprises me with a bouquet of roses, he shows me God’s heart to bless me just because.
when niel takes care of dinner, he shows me God’s goodness.
when niel asks how my day was and genuinely listens to my response, he shows me God’s care and concern.
when niel accepts my apology and then cuddles with me on the couch, he shows me God’s grace.
when niel’s eyes well up at the story of what someone’s going through in their life, he shows me God’s compassion.
Oh Alece…
you hit it with the sonnet above…
alece i love the way you think out loud! ;)
i completely agree with your post and your comment here.
my hubby is SO DARN GOOD at loving me like Christ. it’s amazing, and i’m so thankful. i know it might not be as common as i would hope. what a treasure a good husband is!
alece i love the way you think out loud! ;)
i completely agree with your post and your comment here.
my hubby is SO DARN GOOD at loving me like Christ. it’s amazing, and i’m so thankful. i know it might not be as common as i would hope. what a treasure a good husband is!
I’ve experienced this.
I have a very low self-esteem, but it wasn’t even existent when I met Phat. He has consistently displayed unconditional love (1 Corinthians 13) and I think I’m beginning to get it.
Thanks, Alece.
this must mean that God really loves me and loves to hear me laugh!!!
i love this, alece….that a woman can only experience God’s love as much as her husband is willing to love her the right way.
wise. you are wise!
Okay… so I am the first male to respond. Wow, did this hit home with me. For those that do not know, my wife is not a Christian. It is something that I pray about often.
Is she wonderful? Yes! Is she a loving wife, mother, sister, daughter? Yes. But that one missing connection we have is that she does not follow Christ. I live in daily prayer for her, but a friend of mine told me these words not long ago – just love her and let God do the rest. So, as each day passes, I continue to love her…I continue to show her how much she means to me everyday. At some point, I hope that all of this love I throw her direction will open her eyes to something extraordinary. In the mean time, I love her. I pray for her. I am patient with her. It may take 1 month, 10 months, 10 years, or a life time – but I am there.
michael — i was wondering who my first male commenter would be, and you totally blew me away! your heart to “win your wife over” with your love is beautiful. praying for her…
part 2 of my other comment…
when niel kills a ginormous spider in our living room, he shows me God’s protection!!!
When Paul helps my son with his subtraction, he’s showing God’s instruction.
@Micheal.. You totally blew me away.
Thank you for your words, I so needed to hear them today.
Here goes my disagreement. *cringe* Though, as a HUGE disclaimer, I’ll say I loved the post and I think it was thought provoking, inspiring in many ways, and well written.
The word “only” in this sentence bugged me:
“Your wife will believe and experience Christ’s love for her only to the degree that she believes and experiences your love for her.”
This might be true for some – so I won’t knock it totally, but I have definitely experienced God’s love from many other people. God is also described as a Father, and many other things. So we, as women, should look in many places for God’s characteristics. It’s partially our responsibility to seek God out.
But, that was just a gut reaction to the word “only” and I realize you were focused on the fact that husbands can and should show their wives God’s character. :-D
Alece -
You are so right on. It is so easy to think (I do too!) “God can show them any way He wants” – in a way that attempts to ’slip out the back door’ and not live up to the fact that HE told YOU to love them. Yes, He could use anyone. But in a marriage … He chose YOU. And that’s part of the design. Marriage is supposed to display God to us, and to none more than the ones in the marriage. Hubs is chosen in every moment to show me how much God loves me. (And I have equally challenging things I’m called to!) It is a lot of pressure … but I know that God doesn’t give us more than we can take. And He doesn’t expect from us what we are unable to give. And there is always grace for stumbling.
I love your list of “examples.” I think perhaps a lot of men have trouble relating “love your wife as Christ loved the church” to “everyday.” Your list shows, in the eyes of a woman, how she feels the love of Christ for her. I mean, hubby could go out and dive in front of a bus for his wife (I mean, Jesus did go on to say “and gave himself up for her”), but that would hardly bless her. Well, I mean, unless his diving in front of the bus actually meant her being saved from death herself … but I mean … now she’s got no hubby. Now I’m rambling. So … everyday things. Things that show her that she is worth his time, attention, care, concern, help, protection, provision, and extravagance … yes, these speak the loudest.
Uhhhh …. that was a long comment.
:oops:
mmm. i love your thoughts on this. well said. i also think man has such an honor and privilege to extend Gods love to His/his bride. how beautiful of a gift is that. i wish more men saw it that way.
as i was writing this comment i saw your comment on my blog pop up on my screen.
its like lookin at the same moon.
everyone….aaawwwwww
Thanks for the nudge and reminder that I need to continue growing in this area. I think Jesus was poking me in the shoulder saying this one is for you buddy! There are many ways in which I hold back when around my wife that need to be let loose. Laughter, tears, compassion, boldness… I don’t think she will ever get tired of receiving Christs love through me. I want her to be able to look at me and see Jesus looking back at her! I am off to change and show, show, show.
roo — i hear you. i do. and that’s why i included the sentence that follows the “only” sentence…
annie — you’re right; it’s all about the everyday ways.
tam — you’re right. even more than it’s a responsibility, it’s a privilege. it’s the whole — they don’t have to but they get to thing.
and i love that we were looking at the same moon.
cameron — yes! “Laughter, tears, compassion, boldness…” all of those show us Christ when we see them in our husband!
I love how you and Niel, Love.
wow.
WOW.
W O W.
If AB still reads your blog I bet he was totally blessed to know that you noticed this about him.
i didn’t think he had read it, until just a few minutes ago. kitty came down to check email at my house (TIA). in the process she quickly took a look at my blog. she read quietly for a while and then blurted out, “niel, have you seen this!?” turns out he had. it surprised me!
;) What would I do with out you!
I love you!
I love what you wrote about Niel.
I think Amy Jo said it well, so I’d like to second her.
well thanks, girls!
how did i miss this fun stuff??? my first thought…did you really have to ask women if they agreeeee???
but very good reminder…for a married man like myself…i’m going through “the love dare” right now and that has been awesome for me…i try to be a servant leader in our home…but the book has helped me take everything one step further…not to plug a book on your blog…but i am :)
thanks for the post!!!
i’m so glad you chimed in!
i keep hearing about “the love dare”; i think i might need to look into it. and you’re always welcome to plug a book on my blog!
I would agree with this. Men, we have a great responsibility to love our wives. Don’t take it lightly. God commands us to love intensely. Even to death.
I would also encourage women, that men don’t have as much power over you as God does. If you have been in a relationship, or are in one that is not Godly. One in which, you are not experiencing the love of Christ. Find that love in Christ alone. God’s healing power and gracious mercy for you is greater than anything a man could ever offer or give.
brent, i am so glad you came by and chimed in. thanks for your input. sincerely.